Hee Hee... I return...

	Okay, I've only seen the first two dub episodes, so I really have no
buisness writing a fanfic based on this. But I did it anyway! Here it is...



                          A Touch of Magic, 
                          A Pinch of Luck, 
                      and a Truckload of Stupidity

By: Shiro Akai Shi


The clearing was perfect. A slight donut-shaped rise in the middle with the
closest tree 60 feet away.
    "Defense from here would be easy"
I had said to myself. Nothing human could get to me without awakening me. 
So, I unpacked my stuff, set up my tent, and started a fire. It was almost 
a week since I saw the last village, so I was down to Franks and beans. 
After dinner, I kicked back to relax.
    I took out my Gnanthar, an instrument that is sort of like a cross 
between a guitar, a drum, and a tuba. I played it for a while. Suddenly, I 
heard the leathery flap of reptilian wings. Was it a Dragon? I grabbed my 
revolver and katana, and walked around the periphery of the camp. 
    Satisfied that the beast was gone, I went back to my tent. As I sat 
down and started to play again, I heard a female voice from inside the tent 
singing along. Frightened, I stopped. The singing also stopped. After a 
couple of seconds, a horned, red-haired woman's head popped out of the tent 
flap, looking around, curiously. Then the rest of her emerged. 
    She was young, maybe 17, wearing purple and blue bikini style armor. 
That was all VERY interesting, but what was really intriguing was the 
dragonlike wings on her back, the horns on her head, and the short, dragon 
tail. Fearing the worst, I reached for my revolver once more.
    "Hi!" she said in a high slightly squeaky voice.
    "Who are you?"
    "What?" She replied.
    "What's your name?"
    "Mink!"
    "Mink?"
    "Yes, Mink! You deaf?" she retorted.
    "Uh... no." I replied stupidly.
    "So you gonna play more or what?"
    I blinked a couple of times, as she looked at me expectantly. I put 
down my revolver and picked up my Gnanthar and started to play a rock 
ballad tune. Once again, she began to sing.

    "I come to save the day...
    So there's no need to fear..."

I stopped playing, and she stopped singing.
    "Why'd you stop?"
    "You were singing a Dick Saucer song."
    "So? That's what you were playing, wasn't it?
    "Why would I play that? I hate Dick Saucer."
    "You... hate... Dick Saucer?"
    "He's a moron. Didn't you see him at the Brutal Killer martial arts 
tournament? He got taken out in the first round. By the forehead sticker 
rule no less! I had 12,000 Geldors on him!"
    "You... HATE..."
Her face had turned red, and she was hovering.
    "DICK SAUCER?!?!
She was starting to look scary.
    "Uh... no?"
She suddenly returned to her normal, bouncy self.
    "Cool!"
She landed, and started to bounce up and down, her wide, purple eyes 
twinkling.
    "You're SOMEbody, anyway. I haven't had a real human to talk to in three 
months!"
    "Really? Why didn't you just go to the village over that way?"
    "Oh. Aztodeth the Warlock has cursed me to stay within a mile of that 
tree."
She pointed.
    "It really isn't that bad except..."
    "Yes? Except for...?"
    "I can't listen to my Saucer CDs!"
She starts crying. I just look with a blank face.
    "Doesn't sound that bad to me." I said.
    "Oh, what do you know about it?!"
    "Probably more than you know... But that's pretty pointless at the 
moment. Where is the Warlock Aztodeth's castle?"
    "You mean you don't know?" She looked at me as though I was stupid.
    "The Warlock Aztodeth lives in the mountain-cloud south of here. But 
why would you want to go there? Got a death wish or something?" she said.
    "Maybe... But I like to fancy myself a hero of fair maidens, even the 
ones with bad taste in music - Aaaarrrgg!"
She suddenly blew fire at my head.
    "That HURTS you know." I said as I put out the last of my hair.
    "Yeah, well don't criticize Saucer too much, or it'll happen again." 
She said sweetly.
    "I'll try to remember that." I said as I glared at her from a somewhat 
blackened face.
    "Why do you hate Saucer so much anyway?"
    "Why does it matter?"
    "It doesn't. I just want to know."
    "Well, It goes back almost 20 years."                               

