Well, I jsut finished reading this story, so I decided to C&C it. 

I have to say, it had a nice plot. It began out very well, and did that 
Japanese thing of beginning and ending in a circle... Well, sorta.

One thing, Craig, you made Perfume look like Ranma in her girl form. I 
don't think that is really correct. See, if you fall into one of the 
springs you'll turn into whatever died inthere, but it'll be that version 
of yourself. Uh, like if Shampoo fell in there, she'd look like herself 
again, not like Ranma-chan. There's proof of this! I think it's like 
manga #22 or somewhere around there. I think it's about Herb or some monkey.
But, I guess the story wouldn't have worked if you didn't have Perfume 
look like Ranma-chan.


On a grammar note, there were a few grammar errors. Like "Ranma yelled to 
Akane," it should be "Ranma yelled AT Akane." There were also some places 
wher eyou lacked comma's and where you didn't need them. Spelling was 
good, though.

Um, the ending really sucked. But still, it's about time someone made 
unhappy endings. Those happy ending in movies and stuff get boring after 
a while. Well, GREAT story! Guess I'll rate this as **** out of 5.

                            
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 Member of the #ShAS#: Shampoo Appreciation Society - Our favorite femaline!
	  jackji@efn.org - Jack Ji - http://www.efn.org/~jackji