Here's another little story I wrote when I was bored...
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Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction -
The Twelve Tasks of Ranma
By:Plunger
All characters copyright of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan Inc. and Viz
Communications Inc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah...
Hercules bit shamelessly stolen from: The 12 Tasks of Asterix.
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[Story begins...]
[The scene opens just outside the door to Akane's bedroom. Listening in, two
voices can be heard.]
Akane: (breathless) You're nearly there, Ranma! Come on! (sighs) We're so
close...
Ranma: (sighs) I'm trying!
[Going in it is possible to see that Ranma and Akane are sitting at her desk.
She appears to be supervising him studying.]
Akane: Are you done yet?
Ranma: (sits back) Yep. All done. I've never written an essay this long
before.
Akane: You mean you've written one before?!
Ranma: Yes, I have!
Akane: (disbelieving) Sure...
Ranma: Hmph!
Akane: (reads paper) Still... It's not too bad... (pause) Considering it's
you...
Ranma: Thanks... I think...
Akane: (nods) It should be okay. You might pass yet, Ranma.
Ranma: Whatever... As long as Miss Hinako doesn't try to drain me, I don't
care.
Akane: Just make sure you don't lose it before you hand it in.
Ranma: Don't worry. I've worked way too hard to let that happen.
Akane: Well, just see that you don't. (lopsided smile) It'd be a shame after
all the work we put into it.
Ranma: Yeah... Um... Thanks for helping me, Akane. I wouldn't have been able
to do it without you.
Akane: You wouldn't have tried without me!
Ranma: (shrugs) Same thing. Anyway... Thanks...
Akane: (smiles) That's okay. I like helping my fiancee.
Ranma: (looks uncomfortable) Er... Hmm... Yeah...
[At this moment, Kasumi enters.]
Kasumi: Hello! How are you going in here?
Akane: Fine, Oneechan. We've just finished.
Kasumi: That's nice. I've got some fresh cookies here...
[Kasumi hands the plate to Akane and takes one.]
Kasumi: It's good to see you two working together. Fiancee's ought to spend
time together.
Akane: (frowns) Oneechan.
Ranma: ...
Kasumi: Well... I must be off. I've got to prepare dinner.
[Kasumi walks out, leaving Ranma, Akane and the cookies alone together (never
a good combination).]
Akane: She is SO unsubtle at times.
Ranma: (eating) So?
Akane: Oh, nothing... It's just a little wearing. I get a bit sick of the
whole fiancee thing.
Ranma: You and me both. She means well, though...
Akane: I know. But we both know we're not getting married, right?
Ranma: (nods) Of course not.
[Ranma gets up and heads for the door.]
Ranma: I'd better go practice. I've spent enough time here.
Akane: I guess... Here! Take this with you!
[Akane walks over and hands the essay to Ranma.]
Ranma: (walks out) See ya.
[Akane goes back to her desk and sits down.]
Akane: (thought) I hope you know how much I like helping you, Ranma. Things
may be hard between us... But I do care... I just hope you do to...
[Meanwhile, Ranma has gone out to the dojo and is going through a series of
katas. The essay is sitting on the floor against the wall.]
Ranma: (thought) I'm glad Akane agreed to help me. I'd have been dead
otherwise. I guess she isn't a total klutz. I sure couldn't have done
that thing alone. I hope she knows I appreciate her... Even though she
is macho and all that... (smiles) Well...maybe not totally...
[Ranma does several more drills and then goes into the house. The essay is
still sitting on the floor when he turns the light out.]
[A little later, the entire family is having dinner.]
Souun: Where were you two this afternoon? I didn't see you.
Kasumi: Akane was helping Ranma with his school work. Isn't that nice?
Souun: Yes, it is. Spending time together is important.
Akane: Otousan! Please!
Nabiki: There no shame in being in love...
Akane: Honestly! We didn't want to be together! (points at Ranma) This fool
needs it!
Ranma: Hey! There's no need to insult me because I'm a little behind!
Akane: Behind?! You've been lapped twice!
Ranma: What?! I... (glares) Hmph!
[Ranma and Akane both sit and sulk, glaring at each other occasionally.]
Nabiki: (to Kasumi) Ever get that deja vu feeling?
