best-man in female form, Jeff started with the usual questions. 
"Where, the hell, have you been?!   Everybody has been worried
sick about you."
     "I don't want to talk about it."
     "And where's your father?"
     "I don't want to talk about it."
     "Not only that, you missed the wedding rehearsal and Akane
is spitting mad."
     Apparently, the use of Akane's name right then was not the
wisest choice of words.  With a move only Ranma could do, he
grabbed Jeff by the throat and backed him against the wall.
     "Perhaps, I was just being a bit selfish with that last
remark.  If you could just move your thumb, I would like to
breathe again.  If you don't mind."  Jeff was back to his helium
voice, his eyes bugging out.
     Ranma released him but continued to give a warning look that
could match anything Akane had in her arsenal.  
     Rubbing his throat and making sure everything still worked,
Jeff noticed Ranma-chan's top had flopped open again.
     "Would you fix that please." he said waiving a free hand at
her chest.  "I've been controlling my libido with cold showers
for three days and the last thing I need right now is to be face
to face with a pair of those."
     Still glaring at Jeff, Ranma-chan fixed the front of her
shirt again.
     "Look, I've got a one o'clock appointment to get fitted for
my tux." Jeff said looking at his watch.  "If you shower and
change, your clothes I mean, we can both get fitted at the same
time and save you a trip later.  Okay?"
     "Very well." Ranma-chan said exhaustedly.  "Just give me a
few minutes and I'll meet you in the lobby."
     "And pitch those clothes, they smell like you slept on the
floor of a toilet."  Jeff called after her.
     Ranma-chan just hung her head in resignation. <What else
could go wrong today?> she thought with disgust. <I spent the
night in a toilet, I stink, I almost strangled the groom, and
Akane is probably pissed because of what happened last night. 
All things considered, I was better off lost.>

     Nabiki led her little entourage into Mr. Moto's Wedding
Shop.  She was in the market for the most beautiful wedding dress
possible and bridesmaids dresses for the rest.  Mr. Moto had no
idea what *he* was in for.
     Two hours later, a shaking and sweating Mr. Moto had fitted
all in the most expensive outfits he had.  It wasn't the fitting
that had the poor man so out of sorts.  It was the bargaining job
done on him by the bride-to-be.  In short, *she* had taken *him*
to the cleaners.
     "Nabiki, I read that it's a custom in the West for a bride
to get married with four traditional things; old, new, borrowed,
and blue." Yuka chirped as she casually fingered the dress Nabiki
had picked out.
     "Neat." Sayuri clapped her hands.  "It's like a game."
     Kasumi liked games and was about to join in when she noticed
Akane sitting alone by the door.  She looked like someone who
just lost her best friend.  Slipping over next to her, Kasumi
reached down and patted Akane on the arm.
     "He'll be all right." she insisted.  "You've got to have
faith."
     Akane looked up at her big sister.  "How can you be so
sure?" she asked almost in tears.
     "I *know* things, remember?" Kasumi smoothed her sister's
hair.  "I've never been able to understand just why, but at
times..." she smiled at Akane.  "He's all right."
     Akane smiled weakly and held her sister's hand for a few
moments.  "Okay, Oneechan.  I'll believe you.  I just hope he'll
show up soon."
     "He will, Akane." Kasumi put her arm around her little
sister and helped her to her feet.  "Now, let's go play Yuka's
little game and make your sister, Nabiki, happy."
     Akane nodded shyly and they joined the others.
     "Okay," Yuka summed up.  "You'll wear my class pin; that's
blue.  And Sayrui's charm bracelet; that's the borrowed.  Of
course, the dress is the new.  But what about the old?"  Yuka
struck a contemplative pose.
     Nabiki's hand instinctively went to her mother's clan amulet
around her throat. She was about to suggest something when Kasumi
interrupted.
     "I have something, very old for you."  She dug through her
purse and produced a small silver tube no more than six inches in
length.  Curved slightly, it appeared to have two parts that were
beautifully carved.
     "What is it?" Nabiki asked as she fingered it's surface.
     "It belonged to your mother and is *very* old."  Kasumi
paused watching Nabiki's reaction.  "It was worn by your mother
when she got married."
     Yuka and Sayuri crowded closer to examine the object.  In
the light of the shop, the silver surface seemed to sparkle as it
was turned.
     "It's a  promise tanto'." Kasumi finally revealed as she
pulled the two ends apart to reveal a tiny silver handled tanto.
     "What's it for?" Nabiki asked with raised eyebrows.  A knife
at a wedding seemed slightly out of place, even for a Tendo
wedding.
     "It's not used much any more." Kasumi sighed.  "But for
hundreds of years Japanese brides wore them on silver chains so
they hung down between their breasts.  Every movement would cause
the cold silver to touch the bride's breast bone lightly
reminding her of her promise."
     "What promise?" Akane asked, now fully involved in the
group's activities.
     "It's the ultimate pledge by a Japanese bride." Kasumi
smiled like she was revealing a long lost secret.  "Should she
ever dishonor her husband or fail him in any major way, she was
to use the blade to take her own life."