             *                   *                *

We took lessons from the same instructor, Mr. Beethoven. He was a great 
musician. Mr. Beethoven, I mean. Saucer and I were just a couple of kids 
then. He specialized in vocals, while I concentrated on instrumentals. 
After 5 years under Mr. Beethoven, Dick and I decided to use what we had 
learned, and find our fortunes. So we said good-bye to Mr Beethoven, and 
set out for Soki City. We made money on the way by hunting beasts, and 
playing for passersby. We finally got to Soki after nearly three weeks, 
and found work in the local tavern. One night we were playing some old 
Dragonkiller. You know, the really loud stuff. He had been drinking, and 
was singing insanely. The next thing you know, he had thrown himself off 
the stage, expecting a mosh pit. Unfortunately, the patrons of the place 
were also all very drunk, and that moron falls right on top of this older 
guy. I kept playing, thinking as soon as he pulled his helmet spike out of 
the ground he'd be back up on stage. But before I knew what was happening, 
the two went outside. a few minutes later, he runs back in, waving a piece 
of paper, yelling "I Gotsh A Chontracts!" I asked him how much I would get, 
and he said he had completely forgotten about me. So, I whacked him over 
the head with my Gnanthar, and left to be a wandering Hard-Rock minstrel. 
Sometimes when I hear things about him I think I might have whacked him too 
hard...

