On Tue, 30 Jul 1996 gaffney@iconn.net wrote:

well can you get me off of this thing then??? the fanfic thing?

Pat

  
And so, I have decided to throw it open as a contest to the
list.  How do you think Patrick can get off the ML?  Can it
be just a simple message to White Wolf, or should it be something
more elaborate, perhaps involving a marrow?

It's not surprising that Pat's having trouble. After all, the so-called
"Unsubscribe" instructions given in plain sight in the FAQ that every new
member recieves is actually a fiendish hoax. Sending such a message will
result in the Government Alien Commie Mind-Control Squad visiting your
house, tying you to a chair, and forcing you to watch hours upon hours of
"Barney and Friends". Diabolic, no?
   The real method of unsubsribing is as follows:
1. Call 115-555-2323, and ask for Guido. When he answers, tell him that
the lemmings have danced the Rhumba. He will name a date.
2. Fly to New York. On the given date, stand at the base of the world
trade center wearing a blue fedora, bowling shoes, and a replica of
Elvis's jumpsuit. A man with a gun or knife will approach you, and ask for
your wallet and watch. Give them to him. He will mouth several colorful
obscenites as the recognition code, and leave.
3. Fly to San Fransisco. Go directly to Fung's Gifts and Sovieners, and
tell the proprietor in a loud voice that you are here for the opium. He
will loudly protest; this is the countersign. Say, "Fengzi, shenjing
bing!", again in a loud voice, and then belch loudly three times while
turning cartwheels. Afterwards, begin to pick up breakable objects and
drop them while insulting the shop owner.
4. A FFML agent, cleverly disguised as a cop, will arrive, cuff you, and
take you to a processing center. You will be fingerprinted and
photographed for our files, and detained for a few days. The process will
go quicker if you give the priority-A signal, which involves repeating the
word "Pig" (A reference to Ranma 1/2's P-chan) loudly and frequently.
5. When released, fly to Paris, and eat dinner at the most expencive
restaurant in the city. When the waiter approaches, order spam and beans,
with ketchup. After your meal, make three rapid pelvic thrusts a la
Michael Jackson, yodel, set yourself on fire, and dive out the nearest
window.
6. Last, fly to Kyoto. Purchase a pair of army boots, walk in the third
cow field going west out of the city for 5 hours, and head to the largest
temple in the city. Still wearing the boots, walk as noisily as possible
through the temple, shouting, "JESUS SAVES!" at the top of your lungs.
This is the final release signal. White Wolf, who will be watching from
the bell tower, will remove your name from the list.

Hope this helps you, Pat.

- Mike of No Particular Title or Handle
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l   Mike Loader - Lincolnite, Amberite, Illuminatus, Discordian,
 / () \   l      Journalist, Author, Traveler, Historian, Java Fiend.
/      \  l        Trier - LA - LV - Kiev - Reno - Hong Kong. Fnord.
--------  l                    mloader@scs.unr.edu
==========+==================================================================
 > > Replies
and ideas should be sent to: > > Help get Patrick off the Fanfic ML

c/o Studebaker Hoch,
Box 1791,
Los Angeles, CA 90001

Let's hope there's a lesson here for all of us.

--Sean Gaffney
--"You git!  I thought you were dead!  Git git git!" - Benny, No Future