Kasumi: (nods) Yes... Often around this time...
Souun: I do too...
Genma: It's strange... Don't you thinkso, Tendou-kun?
Souun: It certainly is, Saotome-kun. I wonder...
Ranma & Akane: ...
[Later that evening, Nabiki walks into the dojo and notices a paper on the
floor. She picks it up and smiles.]
Nabiki: I wonder what this is worth... And to whom...
[The next morning, Ranma walks in from practice and sits down next to Akane
at breakfast.]
Akane: This will be a change for you.
Ranma: What will?
Akane: Not being chased around by Miss Hinako when an essay is due.
Ranma: Yeah...
[They quickly eat breakfast. A few minutes later Ranma and Akane get up to
go.]
Akane: Hey, Kasumi-oneechan. Where's Nabiki-oneechan?
Kasumi: She left early. She said she had to see a boy about a deal.
Akane: Oh. She must be selling more photo's of Ranma to Kunou.
Ranma: (walks up) Ready?
Akane: Mhm. Have you got your essay?
Ranma: Yep. Sure... It's... (feels in bag) Where'd it go?!
Akane: Don't tell me you lost it.
Ranma: (flatly) Heh.
Akane: (sighs) Ranma no baka. (shaks her head) You're hopeless, Ranma.
Hopeless.
Ranma: (looks in bag) I don't get it! I thought I put it in here... What did
I do with it?!
Akane: Don't ask me! I told you to be careful!
[Ranma opens his bag and shakes it. A number of objects fall out on the floor.
Among them can be seen Kirin's scroll, one of Ryouga's bandannas, one of
Akane's old cakes (it looks angry at being disturbed), a sachet of Naniichuan
powder, a small spatula, the Nanban Mirror, a Jyusenkyou tourist guide book,
Ranma's spare Dragons Whisker, an ace of hearts, a set of barikan, and
numerous other familiar objects, but no essay.]
Ranma: Hmm... Not here.
Akane: When did you clean your bag last?
Ranma: (confused) Clean it? Why would I do that?
Akane: ...
Ranma: Oh, who cares. I can get out of it like I usually do.
Akane: It's a shame, though... You did work very hard on it.
Ranma: (shrugs) Maybe next time...
[They walk out of the house and head for Furinkan High. When then arrive,
they are met by Tatewaki Kunou, idiot extrodinaire. He is holding a familiar
piece of paper.]
Kunou: Greetings, Akane Tendou. And to you, Saotome.
Ranma: (suspicious) Why are you so cheerful, *Sempai*?
Kunou: I have something of yours. I believe you will be most eager to get it
back...
Ranma: Oh? What's that?
Kunou: This essay of yours has fallen into my possession... From what I know
of you, and essay is not unlike a work of Picasso... Unique and
artistic, but completely unintelligible...
Ranma: What's your point?
Kunou: I have a challenge for you.
Ranma: (flatly) What sort of challenge is it this time?
Kunou: I have decided to test you to see if you are indeed worthy of the
hand of Akane Tendou. If you succeed in performing twelve tasks of my
choice, I shall return this to you so that you can get an F with it.
Ranma: (snorts) Whats to stop me beating you up and taking it?
Kunou: The law against theft. I legally purchased this item from Nabiki Tendou.
If you take it, you will be a theif and prove yourself to be as low as
I believe you are.
Ranma: (cracks his knuckles) Alright... What are the tasks?
Kunou: You agree then?
Ranma: Yes. Let's get on with it. I want finish this and get to class.
Kunou: Very well... I thought of having you repeat the twelve tasks of
Hercules...
Ranma: Who?
Kunou: Hercules.
Ranma: Yeah. Who's he?
Akane: Didn't you listen in History last semester?!
Ranma: No. I was running away from Shampoo.
Akane: (sighs) He was a demi-god of greek mythology.
Ranma: Oh. (to Kunou) So what's this got to do with me? What did this
Hercules do that was so good?
Kunou: In order to become a god he completed the twelve tasks set by the gods.
He succeeded in strangling the Nemian Lion, killed the Lernean Hydra,
caught the Erymanthian boar alive, hunted down the stag with the brazen
feet, shot the Stymphalian birds, tamed the bull sent by Neptune to
plague Minos the King of Crete, killed Diomedes the King of Thrace,
conquered the Amazons- (Ranma interupts him)
Ranma: I've done that!