     The other girls gasped at the thought.  Only one or two
generations removed from such common practices, they couldn't
conceive of a situation that would compel them to do such a
thing.
     Nabiki's first reaction was to slide the blade back into
it's silver scabbard and hand it disgustedly back to her older
sister.  But she suddenly thought of her mother and the meeting
on the cliff.  Instinctively, her hand tightened around the tanto
and her look was that of someone looking far away.  She recalled
her vow never to dishonor her mother's clan and how she was now
the hope of those survivors of the Clan of the Cold Moon.  She
swallowed hard.
     "I...I will wear this," she said, her eyes beginning to
water.  "In honor of mother.  I will wear it proudly and abide by
the tradition."
     Yuka and Sayuri gasped.  This was *not* the same Nabiki they
knew back in Japan.  Exchanging looks, they wondered just what
had happened to their friend over the last two months.
     Akane broke down and gave her older sister a big hug that
seemed to last forever.  The two had never been that close, but
things were happening that would bring them together like never
before.
     There was still a spark of the old Nabiki left.  "Easy,
little sis." she said in almost mocking tones. "When you get
married, you'll have to wear one of these too.  With your temper,
it's liable to get used on the groom."
     Akane blushed while the other girls giggled.  Kasumi just
smoothed the hair on both of her sisters and chuckled quietly. 
After all, everything her mother had hoped for; the girls getting
married and coming together as best friends was happening.
     "For you, mother." Kasumi thought as she switched to hugging
her younger siblings.

     At the Honolulu Zoo, Mr. Saotome was running for his life
from the female panda.  Pulling signs that read: [Control
yourself, madam.], [I'm a married man.], and [Get away from me,
you hussy!] he waddled from corner to corner, constantly pursued
by a female panda that was obviously in heat.
     A couple of zoo keepers were bringing the pandas their
afternoon meal.
     "That big one sure is smart." the first observed as he
approached the enclosure.  "I wonder where he keeps getting those
signs?"
     "Beats me but he can't be all that smart," the other replied
as he set down the tub of bamboo.  "He hasn't said a single thing
on those signs in English."
     "You idiot!  These are Chinese pandas.  Where would they
learn to speak English?"
     "Oh, yeah.  I didn't think about that."
     "Of course, you didn't.  That's why *I'm* the senior guy
here."
     They tossed in the bamboo and prepared to leave.  Mr.
Saotome, his hunger winning out over his carnal concerns, quickly
pounced on the food allowing the female to paw him amorously.
     Holding up a sign asking for Soy Sauce, caused the first zoo
keeper to reiterate: "Yup, he sure is a smart bear."

     The phone was ringing in Ranma's room.  After his shower,
the poor tired boy had laid down for just a few minutes.  He
shook his head trying to make the ringing go away before
realizing it was the phone.  Sleepily, he rolled over and picked
up the receiver.
     "Mmah.  Yeah, whadya want?" he mumbled.
     "Hey, are you sleeping?"  Jeff's voice came through the
phone, a bit loudly Ranma thought.  "We're going to be late,
partner."
     Suddenly, Ranma was wide awake. <The fitting.  The wedding. 
I'm going to be late!> the thought wildly.  "Yeah, sure.  I'm on
my way now."  He slammed the phone down quickly and scurried for
the door.  Sprinting down the hall, he easily dodged a couple of
elderly tourists and reached the elevators in record time. 
Punching the down button several times, he noticed all the cars
were about as far away from his floor as they could get. <The
stairs.> he thought as he pushed open the stairwell door. <It's
only four floors.>
     Ranma raced down the stairs like a sprinter, shoving open
the ground floor fire door and running smack into a waiter
carrying a whole tray of glasses filled with ice water.  The
resulting crash brought a crowd of curious spectators along with
Jeff.
     When Jeff arrived, he found both the waiter and a female
Ranma on their backs in a pool of ice water.  The waiter was out
cold but an obviously female Ranma was quietly laying on her back
drumming her fingers on the soggy carpet.
     <Ho boy, Ranma.> Jeff thought as he reached for the
red-head. <You certainly know how to make an entrance.>
     "Come on, little lady."  He helped Ranma-chan to her feet. 
"We'll get you back up to your room and into some dry clothes."
     The elevator ride was colder than the water Ranma had just
been soaked in.
     "You know, Jeff-san." Ranma-chan said disgustedly.
"Sometimes, I think Akane's right.  It *would* be better staying
this way.  I mean, how often do I get splashed with *hot* water?"
     Wisely, Jeff declined to answer.  
     Back on their floor, Ranma made another discovery, in his
haste, he had left his key back in his room.  With a sigh, Jeff
dug out his key and told Ranma to use his shower to transform
back, while he went down to the desk and got another key to
Ranma's room.  He'd meet Ranma in ten or fifteen minutes with
some dry clothes.
     Ranma quickly showered and was about to check outside for
Jeff when he noticed a loud  ticking' sound. <Man! Jeff sure has
a loud alarm clock.> he thought as he opened the door to the
hall.
