I thought Mousse loved Spice though he might be bitter about her
parentage.  I wouldn't have thought he would do that to her...

The Venkarel
(who is going back to read part one)

        Very good, but really that statement would hold no meaning to Spice
who's walked into the end of a conversation.  I'll clarify in the revision,
I just felt like ending chapter 2 there.  Spice does consider Mousse her
father for a number of reasons some of which will be mentioned in a later
chapters.

        Thanks for the input... Q8)
        Yay! C&C, now I can revise parts 1&2.
        Here's a few comments on your comments, everything else should be
taken care of in the revision.  (No spellchecker, I used a fixed font so
the arrows are off but thanks.  It helps.)

bed.  He decided to sleep in the main dining area since the security system
wasn't up yet.

       Security system?  He needs one when he has Spice, not to mention his
own skills?

        Originally it was going to be a lead into the next part but I
dropped it.  I left it in in case I felt like using it later.  I consider
it a precaution that Mousse has taken, like most of the others he has
become more prudent with age.

other eight went off.  "DADDY!!!!!"

       I like this.  I see this as a sign of the very affectionate
relationship between
Spice and her daddy.  In keeping with your system...shouldn't that be
within <>?
I would assume she'd say that in Chinese.

        Good point, I'll change that.  I don't like using <> for Chinese
but I'll deal with formatting when I'm finished.

       Cologne did most of Spice's training personally and to a higher
degree.  She felt she never trained Shampoo enough to do the job properly
but mostly it was because she felt her failure in Shampoo could be redeemed
in Spice.

       Ooh...a hint of scandal...a secret of the past.  I'm waiting...

        By the end of chapter 2 some of it will make sense, a full
explination will be given eventually... but of course pieces of the puzzle
will be thrown in on occation until then... I just hope the pieces fit.

       With some reluctance Spice headed off to school, uniform and all.

       She wears a uniform?  Can't she pull a Ranma and wear her own clothes?

        She could but it's her first day and she wants to fit in.  Since
she hasn't had much in the way of free time yet no one knows how she
dresses in her spare time... >8)  but really I'm working on it, I just
couldn't resist putting her into one of those outfits.. she has a striking
resemblence to NukuNuku that way.

       Spice smiled at her good fortune, "can you walk me there?  It's my
first day and I want to make a good impression."

       Her Japanese has improved.  Was the broken Japanese in Chapter 1
deliberate or accidental?

        Her level of Japanese is somewhat better than Shampoo's was.  It's
not perfect so she has a tendancy to use simple language or Chinese if she
can get away with it.

will lead to an interesting misunderstanding.  It's nice that he has a reason
for being oblivious...I'd hate to think he'd act this way if he was sane and
awake.

        He might have but not to this extent, another part of it is letting
him be relaxed around her while people like Toshi have a different
reaction.  I'm writing most of these off the cuff so it was a fortunate
usage.. it helped that I was feeling a no-sleep induced daze while writing
chapter 2.

       She kissed him and he yawns?  I don't think Megumi has to worry about
his fidelity.

        Just a friendly kiss, but Kune does have a wandering eye when he
can keep them open.  I may revise this a bit.

       I see Ukyou coming...

        She is.

       Yup, her son has arrived...or should I worry about that being her
daughter?

        Hmm... nah.. well maybe... nah.. hmmmm...

       Hmmm...is there a reason for sitting next to Kune or is she clinging
to him as someone familiar.

        I think cling is a good word for it...

       Considering his terrible secret, he's pretty casual greeting Mousse.
Maybe
he thinks Mousse doesn't know?

        That depends on what Ranma knows, what he thinks Mousse knows, and
what I know... but for the most part Mousse is kind of an old friend he
hasn't seen in 17 years, why pick fights unless you have to?

       "Ah, Saotome.  I've been waiting for you.  Have a seat."  Mousse

       Well, Mousse is not being really friendly...calling Ranma by his last
name.

        Mousse has a thing for using full names.  It's not supposed to be
overly hostile, I may change it.. might not.  Mousse is mostly toying with
Ranma this conversation.

love over honor and when the time came I had to choose honor over love...
but enough of that.

       Ooh, leave me hanging why don't you...

        but enough of that...

