Subject: Re: [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma]Revenge
From: bastian@enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de (Sebastian Weinberg)
Date: 9/12/1996, 3:48 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

 On Tue, 10 Sep 96 03:18:07 -0700 Henry J. Cobb said:

: Normally I don't send out negative C&C publicly, but this is such a nice
: story, I'd thought I'd make an exception.

It is, for that matter.


: The use of "First person present" here is brilliant, brilliantly wrong.

: Instead it slumps to a subsidence.  There is no scenery, no action,
: simply remembrance.  All life is drained from the characters (is there
: really a main character?  If so, what are their mannerisms?) drop by
: drop.  By the time of the confrontation, I don't care what happens to
: the faceless "I" of this story.  Whoever it is, they are a total
: stranger to me.

Sadly, I have to admit that I felt exactly the same.  I *wanted*
to enjoy the story, because the *plot* was nice, but the style
just left me listless and uninvolved.

Oh, and apart from that, everything happens to fast and needs to
be fleshed out more; *Particularly* the events at the "Challenge".


Sebastian
-- <http://enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de/~bastian/> Comics reviewed
-- Q. How many IBM PC owners does it take to change light bulb? A. Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.