Yes.. That's right... I've written ANOTHER fanfic...

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Clogged Sink Press Presents:

Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction - 


                 Malicious Manipulations, The Date From Hell  


By:Plunger

  All characters are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan Inc. and Viz
       Communications Inc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah...
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Ranma stumbled down the stairs. It was way too early to be up, he thought, as 
he wandered towards that bathroom. Going in, he took his clothes off in the 
outer room and, not bothing to knock first, entered...

Akane sat in the bath facing him...

She saw him and blushed. <Not again!> he thought. 

"Akane, wait! I'm sorry I didn't know you were here!" 

She sat there staring at him for a moment, then she got mad, "RANMA! YOU 
PERVERT!"

*WHAM!*

Splash!

A very naked and very wet onna Ranma sat in the pond, shivvering, "She is so 
unfeminine! Honestly! I even appologized... But no! She had to hit me into 
this damned pond!" She sighed and got out of the water, hoping to sneak back 
into the house without anyone noticing.

Unfortunatly, just as she crossed the dining room, Souun came in. He face 
faulted and seemed to loose all motor functions. Onna Ranma went up to him 
and waved her hand in his face, "Hello... Tendou-ojisan?" 

Having her this near him did not help Souun's condition, nor did remembering 
that this was his daughter's fiancee. He stood there gaping like a landed 
fish...

Akane came into the room and saw what was happening, "Ranma no baka! Quit 
wandering around naked!" She threw a towel at onna Ranma, who caught it and 
wrapped it around herself. 

"I wouldn't be wandering around naked if you hadn't punched me into the pond!" 
Ranma responded, not about to take the blame.

"Oh sure! That's right, just shift the blame!" Akane countered. 

Ranma changed her tack, "Bah! Think whatever you want" She walked out leaving 
Akane to fume and Souun to continue to stand in a coma.

Ranma went up to her room and dressed, there was no time for a bath now. She 
went downstairs and found Genma waiting on the rocks around the pond. 

"You're late!" her father stated. 

Ranma-chan nodded, "Yeah, yeah I've heard it before... So what?!"

Genma then noticed that Ranma was in female form, "Hey! Why are you a girl
this morning?" 

Ranma frowned, "Because a certain kawaiikune girl threw me into the pond and 
there wasn't time to change back. I guess I'll have to go to school like this!"
Genma smirked and onna Ranma looked daggers at him.

They faced off and began to fight, jumping over the pond and clashing, before
landing on the rocks again. They did this every morning and were both very 
good at it. 

But today, Ranma had an ammusing idea. As she stood on her side, it occured 
to her that Genma was used to fighting the stronger, male Ranma, not the 
quicker female Ranma. She could use this to her advantage. As it was, Ranma
was faster than Genma, and this would make her even faster. 

She tensed, waiting for her father to do something. Finally he jumped and 
attempted a flying kick, Ranma-chan jumped up to meet him. It appeared that 
Genma's kick was going to hit until Ranma-chan planted both hands on it and 
vaulted over him, kicking him in the back of the head. The blow knocked him 
off course and sent him into the drink. 

A large and rather annoyed panda climbed out of the water.

Ranma-chan stood on her side of the pond, "I guess I've got this girl thing 
down now... Thanks, Pop! I guess that's all for today, eh?" She grinned as 
the panda made some growling noises and held up a sign. [We're not finished!] 

Ranma-chan walked away, "That's it? Okay! You're the boss." She wandered off 
towards the house, the smell of breakfast having wafted outside. 

Just as she reached the door, she was catapaulted into the room by a flying 
sign. [I SAID, we're not finished!]. She turned and waited until the panda 
came in, then smashed the sigh over his head, knocking him cold. 

The Tendou's all sat at the table, used to the violence perpetrated on father 
by son, or vice-versa. This, however was bad...even for the Saotomes... 

Akane was mad, "Ranma! How could you do that to your own father?" 

Ranma looked hard at her, "What? You'd rather I did it to your father?" 

Souun paled. 

Akane simmered. 

"Anyway, he started it... And it's none of your business, anyhow!" onna Ranma 
said, dropping down to sit at the table. 

Akane got a scheming look in her eyes, "Actually it is my business. After all, 
when we get married, he'll be my father-in-law!"

Ranma choked, "Married? Not likely!" 

Akane was having fun. She had no intention of ever marrying Ranma, but found 
she could torment him with the idea. This being the case, she brought it up 
as often as possible. 

She shrugged, smiling sweetly, "You can't fight fate." 

Ranma-chan lost her appetite and sat there, wondering how to get back at her. 
Breakfast was soon over and they grabbed their things, before moving off to 
school.

As Ranma-chan, Akane and Nabiki walked, they were joined by Ukyou. 

"Hi, Ran-chan!" Ukyou said lovingly. 

Ranma-chan cringed a bit, Ukyou's affection making her feel guilty. 

She sighed, "Hi Ucchan." 

Ukyou proceeded to walk very close to Ranma-chan, making Akane kind of mad. 

<Why do I care?> she thought, <He's nothing but a sex changing pervert!> She 
didn't know why, but Ukyou's closeness with Ranma bothered her.

[Furinkan High, A Little Later]

As they reached the gates of Furinkan High, they saw the principal, armed with 
his electric hair trimmer. "Ugh." said Ranma, fearing for his pigtail. 

