Space. suddenly the words "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....
RANMA WARS
Episode I
An old plot
An evil empire has taken control of the galaxy. A few gallant
warriors, reguardless of their own safty have pledged themselves to
ridding the galaxy of the tyrrany of the evil emperor Kohchoh, and his
son Tatewaki Kuno, the blue thunder of the Sith.
The princess Akane Tendo, aided by Bothan spies within the empire,
have liberated the plans to the incredible battle station "Tembatsu
Star"(*1), which is capable of shattering planets from thousands of miles away.
The princess, aboard her consular ship flees from the
pursuing Imperial forces....
Pan down to show a Corellian Corvette being attacked by a Star Destroyer. There is blaster fire coming from the Star Destroyer, hitting the Corvette. A particularly well placed blast hits the dorsal sensor dish, causing an explosion. Cut to the inside of the ship. Troops are taking up defensive positions, as civillians and droids scuttle in
the opposite direction. The camera begins to follow two of the droids. One of them is a tall, golden 3PO unit. The other is a short, black and white Astromech droid shaped vaguely like a panda.
Soun 3PO: [large explosion] Oh, dear! This may be the last for us...[engine noise ceases] Goodness... They've shut down the main reactor! We'll be boarded! There won't be any escape for the princess this time! [the Astromech turns down a side hall]
Gentoo-Detoo! Where do you think You're going?
Gentoo flips a sign out of a hidden compartment: Quit whining!
Soun 3PO follows as best he can. He finally finds him with princess Akane. She is loading a program into Gentoo's memory. She looks around, and ducks back into her room.
Soun 3PO: Hey! Get out here!
Gentoo: [sign as he passes] Follow me you golden fool!
Gentoo goes to an escape pod, and opens it. He moves to go in.
Soun 3PO: Hey! Droids aren't supposed to go in there!
Gentoo: [everything Gentoo says is on signs] I have a mission to perform. [new sign] Are you coming or not?
Soun 3PO: Oh... All right. [he is thrown into the pod by an explosion] Whoaa!
The pod disengages from the ship and falls away. Cut back to aboard the ship. Troops have taken positions around a bulkhead. Suddenly the door begins to smoke. Then it gives way, starting a fire-fight. The rebel troops are defeated, and they fall back leaving their dead and wounded. Kuno, dressed in black samurai's garb walks through the door. After looking around, he selects one of the wounded rebel soldiers.
Kuno: Where are the plans you stole?
Soldier: What plans? This is a consular ship on a diplomatic mission for Alderaan.
Kuno: I do not believe you. The truth! Where are the plans?!?
Soldier: This is a consular...
Kunou: Enough! I will not stand this insolence!
Kuno then goes about kicking the crap out of the poor soldier. One of the storm troopers looks to Kuno for orders.
Kunou: Sweep the ship. Find the councillor Akane Tendou. Stun only. I do not wish her to be harmed. I want every part of the ship checked.
Cut to Akane carrying a blaster. Storm troopers sneak up behind her, and stun her. Cut to Akane being held before Kunou.
Akane: Kunou. I thought I smelled the distinct odor of stupidity.
Kunou: Ah, though she be but little, she is fierce! I shall overlook this insolece because of your in...incredible beauty. Where are the plans?
Akane: What plans? This is my ship on a diplomatic...
Kuno: Yes, yes. I've heard this all before. If this is a diplomatic ship, then where is the ambassador? Take her awa...away. [Kunou has begun shaking]
As soon as Akane is gone, Kuno breaks down crying.
Kuno: Oh, If we could only be on the same side....
================
Cut to a scene in a desert. There is an open escape capsule with footprints leading away. Pan to follow the footprints to the two droids from before. Gentoo has turned the opposite direction from Soun 3PO.
Soun 3PO: Where do you think YOU'RE going?
Gentoo: This way, of course!
Soun 3PO: That's not the right way!
Gentoo: Yeah, right. Have YOU ever swam across the Calamari ocean?
Soun 3PO: Well, no... but...
Gentoo: There you go!
Soun 3PO: I don't care WHAT ocean you swam across! I'm going this way!
Gentoo: Suit yourself.
