Plastic Miniblind Sniffers Films Presents:
A Certifiable Production:
(c) Michael White, August 1996 ( as if anybody else would claim credit for it )

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Bubblegum Eek!, or What to do When You Get a Wedgie in Your Hardsuit.
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An Eek the Cat/BGC crossover written by a writer high on epoxy fumes.
Done in script format because I'm too lazy for anything else right now
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<Opening shot: A beautiful day in the suburbs of McTropolis. Suddenly, an
ear-shattering scream fills the air>

MARY-ELIZABETH: "WAAAAH! My one-of-a-kind ballerina doll broke! Now I'll
never be a world-famous dancer, and I'll lock myself in my room and never
ever come out until both my legs fall off!" ( Slams door )
EEK: "Oh no, Mary-Elizabeth's in trouble! I've gotta help her!" ( Picks up
broken doll ) "'Made in Japan.' Don't you worry, Mary-Elizabeth, I'll go to
Japan and get your doll fixed, so the world can one day know the glory of
your wonderful dancing!" ( Runs to Annabelle's to say goodbye, trips over
Sharky the shark-dog, smashing his TV set just as Gladiators is coming on )
SHARKY: "Grrrrrowr!!"
EEK: "Hey Sharky, you want to fly to Japan with me to help me get
Mary-Elizabeth's ballerina doll fixed?"
SHARKY: "Kuff-kuh-kuff-kuh-kuh."
EEK: "Your TV set was made in Japan too? Well bring it along, I'm sure we'll
find someone to help us over there, some kind soul who possesses the caring,
spirit, and hopefully the electronics degree necessary to fix it!" ( Knocks
on Annabelle's door )
ANNABELLE: "Hi Eek!"
EEK: "Hey Annabelle! Say, we're going to Japan to get Mary-Elizabeth's
ballerina doll and Sharky's TV set fixed, did you want us to bring you back
anything?"
ANNABELLE: "Japan? Well I don't know... Ooh, one of those adorable kimonos
would be nice!"
EEK: "No problem Annabelle! Seeya soon!"
ANNABELLE: "B-bye Eek! Bye Sharky! It's so nice to see those two getting along."

<McTropolis airport, underneath a 747>
EEK: "Don't worry Sharky, I've seen this on the news a hundred times. We
just climb up into the landing gear well and we'll be ferried across the sky
to the wonderful country of Japan, safe and sound." ( Climbs up into the
landing gear with Sharky. Plane takes off and the gear comes up, crushing
Eek against the fuselage )
SHARKY: "Keh-heh-heh-heh"

<MegaTokyo>
EEK: "Golly gee, this sure doesn't look anything like the postcard." ( Hold
up postcard of 1990's Tokyo )
SHARKY: "Kuff-kuh-kuh-kuff-kuh."
EEK: "Hmm, maybe they have done a little renovating," ( Looks up at GENOM
tower. ) "Say, that place looks friendly, let's start there!"

<GENOM tower entrance. Two boomers are guarding the entrance>
EEK: "Pardon me sir, but we were wondering if there was someone inside who
could help us get this ballerina doll and that TV set fixed." ( No reaction
) "Hmm, must be like those guards in England, except without the funny hats.
Oh well, sorry to bother you, we'll go right in..." ( Boomer picks up Eek
and punts him into the air, landing and bouncing convienently into Lady 633. )

<Silky Doll>
EEK: "Uhhh...." ( Shakes head. ) "Say nice lady who sells underwear, do you
know where I can get this ballerina doll fixed?"
SYLIA: ( In a low voice ) "A talking cat? Must be a boomer!" ( To Eek ) "Uh,
would you mind staying right there for a minute?"
EEK: ( Lying in a pile of lingerie, a G-string draped over his head ) "Sure,
no problem! I have to wait for my friend Sharky anyway!"
( Sylia disappears. Sharky pulls up in a cab. )
SHARKY: "Kuff-kuh-kuh-kuff-kuh-kuff-kuh?"
EEK: "Sharky! Of course not, besides, I don't think any of this comes in
Annabelle's size."
( Knight Sabers appear in the doorway )
EEK: ( Walks up to the blue Knight Saber ) "Hi, uh Ms. Priss. Those sure are
neat pyjamas. Say, do you know where we... URK!"
PRISS: ( Grabs Eek ) "How did you know my name?!?"
EEK: "Well gee, it's printed right there on your neck." ( Three hands smack
their respective hardsuit helmets. )
LINNA: "Sylia, can we talk about this redesign...?"
NENE: "What do we do now?! They know who we are!"
EEK: "No we don't. We only know your first names, and since we don't live
here, we can't possibly know..."
SYLIA: "SHHH! I'm thinking. Well, I guess we'll have to make them Knight
Sabers."
PRISS: "But Sylia! We don't know anything about them! They just fell out of
the sky!"
SYLIA: "I know, but this seems to be what everyone else thinks we'd do in
this situation."
LINNA: "'Everyone else?' What 'everyone else?'"
SYLIA: "Errr..." ( Walks over to the terminal on Silky Doll's counter, turns
it off. Just before the screen goes dark, a number of messages from
'fanfic@fanfic.com' can be seen ) "Never mind."
PRISS: "I suppose..." ( Walks over to Eek ) "Well, this one is kinda cute."
EEK: "Gee, thanks Ms. Priss, but I already have a girlfriend. See?" ( Shows
Priss Annabelle's fold-out picture from his wallet )
PRISS: "Ugh, she's really, really fat."
EEK: "Really?"
NENE: ( To Priss ) "Have you no shame? I know you have to flirt with every
new male Knight Saber these writers throw at us, but at least try and stick
with your own species!"
EEK: "Wow, do we get cool armor like you guys?"
SYLIA: ( Shrugs ) "Sure, why not?"
EEK: "Gee, thanks Ms. Stingray!"
NENE: "Hey, only our first names are printed here! How'd you know her last
name?"
EEK: "Uhh..."

*We are experiencing plot difficulties, please stand by... ... ...*

( Scene fades back in. 'Stingray' can be seen scribbled in under Sylia's
name on her hardsuit's neck, looking suspiciously like magic marker writing )
WRITER: "OK, cue from Eek's line, and, ACTION!"
SHARKY: "Kuff-kuh-kuh-kuff-kuh?"
LINNA: "Does he have something caught in his throat?"
EEK: "No, no, he just wants to know it his suit can come with really shiny
spoilers..."

<7:33pm. July 5, 2032. Lady 633. 17 degrees. Partly cloudy.>
EEK: ( Outfitted in cat-sized purple hardsuit ) "Wow, neato!"
SHARKY: ( Outfitted in grey hardsuit, dozens of silver spoilers jutting out
from it ) "Kuff-kuh-kuh!"
MACKIE: ( Seated at a work bench ) "Hey, can I get a line in in this fic?"
EVERYBODY: "Shut up, Mackie!"
MACKIE: "Too late, and as a speaking character, you've gotta triple my pay!
NYAH!"
WRITER: "SECURITY!"
MACKIE: "OK, OK, I'll be good! Yeesh!"
SYLIA: "Can we get back to the script?"
EVERYBODY ELSE, INCLUDING THE WRITER: "There's a script?"
EEK: "So, what to your four do with these potentially lethal weapons of mass
destruction?"
SYLIA: "We fight the excesses of the evil GENOM corporation!"
LINNA: "Although if someone pays us enough, we'll paint stripes on them and
sing show tunes if they want."
EEK: "GENOM? What's a GENOM?"
SYLIA: "GENOM is the vilest, evillest corporation on the planet Earth! They
stole my father's research, perverting it into the abomination known as
boomers which now populate the planet, bringing chaos and ruin as they are
used for dark purposes!"
EEK: "Well, I was not aware."
NENE: "I just got a report from the ADPolice! Three boomers are blowing up
stuff on the expressway and backing up a lot of traffic!"
PRISS: "Let's kick their butts!"
SYLIA: "Yes, but should we bring our new friends here? They haven't even
been in a simulator yet!"
PRISS: "Bring'em. The sooner we get them into some action, the sooner this
fic'll end and we can get back to normal."
SYLIA: "Good point."

PRISS: "NENE!! Get outta my hardsuit!!"
NENE: "Oh, come on! *YOU* be the whining wimpy cybernerd this time! I wanna
kick someone's butt!"
PRISS: "SYLIA!! Nene's being mean!"
SYLIA: "Stop acting like children and start acting like hired merecenaries,
or I'll have to paddle you!"
NENE: "WAAH!!"

<MegaTokyo expressway, or whatever the hell they call the highways there>
PRISS: "OK Eek, Sharky, you go on ahead and beat up those boomers. We'll
wait here."
SYLIA: "Priss!"
PRISS: "Hey, it was worth a shot!"
EEK: "Beat them up? Well gee, that's not very friendly."
SYLIA: "They're killing innocent motorists!" ( Shot of half-a-dozen
Outriders flying through the air. ) "Well, they're still damaging the
highway. Think of the thousands who will be late!"
EEK: "Maybe they're just misunderstood, and all they need is a little warmth
and understanding."
SHARKY: ( Shoots at Eek with his railgun ) "Keh-heh-heh." ( Chases after Eek )
EEK: "ARGH!"
SYLIA: ( Slaps forehead ) "Alright, let's do it ourselves." ( Looks at
everyone staring at her, obviously waiting for something. Sylia rolls her
eyes, but of course you can't see that under her helmet, can you? ) "*Sigh*,
oh, alright. 'Knight Sabers, go!'"

( Shots of Sharky chasing Eek, firing railguns at him, and using his jump
jets to...
PRISS: "Hey, you!"
WRITER: "Me?"
PRISS: "Yeah! We're over here kickin' these boomers' arses! Don'tcha think
that's more interesting that the old dog-chases-cat routine?"
WRITER: "Priss, tell you what. You write a fic about me, and you can do
whatever you want to me, OK?"
PRISS: "Oh, yeah, a fic about your life, that'd be a thrill." ( Streetlight
falls over for no apparent reason, smacking Priss on the noggin ) "Ow, hey!!!!"

