Subject: Nabiki-New Horizons Pt2 1/5
From: Greg Sandborn
Date: 8/20/1996, 7:14 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com



     This is version 2 of part 2 of my series of Nabiki stories. 
Please refer to Nabiki Pt 2 Ver 2 (or Nabiki 2/2) in any C&C.

     This is a continuation of my big experiment in
otaku-wish-fulfillment type writing.  My goal is to prove that
the genre itself is not responsible for all the bad things said
about it, but rather the quality of writing that invariably
surrounds that type of story.  
     What I want to do is produce an entertaining and interesting
story that includes a character that every male reader would
connect with in a wish-fulfillment way.  Heck, who wouldn't want
to be this character.  He's got a lot going for him along with a
beautiful woman (Nabiki) for a fianc‚.  What's not to like?

     Who's saying what to whom?  A common problem in writing
mixed language dialog.  Since I am writing this story for western
English speaking readers, I have made sure that you, the reader,
can follow the dialog no matter what language the speaker is
using.  Keeping in mind that the Japanese characters in the Ranma
« universe speak virtually NO English, you have to conclude that
when attempting to communicate with any of them, the speaker has
to be speaking Japanese.  However, the Jeff Lawrence character
and others, being fairly well versed in both languages, would use
whatever language they felt the listener would understand best
(say, Japanese to the Tendos and English to the other Americans). 
This standard language utilization is valid unless denoted
otherwise.

     This installment is a more light hearted approach to the
genre.  Expect more attempts at comedy and less in serious, life
or death stuff.  (I'll save the really  dark' stuff for part 3).                     Nabiki - New Horizons
                  
                  
                      Nabiki-New Horizons
                  Part 2 - Wedding Bell Blues
                        By Uncle Fester



     As Jeff carried Nabiki down the stairs of Furinkan Senior
High School, a growing crowd of celebrating students followed
noisily.
     "Is this enough of an exit for you?" Jeff said over the din
of the crowd.
     Nabiki just smiled and snuggled a bit more, comfortable in
Jeff's strong arms.  To others, she had been a cold, calculating
ice queen; good for a few expensive laughs until the guy's money
ran out.  Then, she was off to new conquests.  Jeff had been
patient and persistent.  She had responded to him; but only when
forced to choose.
     At the bottom of the stairs, one of Jeff's earlier
antagonists still slumped against the wall clutching his bokkan
in front of him.  Two of Jeff's throwing stars still adorned the
bokkan's smooth surface.
     Ranma bent over the student and examined the throwing stars
carefully.
     "You're very lucky, you know." he said with mock
seriousness.  "Ninjas usually aim for the head."
     With that, the student's eyes rolled back up into his head
as he passed out.
     "Hmmm.  No sense of humor." Ranma muttered as he pulled the
stars from the unconscious student's bokkan.  
     Turning each over and back in his hand, he looked for
identifying marks.  There was only one, a word in English that
said:  Gotcha!'.  These were *not* from a ninja clan. In fact, he
examined them closer and concluded they were homemade.  Not to
suggest they were crude by any standards, their craftsmanship
reflected a thorough knowledge of shuriken construction.  For
someone to be able to build and use such devices with the amount
of skill displayed here today, suggested there was more at work
here than anyone knew.  Suspiciously, he jiggled the stars in his
hand for a few moments while watching Jeff and Nabiki lead the
crowd out of Furinkan High.  He had never thought Jeff capable of
much when it came to fighting, having seen him in action at the
Tendo Dojo, but his suspicions were raised.  There was more here
than meets the eye.  Pocketing the stars, Ranma joined the
trailing crowd.

