***********************************
                                "Sabishisa"
                               ("Loneliness")

                      An Original Ranma � Fan Fiction
                                    by
                                  Mi-chan
                             (Michelle Mista)
                         Washuu-chan's #1 Student!
                 (formerly mi-chan@ix.netcom.com)
                     *********************************
Disclaimer:
         All characters here are the property of their creator, Takahashi 
Rumiko, and are used without permission (and probably against their
will....) Arigato, Takahashi-sensei, for the wonderful story and characters
of Ranma � !

******************************************************************************
********
     Saotome Ranma-kun walked along the roof of the Tendo dojo,
hands behind his back, until he found the place he normally sat
down to watch the sunset.

     He sat himself down, slowly, as he watched the sunset over
Nerima, the normally beautiful golds and yellows darkening into
the orange and red that finally melted into the dark of night.

     Night. Ranma sat on the roof, watching the sun until the
night fell... and matched his mood. He sighed.

****************************************************************
     "Akane-san...!" Ryouga called out in surprise.

     "Akane?!" Ranma tried to turn around to see if it was true.
He could barely see her, his movement hindered by the sticky,
glass-like threads Saffron had used to trap him. He'd been
thinking about her so much since he'd left for China....

     "Ranma, escape!!" Akane had called out as she gripped the
Kinjakan, turning it in an effort to keep Saffron from growing
too powerful. 

     Saffron yelled something out and turned the threads toward
Akane.

     Ranma started to yell out to Akane to get to safety...
     
     A bright light emitted from the Kinjakan....

     And, in that flash, Akane disappeared. "AKANE!" Ranma
screamed. Her clothes floated down from the top of the Dragon Tap
to land on him.

     <Akane?!>

*****************************************************************

     A tear fell from Ranma's cheek as he remember the moment
he'd thought he'd lost Akane forever. No longer did he bother to
wipe it away. No longer did he bother to turn into a girl before
he started crying.... It just didn't matter any more to him.

*****************************************************************

     "Akane! It's the water!" He remembered yelling at the doll
after he'd broken the head of the Phoenix Tap with his Hiryuu
Gyouten Ha.

     "A... Akane!" she cried, feeling Akane's fully restored body
in her arms again. Naked, sure, but Ranma didn't give a damn.
What was important was that Akane wasn't a doll anymore.
Ranma-chan was going to be _so_ happy to feel Akane beat her into
bean paste for seeing her in the nude like that....

     But wait a minute.... <She's not breathing...>

*****************************************************************
     Ranma drew a shuddering breath as he pulled his knees up to
his chest and cried. It was right then, right then, that he
realized Akane was gone... despite everything he'd tried. He'd
fought so _hard_ against Saffron... and won.  That was the irony
about it. He'd won that battle, turning Saffron back into a baby,
but, for once, winning didn't make him feel any better. He'd only
tried to win because he knew that if he won, he'd be able to turn
on that Phoenix Tap and save Akane's life. But that fight had
just taken too damn long!

     The guide had said something about how as long as the doll's
eyes were open, Akane was still alive. But just when Ranma had
won... just when he caught the doll in his hands, she smiled
once, and closed her eyes forever.

     Actually, now that Ranma began to think about it, it wasn't
him that won that fight at all. Akane had won it for him. By
shooting out from his shirt, the doll had provided just the
distraction Ranma needed to perform the Hiryuu Shoten Ha Henki
and the Hiryuu Hyou Toppa that defeated Saffron.

     He still remembered holding Akane in his arms, at first
cursing at her. "Baka yarou" he'd called her, before punching
himself for being so stupid. He looked tenderly at his iinazuke,
apologized to her, told her about how he's clumsy, sometimes,
with his feelings. He asked her to get up, hoping that she would.

     "Akane," he said gently, "can you hear me?" She continued to
lay motionless in his arms, while he kept hoping, praying, that
she'd get up, smile at him... anything to show she was still
there. "AKANE!!"

     But she continued to lay there, motionless....
*****************************************************************
     <I'd give anything to hold her again,> Ranma
thought to himself as he sat on the roof, his throat tight. 
<Anything....>

     "AKANE!!"
*****************************************************************

     "Akane-san!!" Ryouga cried as he, Shampoo, Mousse and Genma-
panda made their way down the sheer cliff. "Ranma, is she
all...?"

     Ryouga stopped as he saw Ranma cradling Akane in his arms,
crying, begging her to get up. <Akane-san...> He stopped dead in
his tracks, and sat on the ground, not daring to go anywhere near
Ranma right now. Ryouga knew, now, why Ranma was crying.

     "A...Akane-san.... Ranma...." He watched as Ranma told Akane
all that he meant to tell her... but didn't. As much as Ryouga
wanted to go up there, to touch Akane-san, to watch over her and
hope that she'd get up and beat up Ranma (at this point, Ryouga
would have loved to be beat up by her too,) he found that he
couldn't go anywhere near them. <This is his time with
Akane-san,> Ryouga thought to himself as he watched Ranma with
Akane through his own tears. <These are his last moments with the
woman he loves... and the woman that loved him.>

     Shampoo and Mousse clambered their way down after Ryouga.
"Ryouga, how's Tendo Akane doing?" Mousse called out. Ryouga
didn't answer, but instead continued to sit on the ground,
weeping, while watching Ranma with Akane. Mousse adjusted his
glasses. "Something is wrong here," he muttered as his horrible
vision, for once, adjust properly. He gasped. 

     "Akane all right?" Shampoo asked Mousse. "Why Ranma crying
so much? Why Ryouga cry too?"

     Mousse bowed his head, and turned a little away, taking
Shampoo with him. "Shampoo," he said gently, catching her by the
arm as she started to go towards Ranma. "I don't think you should
go to Ranma right now."

     "Why? Mousse jealous?" Shampoo guessed. She grinned
wickedly. "Shampoo go Ranma."

     "Shampoo." Mousse's voice was tight, firm, almost angry.
Shampoo stopped in surprise. Mousse had never, ever addressed her
like that. "Leave Ranma alone. Tendo Akane's gone."

     "What Mousse mean gone?" Shampoo wanted to know. She pointed
to Ranma. "She right there. Ranma hold violent Akane."

     "Shampoo," Mousse took her by the arm, and Shampoo squirmed
in his grip. "Akane is _dead_." Shampoo looked blank. "She's
dead. She's not alive any more. That's why Ranma's crying."

     "Akane... dead?" Shampoo turned once again to watch Ranma as
he cried over the body of his iinazuke. "Ranma...." She turned to
Mousse with tears in her eyes. "Shampoo no really like Akane, but
Shampoo sad she dead now," she told him. "Shampoo want kill Akane
before, but now, Shampoo see Ranma so sad. Shampoo glad she no
kill Akane. Shampoo never think that Ranma really love violent
girl like Akane so much. Ranma never say he love Akane."

     "Hai," Mousse told her. "But he showed her in his own way...
and he's only telling her after she's dead...."
*****************************************************************

     Burying Akane was probably the hardest thing Ranma ever had
to do in his lifetime, as short as it was. Sixteen years wasn't
long to live, but, as Ranma thought of it, Akane's lifetime was
much shorter than his.

     He stood at the gravesite, looking down at the coffin of
his iinazuke, overcome with grief. Being Akane's iinazuke, he got
the closest position to the coffin. From right behind him, he
heard Soun wailing, and Kasumi and Nabiki's soft sobs. He could
understand their grief. They'd lost their little sister, Soun had
lost his youngest daughter....

     Ranma's mother stood by the two Tendo sisters, right behind 
her son, weeping her own tears of sadness as she bid her own
tearful good-bye to "Akane-chan". Even Genma was having trouble
holding his tears back.

     Ryouga stood off to the side, behind Ranma, muttering to
himself before setting down a stack of letters beside the coffin.
Ranma found himself looking at them, and then back at Ryouga.
Ranma supposed they were the letters Ryouga had written to Akane
on his trips, but never had the nerve to send. Ryouga, catching
Ranma's glance at the bundled letters, started to pull them back,
but Ranma shook his head. Ryouga nodded solemnly back.

     <Hai, Ranma, there are many things we _both_ should have
told her,> Ryouga thought to himself. <But neither of us ever had
the guts to tell her.> He watched Ranma, whose fists had clenched
in what Ryouga took to be sorrow and frustration, and understood.
He saw, for himself, how much Ranma had put into the fight... and
for the first time, understood how much Ranma had loved Akane,
though the words were never said.

     Ukyou, Mousse, Shampoo, and Kunou had all come to the
funeral to pay their last respects to Akane. Ukyou sobbed as she
placed an orchid and one of her spatula shuriken on the coffin.
Akane-chan had really tried to be a friend to her, no matter how
much they battled for Ranma's attentions. Looking at Ranma now,
Ukyou thought of all the time they wasted. All the time they
wasted fighting over Ranma, Ukyou realized that she and Akane
could have been friends. Ukyou's gaze wandered to Ranma as he
stared sadly at his iinazuke's coffin. <Ranchan,> Ukyou thought,
<you've always loved Akane-chan. We were all too blind
to see it... even you two. But you did....>

     Mousse bowed his head and Shampoo looked on with sad, but
dry eyes. She could see how much Akane's death had affected
him... and just as she saw in Jusendo, she saw how much Ranma
truly loved Akane.

     Kunou stepped forward to place a rose upon Akane's coffin,
whispering a short, sweet verse of love and tenderness in her
honor. He glanced up to see Ranma looking first at the rose, and
then to him. Kunou blamed Ranma for Akane's death, seeing that he
was the one, according to Ryouga's account, that Akane was trying
to save. But his anger was tempered by his sorrow at Akane's
death. <Saotome Ranma, the vengeance of heaven is slow but
sure...> he thought. <The day will come when you will pay for
your iinazuke's death....> He looked again from Ranma to the
coffin, and his anger tempered yet again. <Perhaps,> he amended,
<heaven's vengeance is already upon you, Saotome Ranma. The look
in your eyes is  just slightly more pain than I, Kunou Tatewaki, the Blue
Thunder of Furinkan High, could ever mete out.>

     "Son," Soun stepped forward to place a hand on Ranma's
shoulder, choking back his tears enough so that he could talk. "I
know that today might not be the right time to tell you this...."

     "Go ahead, Ojisan," Ranma said quietly, still staring at
Akane's casket. "I'm listening."

     "Ranma-kun. Akane was your iinazuke...."

     Ranma nodded. "Hai, Ojisan..."

     "And do you remember the time before you left for China when
you saw Akane in that wedding kimono?"

     The image her sitting on the floor, surrounded by his mother
and her father in that beautiful white kimono flashed in his
mind, and his closed his eyes for a second. <Kawaii....> "Hai,
Ojisan."

     Soun choked. "Ranma-kun. Today was supposed to be the day of
your wedding, but instead it is the day of my little girl's
funeral." He began to sob, and held onto Ranma, whose only
movement was to look down and begin to cry. "Instead of being
beside you every day of her life, she will now rest beside
her mother for eternity."

     "Gomen..." Ranma's throat tightened. "Gomen nasai, Ojisan...
I tried. I really tried...." Ranma found it harder and harder to
speak through his tears.

    "I know, Ranma-kun, I know," Soun told him. "I don't
blame you for my little girl's death. I know that you tried your
hardest. Ryouga-kun told me after you brought her home." Ranma
looked up in surprise at Soun. Turning to Ryouga, he saw him
walking away from the gravesite.

     Soun tried to get a hold of himself before he began to speak
again. "Ranma-kun, there was a present I had for you and Akane
after you two had gotten married...."

     "Ojisan," Ranma gently pushed Soun from his shoulder. "I
don't want to hear about it now." He looked to the coffin again.
"I-I want to say good-bye to Akane."

     "Hai, Ranma-kun," Soun said, stepping back to join his two
grieving daughters.

     Ranma stood over the gravesite again, his mother and father
having drawn back to comfort Soun and the two remaining Tendo
girls. The friends who'd stood toward the side of Akane's coffin,
vanished, a few leaving some sort of token to be buried with
Akane. Ryouga had left his letters; Ukyou, an orchid and a small
spatula. Kunou had left a red rose on her casket. Some others
left flowers, and a few of her classmates had left small stuffed
animals... one had even left a small stuffed pig that looked
remarkably like Ryouga's cursed form.

     "Ranma?" His mother's gentle voice came to him, as though
reading his thoughts. "Are you, too, going to leave something for
Akane-chan?"

     "Ofukuro, I..." he looked toward the coffin again, and to
his bare hands. "I don't got nothing to leave her." He lost
control and began to cry again. "I ain't got nothing to give
her!"

     "Ranma," his mother said soothingly, through her own tears,
as she held her grown son. "You know you've something to give
her..."

     "What, Ofukuro?" Ranma asked, weeping like a child. "I ain't
got nothing. I can't give her anything now... it's too late!"

