From: Slashtooth@evnet.com
   Scene cuts to Ranma and Akane running to school.  A bike bell
rings, and Shampoo comes crashing down on top of Ranma.

Ranma's running along the fence I hope?

Akane: Oh?  And just what is that supposed to mean?

Does this girl have facial expressions or what?

Ranma: (The anger seems to be even more evident, if that is possible)
      I am NOT a puppet!  You will NOT control me like this again!

How is it evident, what does he look like?

   Ranma bursts into the kitchen, tearing the doors off of the
hinges.  He is surrounded with a battle aura that rivals Happosai's,
pure hatred etched on his face.

Arrrggghhh!!! Don't tell us, SHOW us!

Don't lecture to the readers, bring them along for the ride.

Sorry, everybody does this, it's the trademark of the Fanficer.

Pity.

Maybe you could try writing it all from a single character's perspective
and coloring it from their point of view? (Shampoo would be the best
choice here, IMNSHO)

	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb