I haven't really written enough to warrant this, but I suppose even the
ideas that I come up with are incriminating enough....
[Cut to a small, cluttered room, filled with books, CDs, and
various papers scattered around the room. The sounds of
Pet Shop Boys and David Bowie fill the room. Huddled over a
mac is a short, somewhat ragged teen, with bags under his eyes.
The only illumination in the room comes from the computer
screen in front of him. He types for a few minutes, shakes
his head, and opens up a new file. He starts typing again.
After a few minutes...]
Eric: Right. I can't think of anything to do with that one,
maybe I should try something different.. Maybe a Ranma/Tenchi/
BGC/El-Hazard/KOR/Akira/Sailor Moon/Star Wars/X-Men crossover...
[pause] Nah.. I've already got one of those planned...
[Suddenly, admist flashing lights and neato swirling effects(tm),
a figure steps appears in the room. Eric turns to see what all
the fuss is about, and doesn't seem too surprised to see
Mikado standing there in front of him.]
Eric: Hey look, it's Mikado! I heard about this revenge fic
thing, and I figured someone might come by..
Mikado: You're not surprised to see me? You don't quake in
fear at my presence?
Eric: Well, I kinda figured on the reality barriers to be
weakened around my place, with all the crossovers I've
been thinking about lately.. But hey, why'd I want to fear
you? I've made you a star!
Mikado: [grabbing Eric by the shirt] Do you realize what you've
done to me!?
Eric: Gak.. I've.. Made you a star?
Mikado: A device for torture is more appropriate! It was bad
enough I had to deal with an insane partner, but no, that
wasn't enough! Thing couldn't be proper without having a
doppleganger for a best friend, and the most incompetent
team of bodyguards to walk this planet!
Eric: [weakly] Heh.. The price of fame?
Mikado: [shuddering] You had Azusa fall in love with me..
And what's with these 'alternate interpretations' stories you
have lined up? I am *NOT* gay!!
Eric: Uh, I haven't actually written those yet, don't give too
much away...
Mikado: [shaking Eric] You have made my life HELL!! I could've
gone on wooing women, and only having to deal with a psychotic
partner.. I didn't even have to face Ranma again! My life was
going to be peaceful!
Eric: Umm.. Sorry? [pauses] But actually, you were going to
beat Ranma the third ti...
Mikado: [cuts him off] I don't want to hear about it! That's
not what I'm here for. [a sadistic smile crosses his face] I'm
here to return the favour...
Eric: {Hmm. How bad could it be to get help with my life from
Mikado? Okay, bad question..} Ah, how would you do that?
Mikado: I'm going to make you the star of your OWN little show,
Eric. Now, first we need raving fangirls. How long has it been
since you've been on a date?
Eric: Officially? [Mikado nods] Ummm... I... Haven't?
[Mikado facefaults]
Eric: That's gotta hurt..
Mikado: [getting up, brushing himself off] Right. I think I'll
have to stay here for some time.. For starters, we'll need to
get a new wardrobe, and a personal hair stylist.. We might be
able to do SOMETHING with that mess on top of your head..
Eric: I like my hair.. [sheds a silent tear as he sees money
flying away from him..] Besides, I'm a student, I can't afford
that kind of stuff...
Mikado: You have a PowerMacintosh which you use pretty much
only for writing, and you DON'T have money to spare?
Eric: I spent it on my computer?
Mikado: [buries his face in his hands] I see I have a LOT of
work to do... First off, we're going to have to make you
popular at University...
Eric: [shudders] {What a fate... But at least no one's going
to get violent on me...}
[Right on time, now-familliar effects take place, and Ranma,
Ryuoga, Mousse and Kunou are all in the room.]
Eric: {Spoke too soon..} [nervously] Crowded, isn't it?
Ranma: I've read your synopsis Eric, you intend for me to get
my ass kicked in your series!
Eric: [on his knees] It was all Arthur Edwards idea, I swear!
[He would go on, if he wasn't sucking umbrella]
Ryouga: And you don't intend for anything to happen to me.
Why don't I have a part anywhere?
Eric: [backing away] Umm... I read too much DnR?
Ryouga: Speaking of which, I KNOW about that little scene
you had in mind for me that you want to submit to those
authors...
Eric: Heh heh. Oops? [backs into Mousse. He turns
around] Why'd you want to kill me?
Mousse: Actually, I just came here to thank you for the
part you have planned for me.
Eric: [relaxes] Thank goodnes. [A bokken taps him on
the shoulder] Uh oh...
Kunou: Hath thou forgotten me, mongrel? Thou'st would
have me be denied my love's light?
Eric: Hey, blame Takahashi for that one, not me!
[Ranma, Ryouga, and Kunou all surround Eric, who bigsweats.]
Mikado: [leaning back against a wall.] I might not have to
do anything after all... This *might* be pennance
enough..
[Fade out to black, just as some terribly unhealthy noises
start to be heard...]
The end (or has it just started?)
==============================================================================
|
-Eric "Mikado" Jones | ejones@FineArts.uvic.ca
| http://kafka.uvic.ca/~ejones/home.html
Unwilling Arch-Deacon of the |----------------------------------------
Church of Azusa, Keeper of the |
Bruises, and head of the "kawaii | "No Azusa, those pants are *not* cute!"
people!" department. | -Mikado
-----------------------------------------
Join now, and you get to give up a treasured object of your very own to
the Goddess Azusa! Or she'll kill you!
==============================================================================