     "Ranma," Nodoka said again. "I'm sure that you'll find
something to give to Akane-chan when you're alone with her." She
held her sobbing son for just a minute longer before she let him
go. "We'll all be returning to the dojo now. Ranma," she said,
prompting him to look up. "You can go ahead and take your time.
Say your good-byes to Akane-chan."

     "Un," Ranma nodded to his mother, and then nodded to the
Tendos and to his father, before turning back to the coffin.
****************************************************************

     "Ranma-kun!" Soun called as he heard Ranma return from the
graveyard. "Please, come in here."

     "Hai, Ojisan," Ranma replied, as he walked into the living
room.

     Soun sat in his place, flanked on either side by Kasumi and
Nabiki. Nodoka and Genma sat on the side opposite of where he and
Akane usually sat. "Ranma-kun," Soun implored. "Please, sit
down."

     "Hai," he said as he sat down, the place beside him feeling
unusually empty.

     "Ranma-kun," Soun began. "As I told you, today was supposed
to be the day of your wedding with Akane." Ranma nodded, and
stared at the table. "In honor of that event, I called Jusenkyou
and asked the guide for something. Kasumi?"

     "Hai, Otousan," Kasumi answered, as she went to the hallway
and fetched a small cask, placing it on the table in front of
Ranma before returning to her place.

     "Ranma-kun," Soun told him. "Do you know what this is?"
Ranma shook his head. "Read the writing on the cask, son."

     Ranma looked up briefly to see the kanji written on one of
the boards of the cask. He read, dully, "Nannichuan."

     "I was planning to present this to you and Akane after the
ceremony, but now that she's gone...." Soun paused for a second,
tears streaming down his cheeks, but was determined to keep
speaking. "I know that, above everything, Akane would like you to
have this, Ranma-kun."

     Ranma looked briefly at the cask that contained his cure,
and took a deep breath, his decision having been made while he
held Akane in Jusendo.

     "Gomen nasai, Ojisan," he told Soun, looking from the cask
to his father and back to Soun. "I don't want it any more." He
sighed, tears coming back to his eyes. "I don't like the fact
that I turn into a girl, but I know that I can live with it. But,
I can't live without...." He drew a shuddering breath as he
looked back down on the cask of Nannichuan. "I wanted to be cured
for her sake. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to have an
iinazuke that wasn't the hentai she always called me. I wanted to
be normal so that she could be happy with me." Tears flowed down
his cheeks. "You can give the Nannichuan to Oyaji, or Ryouga, or
to Mousse. But unless there's something that can bring Akane back
to me, Ojisan," he looked up at Soun, "I don't want it. I have no
reason to want to be cured anymore."

     After he told Soun that, he went up to the roof, to
remember. Oftentimes, the roof had been his sanctuary _away_ from
his mallet-toting iinazuke. Despite the years she'd trained in
martial arts getting up onto the roof wasn't as easy for her as
it was for Ranma. As he looked around now, he wished, he wished
so badly, that she'd just come up and start yelling "baka" while
brandishing either her sword or that mallet.

     He remembered her smile, her laugh.... <She could be so
kawaii when she wanted to be,> Ranma thought. <Hell, she was
kawaii even when she was hitting me.> Ranma remembered the first
time they met, the way she'd beat Akane in a match (without even
trying).... He remembered the hug she'd given him when he
returned after that fight with Herb, Mint, and Lime...
and how he didn't hug her back, he was so surprised. <Dammit, I
should've,> he thought now. He remembered the kiss he'd given
her, too late.... Her body was still warm as he gave her that
first, and final, real kiss.

     "Ore wa omae ga suki da*," he whispered as he sat
on the roof, the same way he'd said it after that kiss at
Jusendo, the same way he'd said it as he crouched alone by her
grave earlier that day. "I've always only loved you, Akane...."
(* "I love you")

     "I wish," Ranma said, choking on his tears, "that I had told
you sooner." Rain started to fall in Nerima, and Ranma felt
his curse take effect.

     "Akane..." Ranma-chan whispered, "I really do love you."

*****************************************************************
     
     <SPLASH!> "Baka!"

     "Na-nani?!" Ranma-chan sat up on her futon, soaking wet. She
gasped. "Akane?!"

     Akane laughed and showed Ranma the pail that she'd used to
soak him with. "Really, Ranma you should learn how to get up
earlier in the mornings!" She grinned. "You sleep like the dead,
you know!"

     Ranma bristled a little at the word "dead". 

