At 01:32 AM 9/4/96 -0500, you wrote:

Good news:
The style was good, with amazing descriptions that jumped out of the 
computer screen.  The emotions were usually done well, with Akane's 
feeling of violation done particularly well.

        Thanks. That is the section I really labored over.  

Bad news:
1. Characterization.  Nabiki would probably not sell a naked picture of 
Akane to Kuno.  Kuno would probably not buy a naked picture of Akane from 
Nabiki.  Nabiki does have a few scruples.  Kuno would not wish to soil 
his visions of pure and lovely Akane by even looking at the picture, let 
alone buying it.  Unfortunately, since the 'fic revolves around the 
use of said picture (and what it does to Nabiki), this is a major problem 
for the story.

        True, suppose this is a bit of a DarkFic in that case. It's supposed
to be in character to a point, It isn't t Takahashi cannon I s'pose, but
most Fanfics aren't. I knew it would never happen in the real Ranma
universe.  Anyway, at least I didn't make her prostitute as she is in faaaar
too many lemons. 

2. Language.  The foul language used in the 'fic was not only out of 
character for the characters, but was excessive and distracting from the 
overall story.  There are two English words that I avoid like the plague 
when writing 'fics, and those words were used excessively here. 

        Actually, you have a point here, I sent the WRONG BLOODY VERSION
OUT! I'd toned down the swearing a hell of a lot. (still has swearing, not
nearly as much, and not nearly as many uses of the F-word.) Man I feel
stupid. = (  Should I post the REAL version again? Oy, never post without
sufficient caffiene. 

PS Was Hito enough of an (for lack of a better word) asshole? Was he too big
of one? (I tried to make him the biggest one I could.) 
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|    Otaku Gamers Unite               "He's the kind of kid that    |
|    Frustrated RPGers Unite           has to get rid of stress     |
|      Setzer of \/ane                 or go into sexual crimes."       |
|        -=UDIC=-                                - Maison Ikkoku            |
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