I started this Monday night, decided that that one was too bad to
send, and started on the rewrite Tuesday. I tried to mail this one in
Wednesday evening, but something ate it before it could get to the
list.
ja ne,
Suika (who has a bad feeling the Youma hordes, Kunzite, and
Zoicite may come visiting sometime soon.)
--
wrobert2@mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu
Remember, though, the words of the Pope John Paul George Ringo the
Aforementioned: "Analyzing a joke is like dissecting a frog; you can find out
how it works, but you have to kill it in the process."
------------------------------ cut here ------------------------------
I really mislike english class. Of course, I mislike the English language as
well, and rather wish that I didn't have to know it, preferably through
knowing Japanese. Oh well. Need to write this icky paper on Frankenstein and
some movie based on it. I, foolishly perhaps, chose
_Frankenstein_meets_the_Wolfman_, which has very little to do with
Frankenstein's monster, and even less to do with the halfway yaoi story I
think would be a lot of fun to write based on it. Oh well. I use that phrase
a lot when I'm talking to myself. I notice a change in the air, I can't
really describe it better than that, but I can feel it even over the loud
rattle of the keyboard under my fingers as I type with as speed that, although
a great deal better than my mother's, isn't to be envied. I turn to look,
thinking that probably someone else had entered 206 Richardson, the only
computer lab that is open all night at Tulane, and where I all too often spend
my evenings reading mail/usenet/fanfic/ads instead of doing my homework or
sleeping, either of which would doubtless be much more usefull. Today,
however, I am actually doing homework, between reading the `revengefic's as
they are posted. As I turn I check the xdaliclock in the upper right corner
of my screen, 11:45, and I take in the sight I had rather hoped to see, two
small, youngish women with short black hair, the one on the right with a
haircut that I recognise almost instantly, the other woman, shorter than the
first, and me, with enormous blue eyes, and her hair in a bob such that it
takes a moment for me to recognise her, even then from her voice and the fact
that she is standing next to Akane.
``Konbanwa, Suika-chan.''
``Konbanwa. Ranma-san desu ne?'' I reply, asking confirmation of my guess.
``Hai. Kore o nondekureru.'' She pulls out a midsized green pill in a clear
plastic bag, the kind small candies come in, tore the plastic open, and popped
it into my mouth with the skill of one who has had to make many a small child
swallow things they didn't want to.
``Are, iie, kore wa nan deshitta ka?'' I ask, hoping that I'll be able to
understand the answer.
``Sugu wakarimasu yo. Oide.'' Akane waves for me to approach, and Ranma
gently ensures that I comply. The world spins for a moment, stabalizes. I
realize that it isn't my body complaining about me not having fed it recently
enough for it's preferences (which happen to be mine, but not eating messes
with my mind, and allows the illusion of a duality that isn't there), but
instead I am no longer in Richardson 206, but in a familiar yard. The one at
the Tendou doujou. ``Miyuki-chan? Do you have the Onsen mix?'' My
translation abilities seem to be improving. Neat.
``Hai! Use it on this person?'' She has a bucket in one hand and is holding a
scoop in the other. Akane or Ranma apparently nod, for I get a faceful of
water. The change feels weird. Not good, not bad, just weird. I turn and
smile at the two older (than me!) women behind me. They smile back, obvously
pleased by my responce.
``Has the RNA pill kicked in yet?'' Ranma asks as I look at my hair, which is
a great deal straighter than it used to be, and a little corser, and a lot
blacker. Not that I minded any of that.
``What RNA pill?'' I reply absently, noting happily that I didn't end up as
well endowed as Ranma had.
``Good, it has. Native proficiency Japanese language course, in the form of
a tailored bunch of RNA. I hope you don't mind, they're pretty safe, but we
wanted you to be here in case you reacted badly.'' I pull my glasses off, rub
the paired red spots on my nose.
