On Thu, 26 Sep 1996 12:02:09 -0400 Slashtooth said:
: Well, here is my revised copy of Magic. I hope that It reads better
: than the first time! C&C is, of course, appreciated.
: "How did you manage this? How did you see past the blocks in the
: scrolls?" Cologne asked, studying him intently. "I witnessed you
: cast a spell, and when I reread the scroll, I noticed the passage that
: should not be there. After that, it was easy." Gosunkugi replied,
Put Gosunkugi's speech in a new line. It reads easier and helps
the story flow.
: One week after that fateful night, Gosunkugi sat in the
: Nekohanten, Cologne perched on her staff. "Now, boy, it is time to
: see if you have listened to anything I have said. What is the first
: rule of Magic?" Gosunkugi look down, and muttered, "Never use magic
: to force others to do things." This fist law had been a point of
: contention between the two, but after Cologne showed him that all of
: the ' had either ben
: herb based, or the result of a magical artifact, Gosunkugi reluctantly
: conceded the point, shattering his dreams of an Akane that loved him.
Um, *what* "mystical attempts to get Ranma to love Shampoo"?
There has be *one* (un, eine, hitotsu) occasion where Shampoo
tried something like this, viz. the Magic Mushroom episode.
The mushrooms had the ability to create a conditioned reflex
within one person, and Shampoo tried to make Ranma hug her - it
never worked the way she wanted, either.
All other "Passion Spices" are pure fanfiction and not canon.
: The next week was one of relaxation for Gosunkugi. With his
: ability to memorize anything he read, he was breezing through his
: classes, and his teachers were already commenting on his improvement
: in class.
Poor Gosunkugi. Whatever will he do in higher classes, when pure
memorizing and reproduction are not enough anymore. He'd better
not relax too much, or it'll be a rude awakening for him.
: "Leave me alone, Ranma. I don't want to be late for class."
: stated Gosunkugi, looking a little peeved. Ranma looked a little
: shocked at this, but recovered quickly. "Just tell me what the old
: ghoul is up to, and I will leave you alone." Gosunkugi had had enough
: of this, and tried to get around Ranma. Ranma, however, was not about
: to let him past. "Tell me, or I will beat it outta you!" Ranma
: yelled, grabbing the front of Gosunkugi's shirt.
Hmmm, Ranma the thug? Quite out of character, but unfortunately
you need this scene to set up later happenings.
: "Where did you get this scroll, boy?" Cologne asked, a look of
: concern on her face. "I cannot remember. I got it a long time ago.
: What importance does it have?" Gosunkugi replied, curiousity getting
: the better of him. "It details the return of Crotel, an evil being
: from the time of magic. His return is soon, according to this. We
: must prepare. Return home, prepare your power, and come when called."
: Cologne turned at that, and Gosunkugi left, determined to prove
: himself in this.
That's too much of a coincidence, for my tastes. You might, of
course, make that a *point* in your story: The scroll is magic,
after all, and found a way to make itself known, just in time.
Overall, quite a nice story, even though Gosunkugi's character
changed a *lot* from his manga source.
Sebastian