                *               *               *

    "So anyway, Here I am, a Saucer-Hater."
    "Well, I guess you have a good reason for it." She said, grudgingly.
    "But I still wanna marry him!" She said.
    "Say... I got an idea. Listen."
    We talked late into the night, planning what future might hold. The 
next morning, I awoke to find her cooking what looked like roast Tok. A 
Tok is sort of like a large mouse with antlers. Anyway, Mink appeared to 
be cooking one.
    "Ahh, you're finally awake!" Mink said with a smile.
    "Yeah. So you cook as well."
    "I guess. I learned when I was very young. My mother found it hard to 
use human-sized cooking utensils, being a dragon and all, so I had to cook 
for my father."
    "By the way," I inquired, "Where do you come from?"
    "Oh, I come from a small village outside the imperial city. I can't go
back until I get the "People Potion" from the slime village to the north. 
It's the only way for me to become fully human and marry Saucer. You know, 
of course, that he is a famous dragon slayer. That means he won't marry a 
dragon-half like me. At least that's what Vina, the princess, and president 
of the saucer fan club said. But I got stuck here!"
    "Gee. That's too bad. But it makes my decision that much less difficult. I will go and confront the Warlock Aztodeth, and then I will go to the slime village and get the People Potion for you."
    "You don't really need to go and get the potion yourself, you know."
    "Yeah, but I may have something... Interesting in store." I said, 
mysteriously.
    After breakfast, I packed my stuff, leaving the tent for Mink, and set 
out toward the south. The way was actually rather easy, I only had to hack 
through five Acidthorn bushes. After a few hours, I came upon a large, 
clear, valley with a lake at the bottom. An incredibly white mountain rose 
majestically out of the lake, the top shrouded in clouds. Every once in a 
while, a large, dark, shadow passed over the mountain. I took these to be 
those of Aztodeth's sentry minions. Slightly trepidant, I set out toward 
the bottom. Three acidthorn bushes later I stood, tired, scratched, and 
acidscarred at the shore of the lake. Without a second thought, I leapt 
into the inviting blue water. Moments later I stood on the shore again, 
badly bitten.
    "Damn. There would have to be attack frogs."
Then six of the frogs jumped out of the water just in front of me. Almost 
as if there were a TV camera off to the left, one of them grinned a large, 
toothy grin toward where it would be, turned back toward me, and then they 
jumped at me. My katana went snicker-snak, and it was frog-legs for 
everybody.
    "Hmm. That was easy. I wonder if this is all he's got." I said to 
myself, knowing full well that it wasn't. Just then, a Lightning bolt hit 
the ground off to my right. When I turned to look, there was just a 
blackened young, brown furry standing in the middle of a scorched circle.
    "Crap. Missed again." The young furry said, and vanished. Could THAT be 
the legendary Aztodeth? No, Aztodeth wouldn't be that inaccurate. It must 
have been Dug Finn, Aztodeth's son. If he had stuck around longer, I would 
have asked for an autograph. He had done well in last year's tournament... 
Against a Dragon-Half named Mink! I knew I'd heard the name before somewhere!
But if she had wanted to marry Saucer... Then why was she in the tournament 
against him? Oh, well. I'd ask her later. If she had some kind of grudge 
against him, all the better.
    It was starting to get dark, so I pitched my spare tent and set up camp, 
trying to figure out how to get past the attack frogs. After a dinner of 
roast frog, I went to a troubled sleep.
    In the morning, I awoke to the most peculiar sensation that something 
small and toothed was trying to eat my toe. This, I soon discovered was 
indeed the case. A rodent about the size of a football was happily gnawing 
away on my foot.
    "Get outta here." I said as I kicked the small creature out of the tent. 
Suddenly, it came to my attention that I could imagine breakfast cooking. 
On further exploration of my senses, I discovered that I could smell it as 
well. If I could hear that early in the morning, I would have heard the 
sizzle of it cooking as well. As my senses keened themselves, I began to 
hear the sounds of conversation. Curious, I crawled to the tent flap, and 
looked out. Around the camp fire were a young female elf about Mink's age, 
and a much younger human female wearing armor. Suddenly, I felt my foot.
    "OW!" I said as the memory of the medium-sized rodent returned.
    "Oh! Hello!" Said the Elf. "I wondered who made camp here. I hope you 
don't mind, us using your campfire and all. You're welcome to eat with us, 
We have plenty!"
    "Umm... Okay. Who are you?" I asked.
    "My name is Lufa! This," she points to the young human, "is Kana. We are 
on a quest to go to the Warlock lord and break the curse on one of our 
friends."
    "You wouldn't happen to know Mink, would you?" The food in the pan 
behind Lufa had begun to smoke.
    "Do you? She's the one we're trying to help! 'Snif 'Snif? HEY!" She 
exclaimed as she turned around.
    "Why didn't you say anything! Aw... It's ruined." She took the pan and 
dumped it out near the edge of the woods.
    "Uh... Sorry. Say! Have you guys figured out how to get across the lake? 
There's attack frogs in the water."
    "Yes." She said with a smile. From a duffel bag to her left she produced 
what looked to be an old tree branch.
    "This is my father's Rod of Flight. He doesn't know I have it yet... Or 
maybe he does, it's been almost a week... That doesn't matter. It'll get us 
across, and once we get there, we won't even have to climb." She started 
another panful of whatever she was cooking.
    I started to pace back and forth, limping slightly from the bites in my 
foot. Then I looked over at the young human. Sitting on top of her head was 
the football-sized rodent.
    "Aw, don't tell me that thing is your pet?"
    "Yup!" the human said proudly. "His name is Mouse! He protects me!"
    "How could that little thing protect you?" I asked as I pushed the furry 
animal off her head. It bounced on the ground with a squeak. Suddenly, the 
rodent grew to about 8 feet tall, with fangs and claws bared menacingly. I 
fell over backwards, stunned. The animal resumed it's normal size and shape, 
hopped back on top of Kana's head, and sat quietly.
    "What in the devil was that?" I exclaimed.
    "You shouldn't get mouse mad at you." Lufa said with a giggle.
    "I guess so. Say, is breakfast ready yet?" I said as I noticed smoke.
    "Oh NO!" Said Lufa as she turned back to the food.
She was pretty, but apparently not a very good cook. I looked at her closely,
noting pointed ears, and near-albino skin, typical of the elf races. I also
noted her less-than-shoulder length hair, which I had never seen in a female 
elf before.
    "So, Lufa... Why's your hair so short?" I asked.
    "Ah... Because I don't like to get hair in my face while I fight. 
Especially not while I'm fighting Aztodeth."
    "I figured there was some practical explanation. Sorry for asking, but 
it's just a little unusual to see an elf with short hair."
    "S'all right. I'm just an unusual kind of girl." She said with a smile. 
