Hmmm... Cobb-unit too blunt, bad, bad.

Raging Heart left me flat, I didn't "feel their pain".

What I attempted to suggest is that you pick one of the characters and
reshoot the story through the windows of their soul, and color
everything with their prejudices.

The obvious character to use here is Shamp.  By slipping inside her skin
we could feel the cleverness of her plan, the eagerness of her approach,
the horror as it goes bad and the sharp pain of the knife.

Instead we read about Ranma stabbing two persons then stalking of after
another and we think "that's nice, now maybe he'll go molest Akane while
he's at it".  (A joke! A joke!, quickly puts on the bap-proof vest ;-)

Remember, as FanFicers, we have every advantage.  The readers already
know exactly how the characters behave, so we can narrow down our focus
and let the readers fill in what these other familar characters will be
doing behind this one's back.

For example: Kuno could hear a splash, and dismiss it, but the readers
would be most unsurprised when the pig-tailed goddess showed up.

	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb