With all of this business about favorite quotes from fanfics, here's a
challenge.  Between now and, say, next Thursday, write a "favorite
quote"able fanfic, beginning with the line "Space is a really, really
empty place."  It doesn't have to be sci-fi either, I'm just a fan of
Douglas Adams, after a fashion.  Meaning I want to slaughter him for
ruining the HHGTTG except for the first page, which included that line if
I remember correctly.  ;)

Not a direct quote, actually, but if we're going to write further on this, 
bastardizing the line does wonders for avoiding lawsuits...  :)

Hmm, the line sprung off a really bad idea for me, let's see what people 
think...

---

Space is a really, REALLY empty place.  It's unimaginable how empty it 
is, it's sheer, grand utter emptiness...  It just makes someone say, 
"Wow, that's really empty!"  before preceding to fall into the emptiness, 
and falling, and falling, and never getting out, never being seen again.  
In fact, it's so empty, once someone falls into it, there's a large 
chance that people might forget that person ever existed..  Space is 
empty.  Really, really empty.  You can't possibly ever imagine of hoping 
to even comprehend how empty a fraction of it is.

And it's almost as empty as what's between Ranma's head.

"You baka!"  A familliar cry, an all-too-familliar arc, and an 
all-too-familliar slap to the face.  Ranma just stood there, taking it, 
staring wide-eyed at his fiancee.

He managed to say, "Akane.."  But that was about it.  Ranma was never 
sure how to respond to Akane slapping him.  It was such a silencing 
gesture..

"You NEVER understand me!  I don't know why I bother!  Ohh!"  Akane 
stomped off, leaving Ranma alone to his thoughts, and the rustling wind 
behind him.  

That always happened too, though how they are related is a rather 
complex equation.  If you need more help, simply refer to..

*cue drum roll*

The HitchHiker's Guide to Realities

It's not quite as long as it's more popular brother, the HitchHiker's 
Guid to the Galaxy, but probably just as important for guiding your way 
through the Reality that is Nerima.  And no one there owns one.

It explains a few things, doesn't it?

But what if someone -did- get their hands on that book, and decided to 
use it to their own (possibly sinister) purposes?  What if that person 
just wanted a cup of tea and a way home?

One could only hope *something* advances the plot further...

---

Arthur probed the inky blackness around him.  It was dark, really, really 
dark.  So dark in fact, he began to question if he was actually there or 
not.  Then he remembered.  Ah yes.  Death.  Terribly incovenient thing, 
especually when someone went to the trouble to make sure that you were 
utterly, completely, and convingly dead, not just in your own universe, 
but all of them.  It rather puts a cramp in one's style, he supposed.

He looked around again, or tried to.  He saw blackness, and a black 
backdrop, and he might have even spied a few lights lighting up in 
black...  But if this was another of Hot Black's stunt ships, Arthur 
supposed he wouldn't have to worry as much about crashing into a sun this 
time, now that he was dead.  It posed some interesting possibilities 
actually, and might be a sight to pass the time..  If he could see it.

While pondering about the fact that he couldn't see anything, seeing this 
quite clearly, in fact, Arthur proceeded to try moving around...  Ah 
good, he did still have arms..  And for some odd reason, he felt a fleshy 
thing beside him..  Realization dawned on him suddenly.  Something 
terrible, really truly and utterly horroble.  He wasn't dead.

It was worse than that, he was still alive, and he knew the person laying 
beside him.

"Ford?  Is that you?"

Arthur was greeted by a vague grunt, but little else.  The fleshy bit 
moved though, and Arthur some something that confirmed his suspicions.  A 
little red light.

Arthur shook at what he hoped was Ford beside him.  "Ford, wake up!  What 
the hell have you done this time?"

The grunt was less vague this time, and far more direct.  "Go away, I 
like being dead." It said.  Arthur thought he had, too, but that wasn't 
about to stop him.

"Ford, wake up this instant!"  He cried.  

The mumbling slurred into words, or something.  Even the Babel fish 
seemed to have problems with it.  "Gy ahwey, ahm ded." it said.