     Jeff and Nabiki slowly made their way to the main gate. 
Waiting for them was a real limousine, its passenger door open,
the driver standing by.
     "Jeff-chan, you shouldn't have spent the money for this
car." Nabiki protested when she saw the limousine.  "Things are
going to be tight enough until you can start a job."
     Jeff was about to answer when two Marine Corps humvees with
four Marines dressed in full camouflage pulled up along side the
limo.
     "Yo, bro." called one of the Marines Jeff recognized from
the embassy.
     "What the heck are you doing here." Jeff was a bit indignant
at their presence. "I thought I told you I could handle this on
my own."
     "We're not here to help with the extraction." another guard
said leaning on the hood of his vehicle. "We're just gonna see
you don't get lost.  After all, we're duty bound to protect our
country's rich and influential."
     Nabiki's English vocabulary was limited to certain business
related words.  "Rich... influential?" Nabiki looked questionably
at Jeff.  These words she completely understood.
     "Haven't you told her yet?" the first guard asked in mock
surprise. "She really ought to know."
     "Jeff-chan, I don't fully understand what this military
person is saying, but I've got a feeling there is something you
should be telling me." Nabiki said .
     Jeff shot the Marines a warning look.  It must have worked
as both made faces and ducked back into their vehicle.
     "Nabiki, dear, I think you will need to sit down for this."
Jeff said as he set Nabiki on the back seat of the limo.
     As she scooted over, Jeff slid in next to her and the driver
closed the door.
     Akane and Ranma, after finally working their way to the
front of the crowd, looked at each other in confusion.
     "What's going on in there?" Ranma asked out loud pointing to
the black limo.
     "How should I know?" Akane replied as she tried to see
through the car's tinted glass.
     "What are you two doing?" one of the Marine guards asked in
stilted Japanese.
     "That's my sister in there." Akane answered pointing to the
back seat of the limo.
     "One of the Tendo girls, heh.  Well, you better get in with
us and we'll drive you home with the lucky couple."
     Akane scurried over to the humvee leaving Ranma looking like
an abandoned puppy.
     "What about the Chinese guy?" the guard asked.
     "Huh? Oh, Ranma."
     "Is he a Tendo too?"
     "Well, sort of..."
     "Sort of what?"
     "We're sort of...you see...I mean..." Akane was having
trouble explaining the unexplainable.
     "I live with the Tendo's." Ranma calmly said.
     The Marine did a double take between Akane and Ranma,
shrugged his shoulders and waived the two of them to his vehicle.
The two teens settled into opposite seats in the back of the
humvee.  All parties concerned were thankful for the high
transmission hump between them.
     Meanwhile, in the back of the limo, Jeff was explaining
fiscal reality to Nabiki.  I was a VERY interesting, but short
conversation.
     "Well?" Nabiki eyed Jeff critically, her arms crossed.
     Jeff took a deep breath before proceeding.  "You want
examples or just a round total?"
     "Just give me the bottom line." her eyes narrowed into their
characteristic slits.  When it came to money, she was no
nonsense.
     "Roughly?"
     "Whatever!"
     Jeff reached into his pants pocket and handed Nabiki the
accounting overview he received this morning.
     "Give or take." he noted.
     Nabiki couldn't read most of the English written on the
paper, but understood fully the numbers.  When she got to the
bottom line, her eyes grew wide, she blinked twice then passed
out, slumping against Jeff's shoulder.
     "I think she handled *that* well."  Jeff said with a little
smile.  "Home James" he joked in English before directing the
driver to the Tendo residence.

     The arrival at the Tendo residence was just short of a
parade.  A large black Mercedes limousine followed by two Marine
humvees drew a growing crowd curious onlookers.  The limo stopped
in front of the main gate, the humvees right behind but out of
sight of the residence.
     "I wonder who that could be." Kasumi said.  She had been
attracted by the commotion out front.  With a damp plate in hand,
she opened the front door and strained to see why such a
magnificent vehicle had stopped at the entrance to the humble
Tendo compound.
     The limo driver walked briskly around to the rear door and
opened it formally.  Jeff Lawrence was the first to emerge
followed quickly by Nabiki Tendo.  Kasumi gasped and dropped the
dish.
     "Father!  Father, come quickly!" she yelled, clutching the
towel to her chest as she scurried through the house.  "It's
Nabiki and she's with...Jeff!"  Clearly, the assumption around
the Tendo household was that they had seen the last of Nabiki's
would-be suitor.
     Mr. Tendo hurried into the main room with Mr. Saotome.  Both
came to an abrupt halt, their mouths open, upon seeing Jeff with
Nabiki round the corner of the house.
     "Soun Tendo," Jeff addressed Nabiki's father formally with a
polite bow. "I have returned with your daughter.  I wish to
discuss with you the terms you require for her hand in marriage."
     Nabiki bowed with her proclaimed fianc‚, clearly enjoying
the formality of the situation.  Usually, she detested such
traditions, thinking them relics of a useless past, but most of
the neighborhood was now watching.  
     The sight of four battle dressed US Marines taking positions
to guard the gate was more than enough to keep the curious
outside.  It was evident the Marines were determined that nothing
was going to interrupt their  little brother's' big moment.
     Kasumi sighed contentedly and scurried off to prepare some
tea for the ceremony.  Ranma and Akane pushed their way through
the crowd to be on hand.  Ranma acted unimpressed but Akane was
clearly starry eyed.  In her mind, she saw, first her sister,
then herself, in a beautiful white wedding dress standing in a
magnificent cathedral surrounded by all her friends who were
dividing their time between fussing over her dress and whispering
enviously about her looks.
     <If only Ranma was more romantic.> she thought as she
hurried inside.
     Mr. Tendo, eyes already watering, simply nodded and
indicated two cushions at the table.  Mr. Saotome just beamed
like a successful matchmaker.  In spite of the fact he had
nothing to do with this pair, he believed their engagement would
provide incentive for his reluctant son to follow through with
Akane.  Lord knows, the boy needed incentive.
     Several minutes later, Jeff and Nabiki sat stiffly across
the table from Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome.  Akane and Ranma
assumed their positions with their backs to the garden.  Kasumi
brought sufficient tea cups to the table and began pouring the
hot water for tea.
     "Mr. Tendo," Jeff began, using his most formal voice. "A few
weeks ago, I left this house in disgrace.  Since then, much in my
life has changed.  Accordingly, I have formally asked your
daughter, in front of witnesses, to marry me."  Jeff glanced at a
still wistfully looking Akane and a bored looking Ranma.  "I have
come to ask you for your blessing in marriage to your middle
daughter, Nabiki."
     Mr. Tendo, tears now streaming down his cheeks, looked at
Nabiki.  "Is this true, daughter?" he said formally.
     "Hai, father." she responded with a respectful bow.
     "What of your previous objections?" he asked.
     Nabiki looked briefly at Kasumi's smiling face, grateful for
her older sister's support. "I am wiser now, father.  I would
marry Jeff-san, with your permission."  She knew full well that
her father's blessing was guaranteed but went through with the
formality anyway.  "Besides, he's rich."
     "WHAT!?!" All present gasped loud enough to be heard by the
crowd outside.
     "You put us through all that trauma over marrying a poor
Jeff Lawrence and he turns out to be rich?" Akane was clearly
peeved but she didn't know just who at, Jeff or Nabiki.
     "How rich?" Ranma asked, a skeptical look on his face.
     "Rich enough for me." Nabiki chirped, cuddling Jeff's arm.
     Somewhat taken aback by his daughters revelation, not to
mention her public show of affection, Mr. Tendo abruptly stopped
crying.  "He's...I mean...you mean he's..."  His eyes glazed
over.  If Nabiki was satisfied, Jeff must be loaded!  Only Mr.
Saotome's strong arm prevented him from pitching forward onto the
table.
     "So, Nab-chan, when do you two wish to be married?" Kasumi
asked sweetly while pouring more hot water into tea filled cups.
     "Well..." Nabiki started looking apprehensively at Jeff. "We
haven't really discussed that part."
     "If I may suggest." Jeff began. "I propose to be married in
Hawaii next month.
     The whole room gasped as if Jeff had suggested something
unseemly.
     Mr. Tendo was the first to tackle the subject. "Are you
suggesting that this ancestral family home, a home in which my
late wife and I were married, a home in which my three daughters
were born, is unsuitable for a wedding?"
     "Not at all, sir." Jeff was clearly trying to defuse a
sensitive subject. "I am proposing to fly all of you, and your
selected guests, to Hawaii where Nabiki and I will be married in
a little Japanese-American church on top of a hill overlooking
the central plains of Oahu."  Jeff paused before revealing the
last of his reasons.  "Besides, If I don't get married on
American soil, I don't get the full inheritance."
     After a long pause, Mr. Saotome slipped in a question. "Are
you saying that we all would be flown, free, to Hawaii for this
wedding?"
     "Certainly."
     "All expenses paid?"
     "Of course."
     "And you get the money if you marry in Hawaii?"
     "That's about the size of it."
     "I'm for it." Mr. Saotome sat back satisfied that he had
arranged a free trip to Hawaii.  The fact he would be,
eventually, related to all that money heavily colored his
decision.
     "And accommodations?" Mr. Tendo was still unsure of all
this.
     "Will be provided as well." Jeff assured everyone.
     There was a great deal of glancing at each other.
     "Did I mention the beach luau bachelor party?"
     The two fathers just grinned at each other.
     Nabiki was, however, not amused.  "You remember what I first
called you?" she said quietly to Jeff.
     "Incredibly wise gaijin?"
     "Nope"
     "Loving Jeff-chan?"
     "Uh-uh."
     "Toady worm?"
     "Bingo."
     "Hey, a guy is supposed to have a party the night before his
wedding.  You want me to break a tradition?" Jeff looked shocked.
     "There better not be any women at this little  tradition' of
yours." she said with crossed arms and a warning look.
     "You want this wedding to happen or not?"
     Nabiki just increased the severity of her look.
     "I have to get the fathers to go along with this." Jeff
hissed.  "Cut me some slack here."
     Nabiki turned to look at the fathers who were excitedly
talking among themselves.  <Hmmm.  Perhaps he has something.>
     "Okay, It's a deal." Mr. Tendo said with a smile.  "Hawaii
it is." Then turning to Kasumi: "Do you think Mrs. Suzuki would
be willing to watch the place while we are gone?"
     "I'm sure she would be happy to as her wedding gift to
Nabiki." Kasumi said sweetly.  "She always liked Nabiki."
     Nabiki looked at Jeff, made a face and shuddered.  She
didn't really get on with old people.  An overly affectionate and
elderly Mrs. Suzuki was one she made special care to avoid.
     The rest of the discussion surrounded preparations for
securing the residence, talks about dresses and tuxedos, and what
everyone was going to see in Hawaii.
     "I think the whole thing is so romantic." Akane finally
sighed, with visions of Nabiki, dressed in white, standing in a
grove of palm trees to get married.
     "Seems to me a long way to go to get hitched." Ranma said.
     Before Akane could react, Mr. Saotome interceded.  "Boy, you
need a lesson in courtship."  With that, he grasped his son's
tunic and tossed him across the yard and into the pond.
     The Marine guards heard the commotion and, fearing that Jeff
had been thrown out on his head, quickly converged on the pond. 
They abruptly came up short as a buxom red-headed female emerged
dripping wet.  Four jaws hit the ground at the same time.
     "What are *you* looking at?" Ranma yelled at the four gaping
Marines.
     One Marine nudged another and said: "See, I told you these
Tendo chicks are hot."
     Ranma, oblivious to the fact her top was now plastered to
her ample charms, glared at her audience.  "Butt out, jarheads. 
I'm a guy, okay?"
     The Marines reaction was predictable. <Sheesh!  These Tendo
women may be hot babes but they're also loony as they come.>

     It was a beautiful Hawaiian morning at the Honolulu Zoo
where a special ceremony was taking place.
     "It is with a great deal of pride I welcome the
representatives from the Peoples Republic of China and their
traveling Panda exhibit." the American Vice-President said.
     Standing next to him on the platform was the Chinese
Minister of Pandas, his eight assistants, an interpreter, four
people with weird sounding zoological degrees (or something
reasonably academic), six secret service agents, and two guys
with oversized pooper scoopers.  Understandably, it was crowded.
     The Minister of Pandas whispered something to his
interpreter.  Turning to the American Veep, the interpreter
asked: "The minister wants to know how your country is willing to
contribute to the welfare of our wild pandas?"
     Doing his best wooden indian imitation, the modern
politician quickly weighed the political cost of every possible
answer, factored in the latest CNN/ABC polling data, considered
the first lady's desires and reached his conclusion.
     "We are prepared to dedicate whatever it takes to depopulate
those areas required to protect the endangered panda species. 
Mankind is the greatest enemy of nature so we are willing to
declare war on mankind to protect every conceivable species on
earth, even those whose existence we don't know about yet. 
America is solidly behind all endangered species, whatever it
takes." The American Veep said, almost showing some emotion.
     The translator wrinkled his nose at the thought of
depopulating one quarter of China for a stupid bear and changed
the translation slightly: "The American Vice President agrees
that they should help and has pledged next year's entire tax
receipts to that end."
     The Chinese Minister of Panda's smiled, the American Vice
President smiled, and the guys with pooper scoopers moved in to
clean up.
     Somewhere nearby, two shadowy figures watched with great
interest as the pandas were unloaded into a minimum security
cage.
     "What do you think?" the tall, slender one asked in a husky
voice.
     "Piece of cake."  he replied. "We steal truck, sneak in
after dark, disable guards, and steal the pandas."
     "And then?"
     "What else?  We demand an exorbitant ransom fee."

     In a palatial residence in an upscale section of Beverly
Hills, California, Montgomery Phillips, spoiled nephew of the
late Ronald and Ruth Phillips, was putting on an ash tray and
lamp throwing exhibition.
     "I knew those @#&%*@ people would leave all their *@$#&#@
money to the stinking weasel Jeffrey."  he screamed.  "I'm better
qualified than...!"
     His fit was interrupted by the butler announcing the arrival
of his personal lawyer.
     As the attorney came into the room, Monty launched his
attack: "I want my late uncle's money.  Is there any way to fight
that damn will?"
     "I'm afraid not, sir." the attorney replied, slightly shaken
by Monty's verbal assault. "According to my sources, it would
appear to be iron clad."  Physical assault was another matter, he
ducked a poorly thrown ash tray.
     "Why do I pay you vultures when you can't even get a simple
thing like a will contested?"  Monty flopped down in an
overstuffed chair, exasperated.
     "If I may, sir?" the lawyer continued. "There is no direct
way to contest the will.  However, there appears to be a small
ambiguity in what would happen should Mr. Jeffery Lawrence be...
incapacitated."
     "Go on, you interest me." Monty was calm now.  He always
became calm while hatching a plan.
     "Well, to put it bluntly, if Jeffrey Lawrence were to meet
with an...  accident', the usual result would be to resort to
another heir." The slimy lawyer rubbed his hands together
thinking of the large  bonus' he would receive should this scheme
work.
     "An accident, huh?"  Monty leaned back, deep in thought. 
"Now, *that* has possibilities."

     Three weeks later, back at the Tendo residence, Kasumi was
briefing Mrs. Suzuki on all the details about their trip, making
sure she had all the telephone numbers necessary.
     "I think it's wonderful that little Nabiki is getting
married." the old woman croaked.  "Wouldn't it be wonderful if it
could be a double or even a triple wedding?"  She smiled a
toothless smile.
     Kasumi just smiled sadly and nodded almost self consciously. 
"I'm afraid Akane is closer to being wed than I." She added.
     "Ah yes, little Akane." the old woman nodded, and tried to
remember what the little girl looked like.  "Isn't she promised
in marriage to some strange Chinese boy?"
     "No, Suzuki-sempi," Kasumi sighed. "Ranma Saotome is
Japanese."
     "And a damned strange one." the old lady finished.
     "Well, you got me there." Kasumi muttered to herself.  "You
have everything you need should there be any trouble."  Kasumi
said more reassuring herself than the old lady.
     "Don't worry, I'm sure little Akane's wedding will be fine."
     "Nabiki."
     "Nabiki?  Where is that little scamp?"
     "It's Nabiki's wedding, Mrs Suzuki"
     "Nabiki?  Is she getting married too?"
     Kasumi just sighed, handed the keys to the old lady and went
to pack.  <It really doesn't matter who's wedding Suzuki-sempi
thinks we were going to attend.  Just so long as the place is
taken care of.> Kasumi thought as she climbed the stairs.

     Back in California, Monty Phillips finished planning the
demise of his cousin as he finished his dinner.  It was perfect. 
It was simple.  And most of all, it would preserve his
deniability.  He chuckled cruelly and placed a single phone call.