( Where was I? Oh, yeah, Sharky chasing Eek. Sharky runs out of railgun
bolts, so he whips out his trusty mallet and keeps chasing...
SYLIA: "Whoa, hold on!!"
WRITER: "*Now* what?"
SYLIA: "Sharky's an American toon, he can't possibly have access to
hammerspace..." ( Another streetlight falls over, this one nailing Sylia )
WRITER: "OK!! Anyone ELSE have any objections as to how I'm writing this
thing, because there's a lotta streetlights in MegaTokyo!!"
EVERYONE: "N-n-no."
WRITER: "Good. What say we just skip to the final battle?"
EVERYONE: "Good idea!"
PRISS: "Smooth segue, Shakespeare." ( Six streetlights fall on Priss )

<GENOM Tower. The Knight Sabers confront the *real* Quincy.>
EEK: "Wow, whadda ride..."
SYLIA: "QUINCY! I have you at last!"
PRISS: ( Wincing ) "Sylia, you didn't perchance enroll in cliche college,
did you?"
SYLIA: ( Grabs Quincy ) "Now we'll see who you *really* are!" ( Pulls off
rubber mask )
EVERYONE: "GASP!"
SHAGGY: "Zoinks!"
SCOOBY: "Rowsers!"
RICK: "Huh?"
EEK: "Kumbaya, it's Incredible Elmo! You're the CEO of GENOM? But why?"
ELMO: "Oh Eek, little Timmy was his by a stray blast of cold water from a
sprinkler one day. I've had to do all this to pay for his therapy bills."
EEK: "Gee, that's too bad."
SYLIA: "You arrogant SOB! You perverted my father's research for your
mechanized army! You..."
ELMO: "Your father's research? Then that would make you Sylia Stingray!"
PRISS: "SYLIA!!! Why don't you just take out a billboard?! Me, Linna, and
Nene are getting mighty sick of..."
LINNA & NENE: "PRISS!!"
PRISS: "Oops."
SYLIA: ( Smiling evilly ) "Well now we *have* to kill him." ( Shoots Elmo
point-blank with her palm-beams. )
ELMO: ( Sitting up, looking charred. ) "Silly, you know you can't kill
American toons from shows like ours, parent groups won't allow it. The best
you can do is make us turn all black and sooty or make us see stars!"
SYLIA: "Does the same apply to us?"
ELMO: "I'm afraid not." ( Hands Sylia a copy of the 'Laws of Japanese
Animation' )
SYLIA: "Oh."
( Elmo then kills Nene, Linna, and Priss so fast they didn't see it coming,
and kills Sylia in a long, drawn-out battle where she finally learns why the
toast always lands butter-side down just before she dies. )
EEK: "Gee Incredible Elmo, that wasn't very nice."
ELMO: "I know. My agent said I should take different roles to show my scope
as an actor."
EEK: "But they were such nice ladies!"
ELMO: "Oh, uh, this is all a nightmare, Eek. Yeah, a nightmare."
EEK: "Really?"
ELMO: "Yes. Get on a plane, fly to McTropolis, go to sleep in your bed, and
I guarantee that when you wake up in the morning, you'll be home!"
EEK: "Gee, thanks Incredible Elmo!"
SHARKY: "Kuff-kuh-kuh-kuff-kuh-kuh?"
EEK: "Oh, that's right, I almost forgot. Say Elmo, could you fix this
ballerina doll and Sharky's TV?"
ELMO: "Sure, no problem!"
EEK: "And do you think you could get me a kimono for Annabelle?"
ELMO: "Well, I suppose we could sew three of them together."
EEK: "Wow, thanks a lot! See Sharky, I told you everything would work out in
the end!"
</happy ending>

THE END

<realistic ending>
( All alone, Incredible Elmo pulls off a second mask, revealing him to be... )
BILL GATES: "So I got bored with PC's, so sue me. You *really* think I won't
still be running things come 2032? MUAHAAHAHA!"
</realistic ending>

THE RE-END


PRISS: "Happy ending? HAPPY ENDING?! You called the first one a HAPPY
ENDING?! We're DEAD!! How is it HAPPY?!"
WRITER: "Uhh, well, Eek got the doll fixed and a kimono for Annabelle, and
Sharky..."
PRISS: "You think everybody read this thing to see if Eek would get the
damned doll fixed?!?! Now who's gonna fight GENOM?! You've doomed the world
just to get a few chuckles!"
WRITER: "Well, I... no... NO! Y-you wouldn't!"
PRISS: "Try me."


A Vengeful Production:
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Revenge Streetlights!
by Priss Asagiri
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( A streetlight falls on the writer, aka Mike. Two streetlights fall on
Mike. Five streetlights fall on Mike. Five thousand, two hundred and
eighty-two streetlights fall on Mike. )
MIKE: "... medic....*Thump!*"
PRISS: "MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHA!! I can see why you guys like this fanfic thing
so much!"



THE MORAL OF THE STORY, FROM EEK THE CAT:
"It never hurts to help!"



									- MW