After totally bumming everbody with a load of darkfic, I thought I'd better
post something a little lighter. I wrote this a LONG time ago and it's
pretty rough. Just thought I'd post it to cheer people up. ;}
- P-word.
==============================================================================
Clogged Sink Press Presents:
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction -
Jinxed
By:Plunger
All characters copyright of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan Inc. and Viz
Communications Inc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
[Story begins...]
[Ranma is walking casually along a fence. He has his schoolbag over his
shoulder. Akane is walking on the ground near him. Likewise, she is carrying
her bag.]
Akane: Do you have to walk up there?!
Ranma: Why? Does it bother you?
Akane: Hmph! Hardly. Like I care!
Ranma: Then why ask? Sounds like you do!
Akane: Shut up!
[Akane swipes at him but he dodges her attack.]
Ranma: Hey! Watch it!
Akane: I am!
Ranma: Geez! I've had a good week! Can't I be a bit cheerful?!
Akane: I guess so... How do you mean?
Ranma: Well... I've trashed Kunou, Mousse and Ryouga and I avoided Shampoo and
didn't get zapped by Miss Hinako! That sounds pretty good to me!
Akane: Hmmm... I guess so... Considering what your weeks are like...
Ranma: Yep. Things have been really good. We've even been getting on!
Akane: Ranma...
Ranma: Yep. As long as you don't try and cook or be remotely feminine, I'm
safe.
Akane: (scowls) Ranma! DIE!
[Akane attacks Ranma and knocks him into the canal. Onna Ranma climbs out of
the canal and shakes the water out of her hair, onto Akane.]
Akane: Hey! Watch out!
Onna-Ranma: Why'd you do that?!
Akane: If you don't know, it doesn't matter!
Onna-Ranma: ...
Akane: Come on! We're late as it is!
[They start running and soon arrive at Furinkan High, stopping at Dr. Toufuu's
on the way for hot water. When thay arrive, the inimitable Tatewaki Kunou is
waiting for them.]
Kunou: You have had the better of me this week, Saotome... But no more! Today
you are mine! (pause) And then the beautiful Akane Tendou is mine...
Akane: Not likely.
Ranma: I don't have time for this, Kunou! (pause) But I'll come and beat you
up later, 'kay?!
Kunou: The day you defeat me is the day I will bow to you!
Ranma: Better get down on your knees then.
Kunou: Hah! We shall see! Prepare yourself!
[Kunou rushes at Ranma and thrusts his bokuto forward. Ranma ducks under it
and punches him in the stomach. The air rushes out of Kunou and he stumbles
back.]
Ranma: Come on, Kunou. You're slower than usual today!
Kunou: Die, Saotome!
[Kunou attacks again and Ranma kicks him in the head.]
Ranma: You ready to give up yet?
Kunou: I will never yeild to you!
[Kunou moves in, but before he can attack. Ranma punches him three times and
delivers a reverse roundhouse kick to his face. Kunou spins around and
collapses, unconscious. Ranma dusts himself off and takes his bag from Akane.]
Ranma: Okay. Let's go.
Akane: Ranma...
Ranma: Yeah?
Akane: Why are you so eager?
Ranma: Me? (shrugs) I dunno...
[They go into the building and make it to class on time. Ranma pumps his fist
in the air.]
Ranma: That's it! Seven zap free days!
Akane: That's why you wanted to get here!
Ranma: Right. Now... All I need is to find a way to get rid of Kunou
permanently.
[Miss Hinako speeds into the room, her arms and legs a blur as she does the
SD Shuffle.]
Miss Hinako: Hmmm... You're here, Mr. Saotome!
Ranma: Yeah. Er... Sorry to disapoint you.
Miss Hinako: No matter. You're a delinquent. You'll slip up sooner or later.
Ranma: Preferably later.
[At this moment, Mousse comes storming in.]
Mousse: Ranma! What have you done with Shampoo?!
Ranma: Me?! Nothing!
Mousse: Lair!
[Mousse leaps in and attacks Ranma.]
Miss Hinako: Oooh! I sense fighting spirit! A delinquent!
[She pulls her coin.]
Miss Hinako: Yoiko no Taizo! Step #1!
[She drains Mousse just as he leaps at Ranma. Ranma hooks his arm and hip
tosses him out the window.]
Ranma: (sits down next to Akane) Like I said. A good week.
[After school, Ranma and Akane are walking home when Happousai runs past,
waving a pair of panties. A horde of angry women are chasing after him,
armed with a colorful array of sharp and nasty looking weapons.]