Akane: Ranma!
Kunou: As I was saying... He clensed the Augean stables, killed Geryon, stole
the golden apples from the garden of Hesperides, and freed Theseus from
the underworld.
Ranma: What's the second task?
Akane: (depressed) Those were the twelve tasks!
Ranma: Oh. (to Kunou) So you want me to do all those silly things?! Just to
get my essay back?! You must be kidding!
Kunou: I am not telling you to do those tasks. Instead, I have formulated a
set of far more apropriate and arduous tasks for you to perform.
Ranma: So what are they?
Kunou: I shall tell you as we go along.
Ranma: Ok. So what's first?
Kunou: Let us see to your failure quickly, then. You shall fight me-
Ranma: (cuts him off) This'll be easy.
Kunou: -blindfolded.
Ranma: Urr...
Akane: Now what?
Ranma: Bah! I can beat this fool any day!
Kunou: Then let us begin.
[Ranma is handed a blindfold by Sasuke and moves to face Kunou. He puts the
blindfold on and waits.]
Ranma: Okay, Kunou... Whenever you're ready.
Kunou: Very well. We begin... NOW!
[Kunou rushes in and slashes at Ranma. Ranma hears the air being displaced by
the blade and ducks. He then spins and trips Kunou.]
Ranma: Hah! All too easy!
[Kunou gets up and moves back. This time he treads more carefully. Ranma can
no longer hear him and gets worried.]
Ranma: You run off, Kunou?
Akane: Only at the mouth...
Kunou: I will crush you, Saotome.
[Kunou moves around and Ranma loses him again.]
Ranma: Ah, what the heck. This is taking too long. HIRYUUSHOUTENHA!
[Ranma uses his wind pillar to blast Kunou no matter when he is. Kunou is
caught in the blast and thrown across the courtyard and into a tree.]
Ranma: Is it over?
Akane: (looking at where Kunou went) It looks pretty conclusive.
Ranma: Good.
[Ranma takes the blindfold off. He sees Kunou haning from the tree by one
leg. He looks quite unconscious and very windblown. He walks over to the tree
and kicks it. Kunou falls on his head, but wakes up.]
Ranma: That's one down. What's next?
Kunou: It seems I must set you a more challenging task.
Ranma: Do your worst.
Kunou: Very well. You must obtain for me, my sisters favourite rosebush. The
one with the naturally black flowers.
Ranma: Hooboy...
Kunou: You have thirty minutes.
Ranma: What?! I- Ack! Bye!
[Ranma dashes off.]
Kunou: I wonder what she will do to him..
Akane: Isn't she at school?
Kunou: No. St. Hebereke's School for Girls is undergoing repairs at the moment.
All of the students are home today.
Akane: Oh, great!
[Ranma arrives at the Kunou residence and contemplates his options.]
Ranma: I think I'd better just get in, get it and get out.
[With that, he vaults over the fence runs across the garden, leaps over the
pond, off the crocodile and into the greenhouse. He stops in horror as he
enters.]
Kodachi: Ranma-sama? What are you doing here?! Have you come to see me?! How
wonderful! Now we can be together... Away from that horrible Tendou
girl!
[Kodachi gloms onto him.]
Ranma: Erm... Ah... Listen...
Kodachi: (fawning) Always, Ranma-sama...
Ranma: I need to borrow something, Kodachi...
Kodachi: (drooling) Anything, Ranma-sama...
Ranma: Anything?
Kodachi: (nods) Anything... If you date with me.
Ranma: Not you, too!
Koadchi: Please, Ranma-sama... You can have anything you want. (smiles
suggestively)
Ranma: (crosses fingers behind his back) Okay. Deal.
Koachi: What do you need?
Ranma: That black rose bush. (points)
[Kodachi turns and looks at the pot.]
Kodachi: My Blackthorne Roses?
Ranma: (nods) Mhm.
Kodachi: Why?
Ranma: I just need them. They won't get damaged.
Kodachi: Well...
Ranma: (false concern) You do want to date me, don't you?
Kodachi: More than anything!
