WARNING: This story contains frank and crude references to 
sexual promiscuity and other wrongful behavior.  Parts of it 
may be quite offensive.  You'd better not read it . . .


[LEMON] Ranma 1/2: Idle Chatter
(Sequel to "A Real Man")

by Doughboy


H: Hey, Ranma, if you're gonna eat that joint, you should douse 
the flame, y'know?

R: Huh?  Oh!  Sorry, I forgot.  Here . . .

H: There's almost nothing left.  Got a clip?

D: Use this.

R: You got another one, Daisuke?

D: Yeah . . . So, let me make sure I got this straight.  She 
was naked, and you kissed her . . .

R: Not all the way naked, she still had her bra and panties on.

D: Yeah, important distinction.  Anyway, Akane's practically 
naked and you have this long, passionate kiss, and then you 
just WALK OUT OF THE ROOM?  You're fucking with us, right?

R: Nothing but the truth.  I told you, I'm a new man now.

D: Unbelievable.  Just walked out of there.

R: Yup.

H: But then you went down the hall and shot a load down 
Kasumi's throat, right?

R: To be honest, I almost did.  But I figured, hey, if I'm 
turning over a new leaf, I've gotta have some will power, right?

H: You're a regular ascetic . . . hey, where's Gonsunkugi-kun?

D: Don't tell me you're stoned already, ya lightweight!  As 
soon as Ranma mentioned Akane taking her clothes off, he ran 
off to . . .

H: To pound the old voodoo spike?  ahahahahahaha!

D: heeheeheeheeeeee . . . that's rich!

H: Man, he's ovrdoing it.  Used to be, Akane would actually 
have to say something to Gosunkugi to get his pup tent up.  The 
boy is compulsive, I tell you.  Pretty soon, he's gonna jerk it 
right off.

R: Well, don't knock it, man.  I'm used to getting laid 
whenever I felt like it.  From now on, you can probably find me 
in the boys' room in the stall next to Gosunkugi's.

H: Good, you can ask Gonsunkugi-kun to give you a hand!  
wahahahahaha!

R: Ha-ha, very funny, motherfucker.

D: So that's IT?  You're going cold turkey?  You're a one-woman 
man and you won't even have her till the wedding night?

R: I never said I was a one-woman man.

H: I knew it!  No way could you give up Shampoo.

R: No, I'm giving up Shampoo.  But Nabiki has already made it 
clear, she's not letting me off the hook.  She says "Ranma-kun, 
until I find someone nearly as good as you, I'll expect you to 
continue to service your debts."

D: Hey, I'll take your place if you want!

R: Pal, you're welcome to her.  But if Nabiki hasn't come after 
you by now, she's not interested.  I'll bet she's had every guy 
in school that she could possibly want.

H: How come I've never heard of this before?

R: Because when Nabiki tells a guy to keep his mouth shut, he 
never whispers a word.  And if he's ever tempted to brag about 
it, Nabiki sends ME to his house in the middle of the night to 
remind him of his promise.

D: Shit . . .

R: Actually, I've asked Nabiki to help me figure out a way to 
make Shampoo leave town.  She said she'll do it for the sake of 
her baby sister and for "favors" to be named later.

H: A heart of gold in that one.

R: Well, gold is ALMOST as cold and hard as Nabiki's heart.  I 
just hope she won't try to arrange another three-way before 
getting Shampoo to scram.  Damn that Nabiki, anyway.

D: Oh, poor baby!  You're breaking my heart.

R: Yeah, I guess I'm pretty spoiled.  Nabiki can be . . . a lot 
of fun.

H: So!  Hopefully, the Shampoo problem will be dealt with.  
What about Ukyou?

R: Well, I certainly don't want her to leave town.  But she 
still thinks we're gonna get married.  I don't want to hurt 
her, but I've been polishing my sayonara speech ever since we 
first started sleeping together.

H: That's not all he was polishing!

D: Buh-DUM-bum!