Maybe: felt very much like a teenager, a very stupid and ...<actually, I can't
think of the appropriate adjective right now>

        Neither could I.
        Here's a response to the chapter 1 C&C:

will always be a new generation to make old mistakes and new mistakes for
the older generation.  This is the story of two generations where knowledge
is a relative thing.

       The rest doesn't sound right (but I kinda like the
concept)...especially the last
sentence...what do you mean?

        I threw this in after everything else, not sure why.. it still
doesn't quite sit well with me.  Mostly I think of it as a warning or a
clue to people that might want to read the story.  "Turn back now!"

       I know that is spelled principal.  Are you going to give Kuno any
weird quirks like his father had?

        I'm trying to fit him in now, he makes a surprisingly good
principal and I'd like to show that.  He's not as strange as he used to be,
but he can still turn a phrase.

       Why would Akari be dismayed...just curious.  It's neat that their

        Arranged marriages were behind the times when Soun and Genma did
it, you can bet two/three decades later it'll be met with mixed reviews.
Akari just thinks it's a stupid idea but since the kids get along she
doesn't mind.. too much anyway.  I think her main arguement would be 'why?'

       Looks like Ranma has changed even though Akane seems same.
I'm wondering how her little family survives her cooking...from all appearances
it hasn't improved.  BTW, the first line seems a little misleading since to
newbies, it might seem that Ranma spent most of his life in China.

        It's improved to the point that it's edible.  As for China he was
thinking mostly about the people in China.. I may clarify.

       Gee, great idea...I'll bet Nabiki wishes she had thought of this.  BTW,
does the ki dissipate or does it have to hit something...there is probably
something behind that wall.

        Another wall.. but I didn't want to rephase it again.  Suffice it
to say they're not throwing Ki blasts out into the street yet.  So far they
haven't had a problem with very strong blasts so they've been dissipating.

       BTW, on the matter of names...you seem to switch between last name,
first name
(Hibiki Kune) and first name, last name (Tatewaki Kuno).  Standardize
this...I confess
I prefer the former to the latter.

        Whoops, Kuno was a mistake.  I'd have just used Kuno but that would
have been confusing.  I'll rephrase the whole thing.  Have Kochou step down
in favor of his son.

       I might know who Spice's mother is...but I think you need to do a bit
better job introducing her if you keep referring to the unnamed mother.  BTW,
since the people in Shampoo's village seemed to be named after hair products
and the like, why name her Spice in the fashion of the people of the Musk
Dynasty?
Don't change it though...I like Spice.

        Shampoo is the mother without a doubt.  Didn't want to mention her
until I had to, in fact she's getting written out of chapter 2.  As for the
name.. a number of different reasons... all the names were giving me
trouble when I started but I like to think every one is fitting in it's own
way.. I'll give a full explination when I'm done.
        Spice wasn't named according to the Musk dynasty but I did see the
connection.  I couldn't think of a fitting bath product so I didn't try.  I
wasn't going to name her after Linlin and Ranran either.

       This doesn't sound right.  How can she take his statement as his
flight papers.  BTW, defenestrate means to throw someone out the

        Kune goes to defense, Megumi goes to offense.  Actually anything he
said wouldn't have changed her mind.  You can only explain so much in 5
seconds.

       <I promise, but can you hurry?  I think I have to use the bathroom.>

       Good reason for her to hop up and down and wail.  Kinda weird for her
to do it after that confrontation...but humorous.

        It's not Takahashi humor, but I think it's funny.

       Mousse sighed and wondered why he ever agreed to come back to Nerima.

       Ooh...he has a reason?  I wanna know.  I wanna know. <gleeful
childish chant>

        Yes, there's a reason.  It's part of the Ranma/Shampoo explination
to come many chapters down the line... Q8)

       More...I want more.  Can't appease me with Chapter 2...already
read it.  I want Chapter 3

********

        I'm halfway through and I can say it should be half flashback.
Something just occured to me that I have to write Shampoo out of chapter 2
so when the chapter 2 revision comes out forget everything you read in the
first version... it may or may not be wrong depending on what I write
later.
        Shampoo is in chapter 3 sort of... Kuno as well... Ukyou might take
a little more work.  Anyway I'll end here and get back to writing.. I still
have two revisions to do.

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