     The next day, both families found themselves on a large
American airliner heading for Honolulu.  The fathers quietly
played an electronic version of Go on the vacant seat between
them.  Neither really liked the device very much, it made it
impossible to cheat.  Still, it was going to be a long flight and
there are just so many magazines and movies one could look at. 
The girls, on the other hand, were finding it much easier to
adjust to the confining spaces of a 747.
     "What are you going to do first?" Akane asked her oldest
sister.
     Kasumi was enjoying a cool soft drink and watching the in-
flight movie.  The last few days had been the longest time she
had ever gone without cooking, cleaning, or doing the laundry.
She was savoring every moment.  Like a patient mother, she
removed her earphones and smiled at her little sister.
     "Oh, maybe spend a day at the beach." she sighed with a
smile. "Or do some shopping."
     The two girls were interrupted by Ranma-chan's tapping Akane
on the shoulder.
     "This better be important, pervert." Akane responded,
clearly irritated.
     "It is!" she hissed.  "We've got to talk...privately."
     Akane looked around and gave Ranma a confused look.  "Where? 
We're on an airplane.  There's no  private' anywhere here."
     "Yes there is.  Follow me."  She grabbed Akane's arm and
towed her quickly down the isle.
     Near the galley, Ranma-chan made a quick turn into a vacant
bathroom.  Dragging a protesting Akane in behind her, Ranma-chan
slammed shut the door and turned, almost nose to nose, to face a
growling fianc‚.
     "This better be good." Akane warned, trying to get as far
away from Ranma as possible.  It was closer than a Tokyo subway
during rush hour.
     "Why do I have to travel as a girl?"  Ranma-chan hissed.   
Akane tried to cross her arms but failed due to Ranma-chan's
protruding bust.  "Because you got yourself drenched just before
your picture was taken at the passport office.  It's a good thing
Nabiki was able to alter your birth certificate on the fly like
that.  It took every favor Nabiki had on her books to get us in
as quickly as we did.  Usually, we would have had to wait 6 to 8
weeks to get passports.  So, as far as our government is
concerned, you are a girl."  She couldn't resist adding:
"Sweety."
     Ranma-chan ignored the insult but squirmed uncomfortably
nevertheless.  "Well, I've never had to be a girl this long
before."
     "So?"
     "I think I'm... having...  that time of month'." Ranma-chan
whined rubbing her legs together.
     "Huh?"
     "You know, the thing you get every month that makes you so
crabby."
     "It does *not* make me crabby!" Akane yelled, suddenly
understanding just what the little creep was talking about and
becoming highly indignant at even having this discussion.
     "It sure does!" Ranma-chan yelled back, her voice echoing
loudly in the confined space.
     "Oh, all right.  Anything to get out of this hot box." Akane
quickly dug through her tiny hand bag until she found a small
cardboard cylinder.  Holding it up, she hissed: "Just put this
in..."
     Ranma's eyes got huge.  "In... *where*?!?"
     Akane just cocked her head and gave Ranma a look of
exasperation.
     Realizing just what Akane was asking her to do, Ranma-chan
reacted loudly.  "HUH-UH!  NO WAY!"
     A knock at the door drew their attention momentarily. 
Irritated, Akane yelled at the door using her best high school
English: "One minute.  We coming right out!"
     The old lady on the other side of the door blinked and
thought: <WE?!?>
     "Then you can wait until we get to the hotel.  I'll fix you
up then." she hissed, anxious to get out of this tight and
increasingly hot phone booth sized toilet.
     "But what about...?" Ranma-chan started.
     "Here," Akane grabbed a hand full of paper towels and thrust
them at a confused looking Ranma.  "Stuff these in your drawers."
     With that, she unlocked the door and violently swung it
open, knocking Ranma-chan back onto the toilet.  A large gathered
crowd, once Akane got out of the way, was treated to the sight of
a red haired Japanese girl desperately trying to stuff a wad of
paper towels down the front of her pants.  Suddenly aware of her
audience, she stopped, got a disgusted look on her face and
yelled: "What?!?"  The crowd quickly disbursed.
     Akane returned to her seat muttering about how she can't
believe she's living with that jerk.
     "Is Ranma alright?" Kasumi asked sweetly.
     "About as all right as that pervert is going to get." Akane
lamented plopping down in her seat and securing her headphones on
her head.
     Kasumi was about to return to the movie herself when she
caught sight of Ranma-chan waddling down the isle, her pants
overflowing with paper towels. <I'm going to be related to THAT?>
she thought, slowly turning back to the movie.  The mind boggles.
     The rest of the flight was fairly uneventful.  The only
other outburst came when a flight attendant spilled a cup of
Sprite on the passenger next to Genma Saotome causing the older
man to leap onto the back of his seat.  Good thing too.  Turning
into a panda onboard an aircraft in front of 400 witnesses could
be hard to explain.  Wouldn't help his trip through customs
either.

     Tatewaki Kuno arrived at the Tendo residence early Saturday
morning.  Seeing no one around, he walked through the front gate
and up to the door as if he owned the place. <Once Akane and I
are wed, I *will* own all this.> he thought. <I wonder how much
the land is worth?>
     Poking his head inside, he announced his arrival.  There was
no answer. <Where *is* everyone?>
     An elderly lady emerged from the main room carrying an old
broom.  She had just finished sweeping the carpet.  Kuno looked
at her as if she were someone she had never seen before. 
Actually, he never had.
     "My apologies, Obasan." Kuno said with a formal bow.  "I am
here..."
     "I'm not you grandma, sonny." Mrs Suzuki warned, a harsh
look coming over her face.
     "My humblest of apologies." Kuno said with another formal
bow. "I was wondering..."
     "Ah, yes." Suzuki cut him off again. "You're here to mow the
grass.  About time too.  Now the mower is out back..."
     "With all due respect," Kuno said stiffly. "I'm here to see
Miss Nabiki Tendo about a matter of business."
     "Oh, well, she's not here." Mrs. Suzuki said with an
irritated voice.  "She and her family went to Hawaii for little
Akane's wedding."
     Kuno's mouth open and closed several times, his eyes big and
all color drained from his face.
     "Hey, that's pretty good." the old lady remarked with a
grin.  "My late husband used to be able to do that too. Course,
he could make funny  popping' noises when he did it.  Can you
make  popping' noises too?"
     "AKANE TENDO!??  HAWAII?!?  WEDDING??!!!" Kuno was almost in
a state of apoplexy.
     "You don't have to shout, young man.  I'm not deaf you
know."  She poked the twitching Kuno with the handle of her
broom.
     Kuno was reduced to making strange gurgling sounds as his
body vibrated.
     "My late husband used to be able to do that too.  Well, he
was best at it just before he died." she observed thoughtfully. 
"Sure you don't want that mowing job?  I'll give you a whole 50
yen."
     Kuno stopped vibrating and let out a long, blood curdling
scream that echoed throughout Nerima as he ran from the
residence.
     "I guess that's a  No'.  What a strange young man." Mrs.
Suzuki mumbled as she returned to the main room.  "Made me miss
the  Brady Bunch' and everything."

     It was an especially dark night in Hawaii.  So dark that no
one observed a lone figure cutting the chain holding closed a
back gate to the city zoo.  That done, a small delivery truck
slowly drove through the gate, past the sleeping guards (their
condition aided by an earlier application of sleeping potion to
their coffee) and down to the panda exhibit.  Twenty minutes
later, the truck, now loaded with two prized female Chinese
Pandas, drove back out of the zoo and headed for the city center. 
No one would discover the theft until morning.  By then, the
crooks would have hidden both the truck and the pandas.  It was a
simple but brilliantly executed crime.

     The wedding party arrived in Hawaii just after sunrise and
easily cleared customs.  Ranma-chan, having shed her paper
towels, actually behaved the whole time.  Of course, Akane's
threats on her life were probably responsible.
     Jeff and Nabiki were there to meet them, having taken an
earlier flight to prepare for the family's arrival.  After a
short van ride through the city, they were at the hotel and
quickly checked in.
     As it was a beautiful Hawaiian day, they decided to start
their trip off with a visit to the beach.  However, preparations
didn't go off as smoothly as all had hoped for.  The girls were
having problems getting Ranma to wear a girls swim suit.
     "Why do I always have to wear a girls swimsuit?" Ranma
moaned.
     "Because, stupid, if you get wet wearing a boy's swimsuit,
we get arrested." Akane pointedly said.  "This is America.  They
take a dim view of nude public swimming.  By the way," she turned
to the other girls in the room. "Why do *I* always have to
provide the clothes for this pervert?"
     Kasumi just shook her head.  "We've already been over this. 
He's your fianc‚ and in his female form, you are the closest to
his size."  She handed Ranma-chan one of Akane's Speedos and,
like a frustrated mother, directed her to the bathroom to change.
     "Besides, Akane, you never get in the water anyway.  It
really doesn't make any difference what you wear to the beach."
Nabiki remarked while idly looking out the window.
     "Yeah? Well this time I'm gonna do some real swimming."
Akane bristled at the suggestion of her lack of aquatic skills. 
The other two girls just looked at each other.  It was going to
be a long day for the lifeguards.

     At the Honolulu International Airport, two other wedding
 guests' were arriving.  Tatewaki Kuno and his crazy sister
Kodachi were just passing through customs.  Kuno was forced to
bring his sister along when she overheard him booking a flight to
Hawaii.  If her honey, Ranma, was going to marry anyone, it was
going to be her.  She would try to spare Akane for her stupid
brother but if she got in the way, oh well.
     Customs went quickly until some of Kodachi's rhythmic
gymnastics paraphernalia aroused suspicion.  Her attempts at
convincing the agent that they were legitimate sports equipment
were spoiled when one of her clubs accidentally sprung open to
reveal a series of sharp spines.  All her equipment were quickly
confiscated and the pair were detained for questioning.  They
would be released several hours later, but only after convincing
the police that they were simple Japanese tourists who only
feared for their safety.