     Ranma was about to close the door again when the bomb
exploded.  The blast threw Ranma out the door, across the hall,
off the wall depositing him squarely on an unattended maid's
cart.  The cart took off on its own down the hall at break neck
speed, a dazed Ranma clinging to the top.  Almost to the end of
the hall, the fire doors were closing, Ranma braced for the
impact.  The cart must have been a good one as it took the blow
from the heavy steel fire doors and careened across the lobby
where dozens of people evacuating the building were treated to
the sight of a naked Japanese teen riding a runaway maid's cart. 
Halfway up the next hallway, Ranma's cart collided with another
maid's cart, diverting his through the open door of the room the
maid was cleaning.  Still moving at warp speed, the SS Maid Cart
passed through the open balcony sliding glass door and impacted
the hard iron railing, coming to an abrupt stop.  Unfortunately,
physics being what they are, Ranma didn't.  With a long yell,
Ranma Saotome, sans towel, cart or usable parachute, sailed in a
magnificent arc, landing in the deep end of the hotel's swimming
pool.
     A couple of male Chinese teens, seeing Ranma's impressive
stunt, totally misinterpreted what was happening and started
running towards the pool yelling: "Jackie Chan!  Jackie Chan!". 
This had the effect of gathering a rather large crowd, all armed
with the best in photographic equipment to record the completion
of another successful Jackie Chan movie stunt.
     Imagine their surprise when, instead of a middle aged
martial arts actor/stunt man, an angry and very naked red-headed
Japanese girl came sputtering to the edge of the pool.
     "That's not Jackie Chan, you idiot!" one Chinese girl said
to the guy who started the stampede.
     "Yeah, but this is better." the boy replied only to be 
Kun-chan  bapped' by the females in the crowd.  Ranma-chan just
hung on the side of the pool, head in hand, drumming her fingers
again on the hard surface and wondering just what she did to
deserve the last 24 hours.
     At first, Jeff tried to get up to the fourth floor but
quickly reversed direction when he heard all the commotion out by
the pool.  If anyone could cause a ruckus like that, it had to be
Ranma.  He was right, of course, and grabbing a bunch of beach
towels along the way he headed for the pool.
     <This is going to be hell to explain to the management.> he
thought as he dodged tourists, police, and firefighters on his
way to the pool.
     Sure enough, there was Ranma, naked, female, and *not* in a
good mood.
     "Can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?" Jeff commented
as he started feeding Ranma-chan towels.  Soon he had her out of
the pool and wrapped sufficiently in towels to look like just
another swimmer.  "What happened?"
     "Jeff-san" Ranma-chan said flatly.  "Your room blew up."
     Jeff just blinked twice.  "I think it best to get as far
away from here as possible.  When the fire investigators start
digging through the rubble of the fourth floor they're gonna want
to have a little talk with me.  For now, we better get you some
clothes."  Jeff waived his arm to attract the attention of a
nearby taxi.  Shoving the still wet Ranma-chan in the back seat,
Jeff quickly followed and directed the driver to a small men's
store in down town Honolulu.

     The girls were just leaving Mr. Moto's shop when a taxi
pulled up front and an excited Soun Tendo jumped out.  Waiving a
local newspaper, he shouted that he had found Mr. Saotome.  The
girls quickly gathered around to see a front page picture of a
panda sitting on a pile of straw holding a sign that read, in
Japanese,  HELP!!!'.
     "That's him, all right." Nabiki said.
     Only Akane noticed the fire trucks and police cars racing in
the direction of their hotel.
     "We've got to go get him." Kasumi said firmly.
     "We've got to find Jeff first." Nabiki corrected her sister
as she started for the taxi.
     All six tried to pile into the cab at the same time, Akane
being the last to try to squeeze in.
     As luck would have it, another cab containing a very
frustrated Kuno was passing by in the opposite direction.  He
just happened to look up in time to see his beloved Akane Tendo
getting into the cab outside a fashionable Wedding Dress shop. 
His reaction was immediate and vocal.  However, his lack of a
usable English vocabulary made it impossible to get the driver to
understand he wanted to stop.  The taxi continued down the
street, rocking back and forth as a frantic Mr. Blue Thunder
screamed in Japanese and pounded on the glass between himself and
the driver.
     Meanwhile, Jeff and Ranma-chan were only seconds behind
Kuno's cab heading for the men's shop.  Kasumi was the first to
spot Jeff in the back seat of the cab going in the opposite
direction.  So, as their cab pulled away from the curb, Nabiki
used the only English words she knew would fit in this situation:
"Follow that cab!"  
     Figuring a fare was a fare, the cabbie pulled a u-turn in
the middle of the street, cutting off two police cars in the
process, and set off after Jeff's cab.  The police cars, now out
of control, took a short detour through a couple of beach front
vendor's carts and on into the blue Pacific ocean, their lights
still flashing as they sunk slowly beneath the waves.
     At the first light, Kuno's cab and Jeff's cab pulled up next
to each other.  Kuno was still yelling at the driver when he
noticed in the cab next to him sat his red-haired, pig tailed
goddess, wet and lovely.  This only spurred him to scream louder. 
That was all the cabbie could take.  Fare or no fare, he wanted
this wacko out of his hack.  Kuno gladly obliged but had lousy
timing as the light suddenly turned green and the cab containing
his red-haired love took off through the intersection.  Before
Kuno could climb back into his cab, the cabbie gunned the engine
and followed Jeff's cab on down the street.
     Frustrated, Kuno jumped up and down waving his arms in the
middle of the street.  This almost caused an accident as the cab
containing the girls and Mr. Tendo had to swerve to avoid hitting
the lunatic.  However, as the cab sped past, Akane and Kuno
caught sight of each other.  This caused Kuno set off after
Akane's cab on foot.  He didn't get far, halfway through the next
intersection, a fire truck on its way to the hotel bombing,
swerved to avoid a tall Asian male sprinting down the middle of
the street, causing the trailing police car to slam on his brakes
resulting in a rear end collision with the fire truck.  The
collision caused several cars from the cross street traffic to
swerve wildly, one winding up in the store front of Iwase Books
of Honolulu (your best value in Japanese Manga in Hawaii) and
another passing through a fire hydrant, over a street vendor's
modest cart and up onto a bus stop bench.  Three or four more
accidents and it was all over.  No injuries but a least a dozen
furious, not to mention soaking wet, police officers who clearly
wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with  that idiot who was
running down the middle of the street'.
     Mr. Moto, still shaken from the financial licking he had
just taken at the hands of a master negotiator, was closing his
shop for lunch.  Squad cars, fire trucks, and ambulances were
rapidly whizzing by in both directions.  As he hung the  Out to
Lunch' sign on the front door and finished securing the lock, his
entire shop blew up with a mighty roar.  When the smoke cleared,
Mr. Moto was still standing at his front door.  Actually, that
was all that was left of his shop; a door, a sign and a pile of
rubble.  This just wasn't his day.
     Nabiki's cab finally caught up with Jeff at the next stop
light.  Japanese girls came pouring out of the cab heading for
the one in front.
     "Jeff, we've found Mr. Saotome!" Nabiki yelled as she
grabbed the passenger door handle.
     "Everybody in!" Jeff yelled, opening the back doors to allow
the girls entry.
     Mr. Tendo was the last to exit his cab and the cabbie got
out yelling about the fare.  Mr. Tendo reached in his pocket and
handed a 50 dollar bill to the driver and sprinted to Jeff's cab,
squeezing in next to his oldest daughter.
     As the overloaded cab pulled away from the intersection, the
other cabbie was chuckling about his windfall.  The fare was only
a little over 10 dollars.  He was reveling in the thought of a
$40 tip when a lady in a minivan rear ended his parked cab
sending it rolling into the intersection where it was promptly 
t-boned by two other cars.  This left the driver with a totaled
taxi and a $40 tip to cover the damage.  Not the best of days for
him either.

     As the over stuffed cab rolled up to a small men's shop,
eight people piled out.  Jeff tossed a $100 bill to the driver
and ordered him to wait.  Into the men's shop dashed six Japanese
females, one Japanese father, and a very annoyed Jeff.
     Jeff asked Mr. Tendo to help fix up Ranma while he got the
whole story from Nabiki.
     "Ah...Jeff-san," Mr. Tendo cleared his throat nervously. 
"He is still a...ah, she."
     "What? Oh...well, take her back into the bathroom and splash
some hot water on her and then get him some clothes."
     Turning to Nabiki, he listened as she excitedly waived the
newspaper in front of him.  Sure enough, there was a picture of
Mr. Saotome on the front.
     "Well, we'll just have to go get him." Jeff said with
resignation.  "Although I don't have a clue as to how."

     Kuno lost sight of Akane's taxi cab soon after it pulled
away from his intersection.  Figuring she was on her way to the
church, he hailed another taxi and directed the driver to the
next church on his list.
     Arriving in minutes, he dashed inside and attempted to
disrupt what turned out to be a little African-American wedding
service.  Immediately set upon by half a dozen members of the
wedding party, he was hauled outside and unceremoniously dumped
on the grass.
     Indignant, Kuno used the only Shakespeare phrase he knew in
English, referring to his assailants as  boorish blackamoors'. 
This proved a mistake as some obviously misinterpreted the
statement to be some kind of racial slur and proceeded to hog tie
and toss the yelling Kuno over the edge of the nearest cliff.

     A small, but happy birthday party was in full swing around
the swimming pool of this upper class suburban neighborhood.  In
attendance were a dozen little girls, their mothers, a fly
attracting pony, and a certain Mr. Happy, the clown (who didn't
look all *that* happy to begin with).  Just as the girls were
finishing the traditional singing of  Happy Birthday' the air was
rent with the scream of somebody approaching...from above.
     Tatewaki Kuno's long scream of indignation was cut short as
his body did a perfect cannon-ball dive into the deep end of the
outdoor pool; splashing water on everyone including the pony and
Mr. Happy.