R: I think I can let her down easy.  I've come a long way from 
the "I hope we can be friends" speech I started out with.  And 
I think that deep down, Ucchan's always known it was possible 
that I'd choose Akane . . . aaah, who am I kidding.  This is 
gonna destroy her.

H: . . .

D: . . .

R: At least  she won't miss the sex very much.

D: Ya mean, you weren't able to satisfy her?

R: Asshole!  Of course I could.  She just wasn't really 
interested in sex . . .

H: Not with you, anyway.

R: Fuck you!

H: No, seriously.  How do you know it was good for her?

R: Shit!  I just know, all right?  What do think, she was 
faking?  She didn't have the experience to know how to fake an 
orgasm.  I couldn't be fooled by a bunch of phoney moaning and 
thrashing and grimacing!  I mean, when Ukyou came, she . . . 
she would . . .

H:  . . . go on . . .

R: Some girls, when they come, there's this involuntary 
reaction.  It's a tremor that starts in her lower abdomen and 
radiates out to the rest of her body.  Sometimes, there's even 
goose bumps to go with the tremor.  And Ukyou's was  . . . just 
beautiful to see.  It made me really happy.  I always felt 
great to have her trembling like that under me . . . 

D: Sounds nice.

R: Yeah, Ucchan's not the most exciting lover around, but it 
always felt RIGHT, y'know?

H: OK, let me make sure I understand what you're saying.  Here 
we have Ukyou: a girl with a daily exercise regimen that would 
kill an Olympic athlete.  She can do a spinning triple back 
flip over a 10-foot-high fence while holding a 20-kilo 
spatula.  She can fling four okonomiyaki simultaneously, 
landing them dead center on plates at the four corners of her 
restaurant.  But you think she can't make her belly quiver a 
little when she needs to.

R: What's your point, Hiroshi?

H: Ranma . . . some girls just don't have orgasms.

R: What the fuck do you know?  God damn it!  Why do you always 
pull this shit?  We come out here to get high and have a good 
time, and I'm hoping I can forget some of the shit that's 
bringing me down.  And you have to start in on me, with all 
your bullshit . . . Sometimes I think KUNOU would be better 
company than you!  You . . .

H: I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to . . . Look, Ranma, I 
didn't mean anything.  It's just stupid talk to pass the time . 
. . Here, have another hit.  Flare it out, if you want.  
Daisuke can roll another one, right?

D: Yeah, give me a second . . . So Ranma, are you gonna talk 
Shampoo into giving me a tumble before Nabiki gets rid of her?

R: Heh.  You think you're up to the challenge, big guy?

D: Hey, how could I pass up the opportunity for a trip to 
sexual Disneyland?

R: Ho ho!  Daisuke-chan, I don't think you'd last two minutes 
with the Amazon dynamo. You'd probably shoot your wad the 
second you saw her naked.

D: Hey, don't underestimate me.  I'm in pretty good shape!  And 
I've got some experience. I'm sure I could last all of . . . 
five minutes!

H: Wahahahahahaha!

R: Hahahaaaaa . . . heh . . . I won't lie, I'll be real sorry 
to see her go.  Fucking Shampoo was like trying to surf the 
roughest wave in the ocean.  I'd try to fight the chaos, to 
keep control with my moves, my will power, my techniques.  But 
I'd eventually succumb to the wave . . . And when it was over, 
we'd both be soaked!

D: heeheeheehee

H: OK, what about Kasumi?  You won't be going back to her, 
either.

R: Naah, and I don't think she'll notice.  She sees the world 
differently, things don't quite affect her the way they do 
normal people.  I tell ya, she must start the day with a 
fistful of 'ludes.  I could probably send a stranger into her 
room and she'd give him the same treatment, just because it 
would seem to he like a nice thing to do.

D: Volunteers, step forward!

H: And all the other girls?

