Normally I don't send out negative C&C publicly, but this is such a nice
story, I'd thought I'd make an exception.

The use of "First person present" here is brilliant, brilliantly wrong.

I will keep this story around for a long time, and every time I'm
tempted to use FPP, I'll look back over it and see how far it fails in
building to a climax.

Instead it slumps to a subsidence.  There is no scenery, no action,
simply remembrance.  All life is drained from the characters (is there
really a main character?  If so, what are their mannerisms?) drop by
drop.  By the time of the confrontation, I don't care what happens to
the faceless "I" of this story.  Whoever it is, they are a total
stranger to me.

	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb