Hmm... Cute... Weird... But cute... It looked like it was going to 
seriously hentai for a while, but you managed to keep it out of the 
gutter. 

in other words, bad.  still, i thought it time kasumi received some
respect in a fanfic ^_^

I'd suggest making it a little less fragmented and trying to broaden 
it's focus. It seems a littled fixed on nudity, poker and Fr. Toufuu's
fantasies...

you have 2 out of 3 there.  poker wasn't a focus.

Anyway... It was okay... So keep at it... 

how do you think I can improve it?


--

 Phoney is 17! * Phoney is 17! * Phoney is 17!
-----------------------------------------------
 OH I | I LIVE IN DESPAIRABLE TIMES | YES I DO
-----------------------------------------------
 Phoney is 17! * Phoney is 17! * Phoney is 17!