Happi: Wheee! Come on, girls!
Horde: Come back here, pervert! Die!
Ranma: Wha?
Akane: Grrr! Happousai!
Ranma: (shrugs) What me to get rid of him?
Akane: YES!
Ranma: 'kay... MOUKO TAKABISHA!
[Ranma's chi blast hits Happi in the back and sends him sprawling on the
ground.]
Happi: Huh?
[Happi sees Ranma smiling for a moment and is then set upon by the mob of
women. They beat him to a pulp and then storm off with their underwear. Happi
crawls to his feet and stumbles over to where Ranma and Akane have been
watching.]
Happi: (quietly) You'll pay for that, Ranma.
Ranma: Why? For defending common decency? It's not my fault you're a
perverted little freak!
Happi: You cost me a full bag!
Ranma: So?!
Happi: (runs away) My vengance will be terrible!
Ranma: Sure, sure...
[Ranma continues walking. He stops and turns when Akane does not follow.]
Ranma: (turns) Oi! You comin'?
Akane: (snaps awake) Huh? Oh! Yes.
[Akane catches up and they walk on together. Ranma notices her distant
expression.]
Ranma: Problem?
Akane: Hm? Why do you ask?
Ranma: You look sort of...glazed.
Akane: Er... I was just thinking...
Ranma: (prompting) About?
Akane: You, actually...
Ranma: Really? What nasty thoughts were you having?
Akane: (annoyed) I just thought that you might have made a mistake by
interfering with Happousai.
Ranma: Don't worry. I can handle him.
Akane: ...
[They soon arrive at the dojo and go in. Kasumi greets them as they enter.]
Kasumi: Ah, you're home.
Akane: Hi, Kasumi-oneechan.
Kasumi: I saw Master Happousai before... He looked rather upset. You might
want to avoid him for a while.
[Ranma goes out to the dojo and Akane goes to her room to change. While Ranma
is resting between katas, Ryouga walks in.]
Ranma: Well, well... Who'd have thought it. Ryouga...here. What do you want?
(pause) A guide dog?!
Ryouga: Shut up, Ranma! I've been training! This time I'm ready!
Ranma: Sure... And YOU might fly!
Ryouga: Enough of your insults! I will defeat you!
Ranma: (gets up) Come on... Let's get this over with. My knuckles are already
sore from pulping Mousse and Kunou.
Ryouga: No matter. I an their better!
Ranma: Not that that's saying much...
Ryouga: Die!
[Ryouga moves in and slashes at Ranma with him umbrella. Ranma jumps over it
and somersault kicks Ryouga, who goes flying. Ranma follows up and delivers a
running knee lift to Ryouga's chest. Ryouga reels and Ranma moves and throws a
series of punches, finishing with a spinning backhand that sends Ryouga to the
floor. As as Ryouga starts to rise, Ranma jumps and plants his foot on
Ryouga's chest, hard. Ryouga collapses.]
Ranma: And stay down!
Ryouga: ...
[Akane walks in and sees Ranma with his foot on Ryouga. She walks over to
Ranma and stares at him.]
Akane: What are you doing?
Ranma: Ahm... Ryouga's helping me clean the bottom of my shoes.
Akane: Ranma... That's mean...
Ranma: So?
Akane: SO GET OFF HIM!
[Akane punts Ranma away and helps Ryouga up.]
Akane: Are you okay, Ryouga-kun?
Ryouga: (groans) Ooeerr... (notices where he is, gets nervous) Oh! Akane-san! Hi!
Akane: (notices his nervous state) Are you sure you're okay?
Ryouga: (agitated) Yes, yes, I'm fine!
Akane: Ranma is so mean to you. He shouldn't pick on you like that.
Ryouga: No!
Akane: Nani?
Ryouga: He's not picking on me!
Akane: Oh?
Ryouga: He just got the better of me...
Akane: He does that a lot...
Ryouga: Yes, well... I'd better go!
Akane: You're leaving already?
Ryouga: Er... Yes. I've got training to do!
[Ryouga walks unsteadily out and falls into the pond. P-chan emerges a moment
later. Ranma is sitting against a tree unconscious. A moment later, he wakes
up and sees P-chan.]
Ranma: Damned pig! Why do you always have to do that?!
P-chan: Bwee! Bwee!
Ranma: Cork it, porky!
[Ranma gets up and picks P-chan up and carries him into the dojo.]
