Hello all!

I spent the last school year reading great fanfics from the regular
writers here and I'd thought i'd try one of my own.

So here goes...

The Nerima Squares (a short wackyfic by Air Hadoken)

Disclaimer:  All characters here are trademarks of someone else.  They
have probably already been misused and maligned a thousand times over,
so I'm not going to bore you by restating legal crap.  Just enjoy the
fic.

SHADOE STEVENS:  One of these two people 

[camera shot of Ranma and Akane] 

will have the chance to win 2.5 MILLION yen, with the help of these
famous people 
[shot of 3-story tictactoe grid containing Ranmaverse characters and
Shadoe Stevens.  One square of the grid is covered in a steel cage, and
contains Happousai]  

today... on the Nerima Squares!
 
[Excited cheers and applause from the crowd]

And now...the host of the Nerima Squares, Wink Martindale!

EVERYBODY: Wink?

WINK:  I never got the chance to do Hollywood
	[cheers, laughs, and applause]
Okay, let's get the game going.  This on my right is Ranma Saotome, a
martial artist/high school student, currently engaged to the person on
my left, Akane Tendo, also a martial artist and high schol student.

RANMA [coolly]:  Let's get it going, Wink.

AKANE:  Shut up, baka.  He's getting to that.

RYOUGA [in the upper-left square]:  Ah, now comes my chance to show
Akane my vast unseen intelligence.

[a loud thump is heard from somewhere.  It happens to be Ukkyou, in the
square below Ryouga, falling to the floor and laughing her head off]

WINK:  Heh, heh, let's save the battling for the board.  Ranma, you
start.

RANMA:  Ok.  I'm going to start with Shampoo in the middle.

SHAMPOO:  Ooooh, Ranma-darling picked me first!

UKKYOU:  That's because you're in the center square, you purple-headed
goon.

WINK:  Ok, Shampoo, here's your question.   What is Air Hadoken's
favorite food?

SHAMPOO:  Anything that doesn't eat him first.

RANMA:  I agree.

WINK:  That's right!

[large X lights up in Shampoo's square]

And now we have to pause for these words from our generous sponsor
	***
[Shots of Uk-chan's and Ukkyou and okonomiyaki]
UKKYOU's voice:  Uk-chan's, for the very best in okonomiyaki, the
fastest in service, and the biggest in spatulas [techno music plays]
	***
WINK:  We're back, and now it's Akane's turn to pick.

AKANE:  I'll take...who IS that in the lower right?

LINNA [in lower right]:  Better yet, who are all of you?

OMNIPRESENT TV PRODUCER:  oops, sorry...wrong universe.

[Linna drops through a plot hole]

LINNA:  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

WINK:  Now how will we fill the empty square?

[Lights flicker.  The studio doors swing open.  Standing in the doorway
is Tatewaki Kunou]

TATEWAKI:  Ranma Saotome, prepare to die by the hand of the BLue Thunder
of Furinkan High!

[Lightning bolts fly down from the ceiling]

YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

[in a mad rush, Tatewaki trips over his own feet and makes a headfirst
landing into the empty square]

*oof*

[in the meantime, the lightning has set off the sprinkler system,
turning Ranma into Ranma-chan, and thoroughly soaking the audience, but
the squares are protected]

oompf...what the...pig-tailed girl? and Akane Tendo?  Participating in
such a low form of entertainment?  I must prove to them that I can sink
to their level!

WINK: Well, he'll have to do.  Young man, according to the Home Medical
Journal, where on the body do most injuries occur?

TATEWAKI [coolly]:  For Saotome, anywhere on his body!

AKANE:  What a jerk.

[Ranma-chan just sulks]

TATEWAKI: Heh, heh.  No, really the answer is the...umm,
the...the...hands.

AKANE:  I disagree. (I'll never agree with anything that jerk says)

WINK:  Sorry, but hands was the correct answer.

AKANE:  NANI?!?!?!  

[Battle aura eminating from Akane starts to spark up the air]

HYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

[An extra-large dimensional mallet smashes Tatewaki as flat as an
okonomiyaki]

WINK:  Well, how often does this happen?

[Ranma looks up from sulking just long enough to see the whole tictactoe
grid crumble to the ground, releasing Happousai from his steel cage. 
Happousai seemingly flies over to Ranma-chan and glomps with improbably
high force]

RANMA-CHAN:  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Get off me!

[A quick swipe sends the 2-foot-tall hentai through the roof out into
the stratosphere, to later become a fireball and awe one Martha Miller,
a very nice old lady from North Iowa]

OMNIPRESENT TV PRODUCER:  Well, that's another structure written off.

***end***

Hope you enjoyed it!  Send me C&C (but be kind with the critique, ok?)

Air Hadoken  (TanakaKun on IRC)