I kind of wondered what she meant by that. I grabbed my pack from inside 
the tent, and cooked up some franks and beans. We all agreed it wasn't 
really a breakfast, but it would have to do. Afterward, I packed all my 
stuff up, and Lufa got the rod out.
    "Everybody ready?" Lufa asked.
    "As ready as I'll ever be." I said, determinedly.
    "All right... Let's GO!" She pointed the rod skyward, waved it around, 
and nothing happened.
    "Say... Aren't we supposed to be flying?" I asked, skeptically. "I 
mean... This is nice, but we need to be on our way."
    "This is strange... This is how he did it... I'm sure..." Lufa said, 
somewhat unsure.
    "This is rather unusual." Said Kana. "Squeak", said mouse, nodding.
    "Let me see that." I said, with my hand out. Lufa handed the rod to me, 
and I looked it over carefully. At the ends it was slightly sharpened. About 
halfway down one side was a little metallic tag that said "Logon's magical 
power staff of flight." In one corner, in incredibly small lettering, 
something was written. I went into my sack, and brought out a magnifying 
glass. The tiny writing read: "Flip panel for Ye Olde power gauge."
    I flipped the panel, and saw what looked like a tiny TV monitor. On the 
monitor it said, in flashing red letters: "Empty. Unleaded magic only."
    "Well, so much for that - it's empty." I said as I passed it back to Lufa.
    "But Lufa has personal magic!" Kana said excitedly.
    "Only low-octane leaded. It might run, but I wouldn't trust my life to 
it." Lufa said.
    "I would." I said. "I just have this feeling that the writer won't let 
us fail this late in the story."
Lufa seemed to consider this in silence.
    "How far in are we?"
    "Halfway down page five." I replied as I pulled out a copy of the script.
    "Er... Okay. I guess you're right. Let's give it a try."
Lufa put her hands on either end of the rod, and a yellow aura formed between her and the rod. A couple of seconds later, the aura faded.
    "All set. Let's go." Lufa said, as she raised the rod to the sky, and shook it back and forth violently. Suddenly I looked down, and saw that we were 30 feet off the ground. I began to sink slowly.
    "Don't look down!" Lufa said. "The spell relies on complete belief from the participants!"
I looked back up, and a few minutes later we were at the top of the mountain.
    "It worked...? It worked!" Lufa said, her expression changing from puzzlement to relief.
    "Yeah it did. I didn't think Shiro'd let us fail this close to the climax
of the story."
    We made our way down the mountain slowly and carefully, taking cover 
when one of the sentries flew over. Three hundred feet later, we reached an 
opening in the side of the rock. It was dark inside. The kind of dark that 
makes you want to climb back up three hundred feet, and fly back across the 
lake. Nevertheless, we sallied forth into the cave. It was cool and damp 
inside, with moss growing on the rocks all around. Then, abruptly, the moss 
changed to a phosphoresent kind that glowed with a strange orange light. The 
cave opened out onto a huge cavern probably three-hundred feet across, and 
five hundred feet high. I am aware of the scientific discrepancy here, I 
don't explain 'em, I just fight 'em.
    "Amazing!" Gasped Lufa, looking around.
    "It's pretty!" Said Kana.
The orange light started to fade, and I moved to get a torch before we lost 
all illumination. As I moved, the lights came back up.
    "Motion sensitive." I said. "Cool."
    "Cool indeed," said a small brown furry.
    "How'd you get here?" I asked, as I looked at him. It was Dug Finn. He 
was dressed in a jeweled turban, a turquoise tunic, and purple pants. His 
eyes gleamed with an unnatural red, fiery light that could only have come 
from the depths of hell itself.
    "Why are you here?" Asked Dug, menacingly. "As if I didn't know."
    "I am a traveling hard-rock minstrel, who happens to fancy himself as a 
rescuer of fair maidens... Or in this case, a variation on that theme. I 
must speak with your father, the warlock Aztodeth."
    "I don't think so." Dug then reached to the jewel in his turban, which 
started to glow. He then pulled on the jewel, and a sword hilt, followed by 
a needle-like blade with jagged blades sticking out of it.
    "Behold," said Dug, loudly, "The Godslayer Of Hit-points!" he swung the 
sword away from us, and a ripple of energy spread away from it to knock 
pebbles from the wall. Small pebbles also shook off the ceiling, and bounced 
off the ground.
    "Y... Yeah. Well, nicebeingherebutIgottagosoI'llkeepintouchkay?" I 
turned to go, but Lufa grabbed my arm.
    "Remember who we're here to help?"
    "Yeah. All right." I turned, and faced Dug Finn. Drawing my sword, I 
said "All right. If that's really the way you want it..." I began to advance 
on the young demon.
    "You are a fool to confront me. Oh well, just another notch... Die!" He 
motioned toward me with his sword, and a burst of energy spread from the tip 
of it. I brought my katana up in a defensive gesture, and to my surprise, it 
worked. My blade caught the energy.
    "What? Impossible!" Dug exclaimed. I couldn't really explain it myself, 
and we both just stood and looked at the sword in my hand. It was glowing 
slightly blue, and discharging energy to the ground from time to time. It 
looked like it should be hot, but I felt no heat, just a slight tingle in 
my fingers.
    "Your sword must be made of Magifinium, the magic-dampening metal!"
    "I dunno. I just found it in the woods one day." I said.
    "Fine then - hand to hand it is!" Dug ran toward me, sword outstretched 
in front of him.
    "DIE!" Dug said, as he stabbed toward me. I would have taken his advice 
if I hadn't stepped out of the way. As he passed me, I spun, pushing Dug 
forward toward the wall of the cave. With that added momentum, he slammed 
hard into the wall, the pommel of the "Godslayer" meeting with his head, 
knocking him out. A white aura appeared around Dug, and he disappeared. Then 
lightning zinged down from the ceiling, striking the middle of the chamber, 
and coalescing into a humanoid shape. The man was wearing black armor with a 
black and gold cape draped over his shoulders. He wore a helmet with one 
horn curving out of, and up over his head. His face was covered by a black 
mask, but I could tell: This was Aztodeth.
    "Why have you entered my home?" He boomed.
Kana and Lufa backed toward the entrance as I took a new grip on my sword, 
and replied "We have come on behalf of Mink the Dragon-half. You have 
inflicted a curse upon her that binds her within one mile of a certain birch 
tree. I wish you to remove the curse."
    He seemed to consider this, energy arcing between his horn and the top 
of his head intermittantly. A bead of sweat formed on my brow, and slid down 
my face.
    "OK."
I fell over on my back in shock.
    "WHAT?" That I hadn't expected.
    "I said OK. I don't really care. I got bored one day, and decided to 
have a little fun at her expense."
I blinked a couple of times, ad stood up.
    "Really?" I said, still a bit shocked.
    "Sure." He snapped his fingers. "There. It's done."
I blinked a few more times.
    "Thank you! Say... While you're at it, could you do me a favor?"
    "Okay... Maybe."