     As Kuno painfully crawled out of the pool, he kept repeating
over and over that he was all right and they needn't worry.  As
he was standing on the surface surrounding the pool, the frozen
party goers seemed to come alive, throwing everything they could
get their hands on.  Some mothers even pulled up the cute little
 Tiki' torches and began beating Kuno about the head and chest
with them.  The kids were screaming, the women were yelling, the
pony was stampeding, and Kuno was running for his life.  The
final indignity was delivered by Mr. Happy, who chased Kuno down
the street beating him over the head with a shovel.  Kuno was
amazed at just how fast a clown in oversized red shoes could run.

     Jeff apparently had not been placed on either the  missing
person' or the  all points bulletin' lists as he was easily able
to arrange for another limousine to pick up himself and the rest
of the family along with a small panel van for his, hopefully,
panda rescue activity.  He didn't have a plan yet but was
furiously working on the possibilities.  The mood inside the limo
was tense but hopeful.
     Remembering that he now owned a large chunk of a major
Hollywood film production studio, he hatched a plan to retrieve
Mr. Saotome.  Shoving notepads and whatever else he could find in
the back of the limo into the confused hands of the girls he
quickly sketched an outline of his plan.
     When they arrived at the zoo, it was still closed.  Exiting
the limo at the main gate, Jeff strode confidently up to the
small office and demanded to see the person in charge while the
others scurried to the panda compound.  As it was still early in
the day, the only person of any authority was the Assistant Head
Zookeeper.
     "May I help you, mister..." the zoo authority figure asked,
his hand extended.
     Ignoring the man's hand, Jeff strode over to the panda
compound and said flatly: "Jeff Lawrence and you have my panda."
     "I'm sorry, sir.  But those pandas are from the traveling
Chinese panda exhibit." the head guy said confidently.  "We just
recaptured them last night."
     "I'm sorry, but *you've* made a mistake.  The big one there
is a trained movie panda bear being used to film a Japanese
martial arts movie my studio is filming on the other side of the
island."  Jeff said trying to stare down the smaller zoo
employee.  "He escaped two days ago and we have been frantically
searching for him ever since."  It was becoming obvious he would
have to do better.
     "Who are all those people?" the zoo keeper asked waiving his
hand at the Tendos.
     "Movie crew." 
     "Really?" for the first time the zoo keeper sounded
interested.  "Any stars in there?"
     "Well," Jeff hesitated. "Ah...The dark haired boy and the
girl with the short dark hair are the stars."
     "Really?  What's it about?"
     "It's a...ah...boy and his panda movie.  Ah...they rescue
the girl who is...ah being pursued by bad guys and they all live
happily ever after."
     "They seem awful young." the zoo keeper was getting
suspicious.
     "It's a children's movie.  You know, a Japanese Disney-like
film."  Jeff was making all this up as he went along but it was
beginning to sound so good he was almost believing it himself.
     Soun Tendo was leaning against the railing in front of the
panda exhibit.  "How I suffer for you, my old friend."
     The panda just held up a sign. [You don't know the half of
it.] The female panda was getting more aggressive by the minute.
     "Euoooo.  If they start mating, I'm going to be sick." Yuka
grimaced.
     The head zoo keeper was about to flatly refuse to release
the panda when one of his assistants came running up.
     "You're not going to believe what happened, sir." the man
gasped.  "The police say a couple of farmers up in the hills were
mauled by a panda two hours ago."
     "A panda?" the head zoo keeper protested. "But all our
pandas are locked up here.  Must be a mistake."
     "No mistake, sir.  The two farmers were trying to put a
collar and leash on the panda when it attacked."
     "May I have *my* panda now?" Jeff asked impatiently.  "I'm
losing the light and have a tight shooting schedule."
     The head zoo keeper kept looking between his assistant,
Jeff, and the pandas in his enclosure, vainly hoping someone
would tell him what to do.
     "Can you prove this panda belongs to you?" he finally asked.
     Jeff just signaled Mr. Tendo to do his thing.  Soun Tendo
put on a masterful performance of what he thought a movie animal
trainer should look like.  It was corny, it was strange, but it
seemed to work.  Finally, asking Mr. Saotome in Japanese, if he
wanted to go home, the group was immediately rewarded with a pair
of signs that read: [Are you kidding?] and [Get me out of here!].
     With that, Mr. Saotome was a free man...er, panda.

     On the way back to the hotel, Jeff had the driver drop
himself and Ranma off at a police station.  No sense being a
hunted man, it would be better to get all this out of the way
now.
     It was a struggle to keep Nabiki from going with Jeff.  She
kept repeating that if her husband-to-be was going to jail, she
wanted to be there to plead for him.  Jeff assured her and the
rest that nothing of the sort was going to happen.  He was just
going to make a police report of his own about the series of
incidents that have occurred since they got to Hawaii.
     As the limo drove off, Ranma just shook his head looking at
Jeff.  "It won't work, you know." he said with mild disgust. 
"The police never believe the truth."
     "Maybe, but we gotta try." Jeff replied as they walked into
the imposing facility.  "If the attempts were just on myself, I
could deal with them.  But they're going after Nabiki too, and
*that* I cannot let continue."
