My turn...
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                      SKJAM! Revenge Fanfic

     He glared at the computer screen.  The blue Word Perfect
screen calmly looked back.  He gently lay his fingertips upon the
keyboard.  Metallica's "Mama Said" played in the background.  He waited.
     And waited some more.
     Nothing.
     He banged his forehead against the edge of his desk.  "Damn. 
Damndamndamn!" he cursed.  "C'mon, Mike, think.  Think.  It's only
a fanfic.  No big deal.  Just write something.  Anything!  One
page.  Maybe two.  Then you can get back to your homework..." 
Somehow, though, the thought of reading Spenser or Milton or
Emerson failed to motivate him.  He glanced up from the screen;
Geiger's Li II stared back impassively through milky-white eyes. 
No inspiration there...
     Unless...
     The fingers returned to the keyboard.  An idea flared across
his mind.  He started to type...
     "I wouldn't..." said a voice behind him.
     He froze.
     What the hell..., he thought, slowly turning in his seat.
     Behind him, leaning with crossed arms against the wall, was a
young man.  Wearing a red chinese shirt.  And black pants.  With a
pig-tail.  Ranma Saotome?  Impossible!  That stuff on the ML was
all a joke, right?  Then who was the girl standing next to him with
the mallet?
     "Hello, Mike." said the girl.  Akane?
     "Ahhhh... hello?"
     "Surprised to see us?" said Ranma, stepping closer, a not very
pleasant smile on his face.
     Mike nodded dumbfounded.
     "Just thought it was some kind of Mailing List joke, right? 
Couldn't _possibly_ be happening, right?  Well, guess what!"  Ranma
threw his arms wide.  "We're here!"
     "But... but... why?"  stammered Mike.  "I mean, I havn't done
all that much!  Just a couple of 'fics... heck, I havn't even
finished them, yet!"
     "That's why we took so long.  You weren't a priority."
     "Gee, thanks!" muttered Mike.
     "But now we're here to give you 'One Bad Day' of your own!"
growled Ranma.
     "Hey!  I didn't _do_ anything to you in that one!  It was just
a little angst piece!  Everything ended up fine!" protested Mike.
     Ranma's face darkened.  "Oh, sure, nothing happened _then_! 
But you couldn't stop there, could you?  Oh no, you had to go kill
my _mom_!"
     "Oh.  Ummm... sorry?" answered Mike.  He glanced nervously at
the door to his room.  Akane was already there, examining the
Endless poster on it.  She seemed inordinately interested in
Destruction.  He turned back to Ranma, who'd sat down on the edge
of the bed.  "Listen, I just thought it'd make for an interesting
story..."
     "Interesting story?" cried Ranma, jumping to his feet.  "How'd
you like it if _your_ mom died?"
     Now it was Mike's turn to jump to his feet.  "Don't you dare
threaten..." he snarled, grabbing for the boy.  He missed, of
course; a couple of years of Kung Fu didn't match sixteen years of
super-powered Kempo training.
     "Relax, Mike." said Akane, turning away from the door.  "We're
not here to kill you.  Or you're mom...  North Bay's too far away,
anyway."
     "You're not?"
     "Nope.  Just punish you.  Based on what you've done to us."
     "Oh, great."  Mike sank back into his seat with a sigh.  He
suddenly perked up.  "But I havn't really done anything to you!  I
mean, compared to some of the other people... no killing, or weird
sex, or rape...  Oh-oh..."
     Ranma smiled nastily.  "That's right..." he said.  He reached
across to the desk, scrolling through the fanfic directory.  He
stopped at a particular story.  "And what's this one?"
     "Ummmm...."
     "Choices, eh?  Let's check it out, shall we?"  Ranma hit
enter.  "Oh, most interesting.  Gee, let's see.  Oh, I see.  Get
Ranma drunk.  Get Ranma female.  Get Ranma passed out, and raped at
a party.  Then let's get Ranma pregnant, and stuck as a girl for
nine months."  He glared at Mike.  "Is this your idea of nothing?"
     "No, wait!  It's not my fault!  There was this discussion on
the ML, you see... listen, I havn't even written that far..."
     Ranma turned to Akane.  "What else do we got on him?"
     Akane consulted a book.  "Not much, really..."
     Mike tried to sneak a peak.  "Hey, what's that?"
     Akane smiled.  "What, this?"  She turned the book towards him. 
It appeared to be some kind of manga... with him on the cover! 
"_This_ is the story of your life... in manga form, of course,
complete with narrative, sound effects, and thought balloons."
     "Really?  Wow!  My very own series... does it sell well?"
     "Nope." said Ranma.  "Aside from a few little peaks here and
there, it's really pretty dull... well, at least compared to _my_
life."  He turned back to Akane.  "Anything?"
     "Not much.  He's not finished A Normal/Exciting Life, but he's
not going to do anything worth worrying about with that one.  A
couple of nasty things lurking in the back of his head, but he'll
probably never write them."
     "Usual treatment?"
     Akane shrugged.  "We're running low.  We've already used it a
bunch of times."
     "We can always get more..."
     "True."
     By this time Mike was wondering if he might be better off
jumping out the window.  It was only a three story drop...  or
maybe one of his roommates would come and save him...  "Hey,
waitasec... I thought you were supposed to _help_ me!  You know,
pump some action into my life!  Get me a date!  Teach me martial
arts!"
     Ranma shook his head.  "Nahhh... we save punishment like that
for those who _really_ deserve it."
     "Then... then what're you gonna do?"
     "I think you already know... you've read enough of the other
FFML writer's experiences to know."
     "No!  Hey, waitasec, I'll..."
     "Oh, quit your whining.  Take your punishment like a man." he
said with a smirk, as Akane pulled a bucket out of nowhere and
splashed Mike with its contents.
     Mike didn't bother looking down.  She was still human, which
could only mean one thing - and she could _feel_ the changes,
beneath her clothes.  'At least I'm good looking', she thought
inanely, glancing at the mirror on the wall.  She started knocking
her head against the edge of the desk again.  "Why? 
Whywhywhywhy..." she moaned.
     Ranma turned away.  "Maybe next time you'll think twice before
writing about us.  You think getting me pregnant is a good idea? 
Now you can go do some first-hand research!"
     "Was that really necessary, Ranma?" asked Akane.
     Ranma shrugged.  "Oh, and one more thing, Mike."
     Mike looked up.  "What now?"
     "A couple of other people wanted to say a couple of things to
you..."
     "Huh?"
     There was a flash of bright light.  Suddenly, six teens in
spandex appeared.
     "Oh, god, no..." said Mike, hiding beneath her desk, her
reduced size coming in helpful.
     "But... but you're not anime!" she cried.
     "We're sentai!  That's close enough.  And you broke my ribs,
you bastard!" said the Red Ranger.
     "You gave me a concussion!" said the Black Ranger, his wild
arm movements knocking over a paintball trophy.
     "You made that Kuno jerk fall in love with me!" said the Red
Ranger, angrily.  He did a backflip onto Mike's bed.
     "Wither the pinkly-clad hero of America?" queried Kuno,
striding into the room (while Mike's roommates, out in the living
room watching TV, looked on perplexed).
     "You made that psychotic chick fall for me, too!" said the
Green Ranger.  He hopped around on one leg, finally planting his
foot through a speaker.
     "OHOHOHOHOOHOHOHO!" sniggered Kodachi, hopping in through the
window, strewing petals everywhere.  "At last, I'm free!"
     "Have fun!" snickered Ranma.  "We've got a few more house
calls to make..."  He and Akane disappeared in a flash of light. 
The chaos continued unabated in their wake.

