Subject: Re: [FFML] (fanfic) Ranma and...Kasumi!? (beta)
From: "Harold C.Hayes" <hayesman@webspan.net>
Date: 8/8/1996, 6:05 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

Thomas R Jefferys wrote:

       (Okay, everyone's seen episode/issue #1, right? ...  At this
point, Akane stands up.)

Yes, we all know the scene, but even so, this is too abrupt. Start
somewhere convienent prior to this point to get us "reaquainted". We'll all
need it.

Do the grunt-work like everyone else.

Ditto.

...
Akane:  No, Father!  You have not "failed" me, I was born this way!  No,
I'm not saying your genes are faulty!  Look, there's some literature on
the desk;  maybe it'll help.

The way I see it, "getting the fit right" for reproduction is so important
that heterosexuality would be strictly enforced by our genes unless there
was an evolutionary advantage. It might, in fact, be codominant... Well,
now I'm starting to spam, so I'll just leave it at that.


You see?  Look at it this way; if homosexuality is inherited, doesn't 
that create a paradox?

       (Ranma and Akane walking to class, him on the fence.)

Ranma:  So, you're really a lesbian?
<<SNIP>>

Ranma:  Hey, I can keep your secret if you can keep mine!


This whole bit sounded too much like a lecture.

Ditto.


       (*SPLOOSH* He turns into Ranma-chan.  Pan to see elderly woman
cleaning her stoop.)

Akane:  Looks like your secret is going to be a little hard to keep under...  So we move to the next pivotal
moment, as Kunou talks to Nabiki.)


Don't cut out these bits. Once the story begins, it's annoying to tell
about events that happen but are left out.

Do the grunt work. It's a pain, but it helps. If you really don't wanna do
it the same ol' way, do it different!
I whole-heartedly agree!