Akane looked at him with some contempt, "You're a girl, you fool! Girls are 
allowed to have long hair at Furinkan!" 

Ranma-chan digested this point and realized Akane was right. She stepped out 
from behind Ukyou and smiled sheepishly. 

Akane sighed, totally exhasperated, "Come on!" 

They walked in and managed to bypass Principal Kunou without him noticing a 
girl with remarkable similarities to Ranma. 

Unfortunely they did not get past Upperclassman Kunou...

He saw onna Ranma and Akane, "Ahh! The great loves of my life! Tendou Akane! 
My osage no onna! How I love you both!" 

Kunou was spouting poetry as usual, "No artist could do your beauty justice, 
no scultor capture the loveliness of your forms..." 

Akane and Ranma had heard all this before. As he ran up, his arms wide, he 
shouted, "Come to my open heart!" 

Ranma looked at Akane, who nodded. "Fly into it?" they both shouted, punching 
his skyward. ;) (Heheh... Can you say "Ranma Movie 1"?)

As he disapeared, they headed towards the building. 

"Poor Kunou-chan..." said Nabiki sadly, "He is so dumb, he's almost cute!" 

Ranma-chan was annoyed. She hated Kunou, the thought of him made her shivver.
This was a worry because he didn't feel that way in his male form. Maybe his
female body affected his emotions too. Not a good thought... 

Her reverie was interupted by a swarm of the male occupants of Furinkan, "Hey!
Look at that girl!" one shouted. 

Within seconds, there was a mob. Ranma-chan stood, looking defiant, "Hey cut 
that out! Perverts!" 

They were most disapointed to find that it was Ranma. "Awww! That's not fair, 
Ranma! Don't tease us like that!" one said, a little annoyed. 

One of Ranma and Akane's classmate's came up to them, "Why are you a girl 
today Ranma? Not that we mind or anything..." he said, smiling lecherously. 

Ranma was getting annoyed. "A macho tomboy threw me in the pond!" 

She punched they guy away, "Pervert!" 

Akane steamed, "Who are you calling macho? That was pretty unfeminine!" 

Ranma-chan snorted, "That's okay! I'm not a girl!" 

Akane smiled, and squeezed onna Ranma breast, "Oh really?"

Ranma squeeled in pain, "Eeeeek!" 

Akane let go and said, tersely, "Come on... MISS Saotome..." 

They went into class with onna Ranma glaring daggers at Akane...

After the first two periods, there was a break. Ranma-chan sat with a bunch 
of guys, playing cards. She was winning because their attention was distracted 
by her chest. 

Akane sat at her desk, reading a magazine. <For someone who claims not to like 
being a girl, he certainly flaunts it a lot.> she thought. She looked over at 
Ukyou, who was reading a book on the social implications of bad okonomiyaki.
 
After the break ended, Principal Kunou came in and told them that their 
teacher was missing and that he would be taking over. He seemed very happy
about it. On the other hand, he always seemed happy about everything. Ranma
simply wrote it off as the effects of drug abuse.

Needless to say, total chaos broke out as the class made a mad lemming rush 
for the door. 

None made it. 

Everyone was forced to sit and read some old history book. Ranma took the 
opportunity to read a Dragonball manga inside his book. Eventually the class 
ended and Principal Kunou walked out without shaving anyone's head. Everyone 
breathed a collective sigh of relief. 

Ranma was amazed that he hadn't noticed her.

After several more classes, they went out to lunch. Sitting under a big tree, 
onna Ranma noticed a strange flashing light in the distance. She jumped up and 
ran straight at it. It was flashing occasionally from a bush across the 
grounds. Ranma reached the bush and dived headlong into it, tackling the 
person inside. There was a surprised scream and Nabiki fell out of the bush 
with a camera and a big telephoto lens. 

"What the hell are you doing, Nabiki?" Ranma-chan shouted, then realised she 
was lying on Nabiki, just as Akane and Ukyou caught up. 

Ukyou was shocked, "Oh! Ran-chan!" 

Ranma looked up, "It's not what it looks like, she was taking photos!" 

Nabiki smiled, "Oh really? And where's my camera?" 

Ranma-chan looked back and saw that Nabiki had somehow hidden the camera. 

Akane looked only mildly annoyed as she bashed onna Ranma's head in. A few 
moments later, Ranma was lying on the ground, stunned, Nabiki, Akane and 
Ukyou having left. 

"Jeez, Saotome!  Don't you think Akane, Ukyou, Shampoo and Kodachi are enough 
for you? Trying to get Nabiki, too? Come off it!" said a voice. 

Ranma sat up. There was a crowd of boys all around and, although she couldn't 
identify who spoke, she had the feeling it represented the attitude on the 
entire male student population of Furinkan. 

"Hey! It's not my fault!" she said, getting up and slowly moving away. 

"Hey! We're not finished with you!" said one, beggining to chase... 

Ranma was never more thankful for the speed of his female form as she ran, 
chased by half the boys in the school. She ran around a corner and right into 
the arms of Tatewaki Kunou. 

"Ah! My osaga no onna! How I adore you!" 

Ranma was about to punch him when she had an idea. She put on her cutest 
voice and expression, "Oh Kunou-sempai! Save me! All these nasty boys are 
chasing me!" 

