On Sun, 29 Sep 1996, frosty wrote:
Now here's the thing, most everyone on this list has screwed with the R1/2
universe in some way or another. Now my challenge to you is to have
members of the R1/2 universe come back to 'help' you out as outlined in
'sauce'. Go ahead do it. If there are several participants, maybe it can
be arranged to release them all simultaneously on RAAC (of course back when
MZ was in charge, that was guaronteed).
--
Okay...
(Night. Cut to a small, sparse room, with several old remote computer
terminals against two of the walls. A young man, roughly twenty years of
age, sits at a terminal, silently typing away, as the night drags on. He
is tired, unshaven for several days, and his wavy black hair, hanging down
several inches below his collar, is somewhat disheveled.
Pewter-and-black eyeglasses adorn his face, and his slightly overweight
body is clothed in a white cotton button-down shirt, denim shorts, and
bare feet.)
Man (low tenor voice, slightly nasal): Ugh. All this spam...I _knew_ I
should have checked my email earlier.
Voice (soprano): Nicholas Leifker?
Man: Huh?
(The young man turns to the sound of the voice. A redheaded woman stands
at the entrance of the tiny computer lab, taking his breath away with her
beauty. She is roughly twenty-five years old, with a green women's
Chinese-style blouse, pink silk pants, and black ti-chi shoes. A sword
is sheathed across her back, and she is carrying a sealed bucket,
apparantly filled with something. For a better idea, check out the
picture on the Ta'averen 1/2 page.)
Woman: Are you Nicholas Leifker, also known as the Nightelf?
Nick: I am, though I am curious as to how you know of my writing nom
de guerre.
Woman (smiling secretively): Oh, I know a great many things about you,
Nightelf.
Nick: Please, call me Nick.
Woman: Okay...Nick.
Nick: Pardon me for asking, but where did you get that costume?
Woman (gesturing to her attire): Oh, this? You gave it to me.
Nick: Huh?
Woman (growling in anger): Don't you remember? You locked me in
cursed form, killed my fiancee and friends, and stuck me in the Chinese
Amazon village for eight years!
Nick: Waitasec. You mean...
Woman: Yes. I am Ranma Saotome.
Nick (panicked): No way. Ranma's a fictional character! This is the
real world! How could you...
Ranma (sad): A parallel-universe Akane sent me here...for my revenge.
Nick: Forgive me if I seem unconvinced.
Ranma: Very well...(goes to single-bathroom attached to computer lab,
sticks head under faucet, turns on hot. Features shift to male-Ranma,
before Nick's disbelieving eyes. He then turns the tap back on cold,
allowing her clothes to fit properly once more.)
Nick: eyuh...(realizes) Hey! I gave you your manhood back in the end!
I even set you up with Ukyou!
Ranma: Yes. And that fact is the reason why I'm giving you one last
chance.
Nick: Last...chance?
Ranma: Yes. I don't want you to write any more fanfics. You can finish
the stories you started, but you can't write any more besides that.
Nick (crosses arms): And how are you going to do that?
Ranma: Within two weeks, you are going to have a steady friend...one way
or another.
Nick: Huh?
Ranma: Let me put it to you this way. Jusenkyo is only an afternoon's
walk away from my house. Now, in this bucket is water from the Spring of
Drowned Beautiful Girl, which will pretty much force you to fight off the
guys whenever it rains. If I don't see any progress within two
weeks...you're going to be all wet. Now, when was the last date you were
on?
Nick (sheepish): Uh...sprbrk.
Ranma: Huh? I didn't quite catch that.
Nick: Spring Break, okay?!? Are you happy now?
Ranma: Not yet, I'm not. Are there any girls you're interested in?
Nick: Well, there is this girl named Lita...
Ranma (brandishing bucket): She had better not be a Sailor Scout!
Nick (waving hands in mercy): No, no! She's this LARPer friend of
mine. She's cute, and smart, and into Anime...
Ranma: Great! It sounds like you two have a lot in common. Now all you
need to do is call her, set up the date, and get on with your life.
Nick (suddenly nervous): Me...call her?
Ranma (pantomiming): Yes, you...call her, or you...shop in ladies'
section of department store. Got it?
Nick (weakly): got it...
Ranma: By the way, since I have no other place to stay, I'm staying in
your dorm room for the next two weeks.
Nick: My roommate is gonna _love_ that...
Ranma: Actually, he is. I already used some shampoo on him, to make him
think that he's my girlfriend for the time I'm here. Of course, he's
also forgot about his girlfriend, which isn't a problem since she's also
forgotten about him.
Nick: You mean his pretty-much-live-in-really-annoying-sorority-b***h
girlfriend isn't coming back? Cool!!
Ranma: Personally, I can't see what people see in such weak
women...Anyway, remember. Two weeks. After that, you have a problem.
Nick: I hear, you, I hear you. I just wonder how I'm going to pay for
all this.
(Ranma throws Nick a wad of bills)
Ranma: Thank Nabiki. She was so sick of your manipulations that she's
willing to pay you to get out of her hair.
Nick (looking at money): This isn't going to be easy...
****************************************************************************
I hope this is to your satisfaction. Tell me if you need any more.
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Nicholas Leifker, aka "Nightelf"
nwl9354@tam2000.tamu.edu
"He's so beautiful when he's unconscious."
-Kodachi Kuno, "Kurobara"
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