Very good. Dark, but dark in a sorta IC way, if that makes any sense at
all. 
   Ranma came across really well....I think you captured his reactions
almost perfectly. Ryoga, on the other hand....while he's capable of being
cruel and nasty, the closing scene simply wasn't his style. Too subtle an
approach; Ryoga is much more hands on, and with a lot less patience.
   Afraid I can't help you with a title. This is the guy who did the
Nameless Saga, after all. ;)
   Hope to see more of it. Along with appropriate happyfics, that is. 

- Mike of No Particular Title or Handle
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  /  \    l   Mike Loader - Lincolnite, Amberite, Illuminatus, Discordian,
 / () \   l      Journalist, Author, Traveler, Historian, Java Fiend.
/      \  l        Trier - LA - LV - Kiev - Reno - Hong Kong. Fnord.
--------  l                    mloader@scs.unr.edu
==========+==================================================================