Kunou was enraged, "How dare they? Fear not, my love! I will protect you!" 

At this point, the mob ran around the corner and screamed to a halt. 

"Hold, Heethens! I will not allow you to harm my pigtailed goddess!" Kunou 
stated. 

The mob seemed to think about this, then said, "That's Ranma!" 

Kunou was furious, "How dare you insult my love by putting that cursed name 
to her!"

Onna Ranma frowned. She decided to help him along, "Ooh, Sempaaaaaai, please!
Punish them for me!" 

Kunou turned and bowed, "Your wish is my command, my love..." 

Ranma nearly barfed. 

Kunou turned and drew his bokuto, "Prepare to face the wrath of a man in 
love!" 

Onna Ranma watched as Kunou quickly and efficently put a major hurt on the 
mob. Kunou was just finishing them off when Ranma decided it was time to go. 
She snuck away while he was still busy. 

By the time Kunou had finished pounding the members of the mob, he noticed 
that she was gone. "Ahh! My beautiful pigtailed one was so overcome by my 
prowess, that she ran, rather than accepting my love... Oh...'tis hard to be 
this perfect..." 

Ranma looked out the window from the second floor, <Well, that's one way of 
looking at it, anyhow...> she thought.

Ranma-chan managed to avoid trouble for the the rest of the day and was glad 
to leave and get home. 

Unfortunatly, she did not notice the bokuto carrying figure following her. 
"If she believes she can have me fight for her and not expect a date in 
return, she thinks wrongly." Kunou said to himself. "But first I must find 
out where she lives, that I may visit her." He followed her all the way to 
the Tendou Dojo. 

"How strange..." he said after a time, "It seems that she lives with the 
beautiful Akane Tendou. What a perculiar coincidence." 

Nabiki walked up behind Kunou and said, "Hi Kunou-chan, what are you doing 
here?" 

Kunou spun and faced Nabiki. "Ah. Nabiki Tendou. Tell me, does the pigtailed 
girl of my dreams live with you?" 

Nabiki smiled, "For 5000 yen, I'll tell you." 

Kunou frowned and handed her the money, "Well?" 

Nabiki smiled, "Yes she does. She's our cousin..." 

Kunou was stunned, "Your cousin? What is her name?" 

Nabiki said, "That information is available only on a need to know basis!" 

Kunou handed her another 5000 yen, "I NEED TO KNOW!" he said urgently. 

Nabiki counted the money, making him wait, "Her name is Ranko Tendou..." 

Kunou was on the seventh plane of extacy, "Ah! Now my goddess has a name! 
Thank you Nabiki Tendou, I will not forget this!" With that he ran off. 

Nabiki smirked, "Sure thing, Kunou... anytime..." She walked towards the 
house, flicking through her new money.

Ranma, now male again, was sitting reading a book, in english! He hated that 
stupid language with it's stupid letters and dumb sentence structure! <They 
even publish their books back to front!> he thought testily. 

Nabiki came in with a handfull of money. Ranma looked up, seeing Nabiki with 
a lot of money was not a rare thing, but she seemed particularly pleased with 
this lot. <Oh well! I may as well...> he thought. "Hey Nabiki, where'd you 
get all the money from?" 

Nabiki turned and smiled, "Oh...just by telling Kunou a few things about 
a certain Ranko Tendou..." 

Ranma jumped up, "What did you do, Nabiki?" 

She smiled and held out her hand. 

"I'm not paying you, don't even think about it and don't mess with me! I'm 
not in the mood!" he said. 

"Of course not!" she replied smoothly, still holding her hand out. 

Ranma was annoyed to say the least and was not going to take Nabiki's crap. 
He grabbed her middle finger and bent it back. He knw it wouldn't hurt much 
and wouldn't do any real damage. She sqauked in mild pain and surprise. 

"Tell me, now." he said forcefully. 

Nabiki was surprised, normally he wasn't this agressive, he must really be 
mad. She eventually had to relent. One thing Ranma knew about was pain, and 
how to inflict it. 

"Alright." she pleaded in mock agony, "Just let go!" 

Ranma did so and waited, his expression so dark that even Nabiki didn't think 
of trying to cross him. "All I said was that her name was Ranko Tendou, that 
she was our cousin and that she lived here." Nabiki said, rubbing her hand
and glaring at him. 

Ranma sank down, "Now I'll have no peace! He'll be here the whole time, trying 
to court his 'osage no onna' What am I gonna do now?" 

Nabiki gave him a hard look and said, "I would give you some advice..." 

Ranma looked hopeful. "But..." she continued, causing his heart to sink, 
"Because you hurt my hand. I'm not going to help you!" Ranma sighed. 

She walked away, going straight upstairs. <Oh well...> Ranma thought, <You 
win some, you loose some. I came out even that time. Not bad considering it's 
Nabiki.> he grinned.

Akane came storming down the stairs, "RANMA?!" 

He blanched and looked for cover, there was none. He sat there waiting for 
doom. Typhoon Akane came into the room and blasted him, "Ranma, what did you 
do to oneechan? She's upstairs crying!" 

Ranma was surprised, then realized what she meant, "You believe Nabiki over 
ME! She started it!" he said, insulted. 

Akane was not in a joking mood, she picked him up by the shirt front, and 
looked him in the eye, "Are you accusing me of nepotism?" she grated. 