Ranma: All I need is the plant.
Kodachi: (gives it to him) Very well. But look after it.
Ranma: Sure thing.
[Ranma takes the plant and runs out.]
Ranma: Thanks, Kodachi!
[Ranma runs back to Furinkan and hold the plant up in front of Kunou.]
Ranma: There you are, Sempai. One black rose bush.
Kunou: Excellent. Now I can get rid of the cursed thing. The pollen gives me
hayfever!
[Kunou slashes at the plant, but Ranma moves so that he cannot hit it.]
Ranma: Hey! Cut it out!
Kunou: That's precisely what I am trying to do! Hold still!
[Ranma dodges a couple more times and then punches Kunou.]
Ranma: Stop it. I told Kodachi I wouldn't mess it up.
[Ranma hands the plant to Akane.]
Ranma: Here. Don't let anyone mess it up.
Akane: But-
Ranma: Trust me.
[Ranma turns back to Kunou.]
Ranma: Okay. What's next?
Kunou: My personal ninja, Sasuke, has hidden himself in this area. You must
find him within three minutes.
[Ranma looks around.]
Ranma: Hmmm...
[Ranma serches without success and begins to worry.]
Ranma: Where the hell is he?!
[He looks back at Kunou and notices he has not moved.]
Ranma: (smiles) Gotcha.
[He runs at Kunou and delivers a double kick to the face. Kunou falls to
the ground, revealing Sasuke hiding under Kunou's samurai dress. Ranma gets
up and grins at Kunou.]
Ranma: What's next, Sempai?
[Kunou gets up and glares at Ranma.]
Kunou: The next task...
Ranma: Is what?
Kunou: Is this! GOSUNKUGI!
[Hikaru Gosunkugi appears, pushing a large box.]
Ranma: What's that?
Kunou: The next task.
Akane: What kind of task goes in a box?
Gosunkugi: (triumphantly) A CATastrophic one!
[He pulls the cover off and reveals a large spotted cat in a cage. It roars
in surprise and glares hatefully at the assembled group.]
Ranma: A ca- A ca... C-ca... Gah...
Akane: Terrific... A cheetah.
[Ranma colapses on the ground.]
Akane: Are you okay, Ranma?
Ranma: Nah... No.
Akane: What does Ranma have to do with the cheetah, Sempai?
Kunou: He must outrun it over a mile course.
Akane: But how will it know where to go?
Kunou: Ranma will run the course and it will chase him.
Ranma: (gets up) Great. Just what I need.
Kunou: Are you ready?
Ranma: (flatly) As ready as I'm going to get.
Kunou: Excellent. You may have 10 meters head start.
Ranma: Great. That'll give me lots of time to go nowhere!
[Kunou raises his hand.]
Kunou: When I drop my hand, the cat will be released.
[Ranma shivvers at the mention of the "C" word.]
Ranma: Let's go, then.
[Ranma takes his mark.]
Kunou: Go.
[Ranma takes off running, and jumps straight into the fountain, turning
female. Kunou is most nonplussed by this and absently drops his hand.
Gosunkugi sees this and releases the cheetah.]
Kunou: No! Wait! That is my osage no onna! Come back my love!
[He turns just in time to have the cat jump on him and maul him. By the time
Gosunkugi and Sasuke have recaptured the cat, Ranma has run the course and
returned to find Kunou is somewhat cut up about the whole thing.]
Ranma: You don't look too good, Kunou.
Kunou: ...
Ranma: So what's next?
Kunou: Very well. Your next task will be to find the finest ramen in all of
Japan.
Ranma: Wha? That's it? What a cinch!
[Ranma runs off to the Nekohanten and walks in the door.]
Ranma: Hey! Shampoo! Are you here?!
[Shampoo runs out of the kitchen and latches onto Ranma.]
Shampoo: Aiya! Ranma! You come to see your darling Shampoo!
Ranma: Not exactly... Listen... Could you cook me up some of your BEST ramen...
And fast!
Shampoo: Of course. Shampoo always like to cook for her husband!
Ranma: Yeah... Whatever...
[Shampoo runs into the kitchen and begins cooking furiously. While Ranma is
waiting, Cologne enters.]
