Voice: Stop! Wait you guys don't have to do this.

Everyone looks at the short Australian wearing a Whaynes World cap with a
superman T-shirt and a pair of Jeans.

Wayne's World!
Wayne's World!
Party Time!
Excellent!

Dave: Guys I'm here to solve all your problems.
Ranma: What do you mean?
Dave: Well its obvious that someone just has to come through and match you
guys up and well here I am.
Ukyo: You mean your goiung to resolve all the relationship problems in our
group.
Ranma: Where would the fun be in that?
Akane: Oh be quiet Ranma.
Kuno: Who does the Gaijin think he is?
Ryoga: Yeah he's got some nerve.
Dave: Hear me out guys, I've been watching you for some time

Five minutes. :)

and I think I know a way to make everyone here equally happy.

Clone Ranma four times, splash one with the chisui-ton, drop an ANVIL on
her head (making him/her think she is really a girl), marry her off to
Kuno.

Pump massive amounts of mind-altering drugs into one Ranma. When he goes
bonkers, marry him off to Kodachi.
Teach another Ranma Chinese and marry him off to Shampoo.
Feed the third Ranma Yet Another Amazon Spice (Shampoo and Colonge should
be more cooperative now) that makes him only able to eat Okonomiyaki. Marry
him off to Ukyou.
Put remaining (psst, original) Ranma through sensitivity training and marry
off to Akane.

Clone Akane twice. While still a baby, take one back into past and have her
live with a pig-farmer while she grows up. Marry her to Ryouga after
telling THIS one (important point) about P-chan.

Keep second clone on ice in case Kuno decides the pigtailed girl ain't
enough. ;)

Clone Shampoo. Give her glasses fettish and marry off to Mousse.

All is well in Nerima! ^_^

Dave: O.K lets see you get Shampoo!
Shampoo: What?
Dave: Kodachi gets Gosunkugi, Ukyo gets Mousse and Ryouga gets the Pig tailed

                                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 girl.  O.K anyone I missed?
^^^^^

Oooooooooo! O.O MIStake!

Akane: Me.
Dave: Oh shit, ah O.K who's left?  Oh I know its so obvious you can have
Happosai.

^^^^^^^^
Wyrm-chan: (Firey look in her eye) You... complete... and utter...
BASTARD!!! DIE!!! (Hefts mallet and chases after Dave)

Ukyo: We don't have to keep beating each other up.
Dave: You don't?
Ukyo: No we can beat you up!

Everyone starts stomping, punching and beating up on the author.  When
they are all done they collectively walk off down the street.

Can't we all just get along?

Someone taps Dave on the shoulder.  He turns to see a 3 foot tall lemon
with arms and legs standing there regarding him skeptically.

That's a big lemon...

Dave: Yeah? Oh you must be the little Lemon.
Lemon: Who you calling little?

The lemon punches Dave in the balls and strides off miffed down the
street.  Dave groans and lies in the street. It begins to rain.

Dave: Thats the last time I write myself into a fanfic.

Heh! ^_^

                           ---------------------
-wyrm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu>                       <JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu>
Member of the AFSS          Depraived Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin
   =<SIG>= Wyrm-chan @_@ H-Wyrm @_@ Ten @_@ Chibi-Usa @_@ Azusa =</SIG>=
=<^_^>= R1/2#_#BGC#_#Sailor Moon#_#Dr Who#_#Star Trek#_#Monty Python =</^_^>=

"DINSDALE!!!" -Spiny Norman