Ranma shrugged, "Hey... If the feed bag fits..." 

Akane's eyes narrowed, she bunched a fist, "RANMA NO BAKA!" 

WHAM! 

Up in her room, Nabiki smiled and turned the page of her magazine, <Revenge 
is so sweet.> she thought.

Ranma sat at the dinner table looking rather battered. Akane sat next to him,
ignoring him totally. Nabiki sat across the table, quietly ammused. She 
decided to stir the pot a bit. 

"Hey Ranma, I thought it was unmanly to pick on girls?" she said innocently. 

Everyone looked at Ranma, who shrank, "It's not what you think!" he said 
weakly. 

Nabiki smiled and held up her melodramatically over bandaged hand, "Oh, 
really?!" 

The two fathers saw this, looked at each other and nodded. They grabbed Ranma 
and punted him out the door, saying as onna Ranma sat in the pond, "You can 
come back when you are sure you know how to treat girls!" 

Ranma climbed out of the pond and went into the dojo. 

She sat on the floor wondering what to do next. No matter what she did, Nabiki 
was always one step ahead of her. Ranma-chan shrugged, Nabiki wasn't that 
dangerous. Well, she was dangerous to ones reputation, but couldn't cause any 
physical injury. Or so he thought...

Ranma arrived at school. Akane and Nabiki had gone without him, they were 
still mad. He didn't care. It was nice to be away from that tomboy for a 
while.

Suddenly Kunou appeared, "Saotome, you have injured Tendou Nabiki!" he 
shouted. 

That got everyones attention!

Ranma looked at Kunou, unimpressed, "So what do you care?"      

Kunou immediately replied, "My osage no onna lives in that house! I will not 
allow the same to happen to her! Besides, I would fight for the honor of any 
woman. That is the way of the true warrior... Not that you would know 
anything about that, Saotome!"

Ranma was pissed off now, and the crowd was giving him dirty looks. <I need to
take him out quickly, before this mob lynches me. I'm gonna KILL Nabiki!> he 
thought, sizing up his situation. 

He sighed and waited. Kunou rushed him with his bokuto. Ranma parried it to 
the side and punched Kunou in the face. The samurai staggered back, then came 
at him again, Ranma decided to wrap it up. He ducked under Kunou's swing and 
gave him a two-foot-hand-plant-kick in the breadbasket. Kunou flew into a bush 
and did not come out. 

Ramna got to his feet and said, "Hah! Too easy!" 

He turned and faced most of the student population of Furinkan High, "Uh oh!" 
They all dogpiled him, beating on him from every direction. 

<Well...> he thought, <No point in just taking it, I may as well dish some out 
as well...> Decision made, Ranma proceeded to show them why he was the most 
dangerous fist fighter in town. 

Holding nothing back, he pounded the living shit out of most his opponents 
until he was knocked down by sheer weight of numbers. He was tied up and given 
the beating the crowd thought he deserved. 

The crowd, or what was left of it, surveyed that carnage. There were bodies 
strewn all over the ground. 

"Whoa! Saotome can fight!" one said.

Nabiki watched from the balcony, <That was fun!> she thought. 

A little later, Ranma had managed to get free. He was back in class and was 
trying to ignore the stares and dark looks from everyone else. He sighed, he'd
have to appolagize to Nabiki, this wasn't worth the effort. 

At lunch he went and found Nabiki, and in front of her entire class, got down 
on his knees and begged for forgiveness. She smiled and said she'd think about 
it. 

He thought about it afterwards. It had acomplished it's purpose. He didn't 
care if she accepted his appology, as long as everyone knew he had 
appologised.

His plan worked a little too well. 

Akane came up to him in class and said, "I'm glad you appologised to 
oneechan." Ranma sighed, "That's okay. I was feeling kinda guilty." he lied. 

She smiled and sat next to him. "It must be hard not hitting us sometimes..." 
she admitted. 

Ranma nodded, "Well, I'm a girl half the time... I ought to know better..." 

Akane was silenced for a moment by the teacher speaking, then said, "I guess 
so..." 

Ranma smiled at her. 

Regardless of anything else, he prefered to be able to talk to Akane. Fighting 
was too distracting.

The day ended and Ranma and Akane walked towards the gates. Unfortunatly, at 
the precise moment Ranma was passing it, a sprinkler line burst and squirted 
him, "Akk! Cold!" Onna Ranma sighed and continued to walk. She saw Kunou at 
the gate.

<Great...> she thought, <Now I'll have to fight him... *again*.> 

Kunou saw Ranma-chan and ran towards her. Ranma readied herself, <Here we go!>

"My pigtailed goddess! Finally I have found you!" He stopped in front of 
onna Ranma, who remembered she was a girl, and bowed low. "Miss Tendou, it
is my honor to allow you to date with me!" 

Ranma was not impressed about being called 'miss' and was even more annoyed 
by the idea of dating Kunou. 

"Listen Jack-" she started. 

He grabbed her before she could finish. "My darling, I know you are 
overwhelmed. I will look after you." he blathered, squeezing her against him, 
feeling her breasts against his chest. 

Ranma was enraged, "Leggo, you pervert!" she said, bapping him on the head. 
She forced him to put her down and said, "I'm NOT going out with you!" 