Cologne: What are you doing here, muko-dono? Finally decided to marry
Shampoo?
Ranma: Nope. I'm just getting some ramen for a bet.
Cologne: Oh?
Ranma: It's too hard to explain...
Cologne: Try.
[At this moment, Shampoo comes back with the ramen.]
Shampoo: Here is Ranma, ramen! (shakes head) Er... Shampoo mean, Here is
ramen, Ranma!
[Ranma takes the box and walks out.]
Ranma: Thanks, Shampoo. I'll see you later.
[Cologne stares after him.]
Cologne: I wonder what that boy is up to...
[Ranma dashes back to Furinkan and hands the ramen box to Kunou.]
Ranma: Here you go, Sempai. The best ramen in Japan.
Kunou: We shall see...
[He opens the box and begins eating the ramen out of the bowl inside.]
Kunou: Hmm...
Ranma: Well?
Kunou: I am not sure...
Ranma: Hurry up!
Kunou: I don't think so.
Ranma: What?! What do you mean?! What do you know about ramen?!
Akane: He's right, Sempai. Unless you try every ramen in Japan, you can't be
sure.
Kunou: Hmm... It seems you are correct. In that case, I must call this a pass.
Ranma: Whew!
Kunou: Are you ready for the next task?
Ranma: (nods) Yes. What is it?
Kunou: I want to you arrange a date for me with the pigtailed girl.
Ranma: But how will I...
Kunou: She must come here and say that she will date me.
Ranma: Okay...
[Ranma runs off and jumps in the pool. He comes back a little later in female
form and goes up to Kunou.]
onna-Ranma: Hello, Sempai. Ranma-san said that you wanted to date me. Is that
true?
Kunou: Yes, my love. We must be together!
onna-Ranma: (sighs) Okay, Sempai... But only because Ranma-san needs it to
win.
Kunou: Of course! He has passed the task!
[From behind, Akane can see that Ranma has her fingers crossed.]
Ranma-chan: I have to go now! Bye, Sempai!
[Ranma-chan runs off and then Ranma-kun comes back shortly afterwards.]
Ranma: Did she come see you?
Kunou: Yes. And she agreed... (wafts off in a dream)
Ranma: What's the next task?! This is taking too long!
Kunou: Several times, I have observed you fighting the man with the chinese
robes and glasses... I am wondering how many weapons he carries on him.
I want you to fight him until he runs out of weapons.
Ranma: What?! You want me to fight Mousse to a standstill?!
Kunou: Yes.
Ranma: (whistles) Hooboy...
[Funnily enough, a few minutes earlier, Mousse happened to be storming out of
the Nekohanten in a bad mood.]
Mousse: How dare Ranma come in here and take advantage of Shampoo like that!
I will see him dead!
[As Ranma is coming to grips with this task, Mousse runs through the gates
and grabs Kunou.]
Mousse: How dare you take advantage of Shampoo, Saotome.
Kunou: (offended) Let go of me! I am not Ranma Saotome! He is over there!
(points)
Mousse: (turns) Oh. Ranma! You have used Shampoo! You must die!
Ranma: You know, Mousse. I'm actually glad to see you for once. It'll save me
the trouble of having to find you!
[Mousse attacks Ranma with his throwing blades, followed by a set of shurikens
and several sai. He then uses a hand on a cable and the claws on his hand.
Ranma is desperatly dodging and weaving. He manages to kick the claws off
Mousse's hand, but is struggling to avoid being hit.]
Mousse: You are weak, Saotome! Why aren't you fighting back?!
Ranma: (panting) You'll see!
[Mousse continues his barrage of projectiles for several minutes before
stopping and staring at Ranma.]
Mousse: (shocked) I... I've... I've...
Ranma: Run out of weapons?
Mousse: Yes...
Ranma: GOOD!
[Ranma pulls his fist back and punches Mousse in the jaw. Mousse flies back
and lands in a garbage bin, unconscious.]
Ranma: (to Akane) I thought he'd never run out of stuff!
Akane: (looks at the LARGE pile of weapons) He certainly did have a lot...
[Ranma sits down to catch his breath for a moment and then gets up and walks
over to Kunou.]
Ranma: Are you out of stupid tasks yet?
Kunou: No.
