As promised, comments.

    Here comes Part three of the Lone Man and Wolf saga.  Of course, I
am still waiting on C&C for the first two. ^_^

    Disclaimer.  All characters, settings, and situations are the
copyright of their creators.  I seek no profit, recompense, or credit
for their ideas.  This work is soley for the enjoyment of readers
everywhere, and to honor the countless hours of work the creators put
into their creations.  Any characters I introduce I would like to
claim as my own, but knowing me, I saw them somewhere else and just
forgot about it.  ^_^

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
Lone Man and Wolf
Part 3

    It has been two weeks since our trial for Amazon status, and Myu
has started working at the Nekohanten.  Cologne thought that it would
be good for her to interact with the customers, giving her the
experience of dealing with others.

    I have been busy as well, learning from Cologne, Mr. Tendo and Mr.
Saotome, plus trying to repair the damage to the Tendo home.  I never
thought that year I spent working construction would come in this

handy.  I had needed the money at the time, and it was the best I
could get.

Is this comment needed?

    "Ranma, You get back here!  "My cooking isn't that bad!"  Akane's
voice rang out through the house.  They were up to it again.  At
first, I thought it was cute, a young couple loving to hate each
other.  Now it was annoying.  Every time they fought, I wound up with
more work to do.

I like this paragraph.

    That's when the most annoying thing happened.  Ranma's face
appeared in the wall.  Actually, through the wall.  Akane came in
through the door, a mere two feet to the right, and glared at Ranma.
"Serves you right, you Baka!  "Next time, maybe you will eat my
cooking!"  Ranma snapped awake at that, and responded with "If I
wanted to poison myself, I would go get Kodachi to cook for me!"

Nifty comeback.

    "Come back here, Dammit!  "I haven't finished beating on you yet!"
Ranma-chan's voice carried rather well, and I could hear her swearing
nearly a mile away.  I didn't know where I was going, I just knew that
I needed to calm down and find some hot water.

While this fight scene was good for not being too overpowered
(e.g. Ranma is winning), it also bugs me.  "Meddling newcomer
character gets sick of Ranma" is ok, but I think my subconscious is
asking "if Ranma's that annoying, why did you write a 'fic about him?"
Dunno--it's a gut reaction here.

    There, that restraunt.  I had heard Ranma mention Utchan's, run by
one of Ranma's fiancees.  How that boy got four Fiancees, I will never
know.  He seems to attract trouble like, well, using an american
metaphor, like flies to dung.

Last sentence seems too wordy.

    She spun again, throwing several of the small spatulas at me.  I
had to dodge to the left, else get struck by the small projectiles.
Fortunatly, one of them hit the pot, spraying the hot water all over,
drenching me, the food she was cooking, and her.  I dove over to the
stove, hiding myself from the customers, and frantically reached into
the belt scatchel I always carry for the clothes.  Pulling them on, I
looked up to see a very angry woman staring down at me.

Hm... Samuel seems to have more foresight than the rest of the Ranma
cast... I think this bugs me for the same reason as above--too much
sanity on Samuel's part == shows up the insanity of the Ranma cast.

    "Ranchan... Ah!  You must be Ukyuo.  "I got in a fight with Ranma,

Minor stuff: I think it should be Ukyou, and I think there shouldn't
be another opening quote before the I in the second sentence, since
the first quote didn't close.

    I had just started eating when a disgusted looking Ranma-chan
walked in the door.  "Hi Ukchan, hows things going?"  She started to
sit in a booth, when she saw me.  "You!  I haven't finished with you!"
Ranma-chan yelled, and she lept at me, only to be intercepted by

It's good that Ranma's still steamed.

    "Thanks Ukchan!  "You just saved my life!"  Ranma began to tear

Err... how did Ukyou save Ranma's life?  Also, I seem to remember seeing a
different spelling (Utchan?) elsewhere--you may want to standardize on
spellings for all names and such.

Maybe this should be "Thanks Ukchan!  You're a lifesaver!" ?

    Ranma looked at Ukyou and me, seeing a small look of suprise on
Ukyou's face at my offer.  It seemed that nobody ever offered to clean
up their messes before.  Grabbing a mop from the back, I began to get
the water off of the floor.

Again, Samuel seems to be out of step with the rest of the Ranmaverse,
and I think I'm finding it a little jarring.

    "Leave it to that tomboy to mess up a perfectly good fight.  "She
is right though, you have done a good job fixing the dojo.  "I will
let it go this time, but remember, I will not forget this."  Ranma
hurried after Akane, and I could see a glimmer of hope in his eye,
probably hoping that Akane would listen to him for once, instead of
just bashing him with a mallet.

I dunno... is it just the fanfiction I've been reading recently, or is
Ranma really not the vindictive and waiting sort?  Wouldn't he be more
likely to settle his disagreements immediately, instead of stewing?
Someone else will have to comment, I don't know enough.

bryan k ogawa  <bkogawa@primenet.com>   http://www.primenet.com/~bkogawa/