     Ranma looked at Jeff with a mixture of confusion and
disbelief.  Getting the police involved was quite outside his
experience.  He would have just taken matters into his own hands
and dealt with the situation, man-to-man.
     "Would you do any different if it was Akane?" Jeff asked.
     Ranma abruptly stopped walking and stared at Jeff.  He had
dealt with many different assailants back in Japan and always
came out the victor.  But there he was only faced with persons
armed with simple weapons or magic spells.  They were skillfully
used, to be sure, but still were things he was familiar with. 
Here Jeff was faced with guns and bombs, not something you could
easily defend against.  Perhaps, Jeff-san was correct after all. 
If it *were* Akane, Ranma would probably do the same thing.
     Jeff strode up to the front desk and asked for the duty
sergeant.  Moments later a tough looking veteran of almost 30
years of police work waddled up to the other side of the desk and
asked Jeff what he wanted.
     "My name is Jeff Lawrence and I wish to report several
attempts on my life."  Jeff was both formal and direct.
     The sergeant took down all the information Jeff provided but
continued to look skeptical throughout.
     "So let me see if I've got this straight." he began. "The
first attempt on your life was the limousine."
     "Correct."
     "But instead of you, they got your father-in-law, right?"
     "Well, yes."
     "And the second was your hotel room."
     "Also, correct."
     "But instead of you, they blew up the young man standing
next to you; your best man, right?"
     "Ah, yeah."
     "Finally, they tried to kill your fianc‚ in a dress shop."
     "That's right."
     "But they missed entirely and got only the building
instead."
     "Uh-huh."
     "Mr. Lawrence, It would appear that being anywhere near you
could be rather hazardous to a person's health." the sergeant
said crossing his arms and leaning on the desk.  "Furthermore, we
have no evidence of foul play here."  He waved at the paperwork
before him.  "Brakes *do* fail on cars.  The fire department
concluded that it wasn't *your* room that blew up at the hotel
but rather the one below yours.  And finally, the Dress Shop
explosion has been blamed on a gas leak."  He leaned back in his
chair and put his hands behind his head.  "It would seem to me
that you are taking all these little accidents a little too
personally.  Perhaps, you're just jittery because of your wedding
in three days.  You know, some guys will look for any excuse to
avoid getting married if they are beginning to have second
thoughts."
     Jeff bristled at the suggestion that all this was just his
imagination and he was just looking for a way to duck the
wedding.  "Look!  In the first place, three  coincidences' are a
little too familiar for my taste.  The brake lines were obviously
cut, the bomb was under *my* room, and the gas line could have
been broken by someone wishing to harm my fianc‚.  And secondly,
I'm *not* having second thoughts about marrying Nabiki."
     The desk sergeant just gave Jeff a skeptical look.
     "Let's get out of here." Ranma said pulling on Jeff's arm. 
"I told you they wouldn't believe the truth."  He wasn't
following the conversation but could tell by the desk sergeant's
look and Jeff's reaction that this visit to the police was a
waste of time.
     "What did he just say?" the desk sergeant demanded standing
up.
     "He said you wouldn't believe the truth." Jeff sarcastically
replied.
     "Look here, young man." the sergeant began shouting as he
waived his finger in both their faces.  "We cannot go running
around chasing every paranoid delusion some young punk wanders in
and tells us.  I've got six police cars totaled today and ten
others with various levels of damage.  That doesn't even include
the two that are still under water in the harbor.  Buster, we
deal daily in nothing but truth, justice and the American way."
     "What'd he say?" Ranma asked Jeff.
     "He said:  Shut up. You're wrong.'."
     Ranma just shrugged.  Police are the same everywhere.
     "Very well, sergeant." Jeff said as he turned to leave. 
"But I want it on record that I attempted to interest you in a
potential murder."
     "Duly noted, young man.  I think you know where the door
is."
     Jeff and Ranma had just reached the front door and opened it
when an RPG rocket propelled grenade came flying through the open
door, past Jeff and Ranma, across the room, impacting on the back
wall of the police station.  All in that part of the room were
showered with plaster, light fixtures, and assorted debris.
     The sergeant just stood behind his desk, his mouth open as
plaster and dirt covered him.
     "You can add that to my list of  coincidences'." Jeff yelled
as he pulled Ranma through the door.
     The sergeant just mumbled something about how there just
might be some substance to Jeff's paranoia.

     Fortunately, the hotel management didn't blame Jeff or Ranma
for the bombing.  It would appear that it was the work of someone
who affixed a bomb to the ceiling of the room below Jeff's. 
There was little clue as to just who planted the explosive. 
However, the hotel management and the police wanted very much to
talk to the person assigned to that room; a certain Tatewaki
Kuno.

     The entire wedding party were moved to another beach front
hotel and quickly settled in to their new rooms.
     Slowly, Akane approached Ranma's room.  As this was the
first chance she had to see him alone, there was something she
desperately wanted to do; to say to Ranma before retiring for the
evening.
     Once at his door, she hesitated and listened carefully. 