Ranma: (sighs) Figures... So what's next?
Kunou: You must shave the head of our annoying principal.
Akane: But he's your father!
Kunou: I have yet to see sufficient evidence of that fact!
Ranma: What about that map on your head?
Kunou: What map?
Ranma: You don't remember?!
Kunou: No. Are you prepared for the task?
Ranma: Yep. Where is he?
Kunou: (pulls out a pocket watch) He should be here about... NOW!
[Principal Kunou rolls around a corner on his skateborad.]
Principal Kunou: HAH! You're ALL late! You can SCRUB toilets for a week! AND
I'll shave off ALL your hair, Saotome!
Ranma: Ack!
Kunou: Here's your chance.
Ranma: (nods and beckons the principal on) Come on! Come and get me!
P. Kunou: You wait, Boy! I'll get you!
[Ranma runs off around the school building with Principal Kunou in hot
persuit. After about ten laps, Ranma is starting to tire and the principal
is catching up!]
P. Kunou: Haha! I've GOT you now, Saotome!
[Principal Kunou pulls out his hair sheers and accelerates. At that moment,
Ranma changes coures slightly so that he goes under a low branch. Principal
Kunou follows, and, seeing the branch too late, crashes into it and is
clotheslined. He falls flat on the ground. His shears skitter across the
ground and land at Ranma's feet.]
P. Kunou: Ouch!
[Ranma picks up the sheers and grabs the principal.]
Ranma: Time for some of your own medicine! Kacchu-Tenshin-Amiguri-Ken-Hair-
Shearing-Technique!
P. Kunou: HEY! Agh! WAIT! STOP! I didn't mean it! Stop! ARGH!
[Ranma rapidly shaves off all of Prinicipal Kunou's hair and then boots him
away. Ranma then turns to Kunou.]
Ranma: Good enough?
Kunou: Not quite what I had in mind, but acceptable...and ammusing.
Ranma: How any of these dumb tests have I done, anyway?
Akane: Eight.
Ranma: Wonderful. Four to go.
Kunou: The ninth task will be for you to convince Akane Tendou to kiss me.
Ranma & Akane: WHAT?!
Ranma: Are you crazy?!
Akane: Yuk. You've gatta be kidding!
Kunou: I have tasted the lips of the pigtailed one, maybe by tasting Akane
Tendou's, I can finlly choose between them!
Ranma: Listen, Dreamer! You did NOT kiss the pigtailed girl!
Kunou: Indeed I did. Everyone in the theatre saw it! And you could not stop
it!
Akane: That's true.
Ranma: (to Akane, with sweatdrop) You're not helping.
Akane: (smiles) I know.
Ranma: (leads Akane away) Listen... Do you think you could...
Akane: What?! Him?! No way! I'd rather kiss you!
Ranma: Not a nice thought... Come on, Akane... If you don't do it, I won't
get my essay back, and all your help will have been for nothing.
Akane: But...
Ranma: You can use tape. He won't notice.
Akane: But I...
Ranma: Please, Akane... If I could do it for you, I would...but even Kunou's
not that dumb!
Akane: (gets a scheming look) Ok.
Ranma: You'll do it?!
Akane: But you owe me! Big time.
Ranma: (nods) Sure thing.
[Akane sighs and walks over to Kunou.]
Akane: Okay, Sempai. Pucker up. He talked me into it.
Kunou: Ah! Such bliss. All things do indeed come to he who waits...
Akane: Are you ready!
Kunou: I have been ready my entire life.
Akane: Shut your eyes.
[Kunou obliges and Akane grimaces and gives him a quick peck on the cheek.]
Kunou: What?! I- This is not the agreement!
Akane: Yes, it is. You said I had to kiss you. You didn't say how.
Kunou: But... But... I... I meant...
Ranma: You got what you asked for, Kunou.
Kunou: (snorts) Very well... You have three tasks to go... Hmm... What is
impossible?
[At this moment, Nabiki arrives.]
Nabiki: Hi. What's going on here?
Kunou: Yes. I have it. Ranma. You must extract some money out of Nabiki Tendou.
That has never been done before.
Ranma: Hey! The tasks are supposed to be hard, not impossible!
Nabiki: What's all this. Getting money out me? Not likely!