Kunou snorted, "You are just nervous. You will come around to the idea." 

Ranma-chan nearly tore her hair out, then came up with an idea to give 
herself some thinking room. "I'll think about it and get back to you" she 
said. 

Akane gave her a funny look, <Has he gone *strange* or something?> she 
wondered. 

Kunou on the other hand, was overjoyed, "Ah! My osage no onna! I shall await 
your response!" 

Onna Ranma nodded and walked quickly away, dragging a stunned Akane with her.

As they walked, Akane hissed, "What are you doing? I know you're a pervert,
but I didn't think you were this bad!" 

Ranma-chan ignored the last and answered her question, "I've had it up to 
here..." she gesture to the top of her head, "...with Kunou. I'm going to get 
him out of both our hair..." 

Akane was speechless for a moment and then said, "How?" 

Ranma-chan smiled evilly, "By taking him on the date from hell!" 

Akane looked a little dubious at this, "Are you sure you won't just encourage 
him? He's pretty persistant...and very stupid!"

Ranma hadn't thought of that...

Back at the house, rumors (thanks to Nabiki), were already running rife. As 
Ranma came through the door, she was set upon by Genma and Soun. "Is it true 
that you intend to date this Kunou boy?" asked the latter, his tone menacing. 

"NO!" shouted Ranma-chan, "I'm trying to get rid of him!" 

Soun and Genma were unconviced, Genma saying, "I am so ashamed. My only son 
is a bisexual woman!" 

Ranma-chan was furious, "SHUT UP, OYAJI!" she shouted, punching him through 
the roof. 

A little later, they were all sitting at the table, drinking tea. 

"So..." said Soun slowly, as if testing the words, "You are going to take this 
Kunou boy on the worst date in history, in order to get him to leave you and 
Akane alone?"

Ranma, now in male form, sighed with relief, "YES!" 

Genma looked at Soun, then at Akane. "What do you think of this plan, 
Akane-kun?" 

She jumped a bit and stammered, "W-well... If... um... er... Ranma can make 
Kunou go away, I guess it's a good thing. But I think it's kind of risky." 

Genma nodded, agreeing. He turned to Ranma, "If you do this, you had better 
not botch it! You don't want to make him think you like him, that'll make it 
worse!" 

Ranma nodded, "I know. It will require great precision!" 

"Well you'd better get Akane to show you the required girl stuff for your 
date!" Genma said cheerfully, eager to get them together.

Ranma was about to comment that Akane wouldn't be able to teach girl-stuff to 
save herself, since she didn't know any, anyway. But before he could speak, 
Genma shoved his hand over Ranma's mouth. Ranma looked annoyed for a moment, 
then sighed and nodded.

The next day, Ranma put his plan into action. He arrived at school in female 
form and, upon seeing Kunou, put in her best cute face and ran up to him and 
lept into his arms, "Kunou-sempai! Kunou-sempai! I've found you!" 

He was stunned to have this pretty girl in his arms. It was like a dream! 
"Have you decided, my darling in pigtails?" he asked. 

She nodded and said, "I'll go out on a date with you... But only if I decide 
where we go!" 

He nodded dumbly, unable to speak or think. "Good! Pick me up at the Tendou 
place a seven tommorow, don't be late." She batted her eyelids at him and 
jumped down, running off to class with Akane. 

"Ah! To be so loved. 'Tis such a burden..." he said to no-one in particular, 
sniffing a rose as he walked to class.

Kunou came in late, but the teacher excused him. He was the pricipal's son 
after all. "Kunou, you're late!" he said. 

Kunou wandered vaguely over to his desk and said, "I appologise most 
profoundly, sensei. I was overcome with thoughts of love and failed to notice 
the time..."  

The teacher nodded, "Okay, whatever..." Kunou wafted to his seat and proceeded 
to ignore the teacher totally, thinking instead of his date with `his' osage
no onna.

Akane sat next to Ranma in class. She watched her. Ranma was not very
feminine. Even when he tried. She sighed. They were going to need more 
practice!

Ranma was getting annoyed. Everyone was picking on her and saying she was 
a pervert. One of her male classmates came over. "Hey Ranma, decided to go 
the other way, have you?" 

Ranma grabbed him and slammed his head into the desk. "No! I'm trying to get 
rid of Kunou!" she said venomously as he rebounded off the table..

The day passed in this fashion, until finally Ranma was able get out of the 
school. She felt about ready to kill anyone else who made a joke about sexual 
orientation. She made it home without incident and, using a kettle prepared 
by Kasumi, changed back to male form. 

Akane felt sort of sorry for Ranma. His curse got him into so much trouble. 
She thought how simple life would be if he didn't 'change'. She might even be 
able to get along with him. Still... That was neither here nor there... The 
immediate problem was Kunou. Ranma's hairbrained scheme might work, but she 
doubted it. On the other hand there was nothing else to do, so she figured she
may as well help.

After dinner, she took Ranma upstairs and led him into her room. This was odd 
in itself. Normally Ranma wasn't allowed in here. She turned and poured cold 
water on him, changing him into female form. 

"Akane, what..." Ranma-chan trailed off. 

Akane smiled and said, "You need to act like a girl if we're going to fool 
Kunou. Since that's the case, listen to me." Akane rattled off a list of 
things girls don't do. 

