This little story fits in somewhere between the Akane swimming story (V14,
I think) and the end of the manga series. Enjoy... C&C if you feel like it.
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Clogged Sink Press Presents:
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction -
Akane Takes to the Water
By:Plunger
All characters copyright of Rumiko Takahashi Shogakukan Inc. and
Viz Communications, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah...
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Definitions: (for the slower ones)
------------
Maribouzu haircut: Get an electric shaver and run it over your head.
Viola! One maribouzu haircut.
Hammer: A person who cannot swim is said to have all the buoyancy
characteristics of a hammer. Ie. none. Therefore a person who
cannot swim is said to swim like a hammer or, to be one.
Barikan: Hair shears.
Kouchou: Principal.
-ke: Someone's house.
Akuma: devil, demon, evil spirit.
______________________________________________________________________________
[Story begins...]
[Ranma and Akane are walking to school, when Ranma turns to look behind him.]
Akane: What's up?
Ranma: Nothing... I just thought I saw something...
Akane: Oh... Well, come on. We don't want to be late. Kunou-kouchou would love
to have us scrub toilets.
Ranma: Yeah...
[Ranma moves off again, looking behind him occasionally.]
Akane: You don't really think he's following you, do you?
Ranma: (shrugs) He's done it before.
Akane: I suppose so...
[They walk a little further and soon arrive at Furinkan High, where they are
met by Kunou-sempai.]
Kunou: Prepare yourself! Saotome Ranma!
Ranma: Wha?
Akane: Kunou-sempai?
[Ranma leaps into the air and plants his foot in Kunou's face.]
Ranma: Mornin', sempai. What's up?
Kunou: You must surrender Tendou Akane to me!
Ranma: What? Say again.
Kunou: It is time she was freed from your evil clutches!
Ranma: (to Akane) Do you know what he's talking about?
Akane: (shakes her head) No idea.
[Suddenly, Kunou-kouchou leaps out of a tree.]
Kunou-k: Hahahaha! NOW you are mine, SAOTOME! You can SCRUB toilets!
Ranma: What on-?! Where'd you come from?!
[Kunou-kouchou throws a pineapple at Ranma and Akane. Ranma grabs Akane and
leaps onto Kunou-sempai, then bounces off him to land some distance away, just
as the pineapple hits Kunou-sempai and explodes.]
Kunou: Waaa!
Kunou-k: Shit! I missed!
Ranma: (puts Akane down) You're crazy!
Kunou-k: I am INSPIRED!
[Kunou-kouchou pulls out a skateboard and speeds towards Ranma. Ranma backs up
as Kunou-kouchou moves in. Ranma drops low and kicks the skateboard out from
under him as he attempts an attack with his barikan. With the loss of his
board, however, Kunou-kouchou loses control and goes flying. He sails
gracefully through the air to land in a dumpmaster, the lid of which then
slams shut on him.]
Kunou-k: (from in bin) HELP! I'm AFRAID of the dark!
[A student opens the lid and Kunou-kouchou pops up and shaves the students
head.]
Student: WAAAAH!
Kunou-k: Hah! You WAIT, Saotome! I WILL have that PIGTAIL!
[Ranma gives him a disgusted look and slams the lid on his head.]
Ranma: Shut up!
Kunou-k: OWW...
Ranma: What an idiot!
[Ranma walks off with Akane, leaving Kunou-kouchou to stew and Kunou-sempai
to smoulder. Shortly afterwards, Kunou-kouchou crawls out of the bin.]
Kunou-k: Goddamnit! I'll get you, Saotome Ranma...
[Later that day Ranma and Akane walk home from school unscathed.]
Ranma: I guess Kunou-kouchou has given up.
Akane: Don't bet on it. He's nothing if not persistent.
Ranma: (shrugs) So what? He's not going to do anything.
Akane: (concerned) I hope you're right...
[They arrive at the Tendou-ke to find Kunou-sempai waiting.]
Ranma: Kunou?! What are you doing here?! Isn't once a day enough for you?!
Kunou: Fu! We did not duel this morning... Rest assured, however...I shall
deal with he who is responsible.
Ranma: So you want to fight, now?
Kunou: Indeed. It is time you were punished...
Ranma: (disinterested) Go home, sempai.
Kunou: Never! I will crush you!
[Kunou rushes at Ranma, who steps to the side and pushes him into the wall.]
Kunou: Ow...
Ranma: Give up, sempai. Neither you, nor your dad can get me!