[Akane walks over to Nabiki and takes her away for a moment. Nabiki comes
back over and drags Ranma away, she is wearing a scheming expression.]
Nabiki: What's this thing worth to you, Ranma?
Ranma: Funny coming from you! You're the one who sold it to him!
Nabiki: You left it lying around. You know what they say... Finders keepers...
Ranma: How much did you sell it for?
Nabiki: I swapped it for an icecream sundae.
Ranma: You what?!
Nabiki: (shrugs) It's a buyers market. And you're not worth much!
Ranma: (sighs) Thanks...
Nabiki: It looks like you've gotten into another mess...
Ranma: Oh, no! You got me into this one! You can bail me out of it.
Nabiki: (smiling sweetly) Now why would I do that, Ranma-kun?
Ranma: (frustrated) Nabiki! Please. I don't want to lose to a dope like Kunou.
You gotta help me.
Nabiki: No, Ranma. I don't "gotta". However... Since you're alomst family...
I will... It'll cost you, however...
Ranma: What?
Nabiki: (grins evilly) Pictures.
Ranma: What pictures? (pause) Oh. What?! For Kunou?!
Nabiki: You don't have choice.
Ranma: (sighs) I know. Okay. I agree.
Nabiki: (quietly) Okay. Start shouting at me that you want your lunch money
back... I'll do the rest.
Ranma: Huh? Okay. (loudly) I'm sick of you Nabiki! Give me my money back! I'm
sick of you're blackmailing! It's about time you stopped using people!
Nabiki: (looks upset) But Ranma...
Ranma: (getting into it) Come on! Hand it over! You've taken enough of my
money! I want some back!
Nabiki: (afraid) A-alright... I'll give it back...
[Nabiki hands Ranma some money.]
Nabiki: (whispers) I'll back for this later.
[Nabiki then turns and runs off crying. Akane come storming over to Ranma.]
Akane: Ranma no baka! How could you do that to Nabiki-oneechan?! That's cruel!
Ranma: (quietly) It's a stunt.
Akane: (gets the picture, smiles) Ah! That IS cruel!
Ranma: Tell me about it.
[Kunou wanders over.]
Kunou: You seem to have succeeded where all others have failed. You have my
respect, Saotome. You must be cleverer than you look.
Ranma: I'm cleverer than you look!
Akane: That not saying much, Ranma.
Ranma & Kunou: Hmmm.
Kunou: You have two tasks to go... I must think of something impossible...
Ranma: You mean those other tasks weren't?!
[At this point, Hinako-sensei comes out doing her SD shuffle.]
Hinako-sensei: What are you naughty delinquents doing out here?! Get back to
class this instant!
Kunou: Aha! I have it.
Ranma: Well don't blow it in my direction...
Kunou: Haha. You must remove the irksome power of yon fair educator, that I
might date her.
Ranma: Are you serious?
Kunou: Of course.
Ranma: (sighs) Okay... I've done it before. Hey, teach! You wanna to catch
me?!
Hinako-sensei: Yes.
Ranma: Well you'll have to chase me, then!
Hinako-sensei: You wait, Saotome-san! I'll get you!
[Hinako-snsei chases after him.]
Hinako-sensei: Happou-Go-En-Satsu! Yoiko no Daizo Step #1!
[Ranma leaps out of the way at the last moment and she drains an entire PE
class.]
Hinako-sensei: Hmm... I missed.
[onna-Ranma appears, dripping with water.]
onna-Ranma: You're not wrong!
[onna-Ranma leaps down and presses Hinako's pressure points. She collapses
and onna-Ranma grabs her. Ranma steals some hot water from a Home Ec. class
and then carries Miss Hinako back to Kunou.]
Ranma: There you go, Kunou. One powerless teacher.
Kunou: (grabs her) At last! I can finally date this beauteous fountain of
wisdom.
[Hinako-sensei wakes up at this point.]
Hinako-sensei: What?
Kunou: Fear not, for Tatewaki Kunou is here!
Hinako-sensei: ARRRRRRRGGGHH!! Let go of me!
[Kunou tries to hug her and she knees him in the jaw. Ranma steps up and
roundhouse kicks Kunou away.]