"Ford, where are we?  What have you done this time?"  Arthur continued to 
cry out, despite the fact that the hopefully-Ford seemed to be trying 
quite hard to not hear him.

Finally, it broke down.  "All right, all right.  I'm up.."  The 
hopefully-FOrd said, confirming that indeed was Ford Prefect, Arthur's 
best friend, and worst enemy.  THings always seemed to work out that way.

"What the hell is this Ford?"

"Ah yes, this.  Well, I saved you from the ravenous, very hungry maws of 
death, once more."

"And brought me to..?"

"The nexus of all realities."

"The what?"

"The nexus of all realities.  It goes like this you see, in every 
different reality, there are different permutations of that reality.  But 
on top of that, there are actual seperate -realities- that exist, 
billions, to choose from.  I brought us out of ours with this nifty 
device I found at the HitchHiker's office building.  Just smashing.  
Instead of calling up a spaceship to get you off a planet, it actually 
pulls you out of existance from your reality!"

"What?"

"It's quite simple.  In our reality, the one in which your earth was 
built and existed, you were quite summarily executed along all the 
different permutations of that reality.  So I got you out."

"Out.. To here?  FOrd, I can't even see anything here!  Shall I just 
exist now, for a while, perhaps have a cup of tea?  If I could see it 
that is..  Bloody hell, why couldn't you just let me die?"

"Well, I could've done that, but then I'd have had no one to talk to."

"So that's it then?  We just sit here?"

"Well, that, or we could try out one of the other realities.  I hear the 
Discworld Reality is good this time of the millenium.."

"No!  I just want to go home, Ford, home!  That, or nothing!"

A few beeps interrupted the silence that followed.  More lights flashed 
up, and the blackness around him became a lighter shade of black.  "Ah, 
here's something you might like.  It's called the Takahashi Reality."

"The what?"

"The Takahashi reality.  Created by someone on Earth, actually.  I'm 
still a little sketchy, but apparently realities are basically created by 
enough people believing in them.  This one was quite popular, apparently."

"Does England exist?"

Beep.  Beep.  "Yes."

"Do Vogons?"

Beep.  Beep.  "No, but there are still bad poets out there.."

"Arthur shook his head, not that Ford could have noticed.  "I don't care 
anymore.  I really don't. I just want to get there, go home, and have a 
nice cup of tea."

"Right then.  The landing point will be in Tokyo- it can't be avoided, it 
seems, but it probably shouldn't be too bad getting back to London.  
Apparently the people here are good swimmers..."

A few more clicks and beeps later, and the blackness shimmered a shiny 
blackness, and everything became...   Well, vague.   It was still 
blackness, but consciousness wasn't there to accompany it.  

That probably was a good thing, considering when they re-appeared, 
happily not in blackness, it was overtop of a koi pond in someone's back 
yard.

---

Ranma was pulled out of his reverie by a distinct splashing sound coming 
from the back yard.  He knew that sound anywhere.  But who could be back 
there that would be doing any fighting practice?

---

(to be continued?)

---


Hmm, that turned out a little sillier than I thought.  All I really 
wanted to write was up to the line about Ranma's head, but a sheer 
perverse desire to butcher the HHGTTG series even further drove me on.  
It's nuts, it's crazy, and I *know* I don't write like Douglas Adams 
(otherwise I'd be publishing this stuff, not sending it out on mailing 
lists.  :)  ).  So..  Be kind..  It's the first thing I've put up 
here...   (So far!!) 

Let me know if I should even bother continuing this.  Eesh, this was 
almost as bad as the "Ranma Dwarf" idea....

==============================================================================
                                    |
-Eric "Mikado" Jones		    |   ejones@FineArts.uvic.ca
				    |   http://kafka.uvic.ca/~ejones/home.html
Unwilling Arch-Deacon of the        |----------------------------------------
Church of Azusa, Keeper of the      |
Bruises, and head of the "kawaii    | "No Azusa, those pants are *not* cute!"
people!" department.                |    -Mikado
                                    -----------------------------------------
Join now, and you get to give up a tresured object of your very own to 
the Goddess Azusa!  Or she'll kill you!

==============================================================================