     Meanwhile, back at the beach, the Genma and Soun, dressed in
t-shirts and swimsuits, were demonstrating their skills at Tai
Che while ogling the girls that happened by.  Clearly, they were
in their element; showing off their martial arts skills while
surrounded by beautiful women wearing the least possible.
     Akane and Ranma-chan were debating what to do first.  Akane
wanted to try swimming and Ranma wanted to check out the beach
food vendors.
     Kasumi settled under a large umbrella on a comfortable
little beach chair to do some light reading.  Being the polite
girl she was, she smiled and nodded whenever someone even
appeared to talk to her.  This would have been fine except it
kept attracting people who assumed she spoke English; some
weirder than others.
     "Pardon me, your bodacious beautifulness," a rather seedy
looking example of a blonde California beach bum said.  "You mind
if I, like, share your sun with you?"
     "Hai." Kasumi responded with an unsure smile.  She didn't
understand a word he was saying but he seemed nice enough.
     "Yeah, like  hi' right back at ya," the blonde guy flopped
down on Kasumi's towel, scattering sand over her book and
personal things.  Disgustedly, she swept the sand off as best she
could.  The smile was getting harder to maintain.
     "Me and T-bone (that's my buddy) just blew in from the coast
looking for some gnarly waves and we're, like, gonna get some
babes and, do you, you-know, like, have a friend?  For T-bone, I
mean."  The blonde dude now had Kasumi totally lost.  You could
tell because her smile slowly melted into a really neat look of
total confusion.  Fortunately, Jeff and Nabiki chose that moment
to arrive.
     "Who's your friend, Kasumi?" Nabiki chirped as she
approached.
     "I have no idea.  He just sat down and started talking."
Kasumi said with a look of bewilderment.  "English, I think."
     "Hey, babe!" the blonde beach dude said with a genuine Bill
and Ted expression as he turned to Nabiki. "You talk like the
little oriental guy we got back home who cuts the grass around my
parents house."
     "Well, he's certainly colorful." Jeff observed.  "Probably,
harmless."
     "Wow, dude.  You, like, speak the lingo too.  Way cool."
     "Kasumi, do you want me to tell him to go away?" Jeff asked
quietly.
     Kasumi thought for a moment and replied: "Try not to be too
harsh with him, Jeff-san.  He seems like a nice person."
     "Look, fella.  The little lady here just asked me to tell
you she's not interested in whatever you're selling and to please
go away." Jeff said as firmly as possible.
     The blonde dude, however, was not easily shooed away.  In
fact, he was beginning to feel a little bit put upon by the,
obviously, smaller Jeff.  Standing up, he assumed an aggressive
stance.
     "Yeah? An what if I, like, don't think the babe really said
that?"  He advanced an intimidating step forward.  "And what if,
I think you're trying to steal my babe.  I know Kung Fu, dude. 
So you better, like, beat it now."
     Jeff's face lost all its expression.  He could tell the
blonde was no fighter, his stance comically ridiculous.  Still,
the guy was clearly in an aggressive mood.  Jeff glanced around
to see if anyone was really watching.  If trouble came, he would
have to respond.  He didn't like the situation at all.
     Nabiki, understanding Jeff's limits a little better now,
could tell that her fianc‚ was quickly closing in on doing
something rash.  Certain her intervention could prevent an ugly
incident, she stepped between the two boys.  It should be noted
here that Nabiki was the champion of the Furinkan High School
English Club.  She was a straight  A' student in English and had
watched lots of American television shows and movies before they
were dubbed into Japanese.  In short, she was the best Japanese
public schools had to offer.
     "Look, Bucko!" she started, reaching up to poke the blonde
in the chest with her finger.  "Sister say you no like go away
now."
     <That's telling him, Nabiki> Jeff thought fighting back a
visible chuckle.  
     But Nabiki was on a roll and still poking the blonde dude in
the chest.  The look on her face was of total commitment. <Why
doesn't he get the message?  I used the right words.> she
thought.
     "Jeff-san, do you think he understood me?" she asked Jeff a
worried look on her face.
     "I'm not sure *I* understood you."
     Nabiki reset her jaw with a determined look and turned to
the guy once more.  It was time to play her trump card: "I call
father you no go."
     *That* the guy got and started to leave, but not without a
parting shot to Kasumi: "Hey, babe, me and T-bone are staying
down at the Beachcomber.  It's not much to look at but it's
cheap. [snicker] If you, like, change your mind.."  
     He never finished as Nabiki shouted loud enough to attract
attention: "GO!".
     The blonde beat a hasty retreat.
     "Honestly, Oneechan." Nabiki said with a exasperated voice
while dropping to her knees next to Kasumi's blanket.  "You've
got to stop trying to be nice to everyone you meet.  It just
encourages the weirdos."
     Kasumi just sighed and gave her  hurt puppy dog' look.  "But
Nabiki, I was just being polite.  You wouldn't want me to be
impolite, would you?"
     Nabiki shot another look at the retreating blonde beach bum
before responding: "I suppose not.  Just be more careful who you
talk to."
     Before Kasumi could agree a commotion up where the fathers
were working out drew everyone's attention, including the police. 
Jeff, Nabiki, Ranma, and Akane all reached the scene at the same
time.  Inside a ring of curious onlookers, Genma Saotome and Soun
Tendo were about to be handcuffed by four large Hawaiian police
officers.
     "Aw, pop.  What did you do this time?" Ranma-chan whined as
she pushed her way through the crowd.
     "All I was doing, son, was showing Sensi Tendo the art of
 Limb Kai Projection'." the elder Saotome protested.
     "The Limb Kai...you pervert!" Ranma yelled.  "You were using
your kai to sneak a grope.  You dirty old man!"
     "Father!" Nabiki and Akane shouted in unison.
     Mr. Tendo just shrugged his shoulders and looked innocent.
     Nabiki quickly grabbed Jeff. "Do something!"
     "Do what?!?  These are cops, not street thugs."
     "Talk to them.  You're rich.  Maybe they'll respect that."
     "You sure have a lot to learn about money, little lady."
     With implied threats in their looks, Akane and Nabiki
spurred Jeff to action.
     "Excuse me, officers." he began as he approached the lawmen. 
"I'm the host for these two gentlemen while they're in this
country.  What seems to be the problem here?"
     "This young lady," the first officer said indicating the
tall, leggy blonde with a figure you would die for (or at least
pay extra).  "Has made a complaint against these two for [reading
from his notepad] illegally placing their hands on a part of her
body without permission."
     "I see," Jeff stroked his chin and looked concerned.  "Tell
me miss.  Just where were you when this happened?"
     The blonde, wearing the minimum legal covering, wiggled to
about 20 feet away and stopped.  "Right here."
     "Okay.  Where were the Japanese gentlemen?"
     "Where they are now,... I guess." the blonde suddenly got an
embarrassed look on her face.  "But they could have been closer."
     Jeff just looked at the officers who were trading looks
among themselves.
     "Twenty feet, gentlemen?"  Jeff summarized.  "Unless we're
dealing with two men with extraordinary physical talents..."
     "Miss," the second officer turned to the blonde. "Is it
possible you were grabbed by someone else in the crowd?"
     "Well," she squirmed slightly. "I guess so.  But they were
laughing."  She pointed to the fathers and pouted.
     "They're Japanese." Jeff protested.  "They're always
laughing.  Didn't you see  Tora, Tora, Tora'?"
     "Ah, Tora, Tora, Tora" the two fathers repeated.
     "Shut up!" Nabiki jumped in.
     "What do ya think?" the first officer asked his partner.
     "Twenty feet away would be hard to prove in court and they
*are* foreign tourists."
     "Okay, you two, we'll forget about it this time." the
officers began to unhandcuff the fathers.  "But try to behave
yourselves while in Hawaii."
     When the officers had left and the families were alone,
Akane vented on both fathers.  "I can't believe you two.  We
leave you alone on the beach for ten minutes and you find a way
to get into trouble."
     "But daughter..." Soun Tendo attempted to explain.
     "Not this time!" Akane yelled wagging her finger in her
father's face.  "You're just lucky Jeff was here.  None of us
speak good enough English to get you off so quickly.  You could
have spent Nabiki's wedding in jail."
     As the rest of the family turned away, the two fathers just
looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

