Well, this sounds interesting.
Your writing skills are very good. It was easy to read.
Your take on Shampoo was interesting. I've actually known some ESL
people who have done what Shampoo does. Still, I'm not sure it really
fits with Shampoo's character. I don't think anyone has ever called her
or thought of her as stupid in the manga. (Kun-chan, on the other
hand... "Shampoo shook her empty head. It rattled.")
Also, Ranma and Akane seemed to be particularly dense. I thought Akane
over-reacted just a little *too* much. Yes, she's got a violent temper,
but she usually lets Ranma give her a *little* more provocation. It's
easy, with the way Ranma likes to tickle his teeth with his toes, to
have Ranma give her more of a reason to go ballistic.
When's your setting for this story? You do know that Nodoka knows,
right? Are we still somewhere in the middle of the manga? If so, you
may have difficulty maintaining the status quo at the end of the story,
the way things are shaping up. I could be wrong. :)
Well, it'll be interesting to see what happens in the next part. It's
hard to comment on the plot until we know exactly what Shampoo's up to.
Hurry up and write it so's we can find out.
^_^