Kunou: Really?! We shall see! My time is coming, Saotome! Soon the waves of
destruction will wash over you!
Ranma: You're nuts.
Kunou: Indeed? I must go now...
Ranma: Thank goodness...
[Kunou suddenly grabs Akane in his arms.]
Kunou: But fear not, Tendou Akane! Soon I will take you away from him!
[Akane punches him in the face and Ranma plants him foot on Kunou's head.]
Akane: What are you doing?!
Ranma: Get out of here!
[Ranma pivots and delivers a roundhouse kick to Kunou's head, sending him
flying over the horizon.]
Kunou: (shouts) I see a watery gave for you, Saotome!
Ranma: What is it with him?
Akane: (sighs) I have no idea.
[Ranma and Akane turn and go into the house. The next morning, Ranma and
Akane walk through the gates of Furinkan to see Kunou-sempai waiting as per
usual.]
Ranma: Here we go again...
Kunou: Saotome Ranma...
Ranma: Yeah? You want a fight?
Kunou: I bring you a message...
Ranma: What is it?
Kunou: The principal of this highly esteemed institute of learning requires
your presence in the auditorium.
Ranma: Oh? Why?
Kunou: (loudly, ignoring him) Yours and everyone elses!
Students: Huh?
Ranma: Er... Listen... Sempai... What's this all about?
Kunou: (laughs) You will soon see! The rain of your destruction cometh!
[Ranma walks up to Kunou and grabs him shirt front.]
Ranma: You're sick, do you now that?
Kunou: Hahahahaha! You are doomed, Saotome! Doomed! Hahahahaha!
[Ranma boots Kunou into the sky.]
Ranma: Kunou no yarou.
Akane: What'ss he up to?
Ranma: I dunno... Let's go find out...
[Ranma and Akane go into the auditorium to find it rapidly filling with the
student body. There is a buzz among the students as they wait.]
[Kunou-kouchou walks into the auditorium and stands at the podium.]
Kunou-kouchou: HALLO, Everybody! I've got some GOOD news for YOU today!
Ranma: (to Akane) Here it comes...
Akane: Shhhh...
Kunou-k: I have DECIDED that it is time we moved INTO the future! And held a
school SWIMMING championship! After my last trip to HAWAII where I
saw one, I have decided that we will HAVE one!
Ranma: WHAT?
Akane: But...
Kunou-k: Therefore! EVERYONE will SHAVE their head so they can swim FASTER!
All students... Boys AND girls...will have MARIBOUZU haircuts!
[Kunou-kouchou rolls down two massive posters showing a picture of a boy and
girl with shaved heads.]
Students: WHAT?!
Ranma: He's nuts... He's finally lost it... Completely...
Akane: He can't...
Kunou-k: You HAVE one week to prepare! PARTICIPATION is COMPULSORY!
[The student body seems to object to Kunou-kouchou's plan and expresses this
by hurling various objects at him.]
Kunou-k: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (strums his ukulele) I'll be waiting!
[Ranma jumps up and tears down a metal girder from the roof. He then bashes
Kunou-kouchou over the head with it.]
Ranma: What are you doing?!
Kunou-k: Ouch! Hey, boy!
Ranma: Are you serious about this?!
Kunou-k: Haha! Of course! See if YOU can teach your IINAZUKE to swim in ONE
week! HAHAHAHAHA!
[Ranma growls and grabs the ukulele and brains the kouchou with it.]
Ranma: Bakayarou...
[Kunou-kouchou grabs Ranma as he walks away.]
Kunou-k: Hey, boy! I'm not FINISHED with you!
Ranma: Yes, you are.
[Ranma grabs the girder and throws it at the roof, causing a large section of
the roof to drop on Kunou-k's head.]
Ranma: Baka...
[Ranma stomps off as the students file out. He walks out with a worried
looking Akane.]
Ranma: What's your problem?
Akane: Don't you know?
Ranma: (shakes his head) No.
Akane: I can't swim, remember?!
Ranma: Oh... I forgot.
Akane: It's in one week... What will I do?
Ranma: (shrugs) Learn to swim...
Akane: You think it's that easy?!
Ranma: (nods) Sure... I can teach you.
Akane: Really?!
Ranma: Yep.
Akane: (dreamy) I've wanted to swim for so long... Now I have a chance...
Ranma: It's not going to be easy, you know.
Akane: I know. Remember when Kunou-kouchou tried to teach me?
Ranma: Fu! He wasn't very scientific about it!