The two go in opposite directions, Soun 3PO muttering and sobbing from time to time, while Gentoo beeps and whistles.
Later, Gentoo is rolling through a rock canyon, looking around nervously, making nervous beeps and whistles. Suddenly, a large group of unusually pretty female jawas jump out from behind the rocks. A purple-haired woman leads them.
Woman: Ushu nan wuma!
Gentoo: Er... I don't seem to understand your language!
Woman: Gatu ke tinu do gusha!
Gentoo: Well, I must be going. Bye!
Woman: [pointing at Gentoo] Wedo nan bol no restu!
One of the others pulls what looks like a shotgun and fires at Gentoo. He overloads, all of his signs pop out, and he falls over.
The women take Gentoo to a large, round crawler. Show the crawler rolling across the desert. Cut to inside the cargo room of the crawler. Various robots are propped against the walls, and against each other. Soun 3PO is wandering around, sobbing uncontrolably.
Soun 3PO: Oh... I'll never get out of this awful place! (sob) I'll be here for...
He looks across the room, and sees Gentoo.
Soun 3PO: Gentoo...? Gentoo Saotoo it is you! (sob) It is you!
Gentoo: Calm the heck down...
There is a clang, and the cargo bay door opens. Amazon jawas flood in and escort the droids out.
Ranma and an old extra walk over and start talking with the amazons.
Woman's voice: Ranma!
Ranma runs over to the edge of a garden.
Woman: Make sure your uncle gets a translator that speaks Hokey!
Ranma: All right!
Ranma runs back over to his uncle.
Ranma: Uncle! Aunt said to get a translator that speaks Hokey.
Uncle: Well, it looks like there isn't much choice. You there! [points to Soun 3PO] Aren't you a translator?
Soun 3PO: Why, yes! I am fluent in over 5,999,999 languages. (I could never really get the hang of Chinese)
Uncle: Do you speak Hokey?
Soun 3PO: Why, yes! It is like a second language to m-
Uncle: Can you communicate in the binary language of moisture vaporators?
Soun 3PO: Certainly sir, My fir-
Uncle: We'll take him. And that little blue R2 unit. Ranma! Take these two over to maintainence and clean them up!
Ranma: But I was going to go to Nerima and get those new power converters!
Uncle: You can waste time with your friends later. Get a move on!
Ranma slumps, and starts to take the droids to maintainence. The little blue R2 unit suddenly explodes.
Ranma: Uncle! This R2 has a bad self destruct!
Uncle: [to amazon] What are you trying to push on us?
Purple haired woman: Ichi ha lon wer ira!
Uncle: We'll take that little panda-shaped one over there instead!
The little droid zips happily over to Soun 3PO. Ranma, Soun 3PO and Gentoo walk off. Fade out.
Fade back in on Ranma leading the droids into the shed.
Ranma: Yeah, Yeah. I gotta clean up the two of you. You! [points to Gentoo] Into the bath.
Gentoo hops [how does an R2 hop?] into the bath. He goes completely under, and a few seconds later, a middle aged man dressed in a Karate gi hopps out. Ranma doesn't seem particularly impressed.
Ranma: So you fell in the spring of the rusted droid, huh?
Genma: Yes. Not only that, but I am your long lost father!
Ranma: WHAT?
Soun 3PO: His FATHER?!?!
Genma: Yes, his father.
Ranma: How can this be? My father died during the Clone Wars. He choked to death trying to eat an entire watermelon all at once at the Jusenkyo Springs tapcafe... Oh, no.
Genma: Yes. I am your father. I also know that you later went to that cafe, and fell in a spring yourself. Which was it? The spring of the drowned-
Ranma spinning back kicks him back into the bath.
Soun 3PO: Why did you do that?
Ranma: Never mind.
Genma: [climbing back out of the bath] That's not important right now. There is a princess to rescue.
Ranma: Really? Who?
Genma: Princess Akane.
Ranma: Forget it.
Soun 3PO: Why?!?
Ranma: She'd rather poison me than look at me!
Genma: You're exaggerating. Come on, boy. Lets go!
Ranma: Where are we going? This is Tantoein. There's no place to go!
Genma: We need to find Obi-wan Tofu.