``No, I don't mind at all. I don't suppose that there are non-destructive
cures for myopia now.'' I don't intend it as a hint, but Akane took it as
one.
``Yep. Fairly cheap, too. Do your joints ache?'' My afirmative responce
escapes before I can quash it back.
``We'll take you to a nanotechnician tomorrow. Joe's a friend, and is really
good. Come inside for dinner, please.'' Akane's voice brokes no arguement,
and I follow them inside, shedding my boots on the porch. They're too big
now, which is a shame, as I really like this pair. Ranma notices me sitting
there holding one of them, the other still on.
``Don't fit?'' I set the one down, untie the other, unlace it and take it
off.
``Not anymore. They were a little bit big before, but I wasn't very big to
begin with and I think I lost 15 cm in the change.'' Unlike some people who's
stories I've read, I don't consider 172cm small, being as I had been 161. At
least I've always thought that girls about 140 cm tall to be terribly cute, as I
was one of them now. Well, actually about 147, 150 now that I take the time
to think about it.
``I know this guy who can do amazing things with vitage clothes and shoes. I
think he can fix your boots to look about like new, and fit you again.'' She
helps me up after I drop my other boot, and ushers me inside, waves me to take
a seat as she goes to help Akane bring dinner out. Dinner is uneventful,
Happosai shows up, and proptly gets dragged outside by Miyuki, who wants him
to teach her how to make Happodaikarin. The whole rest of the evening is full
of *Bang*s, *Blam*s, *Ouch*s, and *Oh No! Run Away Fast!*s echoing through the
neighborhood as the 11 year old has varying degrees of success in her
attempts.
``Um, one largish question. Why did Happosai look like that?'' Like that was
young, younger than Ranma, and female.
``We dumped some nyanniichuan onsen mix in the chiisuiton and hit him with it.
Miyuki had somehow managed to get him to agree to train her, and since I
didn't want her to get hurt, I tried that hoping it would at least let
Happosai run away fast enough that Miyuki wouldn't get trampled by mobs of
screaming women. I was quite surprised at the results.''
``Why?''
``She's a lot saner than she used to be, or at least a more understood type of
crazy. She only collects new underwear for herself, and occasionally glomps
young women in the street or on the subway. Most often she justs asks them if
they would like to go to dinner with her, and has actually managed to catch a
few of them.''
``I was more than a little amazed the first time she brought one of her new
girlfriends by,'' Akane interjects.
``I was more wondering why Happosai was training Miyuki,'' I restate.
``Because I didn't have the kind of time to devote to it that we both wanted,
and I managed to extract a promise not to leave her behind to deal with his
problems. That one led to me having to go and retrieve them a couple times
when Happosai didn't have the funds to pay for whatever dinner she had treated
the two of them to. Happosai hasn't minded the `curse', or if she has she
hasn't taken the time to ask Miyuki to dig the kaisuihuu out of the safe.''
``Is it always this exciting?'' Not that I mind, but it would be nice to
know.
``No, today is a little bit calmer than normal, but that's just the average.
Some days are really weird, and lots of days are fairly calm like today. It
evens out pretty well.'' Akane replies, waving me down as I attempt to get up
and help with the dishes. I sit at the table emptying the teapot until she
gets done with them, then she looks at Ranma with this look that I can only
describe as being some sort of `do we want to?' I don't know what Ranma's
responce is, but she helps me up, walks me out the door and down the hall to
the bathroom, her arm about my shoulder, her side pressed against mine, Akane
with her arm about my waist. This is somewhere between totally blissful and
absolutely frightening.
They ask me about my grades, how things are going with school, the kind of
questions I have had to answer a thousand times before, or at least that feel
that way. I suddenly notice that the other two have by this time stripped off
all their clothing. I turn my back quickly, postitive that I'm as red as a
beet, or at least Ranma's hair in the anime.
``I have another why. Why are you doing this for me?'' I'm sitting, arms
wrapped about my legs, staring at the wall as I ask this question.