***

     Epilogue:

     Mike crawled out from behind her desk.  Her room was a total
mess.  Kodachi was out running through the streets of Ottawa,
terrorizing the RCMP and presumed headed for Chr‚tien's house. 
Kuno had headed off to have a few words with Mike's Shakespeare
teacher.  Her roommate, George, had finally worked up the nerve to
ask Kimberly out on a date, and was now fulfilling a little dream
of his.  Happosai had made a brief appearance, fondeled Mike, her
roommate Jenn, and then took off after the Yellow Ranger - who had
promptly summoned her Zord, stepped on him, and was last seen
tearing down the 401.  Bagpipor and Prozakor had briefly bowed down
before Mike as their Lord(Lady), God(Goddess) and Creator, before
running off when Ryoga showed up, lost, upset, and looking for
Ranma.
     But Mike didn't care.  Oh, sure, the date Kuno had secured
with her she found a little (well, very) disturbing, and she
sincerly hoped that her electric kettle still worked - but a single
though was running through her mind, overriding the other minor
concerns.  'Think twice before writing, eh, Ranma?  First hand
experience, eh, Ranma?  Oh, have I got a 'fic for you..."  Grabbing
pen and paper, lying on the floor amidst a blanket of rose petals,
she began to write: 'Ranma-chan vs. The Overfiend; AKA Rosemary's
Child.'
     And she continued giggling till the campus police carried her
away.

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				The End
				*****

	Hey, I did it!  I finished something!