On Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:11:22 -0500 (CDT) Greg Sandborn said:
: Done with first half of part 3.
Yeeek, another of his monster-sized fics! And it's only the first
half. I'd better C&C while I read, or I will never get it done
(just like with part 2)
: Nabiki - New Horizons
: Pt. 3 - Honeymoon Hell
: By Uncle Fester
: She had chosen well. He was kind, attentive, and
: considerate of her opinions. He slept quietly, unlike
: members of her own family who tossed and turned all night.
: She stretched again, wincing slightly. <Must have gotten a
: little carried away, last night.> she moved her legs
: gingerly. <Maybe I shouldn't have made him take so many
: cold showers before the wedding.> She chuckled softly.
: <Gonna be a little sore today.> The images and echoes of the
: night before flashed through her mind, leaving her more than
: slightly excited. The wedding night had been...
: indescribable.
Heh, nice'n'sexy, without being really ecchi. I like that, and I
can easily imagine these thoughts going through Nabiki's head.
: "Ohaiyo, Mrs. Lawrence." he murmured.
: "Ohaiyo, my husband." she was being formal in a teasing
: way. "Did you sleep well?"
"Ohayou" is spelled as thus. You might leave out the 'u',
depending on which romanization scheme you use, but an 'i' doesn't
ocurr.
: "I...forgot...to duck...again, dear." A clear
: reference to both his current condition and Nabiki's earlier
Waahahaha! He'll live, that's for sure.
: "Thank you." he began. "You are all welcome as members
: of your clan." He shifted his gaze to Ranma. "Even the
: Chinese boy."
: "I'm *not* Chinese!" Ranma shot back. "I'm Japanese!"
Hyuck! I love that running gag.
: Kasumi relished the few quiet times she could get.
: Often she used them to think back to happier times, when she
: could enjoy the carefree life of a child. But tonight, her
: thoughts were of the future, not the past. More
: specifically, her future. Nabiki was taken care of, she had
: every confidence that Jeff would live, and the two of them
: would move away; possibly back to America. Akane was
: destined to marry Ranma and would take over as head of the
: house. That would leave Kasumi free to pursue her own life.
: <So many directions. So many possibilities.> she
: thought. <Yes, mother. You were right. My time *is*
: coming.> She looked at the sleeping Dr. Tofu. <Yes, he would
: be a good husband. If only I could get him to ask. I know,
: mother, you have promised he would and the time is not yet
: right. I always was a little bit impatient, you know that.>
: Kasumi looked out the window at the starry sky and
: smiled. It was all as her mother said it would be.
Hmmm, Kasumi seems to have a closer link to her mother than the
rest of the family. I think I like that; let's see what comes of
it.
Overall, I have to say, that I dreaded a story of these
proportions, when the first hints about Jeff and Nabiki's clan
heritage were dropped. I don't really like these
"destiny-oriented" stories, but I have to hand it to you that you
manage to pull it off quite well. Sodoshi's ordeal was pretty
horrible and upsetting, the prophecy becomes more and more
mysterious, the bad guys are at least partially revealed, and
everything waits to be rolled up in the second half of this part.
Very serious, very little lightheartedness. Promise me, that when
you finish this part, the next one will be as silly and funny as
part 2, OK?
Speaking of part 2, I got the distinct impression, that you
watched _It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World_ more than the recommended
number of times, during the writing of that fic. :) I laughed a
lot, and the _Tora Tora Tora_ gag was heavenly. Oh, and I really
think that it would be even more effective, if Mrs. Lawrence's
fighting proficiency at the wedding was *not* the result of actual
training, but simply fueled by a mother's righteous anger about a
disturbance of her son's most important day. :)
Sebastian