Akane: Did you see where Ryouga went?
Ranma: Not exactly. But I did find P-chan. (holds up the pig)
Akane: Ooh! (grabs Ryouga) P-chan!
Ranma: You gonna hug that sack of pork all night?!
Akane: What do you care?
Ranma: I don't care.
[At that moment, Happousai bounds in.]
Happi: Now, Ranma! Vengance is at hand!
Ranma: Come on! Gimme your worst!
Happi: Very well!
[Happi pulls out a scroll and glares at Ranma.]
Ranma: Now what? Gonna read me your shopping list?!
[Happi ignores Ranma and begins to read. He mumbles strange words for few
moments and then points at Ranma.]
Ranma: Ooh! The finger of death!
Happi: Not quite. But you'll wish it was!
Ranma: Promises, promises!
[Happi laughs and walks out.]
Ranma: What a moron. His magic never works.
Akane: You're not worried?
Ranma: No way...
Akane: His magic does work...sort of... I wonder what he did to you.
Ranma: Who cares! I feel fine!
[Ranma walks forwards and trips over a raised nail. He stumbles and falls
to his knees. His right knee goes through the floor and the panel snaps up
and hits him in the face. He collapses to the floor with a thud that shakes
the dojo. Unfortunatly, the shaking causes a loose roof panel to fall on him,
knocking him cold.]
Ranma: What? OOF! Ow. Ack! Uh!
Akane: Oh, geez! You're so hopeless, Ranma!
[Akane grabs the now unconscious Ranma and drags him into the house. P-chan
is sniggering.]
Akane: Stop sqirming, P-chan. It's not funny!
P-chan: Bwee!
[Akane drags Ranma into the house and drops him on the floor. Kasumi walks in
and sees Ranma.]
Kasumi: Oh, dear. Did Ranma have an accident?
Akane: You could say that...
Kasumi: I'll get some ice.
Akane: Good idea. I think he needs it.
[Kasumi walks into the kitchen and gets some ice. She walks back in and hands
Akane a bag of ice.]
Akane: What are you-
Kasumi: He's your fiancee, Akane.
Akane: But why do I-
Kasumi: You should look after him.
Akane: But I- (sigh) Oh, okay! Geez!
[Akane sits down and puts the ice on Ranma's head. His head is resting on her
lap.]
Akane: (to herself) You're such a dope, Ranma! How could you let Happousai
just do his magic like that?! I wonder what he did... (pause) Still...
Why'd I have to get saddled with looking after you?! Baka!
[Ranma groans and wakes a little.]
Ranma: Ouch... Nice to be thought of...
Akane: Oh! Er..I...
[Ranma notices where he is and sits up.]
Ranma: Er... What happened?
Akane: Happousai cast a spell on you.
Ranma: And he knocked me out?! I'll kill him!
Akane: No. He cast the spell and you fell over and a roof panel fell on you.
Ranma: Oh. Ahm... Thanks for the ice...
Akane: (embarresed) It was Kasumi's idea. She thinks I should be looking after
you.
Ranma: (curious) And do you?
Akane: What?! Of course not!
Ranma: Oh. Good. If a clumsy girl like you tried to look after me, I'd be
doomed!
Akane: (angry) RANMA NO BAKA!
[Akane punches Ranma across the room. He slams into the wall and falls to the
floor. A picture falls on his head and he burns his hand on a strip heater. He
jumps up, howling, hits his head on the door frame and collapses and falls off
the porch, out onto the lawn.]
Akane: Wha? How'd I do that?
[She goes out and drags Ranma back inside and reapplies the ice. A few minutes
later, Ranma regains consciousness.]
Ranma: What happened? You couldn't have knocked me out!
Akane: I didn't... It was the picture...and the door...and the fall...
Ranma: What?
Akane: You seem to have lost your luck from last week.
Ranma: I hope not!
[Ranma gets up and stumbles off to bed. Akane sits and thinks for a few
minutes. Eventually she shrugs, casting her theory aside and goes to bed
too.]
[The next morning, Ranma and Akane head for school early. As Ranma walks
along the fence, a car goes past, splashing him with muddy water. She falls
off the fence and lands in a garbage bin, which falls over and dumps her
unceremoniously onto the pavement in front of Akane.]
Akane: Are you okay, Ranma?
Onna-Ranma: No... Do I look okay?
[Akane helps Ranma up and tries to dust her off.]