``Why not. We got a notice in the mail that we could bother the person or
persons responcible for our current situation, a bio on you, and a copy of
your stories. We decided that if you were responcible, and it isn't just that
there are so many universes that one of them has to match whatever one writes,
we might as well pick you up, give you a few nice presents, and return you.
Can't hurt.'' Ranma smiles at me after she turns me about, pulling my shirt
off with the gentle, but irresistable force of one who has had much practice.
Within moments they have me bare, and Ranma is scrubbing my back. Akane pours
some more water over my hair, adding shampoo and washing it as she speaks.
``We know that this won't fix all, or even most, of your problems, but trying
to fix all of them will just leave you with more.'' Her voice posilutely
reaks of experience. Very shortly the two of them have me quite washed, and I
am a bit surprised to see that Ranma is still female, despite all the hot
water that had been used. Ranma notices my surprise.
``I thought it would be easier on you this way, so . . .'' She shrugs,
indicating that she had used the chiisuiton on herself before they came to get
me. I'm really tempted to kiss her for her thoughfulness, except that I have
no idea how she would react, if she would mind. I smile at her instead,
speak.
``Thanks. I think you're right.'' They almost drag me into the bathtub,
somehow manage to both hold me at once. It's so nice. I relax in the hot
water, almost falling asleep before they get out, wrapping me in a bathrobe
and carrying me upstairs. I blink groggily as I notice that Ranma has me in
her arms, she smiles and Akane rubs my cheek. She lays me on the bed, and,
most unusually for me, am asleep within moments.
I wake the next morning with less than the standard `I'm too tired to get up,
don't make me please' moanings in my head, the warm bodies on either side a
sudden shock. I quickly realize who they are, and why I'm female, and that
they are both a good deal more clothed than I am. I either stirred, or Ranma
has a clock set close to mine, for she woke.
``Good morning. Lets get you some clothes, as the ones you were wearing are
all grubby. Che, you're as bad as my daughter and Happosai on one of their
training trips.'' She gathers up a set of underwear, a pair of black pants
and a dark green shirt, giggles slightly as I struggle with the bra, manage
it. She thoughtfully turns away as I finish dressing, my glare reminding her
that I am far too modest for my own good.
Breakfast is uneventful, avocado, miso soup, rice, some pickled things, Miyuki
teasing her teacher, her teacher making arch replies, both of them still
somewhat blackend in places from the previous night's training.
I notice something as Miyuki heads out the door to school, ask about it.
``Where's your older daughter?''
``She's in China on a training trip. She made some comment about about going
to Jusenkyou, but China's a big place, so she may not come home as a boy.
Shall we go?'' Ranma leads us all out, loans me a pair of shoes, runs around
and grabs my boots, and we walk the four miles to the nanotechnicians office,
stopping to drop off my boots at a small shop along the way. The shopkeep
measures my feet, looks at my boots, and says that he'll have them ready by
that afternoon.
``Hey, Ranma! Whats up?'' Joe, I am a bit surprised to note, is female,
caucasian, and almost 250cm tall.
``Not much. We're here to see about getting Suika's eyes and joints fixed,
and maybe some other mods if you think they'd be a good idea.'' Ranma points
at me, and I smile as the huge woman looks at me.
``Hmm, myopia, and I guess your joints ache. Anything else?''
``Not anymore. I am sort of wondering about things like bone strength
enhancements and healing factors, though.'' I reply, watching Ranma and Akane
as I speak. They don't wince or blink, so I assume it won't be too much.
``Hmm, let me have a blood sample.'' She calmly takes my hand, presses my
finger to a small pad, which sticks me and starts running data up a small
screen on the device. She looks at it, continues, ``I'll need to take a look
at the DNA data, but from your blood it looks like none of those will be a
problem. Could you come back in about an hour? It will take about eight
to do the actual modifications.'' I look to Akane, who nods.
``Fine with me. Thank you!'' We leave Joe humming happily to herself as she
bustles about doing obviously prepratory things.
