Chapter 2 - Someone old, someone new...


       Kune managed to make it home after being thrown out of the
Nekohanten, he had learned from experience it was best to avoid Megumi
while she was on a tirade.  Things would cool down and in the end they'd be
the happily engaged couple once again.

Maybe: thrown out of the Nekohanten; he had learned from experience that it
was best to avoid Megumi when she was in a rage.  (tirade means a loud, very
angry or violent speech.  Megumi was loud, very angry, very violent...but she
was using her fists and not her mouth)

       Despite being a Hibiki, Kune was able to get close enough to home
for Shirokuro to find him.  His parents often worried about him getting
lost so they often let the dogs out to help him home.

       Actually the original Shirokuro died many years back but her
grandchildren all possessed her white and black markings which made them
impossible to distinguish from each other.  Nobody was really sure how many
of them there were since most wandered the streets at any given time but in
the end it was just easier to give them all the same name and care for
whichever ones got them home.

       Whenever Kune or his Father needed to get somewhere there was
usually a Shirokuro nearby to help them out.

        Cool.

       Ryouga had formed his own successful construction/demotion comapany

                                                                            
            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Should be: demolition company

which allowed the Hibikis to live comfortably.  Ryouga designed the house
himself off the plans for a studio apartment.  It had one main room, two
bedrooms, and a bathroom.  All rooms were clearly marked to assure privacy.

        Wow...Ryouga's a bit of an architect...

       Kune began his daily katas in the exercise section of the main
room.  He had to work off some steam and regain his focus on his fiancee.
He made it a point to practice whenever a girl caught his eye until he
either forgot about the girl or started thinking about Megumi insted.

        Nice of him.

<snip>

sleep.  Ryouga found his way home a few hours later and considered himself
lucky to have a son who was so devoted to the martial arts he even did them
in his sleep.

        I like this.

       Mousse checked in on Spice before going to bed himself.  She rarely
slept except for occational naps during the day, but her first day of work

                            ^^^^^^^^^^^
Should be: occasional

had been a hard one.  It made her life back home training seem easy in
comparision.

        Really?!!  Well, I guess being a waitress is out of the question for me.

<snip>

bed.  He decided to sleep in the main dining area since the security system
wasn't up yet.

        Security system?  He needs one when he has Spice, not to mention his
own skills?

       Spice awoke the next morning with a growl before slamming the alarm
clock into submission.  She got an extra two minutes of sleep before the
other eight went off.  "DADDY!!!!!"

        I like this.  I see this as a sign of the very affectionate
relationship between
Spice and her daddy.  In keeping with your system...shouldn't that be within <>?
I would assume she'd say that in Chinese.

<snip>

       Cologne did most of Spice's training personally and to a higher
degree.  She felt she never trained Shampoo enough to do the job properly
but mostly it was because she felt her failure in Shampoo could be redeemed
in Spice.

        Ooh...a hint of scandal...a secret of the past.  I'm waiting...

       With some reluctance Spice headed off to school, uniform and all.

        She wears a uniform?  Can't she pull a Ranma and wear her own clothes?

<snip>

       Spice smiled at her good fortune, "can you walk me there?  It's my
first day and I want to make a good impression."

        Her Japanese has improved.  Was the broken Japanese in Chapter 1
deliberate or accidental?

       Kune was so out of it he missed the looks everyone gave him as he
entered the gates with Spice on his arm.  From the second story, Megumi
began to glow brightly.

        Nice...you're tying in the doing katas in his sleep bit in Chapter
1.  This
will lead to an interesting misunderstanding.  It's nice that he has a reason
for being oblivious...I'd hate to think he'd act this way if he was sane and
awake.

       Spice looked around until she saw a sign leading to the Main
Office.  She gave Kune a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off.
"Thanks cutie, I probably couldn't have made it here without you."

       Kune yawned again and watched her go as thunder could be heard in
the distance.  "Same here, see you later."

        She kissed him and he yawns?  I don't think Megumi has to worry about
his fidelity.

       Spice took up a seat in the main office next to a young boy about
her age.  He was somewhat handsome but a tad conservative despite his black
hair tied back in a simple ponytail.

        I see Ukyou coming...

       She didn't have time to get a better look since a teacher arrived
with their room assignments.  "Kuonji Seki?  2-B.  Second floor, you can't
miss it... good luck."

        Yup, her son has arrived...or should I worry about that being her
daughter?

<snip>

       Seki aproached 2-B with caution, for some reason it emitted a sight
blue glow.  Upon entering he noticed the glow came from a cute red haired
girl in the back row.  Not seeing any other available seats he took one of
the ones next to the glowing girl and prayed for a short class.

        I like this.

       Spice peered her head into her class noting that there didn't seem
to be any available seats.  She did notice that Kune was in there trying
valiently to stay awake.  Without another course of action Spice walked up

    ^^^^^^^^^
Should be: valiantly

to Toshi, who happened to be sitting next to Kune.  "Excuse me, but I could
I please sit here?"

        Hmmm...is there a reason for sitting next to Kune or is she clinging
to him as someone familiar.

       Toshi for the most part fainted, falling out of his seat.

        Ooh...Megumi's gonna get him for letting Spice sit next to Kune...

       Spice looked to Toshi on the floor, "thank you."

        I like this.

<snip>

       "Yo Mousse, it's me Ranma.  Megumi told me you were back in town."

        Considering his terrible secret, he's pretty casual greeting Mousse.
Maybe
he thinks Mousse doesn't know?

       "Ah, Saotome.  I've been waiting for you.  Have a seat."  Mousse

        Well, Mousse is not being really friendly...calling Ranma by his last
name.

waited until Ranma grabed a chair before continuing, "How are things with

                                ^^^^^^^^
Should be: grabbed

<snip>

       Mousse grinned in sad amusement.  "Well Saotome, you may be finding
out sooner than you think."

        Nice foreshadowing...and Ranma knows it.

<snip>

       "Isn't it ironic Saotome, when we faught those years I always chose

                                                            ^^^^^^^
Should be: fought

love over honor and when the time came I had to choose honor over love...
but enough of that.

        Ooh, leave me hanging why don't you...

  I wanted to talk to you about about you and Shampoo."

Mousse lost his wistful look and gagued the level of fear in Ranma's face.

                                                   ^^^^^^^^^    
Should be: gauged
        

"Never told Akane did you?  I won't say anything.. but there is one thing
you should know..."

       Ranma suddenly felt very much like a teenager, a very stupid very
sheepish one.  His first instinct was to run, his second was to hide.  He

        Sheepish?  Connotations are too innocent...seems too light.

Maybe: felt very much like a teenager, a very stupid and ...<actually, I can't
think of the appropriate adjective right now>

did neither as the front door opened and a burgundy haired girl walked in
with a school bag under one arm.

       "...congradulations Ranma, it's a girl."

                ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Should be: congratulations

1. Chapter three may become part of chapter two.

        I don't care...I want it now. <throw tantrum>

2. Anybody want a flashback yet?  Maybe a dream sequence in part 3 or 4...

        I think that would be nice.  I kinda know what happened...but I
would like
to know the details...I think it would add to the characterization and
explain the
relationships.

<snip>

8. I know there must be something wrong with this chapter, C&C would be nice.

        That's what you're getting...

9. *yawn* are we having fun yet?

        We'll have more fun with the next chapter.... <crack knuckles>

10. No C&C on part one yet so no revision yet either.

        Ha...it's on its way.


        Very nice story you have.  I think the next generation is well
handled...
they're not totally like their parents...they have their own personalities.

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The Venkarel
(waiting for the next installment)