Ranma was overwhelmed. This was like studying for a test! And Ranma tended to 
fail tests...

Akane then walked out and brought Kasumi and Nabiki into the room. Akane 
smiled again, slightly twisted this time, "We've also go to find something 
for you to wear..." 

She opened her closet and looked in. Nabiki and Kasumi joined her. 

They all looked into the closet for a while. "Hmmmmm..." they all said. They 
turned and looked at Ranma-chan, who smiled weakly. They began to pull
dresses, skirts, blouses and other less obvious ladies garments from the 
wardrobe. 

Ranma-chan jumped up, "NO WAY!" she shouted, "You're not getting me into any 
of that stuff!" 

Akane and Nabiki looked at her coldly. Kasumi looked a little more pitying. 
"You've got no choice!" said Nabiki sharply. Akane nodded in agreement. 

Onna Ranma shook her head vehmently, "Uh-uh! Not a chance!" 

Kasumi had an idea, "You girls go outside for a moment. Let me talk to *him*" 
she said, reminding them of Ranma's real gender. They nodded and walked out.

Kasumi came and sat next to Ranma-chan, who said, "Hey! Where are they going?"
Kasumi smiled and said that they needed to talk. Ranma nodded uncertainly. 

"You're worried that it's unmanly for you to wear a dress, aren't you?" 

Onna Ranma nodded, a little embarressed, "I'm a man after all, men don't do 
that!" 

Kasumi smiled again, "You're wrong, you know, Ranma." 

Ranma was puzzled. Kasumi continued, "You're a girl right now, that makes the 
rules different. You can wear a dress while you're a girl, because thats what 
girls do. The fact that you're male most of the time doesn't change the facts 
of the moment... Now...will you try some things?" 

Ranma nodded grudingingly, "Ok... But I don't have to like it!" 

Kasumi nodded, "Besides..." she said, "If you don't wear a dress, your plan 
mightn't work and you could be stuck with that Kunou boy forever." 

Ranma-chan blanched.

Kasumi let Akane and Nabiki back in and they began to try things on onna
Ranma. Akane whispered to Nabiki as they helped Ranma with the buttons on a 
dress, "I wonder what Kasumi did." Nabiki shrugged, "Another miracle, no 
doubt..." 

The dressing went on for some time.

The selections was wide and varied. Ranma was changed from one outfit to
another. From a miniskirt and knotted blouse to a long black, Chinese dress
with slits up the side, "I don't want to wear this! It'll give him ideas!" 
she said, upon seeing the black number.

Eventually they settled on a more conventional floral pattern that was not 
too revealing. Ranma-chan stood in front of the mirror in full battle dress, 
"I feel really dumb!" she said. 

Akane giggled a little, "You look really cute!" 

Nabiki and Kasumi agreed. 

Ranma went to walked over to the bed to get all the gear off when she 
discovered the next problem. "Damned high heels! How the hell do you walk on 
these things?" 

The three sisters laughed. 

"Maybe you'd better practice a bit." Akane suggested. 

Ranma tottered around the room for a while and eventually got the hang of it. 

The next day Ranma went to school in normal form, and had the satisfaction of 
knocking Kunou out... Again. The day passed relatively easily and he walked 
home with Akane in a relatively good mood.

When they got back, Kasumi was already waiting. Akane and Nabiki moved to 
assist as the great transformtion of Ranma took place. A bucket of water was 
thrown over him. Her hair was washed and styled. Then she was dried and sat 
in a chair. The three sisters worked together, putting makeup on onna Ranma, 
much to her annoyance. They then whisked her upstairs and got her dressed. 
The whole process had taken three hours, but had seemed like five minutes to 
a rather dizzy Ranma. 

Soun and Genma sat, playing a game of Shogi when the four girls came down the 
stairs. The three sisters smiled, proud of their handiwork. The two fathers
could only gape. Onna Ranma was gorgeous. She had her styled up and had her 
face made up to a tee. This was complimented by the dress, which matched her 
eyes. 

Ranma got annoyed with the staring and said, "Quit leering at me, Oyaji! I'm 
not a steak, you know!" 

Genma recovered and said that Kunou was a lucky fellow. Soun nodding in 
agreement. Onna Ranma was about to throw them in the pond when...  

"NOOO!" shouted the three sisters simultaniously. 

Ranma-chan stopped and looked quizically at them, "What?" 

"If you do something like that, it will wreck you hair and make up." Kasumi 
explained. 

Ranma-chan sighed and turned to Akane. Being a girl was lot of trouble! <I 
think I understand you, now.> Ranma thought. She looked pleadingly at Akane, 
"Would you?" 

Akane sighed and threw Genma and Soun into the pond. 

"Happy?" she said. 

Ranma-chan nodded and smiled. "Much better!"

They waited a few minutes, then the door bell rang...

Akane went and opened the door. Outside, Tatewaki Kunou stood, waiting.

"Greetings to you, Akane Tendou. Is my pigtailed goddess ready?" 

Akane thought about this for a moment, then said, "As ready as she'll ever 
be." She ushered him in and left him standing in the hall. She went and found 
Ranma, "Ok! This is it! Are you ready?" 

Onna Ranma nodded grimly and walked out to face her foe. 

Kunou was stunned. Before him stood the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
<Such luck is mine to have woman of beauty beyond compare.> he thought. "I 
see you are ready, my darling. Tell me, where is it that we go tonight?" 