Onna-Ranma: I'll have to go get some hot water, now.
Akane: Now? Why? We'll be late if you do!
Onna-Ranma: I'll risk it. I couldn't face meeting Kunou like this.
Akane: Oh... Okay...
[They head off and soon arrive at Dr. Toufuu's Clinic.]
Akane: Hello?! Dr. Toufuu? Is anyone here?!
[Dr. Toufuu walks into the room.]
Tofuu: Oh! Good morning Akane, Ranma. What can I do for you?
Akane: Could we have some hot water, please?
Tofuu: Certainly.
[He walks over to a hot plate and picks up a kettle.]
Tofuu: I just happen to have one simmering...
[He picks it up and carries it over to Ranma. At that moment Kasumi enters.]
Kasumi: Hello? Dr. Tofuu?
Tofuu: (fogs up) K-k-kasumi! Wh-what are you doing here?!
[He gets all twitchy and starts to pour the hot water on the floor.]
Onna-Ranma: Argh! What are you doing?!
[She dives under the kettle and the water turns her male. Unfortunatly he
slips in the puddle and his forward momentum sends him crashing, face first,
into the wall.]
Ranma: Owww...
Akane: Are you okay?
Ranma: (gets up) Yeah... I'm okay.
Akane: You're awfully clumsy at the moment.
Ranma: I know. It's not my fault!
Akane: Maybe not, but we'd better go.
Ranma: 'kay.
Akane: Bye, Doctor! Bye, Oneechan!
Kasumi: Bye, bye!
[Ranma and Akane walk out as Dr. Tofuu goes into another fit at the presence
of Kasumi. They arrive shortly after at Furinkan High. As per usual, Kunou is
waiting for them.]
Kunou: All things do indeed come to he who waits. I see the subject of my
hatred and the subject of my disires here before me. (pause) Now...
I shall take one...and destroy the other!
Ranma: (flatly) Yeah... Cool...
Kunou: Vengance is at hand, Saotome!
Ranma: Then get on with it!
[Kunou obliges and rushes at Ranma. Ranma steps to the side and trips on a
step. He stumbles and Kunou tags him.]
Ranma: Ow!
Kunou: Today, you are mine!
Ranma: NOT!
[Ranma jumps and kicks Kunou in the head. Kunou reels and slams into a tree.
A branch falls and lands on Ranma's head, knocking him out.]
Kunou: (stunned) I..I..won... (pleased) And thus do the forces of nature come
to my aid! I am truly blessed!
Crowd: Wow! Did you see that? Kunou beat Ranma! What?! What's going on?
[Akane walks over to the tree branch and pulls it off Ranma.]
Akane: Are you conscious, Ranma?
Ranma: ...
[Akane sighs and picks Ranma up.]
Akane: You're such a dope, Ranma! How could you let Kunou beat you?
Kunou: (appears) He has found me to be superior!
Akane: (punches him out) A superior pain!
[Kunou lands some distance away as Akane carries Ranma to the infirmary. A
little while later, Ranma regains consciousness.]
Ranma: Where am I?
Akane: The infirmary.
Ranma: What happened?
Akane: Kunou beat you up.
Ranma: (sits up) WHAT?!
Akane: Well... He didn't beat you exactly... It was more like he got lucky...
Ranma: Great! Beaten by Kunou! I bet everyone saw it too!
Akane: Well... Yes.
Ranma: (sighs) Wonderful... Just perfect! There goes my reputation! (pause)
Say... Why are you here?
Akane: Because I was told to look after you! Rest assured I didn't want to!
Ranma: Oh...okay. Well, I'm better now. I guess we'd better go to class.
Akane: (nods) Mhm.
[Ranma and Akane head off to class and go in. Miss Hinako is there.]
Miss Hinako: Well, well... What did I say yesterday?
Ranma: Something about me slipping up...
Miss Hinako: And?
Ranma: It's not my fault! I was unconscious!
Miss Hinako: (pulls out her coin) There are no excuses for delinquents, Mr.
Saotome! Happou Go En Satsu!
Ranma: Gaaah! (dodges)
[Miss Hinako chases Ranma around the room, trying to drain him. He ducks,
dodges and weaves and manages to avoid her attacks until almost the entire
class has been sucked dry. As Ranma leaps over the teaches desk, he steps on
a piece of chalk and falls over backwards. He hits his head on a desk and
collapses on the floor. A pile of tables and chairs then fall on him.]
