Let's see...

1. The "You ..." is disconcerting.  Doing it from either third 
person-omniscient or first person point of view would be better.

2. The "berserker" idea, while it probably was a good idea at the time, 
didn't quite work.  Something more familiar to the Ranmaverse might be 
better - the Cat Fist, perhaps, only triggered by anger.  Another 
advantage to the Cat Fist:  Akane will recognize the Cat Fist (and may 
even pull him back), but would still be angry about what happened.

3. I recommend having the character be a little more shy about himself, 
knowing that the "beast" is always inside.   

4. Give some life to your physical descriptions.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nicholas Leifker, aka "Nightelf"
nwl9354@tam2000.tamu.edu
"Pronouns are so _difficult_ with these characters..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------