(Okay, everyone's seen episode/issue #1, right?  Enough times to
say the dialogue along with the characters?  Right then.  Let's fast
forward to the moment at which Ranma is asked to pick a fiancee.  At this
point, Akane stands up.)

Yes, we all know the scene, but even so, this is too abrupt. Start
somewhere convienent prior to this point to get us "reaquainted". We'll all
need it.

Do the grunt-work like everyone else.

Akane:  I don't believe this!  I am not going along with some
15th-Century custom just because two men got drunk!  I'll love who I
please, when I'm ready, and I won't be bargained off like a side of
beef!

Wyrm-chan: You go, girl!

Nabiki:  What she said.  Oh, except for the part about being a lesbian.

<chordle, chordle, chordle!>
Good follow up!

Kasumi:  (long pause)  Yes, but does he love me back?  Does he act
erratic because he's glad to see me, or is he just weird?

Well, she has no baseline, does she?
Besides, what's wrong with being wierd? Adds a little color to life. :)

 Maybe I should
just accept what fate has given me, and be glad.  (weak smile)

Fatalistic, ne?

Akane:  No, Father!  You have not "failed" me, I was born this way!  No,
I'm not saying your genes are faulty!  Look, there's some literature on
the desk;  maybe it'll help.

The way I see it, "getting the fit right" for reproduction is so important
that heterosexuality would be strictly enforced by our genes unless there
was an evolutionary advantage. It might, in fact, be codominant... Well,
now I'm starting to spam, so I'll just leave it at that.

       (Ranma and Akane walking to class, him on the fence.)

Ranma:  So, you're really a lesbian?

<<SNIP>>

Ranma:  Hey, I can keep your secret if you can keep mine!

This whole bit sounded too much like a lecture.

       (*SPLOOSH* He turns into Ranma-chan.  Pan to see elderly woman
cleaning her stoop.)

Akane:  Looks like your secret is going to be a little hard to keep under
wraps.  We can get some hot water at Dr. Tofu's.

       (The Dr. Tofu, Akane vs. Mob, and first meeting with Kunou go
much as before with minute variations.  So we move to the next pivotal
moment, as Kunou talks to Nabiki.)

Don't cut out these bits. Once the story begins, it's annoying to tell
about events that happen but are left out.

Do the grunt work. It's a pain, but it helps. If you really don't wanna do
it the same ol' way, do it different!

Nabiki:  Yeah right.  By the way, I have some pictures of her...

       (As a result of the change, Kunou does not immediately rush off
to challenge Ranma, there is no swimming pool or teakettle incident, and
Kunou does not meet "the pig-tailed girl" until much later.  He does
however maintain a martial rivalry with Ranma, and Akane's gauntlet
doesn't stop.)

If it didn't happen, don't tell us it didn't happen. We take the hint.

Panda-Genma:  Grff.  (Holds up sign:  "He's engaged to Kasumi.")

Hasn't this guy ever heard of TACT?! :)

       (One of the lenses in Dr. Tofu's glasses cracks.)

Hehe!

       (collage of Ranma and Kasumi "dating".  It's pretty clear they
don't share many interests.  He whoops it up at an action movie while she
knits; she enjoys a flower show while he snoozes.)

Well, at least detail one of these dates! Give us something more to chew on.

       To be continued....?

Overall, interesting concept. Follow through and see how it develops. The
way it is now, it looks like a bunch of slightly fleshed-out author's
notes.

But hey! That's why its a beta, ain't it? ;)

There's my fifteen zon (don't ask! :).

*************************************************************************
-wyrm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
Member of the Apathy for Shampoo Society (AFSS)
SemiUnwilling Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin

<.SIG> Wyrm-chan, H-Wyrm, Ten (NOT Jitaren), Chibi-Usa, Azusa </.SIG>

<MAIL> wyrm@mail.utexas.edu, JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu </MAIL>
*************************************************************************
"You know, there are many people in this country today who, through no
fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them
became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who
are out of our tiny little minds to help these people overcome their
sanity..."
-Reverend Belling (the not-so-immortal Graham Chapman)