Miss Hinako: (husky voice) Poor Saotome-san. That must have been quite painful.
A suitable punishment, I should think... Someone get him out of
there.
Akane: Don't bother. He's getting used to it.
[At the end of the day, Ranma is walking home with Akane. He is covered with
band-aids and bandages and looks rather beaten.]
Akane: You really don't look very good, Ranma.
Ranma: Tell me about it! This has been the worst day!
[Mousse leaps out.]
Mousse: It is about to get far worse!
Ranma: Not now, Mousse. I'm having a bad day.
Mousse: Then I shall put you out of my misery and end it for you!
Ranma: (in fighting stance) Come on! Go for it!
Mousse: Very well...
[Mousse rushes forwards and goes past Ranma, stiking him as he goes. Ranma
staggers as he is hit.]
Ranma: What the-?! OWW!
[Mousse stops and laughs.]
Mousse: You cannot hope to defeat my new technique, Ranma. Admit defeat and
give up Shampoo!
Ranma: (cracks knuckes) Like hell I will!
[Mousse dashes back and forth past Ranma, hitting as he goes. Ranma is unable
to counter and eventually falls to his knees. Mousse stops and smiles.]
Mousse: You have lost, Ranma. And now Shampoo is mine! Hahahahahahaha-Uh!
[He is cut off as Shampoo lands on his head with both bonbori.]
Mousse: (collapses) That hurt...
Shampoo: Stupid Mousse! I not marry you! You hurt Ranma!
[Shampoo attacks Mousse and proceeds to bash him senseless. Ranma gets to his
feet.]
Ranma: Let's get out of here while she's busy!
Akane: What? Oh! Good idea.
[As they walk off, one of Shampoo's bonbori slips out of her hand and flies
up into the air. It travels through a parabolic arc that ends on Ranma's head.
He collapses, out cold.]
Akane: (sighs) At this rate, I may as well get a wheelbarrow for you!
[She picks Ranma up and quietly carries him away. Shampoo finishes with Mousse
and looks around.]
Shampoo: Where Ranma go? Akane take him away! (pause) Grr! I fix!
[Shampoo storms off, leaving Mousse in a battered heap on the ground.]
[Akane walks into the house and unceremoniously dumps Ranma on the floor. She
then goes off to her room. A while later, Ranma wakes up.]
Ranma: Man... Beaten by Mousse... What went wrong...
[He goes out to the dojo and practices harder than usual, and seems to have
more accidents than usual and ends up on the floor, having been knocked down
by a wooden man dummy. As he gets to his feet, Cologne enters.]
Cologne: Why did you let Mousse beat you?! Do you know how silly that makes
you?! He is a weakling!
Ranma: I don't know how he beat me... I've been losing all day!
Cologne: Hmm... You don't normally lose to anyone around here.
Ranma: I don't normally lose to anyone!
Cologne: Hmmm... It's odd... You're technique is sound...
Ranma: Right.
Cologne: Do not allow it to happen again!
Ranma: I'll try not to!
Cologne: Good. Maybe I should take over your training...
Ranma: Huh? Why?
Cologne: Your father may have made mistakes...
Ranma: You wanna test me?
Cologne: Very well...
[Cologne attacks and sends Ranma to the floor easily.]
Cologne: You will never defeat Mousse at this rate!
Ranma: Yes, I will!
Cologne: Then why didn't you move?
Ranma: My shoe got caught on that damned nail again!
Cologne: We will try again...
[Cologne attacks again, slamming Ranma into the floor. He falls on the loose
board and drops through the hole to the ground under the dojo. He climbs back
out, a little stunned.]
Cologne: Better. But you're a little clumsy.
Ranma: Tell me about it! I've been having accidents all day!
Cologne: Is that why you lost?
Ranma: Partly.
Cologne: Hmm... Continue to practice and I will come to see you again.
[Cologne disapears, leaving Ranma alone.]
Ranma: Great... I've lost to Mousse and Kunou... I just hope Ryouga doesn't
show up!
[Ranma looks around, but Ryouga fails to materialize. Akane does however.]
Akane: Ranma. Have you seen P-chan?
Ranma: Nope.
Akane: (notices his new bruises) What happened to you?
Ranma: Cologne was teaching me how to beat Mousse.
Akane: Why do you want to do that? Shampoo is out of your hair now!
Ranma: I know... But I can't let Mousse, or Kunou, think they're better than
me!
Akane: You can't be the best all the time!
Ranma: Hmm... I guess you'd know what that's like...
