On Sun, 25 Aug 1996, Ryan Mathews wrote:

Galaxy Police Mihoshi's ACADEMY DAYS
by Ryan Mathews

CHAPTER THREE

Always an interesting challenge to leap into the middle of something :)
 

        "What'd I do?"
        "I'll explain as I go.  Give me your communicator, then get the
toolbox out of the back.  Carefully!"

              *                       *                       *

        Kiyone walked across the campus, her head still reeling from what
Tugh had told her about her roommate.  Part of her refused to accept it.

This transition seems abrupt...Although it might be more clear if I'd 
actually read the first two chapters :)

Also, given the later part of the story, I'm not clear on how Mihoshi and 
Kiyone could have ended up on a commuter bridge if they're not supposed 
to leave the training center they're at...Or is the first scene set at 
some point after they graduated?

        "That what we've been saying.  We're trying to figure out if the
simulator's broken, if she's incredibly lucky, or if she really is that good. I
figure it gotta be one of the first two.  I mean, does that look like an expert
pilot to you?"  He referred to one of the displays, which showed a view of
Mihoshi.  Sweat poured down her temples.  Her mouth was open in a continual
scream.  Her eyes looked ready to burst from their sockets.  Her hand jerked the
control stick back and forth so fast that it was a blur.  She successfully
manuevered through another two dozen asteroids.

The description of Mihoshi's condition seems a little jerky...you might 
want to combine some sentences or at least not start three in a row with 
"Her <bodypart>".


Overall, a fun read.  I wish I'd seen the first two parts so I didn't 
have to guess a lot :)

John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. 
Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu      bailesu@komodo.hacks.arizona.edu  
http://www.hacks.arizona.edu/~bailesu/falcon.html 
http://www.dhp.com/~wraven/john/index.html
"It's good to kill the King."  "I still think the Saxons should have 
put a higher price on our heads.  I'm more valuable than 25 librum."
--Frequent quotes from our PENDRAGON sessions.