On Thu, 3 Oct 1996, Travis Butler wrote:

A figure sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh, and opened up his 
PowerBook. With the tap of a key, the system woke up from sleep and 
displayed his e-mail program. He shuddered a bit, but did not look back, 
as a hand clamped the chain around his ankle.

Prof: <Sigh> The new regime has begun... and I am a pilgrim in an unholy 
land.

Frito: Enahhh... didn't ya say that ya just needed somethin' ta make ya 
sit down and start writin'? <Evil chuckle> Well, ya *gots* it now!

The Professor shook his head and slumped down in his seat. 

Lyra: Nice Connery quote, though.

Windir: You are, of course, aware that the quote originated *long* before 
the particular movie that you are referring to?

A dark, mysterious figure in a trenchcoat walked into the room and 
hitched himself up on the edge of the table. 

Mysterious Trenchcoated Figure: Heh. You have to admit, though, that 
these days more people probably know the movie reference.

MTF: (thinks) Except me.....mebbe I can fake it....
 

Prof: What are you still doing here, anyway? All the other authors have 
gone home.

MTF: Let's just say I'm here to make sure you live up to things. We all 
agreed that we needed a representative here to keep you honest. <He grins 
cynically> You could call me the Designated Lurker. Until my tour's over, 
of course.

MTF: (thinks) Besides.....you've got better food than the DC. And staying
here does give me another advantage.....
 

Prof: Oh... um, nothing. <Looks up at the MTF.> You mean I've got *more* 
of you to look forward to?

MTF: Well, now... that depends, doesn't it?

(MTF barely refrains from peals of hysterical laughter.)
 

Windir: If you would have the common courtesy to finish the earlier parts 
in a timely fashion, you would have finished it before the release of the 
next installment.

Prof: <Sigh> No respect. <Shakes his head in turn> No respect, I tell you.

MTF: And you expected anything different from your creations? <Smiles>

MTF: (thinks) Of course, I have the same problem....

               SKJAM RevengeFic: A Call to Arms

Prof: Hehehe.

MTF: Hmmm.

Prof: Not quite sure which way to turn on this one, are you?

MTF: (blithely) Oh, I stand with my fellow writers, of course. Pity about
all of them, really..

Prof: Don't look so smug. You aren't out of the woods yet.

MTF: (frowns) You're right. Good thing I have a chained, immoble author to
throw to them if they arrive.

Prof: .....
 

Thicker and slightly longer than she was used to as well - she
liked to keep it short, and this was about an inch too much. 
Although, grow out a bit longer, it'd probably be quite attractive. 
She shook her head.  _Not_ a pleasant thought.  

Frito: Amen ta that one, toots! <Muttering to himself> Loosin' yer 
manhood like that... GAHHH!

Lyra looks over at him with an 'I-know-something-I'm-not-telling-you' 
smile.

Lyra: You know, though... I've heard it *can* give one a whole new 
perspective on things. <The smile changes to an evil grin>

Frito: Not like *that*, I don't need!

(MTF studies the grin, puts two-and-two together, pictures a female Frito
and gags.)

Prof: Something wrong?

MTF: Um, tea went down the wrong way.
 

She traced one
finger along a cheekbone, down her chin, turning it this way and
that.  The facial features were softer, less angular - though she
supposed that was to be expected.  All in all, she had to admit, a
rather pretty face.  She shuddered.  Not an adjective she'd have
ever thought to apply to herself...

Windir: And now, the author pays more than cursory attention to the 
consequences. I *am* impressed. Another cut over the average fic 
generated in this massive bandwagon.

MTF: (nodding) I agree. If I have to be stuck here with you guys, it's
nice to have a better-than-average fic to review.

Prof: (muttering) Nobody's _making_ you stay....

Windir: There is, of course, the obvious answer -- Ranma 1/2 appears to 
be the most popular series on the list, and the Juysenkyo curses -- in 
particular, the Nyannichuan curse inflicted upon our protagonist -- are 
the mainspring whereupon the plot twists shift. Therefore, when authors 
are looking for a suitable revenge for our fellow characters to perform, 
it is only natural to assume that this McGuffin would fall readily to 
hand. However, I do believe that we can also look in terms of deeper 
motives. We must first, after all, consider the appeal that a comedy with 
a gender-changing protagonast would have for a certain group of fans...

MTF: <Aside, while Windir rambles on in the background> Is he *always* 
like this?

Prof: <Rueful grin> Most of the time, yes.

MTF: At this close range? <Purses his lips in a soundless whistle> 

Lyra nods.

MTF: And you *survive* it? <Looks respectfully at the Professor.>

MTF: (thinks) And to think I once wished _my_ reviewmate would be a bit
deeper....
 

Windir: ...then, of course, one must take into account...

Prof: <Shrugs> You get used to it. Most of the time, anyway. Plus 
which... <Looks embarrassed> Well, time for some 'deeper motives' of my 
own: I can be a real pompous idiot at times. He's a safe way of getting 
that out of my system.

Windir: ...inner perversity that imbues the personality of the soi-disant 
'otaku'...

Prof: Well, mostly safe. <Looks nervously around the room.>

MTF: Gaahh. Be back in a sec; I need to get some air. <Stumbles off to 
the patio door.>

(Stumbling outside, the MTF carefully shut the door and proceeded to wave
at a clump of bushes.)

MTF: You can come out.

(Slowly, a figure in a red chinese shirt emerges from the bushes.)

Ranma: Mike. No backup this time. And you don't even seem to be armed...

MTF: Knock it off. You can't do a thing to me now, and you know it. By
being part of Travis's punishment, I'm technically one of the Revenging
Characters. And according to the Great Truce, all hostilties between
Revenging Characters are suspended until this is over. As long as Travis
is under my care, your hands are tied.