Akane: Baka!
[Akane belts him and walks out.]
Akane: I can't believe I came in to cheer you up!
Ranma: ...
[Ranma goes back to his practice and is eventually knocked out when he is
bodyslammed by a swinging punching bag.]
[The next morning, Ranma and Akane head for school. They arrive to find Kunou
waiting as usual.]
Kunou: Today I shall prove yesterday was not a fluke!
Ranma: Hey... Kunou... What would you do if I didn't show up one morning?
Kunou: I would find you and crush you!
Ranma: Figures... Come on!
[Kunou rushes at Ranma, who jumps over Kunou, planting his hand on Kunou's
head as he goes over.]
Ranma: Still can't hit me, eh?
[Kunou turns and slashes at Ranma. Ranma ducks and then kicks Kunou twice in
the head. He reels and falls over a tap. Suddenly all the sprinklers come on
and douse Ranma and Kunou with cold water.]
Ranma: Ack! Cold!
Onna-Ranma: Oh, no...
[Kunou stares as he gets up.]
Kunou: What manner of sorcery is this?
Onna-Ranma: Er... Good morning, Sempai.
Kunou: SO! The cowardly Ranma Saotome had used his magic to escape and put
you in his place! The fiend! I will punish him!
Onna-Ranma: Hey! Watch it!
Kunou: Fear not, my love. I will see justice done!
[Kunou tries to hug her, but Ranma steps around him and kicks him in the back
of the head, felling him.]
Onna-Ranma: Come on, Akane. I don't want to give Miss Hinako the satisfaction!
Akane: ...
[As they walk towards the building, Mousse leaps out.]
Onna-Ranma: What do you want?
Mousse: To ensure that you will abide by our agreement and stay away from
Shampoo... Now that I have bested you!
Onna-Ranma: NOT! You just got lucky!
Mousse: It seems you are in need of another lesson...
Onna-Ranma: Come on, then! I can take you!
[Mousse unleashes his chain attack, which Ranma dodges. Mousse then rushes at
Ranma from the side. Ranma tries to avoid him, but fails and is forced to
improvise. Just as Mousse hits, Onna-Ranma jams her elbow out and catches him
in the chest.]
Mousse: (surprised) That hurt!
Onna-Ranma: Not so tough now, are you?!
Mousse: I will win!
[Mousse unleashes his blades again. This time Ranma dodges to the side and
Mousse's blades hit a power cable. 110v runs through Mousse and into the
ground. Unfortunatly it also runs through the puddle Ranma is standing in and fries
zaps her too.]
Mousse & Onna-Ranma: WAAAAHH!
[They both collapse, frizzled. Akane walks over and scrapes Ranma off the
ground.]
Akane: Hmm. Looks like a draw.
[A while later, Ranma and Akane are in class.]
Onna-Ranma: At least I didn't lose!
Akane: It wasn't exactly a glorious victory either, you know.
Onna-Ranma: Whatever... I wonder if baasan will come back...
Akane: Why?
Onna-Ranma: So she can teach me a technique to beat Mousse!
Akane: If you beat Mousse, Shampoo will go mad for you again!
Onna-Ranma: She has been laying low, hasn't she?
Akane: Yes. It's too good to last!
Onna-Ranma: It doesn't matter. I've gotta beat him!
Akane: (annoyed) Why do you have to?
Onna-Ranma: I can't let him think he's better than me!
Akane: What would it really hurt? It must be worth it to get rid of Shampoo.
Admit defeat and you can relinquish all right to marrying her.
Onna-Ranma: (glumly) I doubt it's that easy!
[That afternoon, Ranma is practicing in the dojo and is looing to a training
dummy. Cologne pogo's in just as he trips over a pile of bricks and falls
flat on his face.]
Cologne: I see what your problem is.
Ranma: Oh? Really? What is it?
Cologne: Unluck.
Ranma: (confused) Say again.
Cologne: The reason you are so accident prone is a lack of luck.
Ranma: (stamps foot) I'm not accident prone!
[A light fitting drops on his head.]
Ranma: OWCH!
Cologne: See?
Ranma: ...
Cologne: How did this happen?
Ranma: What's it matter?!
Cologne: You will not be able to finish Mousse if you cannot cure it.
Ranma: Oh. Well... Happousai did use a..scroll..on..me... The little monster!
I'll kill 'im!
Cologne: Save it for Mousse! Now... Let's try and get you back in shape again.