     Akane blinked at his strange reaction. "Well, just needed to
get you up. You really overslept this time. Did you go to bed
late or something, Ranma?" she asked. Ranma-chan shook her head,
still feeling the effects of the dream. "If you don't hurry up,
we'll be late to class," Akane continued, sighing. "We'll
probably be running to school again. Kasumi-oneechan and Obasama
have breakfast ready downstairs." She turned to leave, only to
notice Ranma-chan was still just sitting there watching her.
"Aren't you going to get up yet? Hurry up, or Ojisama's gonna
take all your food!"

     Ranma-chan finally smiled. "Hey, Akane," she said as she got
up from her futon.

     She turned around. "Hai?"

     "You really are kawaii, you know," she told her. Akane
blinked a little.

     "Uh, thanks Ranma...." She blushed, but looked at her
iinazuke suspiciously. "Um... are you feeling okay?"

     "Hai," Ranma walked past her, towel in hand. "I'm perfectly
fine," she assured her as she walked down the stairs and into the
bathroom to change. 

     "I wonder what's wrong with him this morning?" Akane said as
she watched Ranma descend down the stairs. "He sure is acting
strange... even for him." She started to walk down the stairs
after him. "I wonder if I hit him too hard on the head last
night...?" She mused, shaking her head. "I've got to remind
myself to stop doing that. All those blows to the head are
probably what's making him act so strange."

     As Ranma stepped into the hot water of the bath tub, he
smiled.

     <Yokatta,> he thought to himself. From the bathroom, he
could hear the sounds of his iinazuke joking around with her
sisters, her father, and his own parents. <It was all just a bad
dream.> As he sat in the tub, he remembered what day it was. It
was a Monday, time to get ready for school to start. He thought
back to the dream, how lonely he felt without her by his side.
<Maybe I'll run beside her instead of on the fence today,> Ranma
thought to himself with a smile. <Yeah, that's it....>

     His mind began to wander. Just a few days ago, they almost
got married. He remembered the way she'd looked in her wedding
dress, how beautiful she was. He remembered the way she looked
when she awoke in his arms in Jusendo.... And he remembered the
way he felt on both occasions.

     "Akane," he said, quietly. "Ore wa omae ga su..."

     "Ranma!!" Akane pounded on the door to the bathroom. "Are
you going to stay in there all day? Hurry up! I don't want to be
late for class!"

     "Baka!" Ranma yelled through the door as he got out of the
bath. "What do you want me to do... go to school as a girl?" He
paused a moment. "Kawaikunee!!" He heard Akane yelling something
incoherent back at him.

     Ranma laughed to himself and finished quietly, "-ki da."

                     *END*END*END*END*END*END*END*

^_^ Please send all C & C to:

       Citizen_Al@aol.com 
       (I want my old Netcom account back!!! Waaahhh!!)

End Notes:

     I wrote the story cuz, 1) I was in a weird mood, and 2)
because on rec.arts.anime.misc there as an article about how all
Ranma "dying" fan-fics are always about Ranma dying and Akane
dealing with his death. How would Ranma deal with it? 

     I thought re-working the ending of V38 would just be a nice
ironic twist.... I tried to keep everything the same until about
the middle of page 161 (in V38... I don't know what page it is in
the Shonen Sunday issue.) In the manga, Akane awakes after Ranma
yells out her name. I thought, "What if Akane _doesn't_ wake up?"
In the manga, Ranma later tried to deny what he'd implied as he
spoke to an unconscious Akane (who, as far as I can surmise,
Ranma thought was dead at the time.) If Akane _didn't_
miraculously wake up, how would Ranma (and those who were there)
deal with the situation? And yes, for those who noticed, I left
out Genma-panda. As he was still Shampoo's underling at the time
this would've happened, I can't very well gauge how he'd react.

     I also tried to stick, as closely as I could, to the rest of
the story line. I cut out the part at the flooded Jusenkyou but
stuck it in as the little speech Ranma gave Soun when presented
with the Nannichuan after Akane's funeral (in place of the
botched wedding, of course.)

     Some might say I chickened out by making this whole story a
dream sequence.... C'mon, do you really think I'd kill my
favorite character? ^_^ No way!

    Last but definately _not_ least, I'd like to thank my two pre-readers,
Mario "Lee-kun" Bansen III and Stephanie A. Gonzales for their input
and help...!

Ja ne!

Mi-chan
(currently Citzen_Al@aol.com)
(I HATE AOL.)