There was no sound from inside.  Half hoping he was not in, she
lightly knocked on the door.
     "Come in." came Ranma's voice from inside.
     Cautiously, she opened the door and peeked inside.  There,
sitting on the bed reading a small book, was her fianc‚; in his
male form and acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had
happened in the last 24 hours.
     "Can I come in?" she asked meekly.
     "Yeah, I suppose so." he shifted uncomfortably.  He didn't
especially like being alone with her anywhere.  Being alone with
her in a hotel room really made him nervous.
     Akane closed the door and walked softly over to the bed.
     "What'cha reading?" she asked.
     "A book I bought before we left.  It's called  Western
Wedding Customs'." he showed the cover to Akane who rocked
slightly on her heels, pursing her lips and trying to act
nonchalant.
     "Mind if I look at it with you?" she sat demurely on the bed
next to Ranma and started reading over his arm.
     Ranma wasn't really doing much reading at that point,
suddenly aware of Akane's closeness.  She slid a little closer,
her left breast pressing lightly against his arm, her left arm
behind his back bracing herself on the bed.  Ranma started
sweating.
     "Isn't that beautiful?" she said pointing to a picture of a
couple dressed in white standing before a minister outdoors under
an arch of flowers.  Slowly she lowered her head until it was
resting on Ranma's shoulder.  He began sweating harder.
     Ranma swallowed hard and lost track of what he was reading. 
Through his arm, he could almost feel her heart beating.  He
could smell her hair and a hint of...perfume?  She never wore
perfume.  That was *girl* stuff.  His mind began to melt with
thoughts of her, here, and what they were doing.
     He turned his head to say something about another picture
and found himself looking deeply into Akane's brown eyes.  Her
chin lifted slightly and her eyes slowly closed.  He watched
nervously as her lips slowly changed shape.  Ranma swallowed hard
again.
     <This time, Ranma.> she begged in her mind. <Please, this
time kiss me.  Just once.>
     <She's...she's so...cute like that.> he responded. <I
really...really...really...want...> his head slowly descended
until he could feel her breath against his cheek.
     Suddenly, something in his head screamed in panic.  What was
he doing?!?!  Abruptly, she stood up.  "Ah...It's awfully hot in
here, Akane.  Maybe, I better check the air conditioner.  They
sometimes break in all this heat." he stammered like a kid caught
sneaking into a movie for the first time.
     Ranma's sudden move off of the bed caused Akane to fall over
onto her elbows.  "Idiot!" she hissed to herself.  Anger spurted
from every pore of her body as her head whipped around to glare
at her  fianc‚'.  She was about to launch the mother of all
flames in his direction when she noticed something about him she
had never noticed before; he had moved to the corner of the room. 
Symbolically, he was trapped, scared and looking for any way out.
     <So *that's* it.> she thought with cold satisfaction. <He's
doing all this, not because he's basically a jerk, but because
he's scared of me.  This changes everything.> She sat up calmly,
almost as if what she just went through was the natural order of
things.  For several seconds, an uncomfortable hush fell over the
room.  Ranma nervously shifted his position several times in his
corner while Akane just sat quietly, hands in her lap, watching
him squirm. <Yup!> she thought with a little silent laugh. <He's
scared of me as a *girl*.>
     "Ranma, you can come back and sit down now.  I won't bite
you." she said with a touch of humor to her voice.
     "Well, who ever said you would?" he replied, still with that
 scared puppy dog' look on his face.  He was trying to put on a
brave front but could no longer fool Akane.  She now knew the
truth.
     "Okay, I get the hint." she chuckled as she stood up to
leave.
     "You don't have to go, Akane." he said softly from his
corner.  "If you don't want to, I mean."
     She opened the door and looked at him for a long time.  "No,
you need your sleep." she said with a smile.  "You've had a rough
two days."
     "Akane." he called as she started to close the door.  When
she stopped and looked back in, he added: "Thanks... for stopping
by, I mean."
     "No problem, pervert." she answered jokingly.  "By the way,
can I borrow your book when you're finished.  It might tell me
just what a Maid-of-Honor is supposed to do in a wedding.  We
didn't get too much of a rehearsal the other day."
     "Yeah, I know." he dropped his head slightly and blushed
remembering how he missed Nabiki's wedding rehearsal because he
was lost.  "Sorry."
     "Just make sure you don't screw up at the wedding." she
chided.  "Or Nabiki will have your head."
     "Don't worry about me." he shot back, the old rivalry
arising from the grave.  "You just worry about screwing up
yourself, klutz."
     "Look, you jerk.  At least *I* got to the rehearsal." her
voice resuming its hardness.  "You're so immature, Ranma!"
     She slammed the door as she left.
     "And you're still an...an...uncute tomboy!" Ranma shouted at
the closed door.
     As Akane stormed down the hall towards her room, a little
smile spread over her face.  He might still be an immature jerk
and a pervert, but he was *her* immature jerk.  Besides, she now
knew his secret.
     Ranma got ready for bed mumbling to himself about
 uncute...klutzy tomboy girls.'  Still, as he slipped under the
covers, she *did* look awfully...kissable tonight. 