Ranma: You mean Dr. Tofu, the chiropractor?
Genma: That's him!
Ranma: He lives right next door!
The three exit, walk to the next house, and knock on the door.
Tofu: Hello?
Ranma: Dr. Tofu?
Tofu: Ranma! Come in! Who are your friends?
Ranma: This is Soun 3PO [motioning to Soun 3PO] and this is my father...
Genma: Genma Saowalker.
Tofu: Genma? I barely recognized you. You look so... different!
Genma: Yes, yes. We haven't the time for pleasantries. There is a computer chip wedged up my nose that contains the plans for the Tembatsu Star!
Tofu: Goodness! We must take you to Alderaan, To Jake Fordama!
All: Right!
Ranma: Er... But how are we gonna get there? I don't have a ship!
Tofu: I have a couple of connections in Anchorfoot. We can get a ship... For the right price.
Ranma: Okay! Lemme just go tell Aunt and Uncle their parts are finished.
Cut to a brown landspeeder zooming across the desert.
Ranma: Hey, Pop! Couldn't you have at least sprung for seats?
Cut to the speeder coasting into Anchorfoot. It is appparently out of gas.
Ranma: We're just lucky Pop bought enough gas to get us here!
As they coast into town, some stormtroopers wave them over. Our characters stop when they get there.
Tofu: [tossing candy] Here! Have some candy!
The stormtroopers take it, and eat it.
Trooper: Now... What was I going to ask you about?
Tofu: [waves hand] We can go.
Trooper: You can go.
Tofu: Thank you. [hops out and pushes]
The speeder glides over in front of the Moss Easly cantina.
Tofu: Everybody out! Just be careful... This is a rough place.
They all get out.
Ranma: Doctor, How did we get past that blockade?
Tofu: Norvanian Grog goes well inside candies. Let's go!
They all go inside. An incredible array of creatures from all across the galaxy is doing the normal bar things (drinking, takling, with the occasional fight). They all make their way to the bar.
Tofu: Wait here.
Tofu moves off, to talk with something large and furry. As Ranma stands at the bar, a short man with hair longer than he is tall walks up behind Ranma. He is accompanied by something else large and furry.
Guy: Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
Ranma: No... Never saw you before in my life.
Guy: Well, kill him anyway Rork.
Rork moves to attack, but Tofu vaults over the corner of the bar and jabs the large furry Rork in the shoulder. Rork yelps as his arm goes lifeless. The guy and Rork go away.
Tofu: Are you OK, Ranma?
Ranma: Yeah, thanks.
Tofu: I think I may have found transport. Come with me.
Tofu walks over to a booth in the corner where a young man wearing a yellow shirt, black pants, and a yellow and black bandanna is sitting.
Tofu: Ranma, this is Ryouga Solobiki.
Ranma: Hi, Ranma Saowalker.
Ryouga: Ryouga Solobiki. This [points to Chimaera] is Chewtaro.
Ranma: [looking bewildered at Chimaera] Uh...Hello...
They all sit down.
Ryouga: OK. You need transport. I need money. What's the cargo?
Tofu: A droid, an old man, the boy, and myself. Actually, we can forget the old man and substitute another droid.
Ryouga: Oooookaaaay... 10,000.
Ranma: CREDITS? Doctor, we could almost buy our own ship for that!
Ryouga: But who's gonna fly it?
Ranma: I c.... er.... well...
Ryouga: Right.
Tofu: We'll give you 17,000. 7000 now and 10,000 when we get to Alderaan.
Ryouga: 17... What's the catch?
Tofu: None. We just want to avoid any... Imperial entanglements.
Ryouga: Ah. Gotcha. All right... you got yourself a ship.
Tofu: Good. [stands]
Ryouga: Say... [looks at Ranma] Haven't we met somewhere before?
Ranma: Er... Not that I can remember.
Ryouga: Hmmm...
Tofu drags Ranma outside.
Tofu: We'll have to sell the speeder.
Ranma: So?
The droid(s) come outside.
Ranma: Geez, pop! You smell like Algolian Ale!
Gentoo: Oh, Shut up.
Cut back inside. Ryouga is walking toward the door. A medium sized purple man stops him with a gun.