Ranma: (disgusted) I know. But it was worth a try.

MTF: You're gonna love the next episode of Nameless....

Ranma: Don't push it.

MTF: Sorry. You get Mills?

Ranma: (grinning) Yup. He came back, of course. So we get to do it again.
(frowns) Things aren't going so hot, though. The authors are getting
organized, and are gonna try to launch a counteroffencive.

MTF: It was inevitable, really. The only reason you were able to break out
period was the author's subconsious urge to punish themselves. Now that
it's been done, they can shut you back up.

Ranma: Playing Omnipotent Otaku, are we? Explaing things to the stupid
anime character with all-seeing wisdom?

MTF: (grinning) Yup. I can see the appeal, too...

Ranma: (stiffly) I'll be leaving now. Just as soon as you give me what you
promised.

(The MTF fishes out a disk, and hands it to Ranma.)

MTF: There you go. Knock yourself out.

Ranma: Why, by the way? You're safe from us. Why sell them out like this?

MTF: (lazy grin) Call it a whim. Besides.....it irks me a bit that they
all expect this to follow a predictable three-step pattern.

Frito: <Swirling some water around in a glass and grinning nastily> Wanna 
join 'em? 

Prof: Hey! No, wait a minute--

Lyra: Put it down, Frito. He doesn't deserve that. <Looks up again with 
that Mona Lisa smile.> Besides which, you never know what actions taken 
on the creator will echo back to his creations... <Looks meaningfully at 
Frito.>

Frito stares at the glass in horror, then throws it away from him in a 
violent spasm. There is a tinkle of glass offscreen, followed by a splash.

Voice 1: OI!

Prof: No... That wasn't *really*... FRITO!

Voice 1: <Offscreen> Oi ain't sayin' that it was. And oi ain't sayin' 
that it wasn't.

MTF: (turning his head sharply) What was that?

Ranma: (smugly) That....was the sound of someone getting acquanted with
the effects of Jusenkyo. I've been hearing a lot of it lately.

MTF: Giles. (He shakes his head ruefully) Seamus is gonna go apesh-t.

    Mike climbed into bed with a sigh.  "Heh."  She thought wryly. 
"I finally get a good-looking girl into my bed, and it's me." 
Closing her eyes, she started to think.

Windir: This paragraph, and the next, exhibit a remarkably rapid (and 
indeed, somewhat contradictory) acceptance of the situation. 

    The curse, she could _almost_ forgive Ranma for.  Being female
wasn't all _that_ bad... the roommates had adjusted quickly, it'd
been fairly easy to keep secret, and the fact that she could bend
her arms back an extra few degrees at the elbow was kinda neat.  But how 
could she possibly explain this to her parents?  To her friends back
home?  Swimming in Trout Lake would never be the same...

Prof: I see what you mean about contradictory. And rapid/easy... being 
able to bend your elbow a little bit extra seems like a kinda silly 
reason to like being female. <wry g>

Ranma: (listening at the window) Shows what he knows. It's the best part
of the curse.

MTF: Oh?

Ranma: Uh-huh. Course, it's a bit more important if you're a martial
artist.

MTF: Right. Time for me to get back to work. Good hunting.
 

    No.  I need a cure, Mike whispered to herself.  Somehow, I
need to get some nannichuan.  And I need the freedom to write what
I want, about who I want, without the fear of being 'punished'
again.  It's time to take the fight back to Nerima, back to Tokyo,
back to wherever the enemy lives.  I will _not_ be pushed around by
a bunch of imaginary animated characters.

Prof: This --

Windir, Frito, and Lyra <in unison>: Is a little cliched!

Prof: <Sigh>

MTF: <Coming back into the room> Do they do this to you often? <Smiles 
evilly> How marvellous. 

MTF: (puzzled, thinking) And how can he say that "I will _not_ be pushed
around by a bunch of imaginary animated characters." is cliche? I've
certainly never heard it used before...
 

    But I can't do this alone, he realised.  I'll need help.
    But who?
    And then, she thought of the list.  All those people, cursed
like she was.  Most of them were probably burning to get their
revenge as well, itching to find a cure.  They could group
together, form some kind of Onna-Otaku Organization, and free the
ML from the tyranny of the oppressive anime dictators!  

Windir: <Standing up and raising a fist in the air> Otaku of the world, 
unite! You have nothing to lose but your oppressors... oops.

Prof: He he heh...

MTF: (grining) Viva le revolution.

Prof: (frowning) Which one?

    All she needed was to put out a call to arms, a call for
retribution!  She smiled as she drifted off to sleep.  Well, it
_could_ happen...

Frito: Yeah, rii-iight. 

Lyra: Well, it *could*. Of coures, certain conditions probably need to be 
fulfilled first, like aerial pigs and frozen precipitation Down Below.

MTF: Or a need to show up the characters who repayed their authors' "fun".

Lyra: Easy for you to say.

MTF: (grinning) I hear that even Takahashi-san might be getting visitors.

Prof: (aghast) You're joking.

MTF: Yup. I'm joking.

Prof: Well, that's the fic. I get unchained now, yes?

Lyra: Nope. Remember Scoop of the Day?

Prof: ......

(A rather pleasant-looking young woman emerges from the kitchen.)

Woman: Oi....am gonna kill someone for this.

- Mi...er, Mysterious Trenchcoated Figure, Revenging Character.
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l   Mike Loader - Lincolnite, Amberite, Illuminatus, Discordian,
 / () \   l      Journalist, Author, Traveler, Historian, Java Fiend.
/      \  l        Trier - LA - LV - Kiev - Reno - Hong Kong. Fnord.
--------  l                    mloader@scs.unr.edu
==========+================================================================== 

Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.