Ranma: You've had you're fun, Kunou. They lock guys up for molesting little
girls!
[Kunou gets to his feet and glares at Ranma.]
Kunou: You have slighted me once too often, Saotome! The last test will be
against me!
[Ranma moves into a fighting stance.]
Ranma: Anytime you're ready, Kunou.
Kunou: No. It will be fought on my terms. With my choice of weapon.
Ranma: (shrugs) Whatever... I'll still thrash you.
Kunou: Indeed? Very well then... Take a blade.
[Kunou throws a bokuto to Ranma and charges. Ranma grabs the bokuto, plants
it on the ground and uses it to vault kick Kunou. Kunou stagger back as Ranma
raises the blade.]
Ranma: Don't have much use for these things...
Kunou: Excellent. Then I will give you a lesson in swordsmanship!
[Kunou moves in and attacks Ranma. Ranma fends and kicks him in the knee.
Kunou stumbles and Ranma punches him with his free hand. Kunou backs up and
Ranma moves in, forcing Kunou to block. Kunou parries, and slashes widely.
Ranma jumps over it and kicks Kunou in the face, then, coming down, brings
the blade down for a smash, all of his weight and power behind it. Kunou
fends desperatly, but his bokuto shatters and Ranma's blade connects solidly
with his head. Kunou collapses, semiconscious.]
Kunou: How...
Ranma: (drops bokuto) I said I didn't have much use for them... I never said
I didn't know how to use one...
Kunou: (passes out) ...
[Ranma fishes around in Kunou's pocket and retrieves his essay.]
Ranma: Finally got it back. Where's Hinako-sensei?
Akane: I think she went back to class after you turned her off.
Ranma: Oh well... I'll find her later. After all that, I need a break.
[Ranma walks off and Akane follows.]
Akane: Mind if I tag along?
Ranma: (shrugs) Sure... Why not?
==============================================================================
The Twelve Tasks of Ranma - Epilogue -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
[Sometime later, Ranma dashes into the classroom, looking much the worse for
his experiences.]
Ranma: Hinako-sensei! I've got my essay here!
Hinako-sensei: This is a change for you, Mr. Saotome. You've actually done
the set work... It's a shame....
Ranma: What is?
Hinako-sensei: You know the rules about late work. I can't accept this.
Ranma: (frantic) But I worked for hours on it! And did all those stupid tasks!
You have to take it!
Hinako-sensei: No, I don't.
Ranma: But...
Hinako-sensei: No buts!
Ranma: ...
[Ranma throws the essay on the floor and walks out in discust.]
Ranma: I don't believe it!
[Later that evening, Ranma is sitting in the dojo, sulking.]
Ranma: It's not fair! I went through way too much to have it end like that!
(mutters) Damned Kunou... Stupid Hinako-sensei... Why'd they have to
do that today?!
[At this moment, Akane steps quietly into the room. She can hear him muttering
and smiles a little. She is holding the essay. She waits for a moment then
walks over him and sits down, putting her hand on his shoulder.]
Akane: Ranma...
Ranma: (sulking) What?
Akane: Don't feel bad, Ranma. You did your best... Besides, most people don't
have to complete twelve tasks to hand their work in.
Ranma: So?! I did all that for nothing!
Akane: No, you didn't. *I* know how hard you tried.
[Ranma turns to look at her.]
Ranma: What do you...
Akane: I got Hinako-sensei to look at it. She wouldn't accept it, but I asked
her what grade it would have gotten...
Ranma: And?
[Akane says nothing and quietly hands the paper to him. He looks down at it
and sees a letter written in a small circle.]
Ranma: (quietly) A "B"?
Akane: She said it was good. She wished she could have accepted it... I told
her about Kunou...but she said the was no way Principal Kunou would
allow her to take it. He was pretty upset about his sudden hair loss...
Ranma: Figures...
[Akane moves closer to Ranma and puts her arm around his shoulders.]
Akane: You can't do any more than your best, Ranma...
[Ranma nods almost imperceptably.]
Ranma: (smiles ruefully) I guess you're right... Thanks, Akane...
[Akane gets up and walks to the door.]
Akane: That's okay... My foolish fiancee... (smiles) Goodnight, Ranma.
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- Fin -
plunger@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au