Purple: [subtitled] Going somewhere, Solobiki? [looks down] Geez, I hate subtitles!
Ryouga: No, I wasn't going anywhere, Frito. I was just on my way to pay off Clobber-
Frito: Give the money to me and we might forget this entire incident.
Ryouga: I don't have the money yet! I was just going to get it.
Frito: I will enjoy watching what Clobber will do to you.
Ryouga: Yeah, I bet you will. Shishihoukoudan!
Frito is blasted backwards through his seat. Ryouga stands, and walks past the bar on the way to the door. He tosses a coin on the bar.
Ryouga: Sorry.
Cut to Ranma and Tofu finishing a deal with a couple of amazon jawas.
Ranma: Look at this. Since the sand-sled 5000 came out, they just aren't in demand!
Tofu: It's all right, Ranma. It'll be enough.
They move off. A blue-skinned woman with shortish brown hair walks into the picture. A couple of stormtroopers start talking with her.
Nabiki: So what's it worth to you?
Stormtrooper: We'll give you 12,000.
Nabiki: 12,000...?!?!
She points in the direction our characters went.
Cut to Ranma and Tofu standing next to a landing bay.
Ranma: Where the heck is he?
Tofu: He'll be here.
Sure enough, a few seconds later Ryouga and Chewtaro show up.
Ryouga: Let's get going, shall we?
Ryouga turns and walks the opposite direction from the door.
Tofu: You're going the wrong direction.
Ryouga: Oh... Right. Of course!
Chewtaro opens the door and ushers all of them inside. Inside, there is a yellow freighter with black rectangles to match Ryouga's bandanna. It looks kind of beat up.
Ryouga: There she is! The Lost Boy!
Ranma: What a piece of JUNK!
Ryouga: Hey! Don't knock it, bub. This ship can make 18.5 past light-speed! It'll outrun anything we might face.
Ranma: Yeah, but will it get us where we want to go?
Tofu: Calm, Ranma.
Ryouga: Well, if you all want to get on board, we'll just get this party started-
He is cut off by a blaster bolt hitting the ship's hull.
Ryouga: Jeez! [running on board] Chewty, get us outta here!
The ramp closes, and the camera cuts outside to see the ship take off into the sky. As the ship reaches orbit, a star destroyer attacks, most of the bolts deflecting off the shields. Cut inside the cockpit.
Ranma: We're gonna have to get away, fast!
Gentoo: Well, duh!
Ryouga: That little droid is starting to get on my nerves. Look bub. Jumping to lightspeed is tricky. If we goof up, we could end up in a small village in Shikoku!
Chewtaro: Grrr...Gror.
Ryouga: Yeah, but I've gotten a lot better since then. There! Come about to .4501784!
Chewtaro: Rrraaar!
Ryouga: Ok everybody! Hang on!
Ryouga pulls the levers, and the stars lengthen. They enter Hyperspace.
Cut to the crew cabin of the ship. Soun 3PO and Gentoo are playing Hologames while Chewtaro watches.
Tofu: Urrrh... [grabbing head]
Ranma: What is it, doctor?
Tofu: Ice cream headache.
Ranma: Oh. Say, Ryouga, where are we?
Ryouga: [just coming into the room] Well... We should just be getting to Alderaan... [alarm goes off] Ha! I was right.
All of them go to the cockpit.
Chewtaro: Grrar.
Ryouga: Of course we're where we want to be. Where else would we be? [pulls levers]
Starlines shrink back, and the ship comes out in orbit around a bluish ice planet.
Tofu: That's not Alderaan.
Ryouga: No. Really? Let's set down and find out where we are.
They land. As the hatch opens, a blast of icy air comes into the ship. The snow settles, and a blue-haired woman appears, which some of us can identify as Oyuki, Queen of Neptune.
Oyuki: What is your buisness here, stranger?
Ryouga: Where are we?
Oyuki: You are on the planet Neptune. I am Oyuki, the Queen.
Gentoo: Oh, great. Not only are we on the wrong planet, but we're in the wrong series! [new sign] So just how did we get to Urusei Yatsura?
Ryouga: Oh. Sorry, I must have set the hyperdrive to bring us out in the wrong universe. Heh, heh. Sorry!