R: Well, I don't think I have anything to worry about.  Mostly 
one-night stands, except for the pros downtown.  Anyway, all 
the girls I've had around here are too scared of Akane to make 
any trouble.  Let's see, who else is there . . . Hinako-sensei 
is still being blackmailed by Nabiki from the first time we 
screwed, so she probably won't mind giving me up . . . 
Shiratori Azusa has always been in denial over the whole thing, 
so she's no problem . . .

D: Hey, I heard that the Delivery Race comes back to town next 
month.  I bet that'll complicate things.

R: Not at all, actually.  In her own weird way, Kaori really 
respects my engagement to Akane. She'll be happy that we've 
started taking it seriously.  Of course, we'll both miss those 
great "sessions" we'd have whenever she came to town.  Kaori's 
really nice, alot like Ukyou . . . Hm.

D: What is it?

R: Nothing, I was just imagining: wouldn't it be cool if Kaori 
and Ukyou got together and . . .

H: Quiet!  I want nothing to disturb the beautiful image 
forming in my mind.

D: Me too.  Now I think I'M ready to go pound the old voodoo 
stake!

R: Aaaah, it's a lost cause.  Ukyou kinda liked MY girl body, 
but I think only because it was ME.   Nabiki wanted her, you 
know, and when I brought up the subject jokingly, Ucchan was 
all grossed out . . . I ended up having to convince Nabiki not 
to blackmail Ukyou into it.

H: But it looks like things will be smooth sailing for you and 
Akane.  No one will make trouble for you.

R: Yeah, as long as Nabiki's plans for Shampoo pan out . . . 
SHIT!

D: Wha???

R: Natsume and Kurumi!  I totally forgot about them!

H: Uh-oh.

R: They're insatiable!  And besides, Natsume HATES Akane, so 
she thinks that doing me is like getting revenge.  She could 
screw up everything!

H: You really liked Kurumi, right?

R: Oh yeah, she was fantastic!  She could teach Shampoo a 
lesson in vaginal muscle control. Kurumi could pick up a ping 
pong ball and propel it half the length of the dojo without 
using her hands.

D: And this is an important skill during sex?

R: Use your imagination, boy.  It felt as if she had fingers 
and a tongue in that magic box of hers . . . Hmph.  When they 
came by a couple of months ago, Kurumi had been injured in a 
match.  Now I'm real sorry I didn't get to enjoy her one last 
time.

D: How's her big sister?

R: Not nearly as good, but athletic enough to make things 
interesting.  Actually, I'm pretty sure she prefers to swing 
the other way.  She was pretty taken with my girl body until 
she started hating Akane right after that rematch.  Then she 
couldn't get enough of my male side. Pretty twisted, huh?  
That Natsume can hold a grudge.  Shit.  I have no idea how to 
handle her . . .  I'll have to bring Nabiki in on this one, 
too.  Damn it . . .

D: You know, I was thinking, shouldn't you have gotten SOME 
kind of agreement from Nabiki to eventually turn you loose?  I 
mean, I know you owe her and all, but it seems like you've 
handed her a lifetime supply of "Sit On My Face Free" cards.

H: Yeah, when's it gonna end?  Suppose she doesn't ever let you 
stop, even after you marry Akane.  Nabiki could threaten your 
marriage, screw up your kids . . . It's like a vicious cycle.

R: Yeah . . .

H: What are you gonna do?

R: I don't know . . . I'm out of ideas . . .

D: . . .

H: . . .

R: I guess I'd have to kill her.

D: . . . a heh heh . . .

H: ha ha . . . at least smile when you say that, Ranma . . .

R: . . .

D: . . . Man, you can be fucking scary, Saotome . . .

***************************************************

Seems like a good place to stop for now.  I'm trying to decide 
where to go from here.  I've got a few more sick ideas I want 
to put in, but I don't have any kind of plot or ending to wrap 
them in.

Damn it, I really want to come up with some kind of sexual 
history between Ranma and Kodachi, but I'm shooting blanks . . 
. 

dough1001@aol.com