On Sun, 25 Aug 1996, Travis Butler wrote:
Perhaps I should expand #24? Show more of their relationship, so
that the tension between them is better explained?
That would help... but I still think you need a scene in part 25. It
doesn't have to be terribly long -- something like the equivalent of the
original (where Ryoga shows up at the high school and says he made it
because of his love for Akane) would probably be fine.
<Sigh> Oh well, I guess I'll have to. I *really* didn't want to make
#25 any larger.
Ryouga resents Ranko for pressuring him about proposing to Akane,
while *at the same time* he has the feeling that she doesn't
really leave him a chance to do so: Always putting him down
before Akane, picking on him, etc.
I did catch that from the fight in part 24; I just had trouble accepting
that as the basis for his actions in part 25. As it's presented, it
serves as a constant spark for arguments, but it doesn't seem like enough
of a foundation for the kind of deep resentment/anger that would lead him
to keep sabotaging what Ranko's doing.
OK. I'll consider that. The next rewrite is still far away, but
apparently this needs serious editing. Thanks-
Ranko resents Ryouga's weakness in admitting his feelings. She
would like to see Akane with a boy, who really *likes* her and
isn't just after her because of the challenge. And she's *very*
angry about "P-chan", even though she has put a stop to his
sleeping in Akane's bed.
Again, *show* this. Put in a couple of dialog bits (doesn't even have to
be complete scenes, just a line or two from Ranko and P-chan's reaction)
where this is developed.
Oh, I didn't mean that this was already shown in the fic. It's just the
mental picture I have of their relationship, and it will slowly become
more evident as the story unfolds. The scenes you suggest will appear.
At some time in the future she will realize that she isn't getting
him to be Akane's friend by being hostile to him, and will try
matching them up *without* his help -
Huh? I think you lost me here. "Try matching them up without his help"?
What I meant was that she won't wait for him to make the first step, but
try to match them up the way Ukyou tries in the manga, shortly after her
arrival.
only to find that Ryouga is too insecure to bear a relationship with
Akane, other than being her pet.
<Sigh> That's too bad. I generally do like Ryoga, and you've given him a
more sympathetic portrayal than most.
That's because *I* like Ryouga, too. You don't think he'd be truly happy
with Akane, do you? Her personality is too much fitted to Ranma.
Sebastian