Oyuki: Very well. Please pay the parking fine before you leave.
Oyuki dissapears in a cloud of snow.
Soun 3PO: So, anybody got any money?
Ryouga: Aw, forget it. Let's get out of here before she comes back.
They are pursued by some of Oyuki's defense force fighters as they flee. They jump to hyperspace just as the rear shield gives way.
Ranma: Well that was a close one.
Ryouga: No kidding. Well, I'm sure we're on the right course now.
Ghewtaro: Grrraro.
Ryouga: Yes I checked it again! In fact, now-
The hyperspace alarm goes off.
Ryouga: Well, let's go guys.
They all go back to the cockpit yet again. Ryouga pulls the levers, and they drop back out of hyperspace. Directly in front of them, a giant tetrahedron floats.
Ryouga: What the heck is that?
Tofu: The Tembatsu Star.
Ranma: Well I could have told you THAT!
Ryouga: I'm getting a little tired of your mouth! Hey... Wait a minute! Now I remember you! [grabbing Ranma] I'm gonna kill you for what you did to me!
Tofu: Just what DID Ranma do to you?
Ryouga: Er... [face faults and sinks back into his seat] Nothing. Chewtaro, let's just turn us around and get us out of here.
They push some buttons and hit some switches, and otherwise try to pull the Lost Boy around. The ship begins to shake, and they continue to move forward.
Ryouga: Damn it! They've got us in a tractor beam. We're going in whether we like it or not.
The ship is drawn inside, and it lands on the deck. Stormtroopers swarm toward it. Kunou walks out.
Kunou: I sense... Impertinence. I haven't felt that since... Search the ship! I want live prisoners!
The stormtroopers swarm over the Lost Boy. When they recede, everyone but Ryouga pops out of a compartment in the floor.
Tofu: I wonder where Ryouga got to?
Ryouga pops out of a hatch in the ceiling and hangs upside-down.
Ryouga: Uh... Hi guys! So this is where I put that hatch.
Ranma: Never mind. We've gotta get out of here!
Ryouga: But how? Remember the Tractor beam?
Gentoo: [plugged into the wall] Hey! Akane's here!
Ryouga: Who's Akane?
Soun 3PO: She's the princess of Alderaan.
Ryouga: Really?
Soun 3PO: Come on, everybody! We've got to rescue her!
Ranma and Ryouga: Wait!
Ranma: Why do we have to rescue her?
Ryouga: Why should I care?
Tofu: Because she knows where the base we need to get to is.
Ranma: So? I'd rather be spaced than have to deal with her.
Ryouga: I think that can be arranged...
Ranma: Oh, shut up. Come on, guys! Let's get going!
Tofu: Wait, Ranma! We need a plan!
Ranma: Oh! [face faults] Yeah.
Tofu: All right. Chewtaro is gonna be hard to hide...
Ryouga: Don't worry about that.
Ryouga goes over to a food dispenser and gets a cup of hot water. He throws it on Chewtaro, and he changes into his more normal form.
Pht: Arrrgh... Why did you do that? I'd rather stay here!
Ryouga: We'll probably need you.
Ranma: In that case... [gets water and pours it on Gentoo]
Ryouga: Huh? Oh. I get it. The springs, right?
Genma: Never mind that! We have to go rescue Akane. She has the access code to get this datachip out of my nose!
Ranma: All right... I say we all go out fighting! We can fight our way to the detention level, get her out, and be gone before they know we're here!
Tofu: Ranma? Aren't you forgetting something?
Ranma: Oh yeah. The tractor beams. So anybody got any plans on that?
Tofu: You guys should create enough of a diversion for me to get to the main control console undetected. I'll be here when you get back.
Soun 3PO: All right! Let's go!
Troop: Hey! What's all the noise in there?
Tofu: Er... Nothing! Just the sensor team making one last check!
Troop: Why don't I believe you? Hey, Guys! C'm-
Ranma plants a fist in the trooper's face, silencing him.
Tofu: There will be more. We've got to move fast!
They all run out of the ship, split up, and go their separate ways. Ranma, Ryouga, Genma, Pht, and Soun 3PO have a constant, running fight all the way to the detention level with blasts of energy and secret move names coming out sporadically.