Maybe...someday...maybe they'll...   Sleep quickly overtook the
Tendo Dojo champion as his exhaustion caught up with him.  His
dreams that night were of a cute, 16 year old, dark haired
martial arts trained girl.

     Jeff followed Nabiki back to her room.  She tried to act if
he wasn't there but it was hard to ignore someone his size
shadowing her down the hall.  As she unlocked the door to her
room, Jeff casually leaned against the wall, trying to look
nonchalant.
     "Good night, Jeff." Nabiki said firmly as she stepped
through the doorway.
     "Aw, it's a different hotel." he pointed out as he slid
towards the open door.
     "With the same rules." she crossed her arms and leaned
against the door frame.  It was obvious she wasn't going to give
in to him tonight either.
     "Cold shower?" he asked with a little pout.
     "Hmmmm.  Maybe not tonight.  Wait here." she disappeared
into her room and shortly returned with a glass of ice water. 
Before Jeff could say or do anything, she poured the contents
over Jeff's head.  Both watched as the final rivulets of water
drained onto the carpet.
     "There," she said with a look of satisfaction.  "Now you
don't have to take a cold shower."
     "Nope." he softly replied.  "Didn't work."
     "Ah, I see.  You're suffering from Groomis-itus." she
sounded like a doctor diagnosing a sick patient.  "Do you
still...ah...burn?"  She leaned forward with big eyes.
     "Hotter than ever." Jeff bent over to match her look.
     "Well, I guess there's only one thing to do."  She reached
down to the floor inside her room and produced an ice bucket
swimming with half melted ice.  Swirling the ice around, she
advanced menacingly.
     "Hey!  I'm cured.  Really." Jeff held up his hands and
retreated backwards slowly.
     Without a word, Nabiki continued to stalk her fianc‚ with
the bucket, swirling the contents as she came.  As Jeff increased
his retreat, Nabiki increased her advance.  It was only a
question of when she would choose to strike.  Jeff was
practically sprinting backwards, always careful to keep his eye
on the bucket.  He should have looked where he was going.  Soun
Tendo had the bad timing of opening his door and starting to step
into the hall just as Jeff and Nabiki were passing.  Nabiki chose
to strike an instant before her father stepped out of his room. 
Jeff tripped over Soun's foot and landed on his back.  Soun,
however, wound up getting the full treatment from his daughter. 
Drenched with ice water, Soun Tendo just stood in his wet pajamas
staring at his middle daughter, his face typically absent of
expression.  Jeff began rolling on the wet floor laughing and
Nabiki dropped the bucket, her hands flew to her mouth trying to
cover her look of total shock at what she had just done.
     "D..Daddy!  Oh I'm sorry.  I was just..."  Nabiki tried to
explain but, then, what could she say?
     Soun looked first at Jeff laughing and rolling on the floor,
then at his daughter who was recovering from her shock and
starting to giggle uncontrollably.
     All this noise had the effect of drawing everyone else on
the floor out of their rooms.  Kasumi arrived with a large towel. 
     "Thank you, daughter," Soun said with all the dignity he
could muster, his hand out.  However, the towel wasn't for him. 
With typical Japanese resolution, the eldest Tendo daughter
dropped to her knees and started mopping up the water from the
carpet.  This only caused Jeff and Nabiki to laugh harder.
     "Honestly," Kasumi chastised whoever would listen.  "If you
want to play with water, go outside."
     Soun disappeared for a moment back into his room only to
return with a bucket of his own.  So many deserving targets and
only one bucket.  With a tiny smile, he spashed the contents of
his bucket on the person who started all this, his middle
daughter.  Nabiki squealed when the cold water hit her, a look of
total surprise on her face.
     "Father!" Kasumi said with a cross look.  "Now I'll have to
mop up *that* spot too..."  She never got a chance to finish as
Akane, seeing the situation developing, dumped a whole bucket
over her oldest sister.
     In seconds, the entire Tendo family was engaged in a water
fight that would go down in the history of the hotel as the
 Night the Japanese Tried to Drown Hawaii'.  No one was spared,
not the daughters, not Jeff, not even the night manager who tried
to break it up before he lost his job.  Soon, everyone on the
floor was throwing water; Jeff, the Tendos, tourists, and even
complete strangers were having an old fashioned pillow fight with
buckets of water and enjoying themselves completely.
     In the middle of all this, Ranma sleepily opened his door to
complain about the noise.  Akane took that opportunity to totally
soak her fianc‚ before he could step out into the hall.  What
finally emerged was a spitting mad red-headed female yelling
about  uncute tomboys'.  All the while Akane was laughing at
Ranma-chan's reaction.
     Jeff tried to crawl away but was quickly attacked by all the
Tendo sisters, the last, Nabiki, finishing with a sharp kick in
his pants.  Totally, drowned Jeff tried to surrender but quickly
discovered the fight included a  no prisoners' clause and was
promptly drowned again by an unknown elderly female tourist.
     Twenty minutes later, it was all over.  It looked like a