Ranma: Alright...
[Cologne dashes at Ranma. This time Ranma clears his mind and focuses on not
having an accident. He swings a kick at her. She blocks with her staff and
moves away.]
Cologne: Better. You didn't fall over that time...
Ranma: This is a pain... Can't I just get Happousai to reverse it?
Cologne: Do you think he would?
Ranma: No...
Cologne: Exactly... This thing isn't like most other curses... It implants a
a subconscious masochistic tendancy in your mind. Whenever you have
an opportunity to injure yourself, you will. You can overcome it by
concentrating and using your real insticts.
Ranma: Great... Sounds easy...
Cologne: It is... Are you ready?
Ranma: As I'll ever be...
Cologne: Very well...
[Cologne rushes at Ranma. This time he closes his eyes and concentrates. Just
as she nears, he sweeps out a knifehand chop and almost connects, forcing her
to block.]
Cologne: Better... If you can find an empty place where you can't have an
accident, you can probably beat him...
Ranma: You think so
Cologne: Yes. You are better than he is. I should know, I taught you both.
Ranma: Now I can take Mousse out!
Cologne: You need more pract-
[Cologne is cut off as Ryouga kicks the door open.]
Ryouga: Now, Ranma! Prepare to die!
Ranma: (cracks knuckles) You wish. I need a little practice...
Cologne: But do you want to use him?
Ranma: You said I needed practice!
Cologne: Very well.
Ranma: Come on, Ryouga. I need a training dummy!
Ryouga: Why you...
[Ryouga attacks Ranma in a rage. Ranma steps back and throws Ryouga over him,
but catches Ryouga's foot in the face.
Ranma: Oww!
Ryouga: How-
[Ryouga gets up and runs at Ranma. Ranma dodges and then uppercuts him.
Ryouga goes flying back and crashes through a pillar.]
Ranma: Did it!
[There is an ominous creak as the weight of the dojo roof shifts, having lost
it's support.]
Ranma: (looks up) Huh?
[The roof caves in on Ranma, just as Cologne hops outside. Picking through
the rubble, Cologne unearths Ranma.]
Cologne: You still have much to learn, muko-dono.
Ranma: ...
[The next morning, Ranma heads off to school in a cheery mood.]
Akane: What are you so happy for? Otousan is pretty upset about the dojo!
Ranma: So? I know how to beat Mousse now!
Akane: Oh. How are you going to it?
Ranma: You'll see...
[Ranma and Akane arrive at school and find Kunou waiting.]
Ranma: You again?
Kunou: Yes. Your magic will not deter me! I will conquer you!
Ranma: (groans) Fine!
[Kunou attacks Ranma, who ducks and then knees him in the jaw. Kunou reels
back and then charges. Ranma is forced to somersault back to avoid the hit.
He fails to see a thorny bush and lands in it.]
Ranma: YEEEOOOWWWW!
[Ranma climbs out and runs at Kunou and delivers a flying kick. Kunou blocks,
but Ranma lashes out with his other foot and tags Kunou. Ranma lands, slips
on a banana peel ( :) ) and slams into Kunou. They both fall over in a heap.
A moment later, Ranma slowly gets up. He is limping slightly.]
Ranma: Ow...
Akane: He didn't hit you, did he?
Ranma: Not exactly...
Akane: You're still awfully clumsy, you know.
Ranma: I know. I'll deal with Happousai later!
Akane: It was Happousai? What did he do?
Ranma: Remember the scroll?
Akane: Oh... What did it do?
Ranma: (growling) Gave me unluck!
[Ranma and Akane go to class for the day and then head home. They go past the
Nekohanten at Ranma's insistance. When they get there, Ranma walks into the
restraunt and looks around.]
Ranma: Oi! Mousse! I'm here to trash you! You ready?!
[Mousse walks out of the kitchen. He is laughing.]
Mousse: So. You have come to challenge me again.
Ranma: Yup. You just got lucky last time.
Mousse: I shall show you who is superior, once more...
[Mousse suddenly streaks towards Ranma. Ranma rolls to the side as Mousse
stops on the far side of the room.]
Mousse: I'm surprised. You actually evaded my attack.
Ranma: No sweat. Even with bad luck, I'm better than you!
[Mousse attacks again. This time Ranma reads him and guides him into the
wall with a kick.]
Mousse: What the-?
Ranma: Haha! See?! You may get the better of me once! But not twice!
[Mousse glowers at him and slowly climbs to his feet.]