Tofu has a decidedly easier time of it. His route is almost troop-free, and those he meets he sneaks by. He finally gets to the control console and messes with some levers and buttons and stuf. He then moves off back toward the ship.
Meanwhile, back on the detention block we hear "Bakusai-ten-ketsu(*3)!" and a blast. Then all of the characters run out of the hall and it's a running fight back to the ship. They run inside, and the hatch closes. The ship lifts off and goes out the way it came in. Two TIE fighters follow them, but are quickly destroyed by laser blasts from the top and bottom of the Lost Boy, the pilots popping parachutes. The Lost Boy jumps to hyperspace and is gone. Cut back aboard the Tembatsu Star.
Kunou: No! I cannot be without my love! AFTER THEM! IF THEY WISH US APART, THEN I WILL TAKE HER BY FORCE!
The Tembatsu Star jumps to Hyperspace.
Cut to the planet of Gabbin'. Inside the briefing room, Soun 3PO is speaking.
Soun 3PO: All right, then. We have found a weakness in the Tembatsu Star. There is a fuel port in the northern point that goes directly to the internal fusion chamber of the station. We believe that if we can drop one of Akane's homebaked muffins into this shaft, it will cause a chain-reaction of hemmhorages and organ failures... Oh, wait. That's the warning. Under no circumstace are you to eat any of the muffins for the
afforementioned reasons-
He takes a whack to the back of the head from a now incensed Akane.
Soun 3PO: Er... Yes. Well, good luck, and may the Jyusenkyo guide be with you.
They all go off to their fighters. Ryouga goes to the Lost Boy.
Ranma: So you're just gonna leave, ya big jerk?
Ryouga: No, I'm gonna lead the strike team!
Ranma: Yeah, right. Get lost!
Ryouga: Oh, yeah?
Ryouga pulls his umbrella, and stabs at Ranma, who ducks, and jumps at Ryouga, knocking him up the access ramp and hitting the release, closing the ramp and starting the automated takeoff sequence. The ship is flying off toward the Tembatsu Star, being rocked by the battle taking place inside. All the other fighters in the group rock the same way in order to keep formation. Cut inside the Lost Boy.
Ryouga: [stabbing at ranma] If you hadn't gone back on our man - to - man promise, we wouldn't be in this mess!
Ranma: How do you figure that? [dodging] If you weren't such a vengeful idiot, I'd be in my own fighter in this battle. Look! We're getting pretty close to the Tembatsu Star.... Waitaminit. We're in space?
Ryouga: Huh?
The ship is rocked by a turbolaser blast from the surface of the Tembatsu Star. Ranma and Ryouga are knocked off their feet.
Ranma: Uh... I think we better go pilot the ship.
Ryouga: Yeah... I think you're right.
Another turbolaser blast hits them. The shield warning alarm goes off. Ranma and Ryouga scramble for the cockpit.
Ranma and Ryouga: I'll pilot the ship, you drop the muffin!
They glare at each other in silence.
Ranma and Ryouga: You pilot the ship, I'll drop the muffin!
Another blast hits the ship. Sparks fly from the walls.
Akane: Gold leader, pull off! You morons can't do anything right while you're together, can you?
Ranma: No way! We're gonna drop the first muffin!
Ranma runs back to the dorsal gunner's post. He opens the window, and sticks his hand out, holding the muffin.
Ranma: Just hold it steady!
Ryouga: Yeah, right, Ranma! All that damage messed up the controls! This is about as good as it gets!
Ranma: All right... Just a couple more seconds... NOW!
Ranma winds back, and chucks the muffin at the exhaust port. We watch as the muffin falls toward the hole, misses, and bounces off, causing rather extensive damage in itself. All of the other fighters miss as well. Cut inside the Tembatsu Star.
Kunou: Gunner! Get that ship onto the surface. I want a duel with that Cretinous Ranma Saowalker.
Gunner: How do you know his name?
Kunou: It's right here on page 3!
Cut back aboard the Lost Boy. The ship is being bombarded by ion blasts and tractor beams. Ryouga is doing his best to keep flying, and Ranma continues to fling muffins in a vain effort to take out the gun emplacements. Suddenly the ship vibrates slightly and
stops dead, hovering in place.