Akane: It would be so wonderful to swim in the sea...
Ranma: Yeah... Whatever...
[Inside, Kunou-kouchou crawls out of the rubble.]
Kunou-k: Goddamn, Saotome Ranma!
[Later that day, Ranma is at the school pool with Akane. He is trying to teach
her, but is being encumbered by all of the boys in the school trying to see
Akane in a swimsuit.]
Ranma: Hey!! Get out of here, you perverts! There's nothing to see here!
Boys: That's what you say! You're her iinazuke! You get to see her like that
all the time!
Ranma: WHAT?! I DO NOT! Who'd want to see-
[He is cut off as Akane beats him over the head with the diving board.]
Akane: I'm here to learn to swim, Ranma. Not be insulted by you!
Ranma: (small voice) Yeah..Okay... Point taken...
Akane: GOOD!
[Suddenly, Kunou-kouchou appears on the fence.]
Kunou-k: HAH! How is your mission IMPOSSIBLE going?!
Ranma: FINE! She'll be swimming any time now!
Akane: I will?
Boys: She will?
Ranma: SHUT UP! BAKARA!
Kunou-k: HAHAHAHA! You have NO hope!
[With that, he leaps away, laughing maniacly.]
Ranma: (thinking) What is he up to?
Akane: What do we do now, Ranma?
Ranma: (not listening) You get in the water...
[Ranma shoves her in and she immediately starts flailing about. Several
students notice that Akane is drowning.]
Student: Er... Ranma...
Ranma: (looks up) Yeah?
Student: I think Akane is drowning...
Ranma: Huh? (turns) Waa!
[Ranma leaps into the water and retrieves Akane. When they get out, Akane baps
the female Ranma on the head.]
Akane: Ranma no baka! You're supposed to be teaching me to swim! NOT drowning
me! What happened to your "scientific approach"?!
Ranma-onna: Ummm... Sorry, Akane... I was just wondering why Kunou-kouchou is
doing this...
Akane: Oh... Maybe we'd better do this later...
Ranma-onna: Yeah... I think I want a word with the kouchou...
[Shortly after, Ranma (back in male form) storms into Kunou-kouchou's office,
which is still decked out like a tacky Hawaiian souvenir shop.]
Ranma: Oi! Kouchou!
[Kunou-kouchou appears, wearing his usual jovial expression and loud shirt.]
Kunou-k: HAH! Come to GIVE UP?!
Ranma: Fu! Not likely!
Kunou-k: I KNOW you CANNOT teach the HAMMER girl to swim! I could not! You
have NO hope! HAHAHAHAHAHA-
[He is cut off as Ranma puts his foot in his face.]
Kunou-k: Ouch!
Ranma: What are you up to?
Kunou-k: (points) I challenge you! If YOU cannot teach her to SWIM... YOU will
have a maribouzu haircut AND, you will TELL all other students to do
the SAME!
Ranma: WHAT?! You're nuts!
Kunou-k: Hah! You are AFRAID!
Ranma: Grrr... NO WAY! I am not! I'll do it! You'll see! Akane will win that
contest!
Kunou-k: HA! HAMMERS CAN'T SWIM! HAHAHAHAHAHAH-
[He is cut off as Ranma boots him out the window.]
Ranma: Grrr... Kouchou no yarou!
[Ranma walks back out and finds Akane.]
Ranma: (annoyed) I found out what it's all about...
Akane: And?
Ranma: He's using this as an excuse to shave everyone's head... Especially
mine!
Akane: Oh... So what do we do?
Ranma: (serious) Teach you to swim... Quickly.
[Ranma and Akane spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get Akane swimming.
They fail. Dismally.]
[Ranma-onna sighs and drags Akane out of the water for the umpteenth time.
Akane coughs, splutters and collapses on the ground near the pool.]
Ranma-onna: Who'd have though any person could be so hopeless in the water?!
Sure... She's clumsy... But..this is...
[Ranma-onna gets up with a sigh and wrings the water out of her hair. Shortly
afterwards, Akane wakes up.]
Akane: Ohh... What happened?
Ranma-onna: You drowned again.
Akane: Oh... I'm sorry... I am trying...
Ranma-onna: Yeah... I know. That's what scares me.
[Ranma gets up and walks away while Akane stares after her. Ranma leaves the
school and heads for Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-Ya and goes in. Inside, Ukyou is
cooking.]
Ukyou: Hello, Ran-chan. What are you doing here?
