Slashtooth wrote:

Ok, here is my first in a series of unrelated short stories.  C&C is
welcome.  "Chew it up, spit it out, that is what fanfics are all about"
^_^

O.K. I'm gonna stick my neck out here and hope it doesn't get my head 
chopped off. *sigh*

The storytelling itself was very good. Kept me going all the way 
through.
The story itself was...I don't know...too easy.
I think it was a 'coming of age' for Gosunkugi yet he had no major 
problems/conflicts with aquiring all that power and potential.
Putting Cologne as the barrier to his potential to run amok kinda 
trapped you. Now, remember, this is just me and what I'd like to have 
seen...I'm sure others will disagree...
I would have like to have seen Gosunkugi get himself into a real bind 
and have to work his way out of it. That would have made the 'coming of 
age' theme work here. Lets see, like something he does allows 
what/whoever took Akane to be able to do so. Perhaps he would know this 
but none of the others would. You could even have the same ending.

Just my ramble...to use or chuck as you see fit.

Thanks for sharing it!

Windlily

(dragoncritter@theCelestialTemple.com)