Ranma-chan smiled and put her arm through his. "I was thinking of a Chinese 
place called the Nekohanten..." 

Kunou nodded, "So be it, then. To the Nekohanten we go!" 

They walked out, leaving Akane to watch them. "I hope Ranma's plan works, 
otherwise we're in for big trouble..." she said quietly.

A little later, the Kunou limo rolled up to the front of the Nekohanten. Kunou
was annoyed, <Where is the doorman?> he thought. Finally he got out and went 
to the door of the restraunt and pounded on it. 

Mousse opened it and said, "Yes?" 

Kunou gave him a condecending look and said, "You must be the doorman, come, 
my date has been waiting. That will not do." 

Mousse was a little confused and, putting on his glasses, followed Kunou. 

"Well?" said Kunou. 

Mousse looked blank, "Well, what?" 

Kunou fumed, "Open the door for my date! You fool!" 

Mousse was tempted to comment about the intelligence of people who couldn't 
open doors for themselves, then thought better of it. He was a paying customer 
after all. Mousse opened the door and fell over in surprise. 

An incredibly attractive red haired girl got out of the car. The thing that 
shocked Mousse was not her beauty, but the fact that it was Ranma. <What's
Ranma up to now?> he wondered, <No doubt this is another plan to steal my 
Shampoo!> 

Ranma stepped on Mousse as she walked with Kunou into the restraunt.

Shampoo was most surprised to see Ranma-chan enter on the arm of Tatewaki 
Kunou. 

She walked over to them, "You want table?" she asked, giving onna Ranma a 
funny look. 

Kunou nodded and said, "Yes. The best table you have!" 

Shampoo shrugged and took them to a table near the window. She handed them 
menus and left. 

Kunou was delighted, "Ne'er has a man in the history of the world been happier 
than I!" 

Ranma rolled her eyes. 

Shampoo came back over and Ranma-chan prayed that she would do what Shampoo 
did best :- Be Tactless. 

She did it beautifully. 

"What you here with him for, Ranma?" she asked. 

Kunou was infuriated, Ranma was relieved. 

Kunou stood up, "Who are you to insult my beloved with such a name?!" he 
shouted. 

Shampoo was a little stunned, she looked at Ranma, who was smiling, "What his 
problem?" she asked. 

Kunou shouted again, annoyed that he was being ignored, "You are an evil 
woman, be gone!" 

Shampoo got annoyed at this and bashed him over the head with her bonbori. He 
collapsed at the table, face down. 

Shampoo put the maces away, "What you want order?" she asked, pulling out a 
note pad. They managed to order and Shampoo left. <So far so good> thought 
onna Ranma cheerfully. 

The first course came and Ranma managed to spill hot ramen all over a certain
part of Kunou's anatomy. He screamed and hopped around, creating quite a 
scene. 

"Oh Sempai, I'm so sorry!" she said innocently. 

He winced as he sat down, "That is all right, my darling. But please... call 
me Tatewaki." 

She nodded and proceeded to scoff her food, being as unladylike as possible 
and ignoring everything Akane had said. Kunou ate far more daintily. <She is 
indeed full of life and unbridled energy.> he thought, watching her.

When the next course came, Ranma managed to cover both herself and Kunou in 
it until they looked like a pair of compost heaps. 

Kunou was beggining to have second thoughts, <She is indeed beautiful, but 
perhaps a little dangerous.>

As the meal wore on, things got worse, she kicked him in the shins and burnt 
him with the candle. By the end of the meal Kunou was battered and bruised. 
Ranma couldn't help but smile as her plan unfolded. 

Unfortuatly, at this point, fate intervened in the form of Shampoo.  

She was walking over to their table with a pot of tea, when...

...her foot caught on a table leg. She stumbled, sending the tea pot sailing 
into the air. She could only watch in horror as it flew arcoss the room and 
crashed into the side of Kunou's head. It shattered, showering both he and 
onna Ranma in HOT tea. 

"ACK! HOT!" squeaked Ranma. 

Kunou was stunned for a moment, but saw the transformation. On the other side 
of the table sat a wet, angry and inappropriately dressed Ranma-kun. He was 
not happy.  

Kunou lept to his feet, "What sorcery is this? Where is my daring Ranko? 
Answer me, Saotome! What have you done with her?!" 

Ranma stood up and tore away the upper part of the dress, bra and all, "I 
won't need this anymore!" He then faced Kunou and said, "Don't you get it? 
I'm her!" 

Kunou was confused to say the least. 

Ramna sighed and continued, "She and I are the same person! She's me!" 

Kunou was shocked, "You are the pigtailed one? How hideous! I do not want to 
date with you, Saotome!"

Ranma was enraged, "I don't want to date you either! I want you to leave 
Akane and me alone!" 

Understanding showed on Kunou's face, "I see. You seek to keep Tendou Akane 
for yourself. NEVER!" He drew his bokuto from the air. "I will smite you, 
magician!" 

Ranma jumped back ready to fight. "Alright... This is it, Kunou! Final round! 
Winner gets Akane *and* the pigtailed girl and the loser leaves them alone...
Permanently!" 

Kunou nodded, "I accept. I will not loose my loves!" 

