At 05:36 PM 9/10/96 -0400, you wrote:

At 09:49 AM 9/10/96 -0400, you wrote:

WARNING: This story contains frank and rather crude discussion 
of sexual promiscuity and other wrongful behavior.  Parts of it 
may be quite offensive.  You'd better not read it . . .

       That's not the worst of the problems not by a LONGSHOT!


       Now normally I'm a constructive C & C er focusing on the good. Well,
your grammar was decent, and umm.... that's about it. 

       I'm also not one to wave the OOC flag, but sory you're asking for
it. Now while this started out as a basic Lemon, having Ranma being a
superplayboy isn't him in ANY way. He is shy around the opposite sex in
general. Also WHERE DID YOU GET THE IDEA OF HAVING RANMA BE A DRUG ADDICT?
COME ON! This is the one that really killed it. Ranma may drink on occasion
but he doesn't do drug, there is no reason for him to and it really detracts

>from the fic. 

       The treatment of Kasumi, and Ukyo was downright cruel, I'm sorry.
You should be shot for that. Nabiki was treated a bit better, but please. 
       I think the underlying message that came out in the end has a bit of
merit I suppose, but in ligght of the fic it loses impact since having Ranma
being a druggie, doesn't put him in any good light. The fic could improve
greatly by removing the drugs and knocing off the hundreds of sexual
encounters alluded to. 

Umm...it's a lemon...you can't really get 'IC' in a lemon...I didn't really
notice the drugs, 'cause there wasn't much mentioned...true he treated
Kasumi a little...unjustly, but Ukyou wasn't all that bad...and those
'hundred of sexual encounters alluded to' make up the majority of the
'fic...it's short already and that would take it down to like...5K I'd guess.



Aaron Stolz ------- astolz@direct.ca