Hmm, I don't know what to think of this story.
Parts of it are great. I loved the ending.
Still, it's a bit cliched. Akane's dead, oh how will I live - wait, no
she isn't. In fact, this story merely seems to be an echo of the very
scene you're portraying from Volume 38 - where Ranma thinks Akane is
dead, and seems to have a bit of a breakthrough because of it.
Your writing style is great, but I would say there is no need to both
put an extra line between paragraphs and indent paragraphs. Kill the
indentation.
Please do write, though. Good tones and nice characterization (although
Soun seems a little too calm for a guy who has a nervous breakdown when
his daughters so much as catch a cold).
:)