            *           *           *           *           *

    A week later, I was walking through the same woods where I had met 
Mink. It was a very nice summer day, without a cloud in the sky. The Kans 
were singing, the grassbugs were humming, and I felt as fit as a YYvkatrad. 
As I entered the same clearing, I saw Mink leaning against the very birch 
that had imprisoned her.
    "Hello, Mink. Got another curse?"
She had drunk the "People Potion", and was now completely human.
    "Nothing I don't want. Thank you... For what you did."
    "No problem. I get to save a pretty girl, and even get to settle an old 
score."
    "Well, see you later, then." she said, waving.
    "Yeah. See you."
    I walked off. About half a mile later, I came upon a blond, blue armored 
man who appeared to be trying to break free of something invisible. It was 
Dick Saucer.
    "Dick! What are you doing here?"
    "You've got to help me! Aztodeth cursed me to remain within a half a 
mile of this... Crazy girl! Help me!"
    "Sorry," I said, slinging my sword over my shoulder, and spinning my 
revolver on my finger, "I don't fight magical battles."
    I turned and walked on, Saucer's voice fading behind me.


Okay, so I don't know anything about the rest of the series, but I
liked what I saw enough to (attept) emulate. C&C. Creative and constructive
or even just a "hey, cool." It needs a little help, know what I mean?

______________
Shiro Akai Shi    |
A humble Writer |
------------------------
"I happen to be crazy... Not stupid."
	-The Joker, Batman a death in the family part 1