Mina-san, Ohayou!
Yet another one that wouldn't stay down in the pits of my mind,
where it belongs. :)
The Voice of experience
-----------------------
"EH-he-he-he-he-heh!"
The old crone's cackle made his spine tingle. "What do you want
from me?" he shouted.
"Me?" the old woman played innocent. "What could I want from some
youngster like you? I merely want to *give*. Advice."
"I don't need no advice!" He bounded straight up onto a roof and
away across the next buildings. Only when he was clear away from
the street, he allowed himself to stop. He didn't know what the
bakemono wanted, but he had no interest; He had trouble enough
alone.
"EH-he-he-heh!" He jumped, when he heard that distinctive cackle
again. He turned on the spot and there she was, eyeing him
approvingly. "That's a proper young sportsman, if I ever saw
one."
His hair stood on end, partly with fright, but mostly with anger.
"I *warned* you, old crone! Now bear the consequences!" He
jumped at her with a leg outstretched - not really trying to hurt,
but intent on making her back off. The last thing he saw was her
hand *swishing* forward, before he found himself spinning out of
control dowards to the street.
He was not Nerima's premier martial artist for nothing, and
therefor managed to catch himself and land on his feet - but it
had been close.
"EH-he-he-heh! That was a sloppy kick, sonny. It hurts to be so
underestimated."
Unfortunately, being Nerima's premier martial artist isn't exactly
designed to keep your ego in check, so the taunting sent his anger
flaring. "I was *considerate*, since you are such an old wreck.
If you insist, I won't hold back anymore."
"Do your worst, youngster," the crone grinned
The derisive tone in her voice was all he needed to hear. This
time he left no opening in his jump-kick. It was lightning fast
and as precise as a computer-aimed laser. He was pretty
astonished, when it hit nothing. Nothing at all; The old crone
had vanished.
"That was better; If only you weren't so *slow*."
The voice in his ear made him seize in shock. The old woman was
perched *on his back*! Like a whirlwind he turned, to get her
off, but she was gone already, standing beside him and watching
bemusedly. Panting, he fixed an angry stare on her. "So it is
speed you want? Then get a taste of 'sweet chestnuts'!"
His hands moved faster that the eye could follow. dozens upon
dozens of blows rained down on the old woman in a frenzy. It was
only after a few seconds, that he noticed that none of them
actually *connected*.
She was parrying! And parrying at an ever increasing speed.
Already, she blocked every single punch he threw, and now she
began counterattacking - in-between blocks, she would just *reach
in* and slap his cheeks, not hurting his skin, but taunting him
ever more. Finally he saw the futility of his attack, and backed
off, panting. The old woman didn't even sweat.
A weary expression spread over his face. This wasn't going to
work out; better let the old troll have her way and get it over
with. "All right! I'll listen. Say your thing."
"EH-he-he-he-heh! That's better, sonny. You're a hundred years
too early too beat me. Don't be too down, though. One day I'll
be *really* old 'n decrepit and maybe you'll still be young by
then - and then you'd be able to beat me. If your love doesn't
beat the stuffing out of you until then."
Sweat broke out oh his head. Better steer this in a different
direction. "Well, most of the time my fianc�s fight each other
- not me." After all, everyone knew about his 'fianc� problem'.
"Heh! Don't play dumb with me, sonny. You may have plenty of
girls after you, but only one of them is your love."
*That* shook him up. Not everyone knew about *that*. Cautiously
he advanced "So, if you are so knowledeable, what do you want?"
Before he could react, she was right before his face, pinching his
nose. "Don't get uppity with me, boy. I'm serious. When are you
gonna tell her, eh? Better make it pretty soon, or it might be
too late."
The anger, flaring up again at this remark, lent him speed beyond
all imagining. His fist caught even the crone unaware and sent
her flying back. He shouted "Don't you *dare* threaten..."
"Oh, shut up! I'm not threatening anything. I *told* you I'd
just give advice," said the white-haired woman, rubbing her head,
where he caught her. "You think it'll be like this forever? One
day - sooner that you imagine - something will *happen* and it
will make you regret never having told her. Heed my words! You
think having a host of fianc�s is bad - but imagine having *one*
less. *That* one."
His heart ached at the very thought, and his breathing became
ragged. But still he would not admit that; Not to *her*. "So
what do *you* know about trouble with too many girls anyway?" he
shot back.
He had thought that her cackle was unnerving, but now she erupted
in such howling laughter, that he almost pressed his hands to his
ears to shut it out. She began dancing wildly around him, poking
him every now and then, saying "I know, I know!" He was almost as
far to release a full fledged chi attack, when suddenly a mallet
out of nowhere smacked the ancient woman and pounded her into the
"Really, is that a way to behave on your old days?" said the
newcomer. He recognized the voice and turned to see his new
neighbour Saotome Akane. He was amazed. He knew that the old
lady was pretty tough even for her age, but to take out that
formidable crone with just one swing of a gigantic mallet - wow!
Mrs. Saotome's ancient face crinkled into a friendly smile. "I'm
really sorry, um, Noukirou, isn't it? I guess you imagined your
new neighbourhood to be more peaceful."
Noukirou laughed. "Nah, wherever I've been, it's been crazy - I
guess the crazyness moves around with me."
"EH-he-heh!" came the cackle from under the mallet. Slowly it
lifted up, and the old crone crawled out. "Don't bet on it,
sonny, this place has been crazy for *ages*."
Mrs. Saotome tapped her foot. "And you've just been playing
along, haven't you? What was this all about?"
He was astonished to see the old crone look to the ground
apologetically and mumble "I was just givin' a little bit o'
advice, with his fianc�s and stuff..."
"Oh? And all the fighting was happening just accidentally?" said
Mrs. Saotome. She sounded just like his grandmother, when she
chided his father. She turned to him "I hope you haven't been
hurt, Noukirou, and I am really looking forward to meeting you
under better circumstances. Say, why don't you visit us at home
some day? You know where it is?"
"Oh, yes. The Tendou-Saotome Dojo right down the street from our
house, right?" He smiled at the old lady and nodded to the crone,
as Mrs. Saotome grabbed her by the pigtail and started dragging
her along.
The old crone looked at him and shouted down the street "You think
about what I said, sonny! Just think about it."
He looked after the two women, wondering. Just as they came to a
street corner, the crone said "Stop dragging me, old tomboy." and
pulled free. He saw the two link arms, smile, and finally turn
the corner. He shook his head. What a strange old woman.
The End
This one happened to me, while reading fanfics yesterday evening.
I have no idea, what exactly sparked it, but I was thinking about
Ranma's future; Would he be content to just lead the dojo and
gradually turn into a decrepit old man, like his father? Sure,
he'd like to have a son and see him become better in the art than
he is, but would an old-aged Ranma become weak? I don't think so;
I suspected that he would turn into an unbeatable old geezer, just
like Happousai (only not as lecherous) and Cologne, with a weird
sense of humor.
And then it hit me - he *would* be like Happousai and Cologne *at
the same time*; You didn't think he'd ever get cured, did you?
:)
I made the new boy's name up completely, so any revelations about
possible dirty meanings would amuse me very much.
As always, this is a *draft*, since I happen to believe that this
ML is to post *drafts* of fanfics to get C&C *before* finalizing
them. So, please prove me right and give me some. (C&C, that is)
Sebastian