SEE verbalized:

    Okay, here's part two. This didn't come out quite the way I would 
have liked it to, and I'm kinda dissatisfied with it. Any suggestions? 
Again, *any* comments or criticism would be appreciated (even a simple 
"Never write anything again" will do). 

Scoop of the Day
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction

I thought it was pretty good as is.

Anyway....

	Gosunkugi immediately turned a whiter shade of pale. "Follow...Ranma?"
	Noriko's patience was nearing its end. "Yes, follow Ranma; is 
there a problem??"

I think somebody's in trouble here... ;)

	Suzuki and Gosunkugi stayed huddled behind a nearby tree which 
they had dove behind when Ranma stopped walking. "I think he knows we're 
following him!" Gosunkugi whispered.
	Suzuki snorted. "Yeah, right," he responded. "Whaddya think he 
is, some kind of magician or something?"
	"Yo, Gosunkugi! What're you up to this time?" Ranma's voice came 
from in front of the tree.
	"Then again...," Suzuki sighed. He turned around to see Ranma 
standing over them, arms crossed. 

This was hilarious.  I can just see Suzuki and Gosunkugi turning a paler
shade of 'uh-oh'.  :)

Seriously, the story is fine - it flows, and keeps the reader interested.  I
didn't read the first part, but from this I figured out what was going on. 
This is a good thing.  I didn't see any glaring spelling errors (but then
lately I can't spell 'cat' with out screwing up), and I didn't find any
editorial type mistakes.

Keep going!
AlberCrombie


--==---==-=-=-=-=-====-==-----===-=-====-----=-==-=-=-=-=-===-=-====---===--=
AlberCrombie - Hentai Space Gopher		    e-mail: gopher@venus.net
http://www.venus.net/~gopher 			  **fansubs available here**
_/\ Ranma 1/2 _/\ Maison Ikkoku _/\ Cuety Honey _/\ F^3 \_/ Dragon Pink _/\_

Awakened in the morning to more air pollution warnings
Still we sleepwalk off to work while our nervous systems jerk
					-Megadeth  _Dawn Patrol_