On Mon, 23 Sep 1996 12:31:34 -0400 (EDT) Terrence M Marks
<normal@grove.ufl.EDU> writes:

Ranma: I didn't hear you come in.

This line is repeated several times in the fic.  I don't understand the
leitmotif you're setting here.  Please explain why several characters
have hearing trouble.

[Ranma pours water on Genma.  Instant Panda]

Hehehe, somewhat like Instant Noodles in the context.  Excellent job.
 

[Ranma starts quivering in fear.  He tries to do some very odd 
sort of kick, but fails.  Ryouga tries to do the same sort of 
kick, and succeeds.  The tornado slows down.  Ryouga repeats 
the technique, which text doesn't fully do justice to.  This 
time he shouts "Hibiki Falling Hurricane Kick!".  The tornado 
slows to a gentle breeze, depositing its occupants onto the 
ground.  The house, mysteriously enough, is back to its 
normal, undamaged condition]

Ranma: (grabs Ryouga) How'd you do that?  That was the 
Anything Goes Rising Tornado Kick.

This tornado and tornado kick topic seems to be greatly emphasized in the
beginning, but you pretty much discard the idea after this point.  You
should try expanding on it, and you may come up with a few good ideas to
finish this fic.
 

Nabiki: (Interrupting) And I could help you with your 
techniques.

Yet Nabiki ends up helping him with Kodachi... a little inconsistency,
that's all.  It would be interesting if Nabiki turned out a better
martial artist than Akane after watching Ranma for the longest time.
 

Akane: (angrily) That's just like Ranma to get between you and 
Ukyou.
Ryouga: (puzzled) What about Ukyou?
Akane: Oh.  Then between you and Shampoo.
Ryouga: No....Ranma's other fiance.
Akane: (surprised) You mean?
[Ryouga nods.]
Akane: How long has this been going on?
Ryouga: Ever since we've known each other.
Akane: And all this time I never knew?
Ryouga: I...I was afraid to tell you.
Akane: You have told her, haven't you?

I like this part; it shows classic Akane naivity.  It depicts Akane's
character well. 

Soun: Oh.  Ok  [Soun walks out to do Soun things.  Ranma can 
be heard screaming "I heard you enter that room, Tendo!".  
Genma takes advantage of this and pounds him into the ground]

There it is again.  The hearing of the entering of the room.  Where are
you going with this?
 

[Cut scenes.  Next morning.  Ryouga, Nabiki and Akane are 
sitting around a table and plotting.  Genma and Soun are 
playing shogi in the background.  Genma points at something.  
Soun looks.  Genma grabs two of Soun's pieces and eats them]

[Genma moves a piece.  Soun points at something.  Genma 
looks.  Soun takes the shogi board and replaces it with a 
checkerboard.  Soun moves a piece and jumps three of Genma's 
checkers.  Genma moves a piece onto the back row.  Genma pulls 
out a sign that says "King Me".  Soun grabs the sign from him]

[Soun points at something.  Genma looks.  Soun removes the 
Battleship setup, and instantly gives himself and Genma five 
cards and a number of poker chips.  The panda is now wearing a 
green visor.]

[Soun and Genma show their hands.  Soun has a full house, aces 
and threes.  Genma has three aces.]

Genma: [sign] Why are there five aces in this deck?

[Genma turns and looks.  Soun instantly replaces the cards and 
chips with a Sorry board.]

[Genma grabs the Sorry board and throws it out the window.  He 
replaces it with a Twister mat.]

This whole 'changing of the game' thing is probably my favorite part,
which brings out the most laughter, considering how serious everybody
else is in the foreground.
 

Kunou is there, surrounded by several pamphlets on the 
Phillipines.]


Principal: They said they'd send someone over with pamphlets 
on Hawaii.  Said I already had all of their Hawaii pamphlets, 
so they gave me some information on the Phillipines.

Spelling correction:  Philippines

Sorry, being a Filipino almost requires me to make that correction.
 

Kodachi: Don't try to tell me what I said.  If anyone we know 
walks by, we do not even know each other.  Is that clear.

Ryouga: Yes.

[Soun Tendo walks by]


Soun: Ah.  Together.  Soon you will wish to build a family.  
If you wish to build something, then you must have bricks.  
Here.  Take some bricks.  [hands a pile of bricks to Ryouga and 
walks off]

Ryouga: ...

Comically, this is my second favorite part of the fic. =)  I think it's
just because of the silliness involved.

Kodachi: I *still* don't care what you thought or how you feel 
about this.  And *what* are you doing with those bricks?

Ryouga: Mr. Tendo gave them to me.  Said something about 
building a family.

Hehe.

[Ok...that's all I've got so far.  Some changes from the 
previously posted version.  The reason that I'm posting it now 
is simple.  I'm stuck.  Trying to figure out what I could do 
with the situation now and what Ryouga might've gotten 
Kodachi.  If you have any ideas, please email at
normal@grove.ufl.edu

It's great so far, I'd like to this completed, if possible.

Ranma-k Saotome
---
Owner of Ranchan's Rarities:
http://tsunami.anime.net/~ranchan/