     Somewhere in the outskirts of Honolulu, two truck thieves
were running for their lives.  It seems the truck they stole,
instead of material valuables in the back, contained two very
annoyed and very dangerous panda bears ready to rearrange the
thieves' body parts.  The felons fled, the pandas wandered off in
search of food, and the stage was set for the worst week the
Honolulu Police had experienced since the bombing of Pearl
Harbor.

     That evening the bride and groom's families met for the
first time.  It was, to say the least, an interesting meeting.
     Convening at a local country club, the families intermingled
in a private dining room.  Jeff's mom and the girls hit it off
immediately.  Nabiki, at first, was a little embarrassed,
remembering her condition at the embassy reception for the
Japanese Prime Minister.  But, on the whole, the ladies seemed
right at home together.
     The guys, on the other hand, were having a few problems. 
Soun kept telling Mr. Lawrence how proud he was to be the
father-in-law of such a nice (and rich) young man as Jeff.  Genma
repeatedly asked how rich Mr. Lawrence was, figuring that if Jeff
was rich, the father must be loaded.  Ranma, totally embarrassed
by his father's brown-nosing, was trying to rein in his dad with
little success.  Jeff just sat back and enjoyed watching his dad
squirm. 
     <For all those years you weren't there, this one's for you.>
Jeff thought.
     To Mr. Lawrence's credit, he proved the consummate diplomat,
easily deflecting Mr. Saotome's probes while gracefully
acknowledging Mr. Tendo's blubbering compliments.
     Totally bored with the discussion and sensing a chance to
slip out, Jeff quietly wandered over to where the ladies were
talking to do a little eavesdropping.  The discussion was, for
Jeff's part, worse there.
     His mother had a list of embarrassing Jeff stories that
would make an extortionist like Nabiki green with envy.  Good
thing she didn't talk to his mother when they first met, he would
have been paying hush money to middle Tendo daughter until his
bank account squealed.






Greg Sandborn	(aka: Uncle Fester)

Home on the range at:	sandborn@microlink.net
			sandborn@burnsmcd.com


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Pushing the envelope of fan fiction till my stamp gets canceled.