Ranma was amazed. <He saw it and he still doesn't believe that She and I are 
the one person. How dumb can he be?> he wondered. 

Kunou rushed in and Ranma was forced to give up ground. He tripped on the 
remains of the dress and fell over. Kunou pressed his advantage and attempted 
to stab Ranma. <Kusso! He's really serious about this! I'd better not let this 
take too long!> he thought, rolling to the side, then kicking Kunou in the 
ribs. 

Kunou grunted and backed off. 

Ranma jumped to his feet and said, "Come on Kunou, I thought you where better 
than that!" 

This got Kunou mad, which was just what Ranma wanted. He rushed Ranma, who 
waited patiently until Kunou was close. Then, as Kunou thrust his bokuto 
forwards, Ranma put his foot on the sword and drove it into the floor. It 
jammed and, as Kunou kept going, the handle rammed into his solar plexus and 
knocked him down. He lay on the floor writhing in pain. 

Ranma walked up and grabbed him by the shirt, "Do you give up?!" 

Kunou groaned, "Never!" 

Ranma shrugged and threw the biggest uppercut of his life. The blow hurled 
Kunou out the shop window and into a pile of garbage across the street. 
Needless to say, he was well and truely unconscious. 

Shampoo came over to Ranma. "You okay Ranma?" she asked, concern in her voice.

He nodded, then sighed, looking at himself. He looked at Shampoo and started 
to laugh, "I don't believe it! How am I gonna explain this to Akane?" he said, 
between fits of laughter. 

Shampoo looked at him and was forced to grab onto him, to stop from falling 
over with laughter.

"Ranma! I will not allow you to steal my Shampoo!"

Ranma turned. A rather muddy Mousse stood before him and appeared ready to 
fight. 

Ranma sighed, "Not tonight, Mousse. I'll come back and trash you tommorow, if 
you want..." he suggested. 

Mousse was not ammused. "Die, Saotome!"

He threw a volley of harpoons and blades on chains at Ranma. Ranma knew this 
trick and was ready for it. He dodged most of the chains and grabbed the last
two. He gave a heave and Mousse flew towards him, unable to stop his flight.

Just when it looked like Mousse was about to collide with Ranma, Ranma raised
his foot and planted it in Mousse's face. The weapons master fell to the floor 
with a crash and did not move. Ranma turned to leave. 

"Wait, muko-dono!" 

Ranma turned again, to face Cologne. "What do you want, ghoul?" he said 
sourly. 

Cologne hopped out into the battered restraunt, "Who's going to pay for all 
this?" she asked, gesturing to all the damage. 

Ranma pointed to where Kunou was lying. "He can... He's got plenty of money!" 

Ranma turned and slowly began the embarrasing walk home.

==============================================================================
Malicious Manipulations, The Date From Hell                       - Epilogue -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Some time later Kunou regained consciousness and was presented with the 
bill. He staggered to his feet and wrote a cheque. Then stumbled off home,
vowing to steer clear of strange girls for a while...

When Ranma got home, Akane opened the door. "OH! Ranma, what happened?" 

He walked in still wearing the remains of the dress. 

"Shampoo happened..." he said sulkily. 

Akane smiled and took him into the lounge room. She sat him down and patched 
up his few wounds. 

Nabiki came in, took one look at Ranma and said, "I've got to get a picture of 
this!" 

She took out her camera and started taking snaps. 

Ranma was about to go and get her when Akane jumped up and went over to her 
sister. "Oneechan, stop it! That's not nice!" 

Nabiki smiled evilly, "No... But it is profitable!" 

Akane grabbed the camera and threw it in the pond. "Hey!" Nabiki protested, 
"That was expensive!" She walked out to try and retrieve the camera. 

Genma and Soun came in, "You looked much better when you left!" said his 
father. Soun nodded in agreement. 

Ranma fumed, "Shut up!" 

They left, sniggering. 

Akane came and sat down again, and finished patching him up. When she  
had finished, she said, "So what happened?" 

He sighed and said, "Well, we went to the Nekohanten and I made like I was 
really clumsy and splattered food on him and kicked him the whole time." 

Akane laughed. 

"Then..." Ranma continued "Shampoo managed to spill _hot_ tea on me." 

Akane was worried by this. "Suffice to say, I changed back. That's how your 
dress got wrecked... Sorry..." he said sheepishly. 

She smiled, "That's okay... I guess..." 

Ranma went on, "Anyway, Kunou saw this and, as usual got the wrong idea. He 
decided I was some sort of magician and challenged me." 

Akane giggled a little, "In that dress?" 

Ranma nodded, "Yeah... Anyway, I made a bet that whoever won would get both 
you and the pigtailed girl. He accepted and I won!" he said proudly. 

She looked at him for a moment, a little troubled, "Do you want me?" she 
asked. 

Ranma paled a little, "I'm...not sure...but I know I don't want Kunou having 
you!" 

She smiled again, "Thanks, Ranma..."

Ranma sighed, "Regardless of anything else... Thanks for your help, Akane!" 
He quickly leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then got up and went to 
bed, leaving Akane sitting on the floor, her face red. 

She was confused, <How do you feel about me, Ranma?> she wondered, also going 
off to bed. She got changed and got into bed, turning out the light. It didn't 
matter now. It would be sorted out another time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                   - Fin -
plunger@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au