Re: [FFML] [C&C] Silent Partner

At 11:40 PM 8/5/96 -0700, you wrote:

  Funny how these things work.
  I originally wrote this in script format, as part of the second episode
of the Nameless Sequel. About 5 seconds after I was done, I realized that it
wouldn't work; the tone was _not_ suitable for a piece that's a slapstick
comedy.
  So I changed it to story format, and made it a short. Read, enjoy, C&C.
                - Mike Loader. 
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Silent Partner
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Characters and Backstory by Rumiko Takahashi. Ranma = Hers, hokay?
=======================================================================

Mike:

     It took me a little while to get around to actually reading  Silent Partner', work being
what it is.  However, after reading it, I'm struck by a few things of note.

     [Grinning to self] If you wrote this *after* my Nabiki piece, it would prove to be a very
effective side story.  Ranma and Nabiki confronting the fiscal reality of living in a very
expensive society with no visible means of support.  The Nabiki we all hope doesn't exist but
fear must due to such realities is paraded like never before.  
     In any case, it's gritty.  It's down to earth.  It's real.  As I said in response to one of the
C&C's I once got; she's probably the only adult in the whole Takahashi universe.  Adults pushed
to the edge will respond in exactly the way Nabiki did in your story.  Bravo!

     The only questionable part I could detect has to do with heroin.  I don't know much about
the drug problems in Japan (and I'm sure they have some somewhere), but I find it hard to
believe that heroin would be a high school drug problem of any kind.  What I know about heroin
is: it's VERY addictive, it's injectable, and it's affects are such that the person  loses' days at a
time.  Frankly, with the fact that the nuclear family still exists in Japan, I find it hard to believe
that *any* high school student would even go anywhere near such junk, especially since his/her
parent would know immediately.   So, heroin wouldn't have much of a market.  Same goes for
cocain.  However, stimulants such as amphetamines or meth would probably have a market in
Japan with all those high school kids trying to squeeze more into every 24 hours in order to get a
leg up on the national college entrance exams.
     Anyway, the whole idea of Nabiki Tendo peddling drugs in the first place sounds a little
out of character.  Consider this; we are dealing with a girl who understands the odds in every
situation she gets in to.  In Japan, with it's relaxed view towards individual rights in favor of the
good of the group, dealing in drugs would be highly risky and her chance of getting caught rather
good.   Nabiki would have to be beyond desperate before she would take such a path.
     If you gotta use the drug angle, IMO go with a generic description of what she would be
selling (i.e. stimulants, grass, or just  drugs' in general).  It doesn't have the literary punch of a
specific drug, but it keeps you out of trouble with idiots like me who notice such things.;-)

     Anyway, bravo on a fine interaction piece.  You're right, script form wouldn't have
worked here and, yes, it would really be a downer in a slapstick comedy.   [On the other hand,
Uncle Fester detects another  challenge'.  Write a story that's got a lot of slapstick in it but slows
down enough in parts for some really serious stuff.  Hmmmmmm, sounds like fun. (Actually, it
sounds like: Nabiki-New Horizons Pt 2) Coming to a ML near you.]


     - Greg

P.S.  Is *this* what you've been doing instead of reviewing my latest release of Nabiki-New
Horizons?  Get back to work!!!  Bapbapbapbapbapbap.  You're not supposed to be this creative!
:-)