Radio: (kunou) Saowalker! Land your craft immediately, and prepare for single combat with me! The winner takes the princess Akane!
Radio: (Akane) Hey! Wait a minute! What do you two idiots think yo-
Ranma: Fine, you jerk! I'm coming down!
Ranma opens the hatch and jumps out. He falls toward the Tembatsu Star at a frightful speed, but he bounces off a few antennas, and finally lands crouched on the surface.
Kunou: So. You are Ranma Saowalker.
Ranma: And you are Kunou, Moron of the Sith.
Kunou: That's Blue Thunder to you...you... miserable louteous fool!
Kunou draws his sword, and runs toward Ranma, who assumes a fighting stance. Kunou swings at Ranma, who jumps, and lands on Kunou's shoulders, with his hands over Kunou's
eyes.
Kunou: [flailing] Ranma Saowalker! Stand your ground and fight like a man!
Ranma: All right... [releases Kunou's head, and launches himself upward. comes down on top of Kunou's prone form with his feet] How's that!?!?
Kunou: A surprisingly impressive maneuver. [does pushup with Ranma on his back] But rather ineffective.
Ranma jumps as Kunou flips himself upright.
Ranma: All right... Time for heavier artillery.
Kunou: What do you wish to do? Talk or fight?
Ranma moves toward Kunou slowly. Kunou stands his ground. Suddenly, Ranma runs toward Kunou.
Kunou: What?
Ranma: TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!
An incredible barrage of blows hammer Kunou's head as Ranma's fist appears to split into three or four fists. Kunou takes all of them, being rocked back. Ranma finally stops, and Kunou just stands there, then he falls over. Ranma poses for no-one in particular. Kunou suddenly pops up.
Kunou: Trifling blows do not win battles, Saowalker.
Kunou swings his sword, and connects with Ranma's side. Ranma recoils, and and falls over.
Kunou: You do realize that you cannot win. Prepare yourself for destruction. The wrath of heaven is slow but sure... Tembatsu da da DADADADADADADADA!
Kunou delivers a rapid fire flurry of stabs with his bokken. Ranma, though wounded manages to dodge all of the attacks, but falls over backwards onto his back.
Kunou: You are pathetic.
Ranma: Funny, I always thought I was...[Kipps up] RANMA! HIRYUSHOTENHA!!!
A blast of energy emerges from Ranma's arm, forming a flying dragon. The blast goes toward Kunou, and envelops him in energy. It lifts him up and begins to spin him faster and faster. He finally is turned upside-down and dropped on his head. The energy dissapates, leaving Kunou doing a head-spin (remember break-dancing?). He slows, and finally falls over.
Ranma: Heh.
The Lost Boy lands close by, and Ryouga comes out.
Ryouga: Wha... [looks at Kunou] How'd you do that?
Ranma: A technique I learned from a dried-up monkey.
Ryouga: Oh. Well, let's get out of here.
Ranma: Wait. I gotta do something.
Ranma takes a muffin from inside his shirt, and walks over to the exhaust tube. He tosses the muffin in.
Ranma: All right, let's go.
They go to the ship, and as the ramp closes, we see them argue and go into fighting stances. The ship takes off, banging from time to time. Cut inside the Tembatsu star. The chief gunner is at his post.
Gunner: I gotta get that ship.
He pull some levers and knobs, and nothing happens.
Gunner: What? Something has fused all of the circuits!
Fade out. Fade back in on an awards ceremony. Akane is at the front of the room looking annoyed. Ranma and Ryouga walk down an aisle toward her. When they get there, Akane takes two medals from Soun 3PO who is standing next to her.
Akane: Although you're both morons, I guess I've got to give you these for you service to the rebellion. Here.
Akane nearly throws the medals at them, and turns to Soun 3PO.
Akane: So what was it you were going to tell me?
Soun 3PO: Your father and Ranma's father made a deal when you were both very young. He told me to tell you at the appropriate time...
Akane: Yes? What is it?
Soun 3PO: You two are engaged to be married.
All others in the room: WHAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?
Cut to black.