Mousse: I don't know how you did that...but it will not stop me!
[Mousse speeds towards Ranma again. Ranma focusses, feeling Mousse's position.
He then jump up and kicks, allowing Mousse to run into his foot. Mousse
streaks straight at Ranma and slams, face first into Ranma's foot. He crashes
to the floor and slides under Ranma, taking his feet out from under him. They
both slither across the floor and crash into the wall.]
Ranma: Owchie...
Mousse: ...
[Akane runs over and helps Ranma up.]
Akane: Are you okay?
Ranma: Yeah... I'm fine.
Akane: What about Mousse?
Ranma: (looks down) Colder than an iced herring.
Akane: Good. Can we go home now? I want to get out before Shampoo shows up!
Ranma: Sure. I've done what I came for.
[They walk out of the Nekohanten, just as Shampoo walks in the back door and
finds Mousse on the floor.]
Shampoo: Aiya! What happen to restaurant?!
[As they walk home, Akane glares at Ranma out of the corner of her eye.]
Akane: I hope you're finished with all of this!
Ranma: Not quite...
Akane: Oh?
Ranma: (grinning evilly) I've still got a score to settle with Jiji...
[They walk the rest of the way home in silence.]
[Afternoon passes into evening. Akane does her homework and Ranma paces,
waiting for Happousai. Finally he cannot wait anymore and goes to look for
him. He finds Genma and Soun playing Shogi instead.]
Ranma: Have you seen the hentai?
Soun: Alas, yes. He has gone on his "rounds".
Genma: He should be back soon.
Ranma: (smiles) Excellent...
[Ranma jumps up on the roof and waits. After a while, Happousai lands lightly
on the roof. He is carrying a big bag. Ranma steps out of the shadows and
faces Happi.]
Ranma: Oi, Jiji! I'm sick of this curse! You've caused me a lot of trouble!
Happi: So... My revenge is working...
Ranma: Yes! Now fix it!
Happi: No. I don't think so.
Ranma: Why you little...
[Ranma attacks Happi and slips on a loose tile. He falls over, but the tile
goes flying and hits Happi.]
Happi: Hmm... That shouldn't be... I'll have to try it again!
[Happi pulls out his scroll and reads the spell again. Just as Happi finishes,
Ranma's hand closes around a handle. Happi raises his hand and points. At that
moment, Ranma pulls on the handle and lifts the mirror up to face Happi, who
is now pointing at himself.]
Happi: What?! Oh no!
Ranma: Now... We're even.
[Ranma cracks his knuckles and throws the mirror at Happi. His foot goes
through the roof and he falls over. Happi dodges the mirror but slips and
rolls off the roof and falls to the ground below. A loose tile slides off
and lands on his head.]
Happi: Oow.
[The mirror falls off and breaks on his head.]
Happi: Ack.
Ranma: Hah! Seven years bad luck!
Happi: You wait, Ranma! I'll get you!
[Ranma leans over the edge.]
Ranma: (gloats) Sure you will! HahahahahaaaAAARGH!
[Ranma falls off the roof and lands on Happi. A drain pile collapses and
smashes them on the head.]
Ranma & Happi: OW! Why you-
[Ranma leaps at Happi, who flings him into the pond with his pipe. Onna-Ranma
comes spluttering to the surface.]
Happi: Much better!
Onna-Ranma: Now you've done it! MOUKO TAKABISHA!
[Happi dodges the chi ball, but fails to realize that he is not it's target.
It hits a power pilon and cuts it. The live wires fall on Happi and electro-
cute him. He slumps to the ground, just as the utility pole collapses on
Ranma and blacks out the whole of Nerima. Everyone comes out of the darkened
house to find Ranma squashed under the pole and Happousai well and truely
fried on the ground.]
Akane: What happened here?
Ranma: ...
==============================================================================
Jinxed - Epilogue -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
[Ranma is sitting watching TV. He looks a little battered. Nearby, Happi is a
frazzled heap on the floor.]
Ranma: Serves you right. Now you're cursed, too!
Happi: (small quivering voice) Good thing it only lasts a week...
Ranma: What was that?!
Happi: It only lasts seven days. When I cast it on you last week, I got it
wrong and gave you good luck for a week...
Ranma: So that's why...
[Akane walks in.]
Akane: That's why what? What happened out there?
Ranma: Oh... I just sorted things out with the lech. (smiles) It looks like
my luck has turned again...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Fin -
plunger@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au