``Now, we need to get you some clothing, as there is little doubt that nothing
you own will fit the way it did.'' Akane leads us through a bunch of shops,
picking out items, most of which I accept, for she has a fairly good idea of
my tastes, either Goth and extravagant or utilitarian. My definition of
utititarian, even. The hour passes quickly, and we buy the last thing on her
list, a swimsuit. I end up choosing a dark green one piece that I think looks
nice, and both Akane and Ranma second my opinion.
``Oh, good. You're right on time. Strip down and slip into the tank here, it
will be very boring, but a lot of people just sleep through the process.''
The tank is a mirrored cylinder, about three meters tall, and a meter in
diameter. ``Oh, and put this on your wrist.'' She holds out a bracelet from
which a large numbers of cables dangle, some obviously intended to connect to
electrodes on me, and some to the computers that, I would assume, make sure
that I don't end up a blob of pinkish jelly. She helps me position the
electrodes, which are thoughtfully color-coded, shows me how to connect the
main cable to the transponder box, and starts to warn me about the LCL.
``LCL? Breathable liquid? Cool. OK.'' I look rather pointedly at them all,
and at the door. They take the hint, and I strip down, making a pile of five
rings (the one that I had worn on my thumb didn't fit anymore), two earings,
three bracelets, a watch, my glasses, and a pendant on top of my clothing
before I put on the bracelet, connected all the electrodes, walked up the
steps to the top of the cylinder, plugged the main cable in, and slipped into
the LCL. The first gulp was frightening, but my pulse steadied quickly as I
fought the fear down and took a deeper breath. After a few moments the others
walked in, Joe's voice flowed through the liquid for a moment, ``OK,
everything is going fine, we'll be here if you need anything.'' her voice
is distorted by the the LCL.
Joe is right. It is horrifically boring. I read all the posters on the
walls, then fall into a light doze, only occasionally noticing the time on the
wall-clock. As time passes I note that it gets a bit sharper, and then think
to check with my left eye closed. Still sharp. Very cool. ``OK, it's done,
you can come out now.'' Joe's voice warbles through the LCL, and they all
file out again, then Akane pops back in with a bathrobe. I was up at the top
of the tank trying to get the LCL out of my lungs and air back in, not the
easiest of tasks, as LCL is a lot heavier than air, and she pulls me out and
holds me for a moment as I finish coughing it up. I unplug the bracelet and
remove it, uncliping the dozen or so wires from the electrodes, and put the
bathrobe Akane brought on.
``How do you feel?'' Akane sounds concerned.
``Like I just coughed up all the water in Tokyo bay.'' I notice that the LCL
is draining out the bottom of the tank, and am glad that they waited 'til I
was out to do so. ``Actually, quite nice. It's nice to be able to see
without my glasses, and without everything getting hard to read at an
obnoxously short distance.'' I hug her gratefully, and she hugs me back. She
points the way to the bathroom, and I go to wash the rest of the LCL off,
gathering my clothing on the way.
By the time I wander back out the other two are there as well, chatting
agreeablely about something. We make our goodbyes and set out for the
clothing shop, and their home. About half way to the shop Ranma pulls two
small packets out of his pockets.
``Here, I thought you might like these.'' She hands them to me, and I read
the labels. `Kempo' and `Japanese Cooking'. I start in on the warnings on
the box as Ranma continues. ``I know people who have done either or both of
them, and they work pretty well. The Kempo one just imparts the kata and
forms, along with the knowledge of what the learning of them is like, so that
the person who takes it can basicly teach themselves. It also, apparently,
boosts the discipline level of the taker to the point that they can teach
themselves from the memories. The cooking one is more basic, just recipies,
knowledge of ingreidients, and a few techniques.'' I nod, continueing to read
the boxes. After a few blocks more we reach the shop.
``Hello! I was wondering what color you wanted your boots to be, as you
didn't specify before you left.'' The shopkeep smiles up at us, whatever he
was working on in his hands.
``Um, a dark green or black would be really nice,'' I reply.
``Sure.'' He turns slightly, one-handedly hits a few keys on the nearby
terminal, looks at the result. ``It'll be another five minutes, take a look
around.'' We do, and I see the most awesomely goth gown. I stand there
staring for a moment, then the shopkeep calls ``Miss? Your boots are done.''
I turn to look, note that they look quite nice, still square-toed, but
slightly smaller than they were, and not nearly as scuffed looking. As I get
closer I can tell that the leather is far more supple than it had ever been in
all the time I'd owned them, the leather wasn't black, as I had first
supposed, but a dark green that darkened to black in places. I admire them
for a moment, notice that all the cracks that had once covered the boots have
disappeared.
``How did you do this?''
``Nanites. I didn't think that they would be all that useful when they first
started coming out with things that used them, but it wasn't the first time
I've been wrong, nor will it be the last. I supplemented the protein chains
with carbon microtubes as well, which should boost the durability a bit.'' I
would think. Monomolecular carbon tubes are impressive things, especially
when used as a bone-building material.
``Thank you so much!'' I hug the shopkeep, and he demures, saying that it
wasn't much work at all, and he's happy I like them, and won't I try them on.
I do. They fit beautifully. ``Thank you!'' I almost gush on my way out the
door.
I decide, take the two pills out and swallow them. Gulp. ``Thank you, Ranma,
Akane, for everything you've done.'' I guiltily insist that they let me carry
some of the shopping, appalled that I hadn't earlier. They let me, and the
last little bit of the walk to the doujou is quiet.
``OK, well, we only got permision to keep you for a day, so we're going to
have to take you back after dinner.'' Ranma's voice makes it sound almost as
if they want to keep me, not that I would mind.
``OK.'' Dinner is quite a sad affair for me, but I try not to let it show.
``Oh, just out of curiosity, how much did you two spend on me?''
``Don't worry about it. We didn't spend too much, and it was a pleasure to
make someone who's almost as bad as Gryph or Zoner happy.''
``Hey, I'm not that bad!'' I don't think, at least, I hope not.
``If you say so. Sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you longer.'' Miyuki
bounces up, taps me on the top of my head as she leaves.
After dinner they help me gather up my bag, the shopping, and the rest of my
stuff. They wait as I put my boots on and lace them up, doubleknotting the
bows. Ranma grabs one of my shoulders, and Akane the other, then the world
spins a little. According to the clock on my terminal only a few moments have
passed, and there is no one else in the lab, which is a good thing, as I
hadn't locked my terminal.
``Do you have a few moments?'' I ask, when they nod I hug them both,
attempting to hold back tears for a moment, then giving up on the attempt.
They hold me for a while, as finally my tears fade off. ``Can you come visit
some time?''
``Maybe. You'll know we can when we show up.'' The smile kindly as I let them go, dry my eyes on my hand, and politely say,
``Sayounara''
``Sayounara, shitsureishimasu.'' And they're gone. I look at the spot that
they disappeared from, then return to my paper. Ick. Eigo ga kirai wa yo!
At least things aren't worse, they changed my IDs so that they matched my new
face, got a master copy of my birth certificate somehow, and modified it so
that it now matched my new sex, and said that they thought I could just brazen
it out if anyone asked any questions. Leaving that aside, I still had to do
this bloody paper on Frankenstein, and my calc homework, and deal with the
fact that I wouldn't get to see my benefactors again for some indeterminate
length of time, possibly forever. I press my face to the keyboard, remember
just how much keyboards like getting wet, push it to one side and cry for a
little while. I look up again at the screen, suddenly glad I use a vi clone,
and pulling the keyboard back over, hit u, then i, and finish my rather
pitiful essay off before I log out, gather everything up, and head back to my
dorm room. At least my roommate will be asleep by the time I get there.