Ranma: Trying to figure out how to save my hair!
Ukyou: Hm?
Ranma: I made a bet with Kunou-kouchou.
Ukyou: (frowns) What sort of bet?
Ranma: That I could teach Akane to swim in a week.
Ukyou: Oh... What happens if you lose?
Ranma: He gets to shave my head.
Ukyou: Heavens... How can I help?
Ranma: (smiles) I'm glad you asked... I need something to motivate her...
Here's what I want you to do...
[Ranma fails to see Shampoo listening on the conversation. A little later,
Ranma runs out of Ucchan's and heads for the Tendou-ke. As she leaves, Shampoo
walks off, wearing a scheming expression.]
Shampoo: Shampoo enter this race. Shampoo beat Akane and show she better.
[Ranma arrives back at the house and goes in. She grabs a kettle of hot water
and pours it on herself, turning male.]
Ranma: That's better.
[At that moment, Akane walks in.]
Akane: Where did you go?
Ranma: I just had to go see someone...
Akane: Oh. Err... When will we practice again?
Ranma: Tomorrow. You need a lot of work!
Akane: (sighs) I know... It's not my fault.
Ranma: It's okay. You'll get there...
Akane: (hopeful) You really think so?
Ranma: Sure... I could teach a stone statue to swim!
Akane: (annoyed) Oh, really?!
Ranma: Yeah. Don't worry. You'll be swimming in no time. My hair depends on
it.
Akane: What was that?
Ranma: (with an embarrassed expression) Er... Nothing?
Akane: What did you do, Ranma?!
Ranma: Umm...
Akane: Tell me!
Ranma: I made a bit of a bet with Kunou-kouchou...
Akane: (sighs) What was the bet?
Ranma: That I could teach you to swim for the race...
Akane: And what are the stakes?
[Akane has a horrible feeling she already knows.]
Ranma: (bows his head) A maribouzu haircut...
Akane: (shakes head) Ranma no baka. Why did you do that?
Ranma: I couldn't let him say my iinazuke was hopeless, could I?!
Akane: Oh.. I... Thanks, Ranma. I'm glad you didn't let him get away with
it.
Ranma: No problem. Anyway... Now what we need to do is figure out why you
float like a brick...
Akane: (turns red) Ranma!
Ranma: What?
Akane: Are you saying I'm fat?!
Ranma: Well...
Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!
[Akane punches Ranma through the roof and into the pond. The female Ranma
sighs and starts swimming laps of the pond.]
Ranma-onna: Oh, well... I may as well get a bit of training in, too...
[The next day, Ranma and Akane are back at the pool. Akane is still failing
dismally as she continues to sink like a stone.]
Ranma: (sighs) This is hopeless... At this rate she'll never swim...and I'll
end up bald!
[Akane struggles to the surface.]
Akane: (glub) Help me, Ranma!
Ranma: Okay, okay... I'm comin'... (to himself) I suppose I can't let
her drown... Tempting as it is...
[Ranma walks over to the edge and does a somersault before diving gracefully
into the water. Ranma-onna swims over to Akane and pulls her to the surface.
Akane clings desparatly to Ranma.]
Akane: Help. (glug) Oh. (gurgle) I still can't do it!
Ranma: I noticed. Here... Put your feet down.
Akane: What?
Ranma: Just do it!
Akane: Alright.
[Akane puts her feet down and finds she can stand.]
Akane: Oh...
Ranma: That's right. You can stand. Now try and stay on the surface.
Akane: (nods)
[Akane tries again but begins to sink.]
Ranma: Hopeless. It looks like we'll have to go toddler style.
[Ranma steps up next to Akane and grabs her around the body, keeping her on
the surface. Akane, however takes exception to this and stands up and slaps
him.]
Akane: Ranma! This is no time for that sort of thing!
Ranma: (rubbing slap mark) Don't flatter yourself.
Akane: (turns red) ...
Ranma: I was just trying to help you float while you practice.
Akane: Oh... Sorry, Ranma.
Ranma: Fu... Whatever...
[Ranma and Akane begin again with Ranma helping and Akane not protesting. At
this point, Ukyou walks up to side of the pool.]
Ukyou: Ran-chan! There you are! What are you doing with Akane-chan?
[Ranma and Akane leap apart and stare at Ukyou with some shock.]
Akane: Err... We were...
Ranma: Um... Practising...
Ukyou: (bemused) Practising what?
Ranma: Swimming...
Ukyou: (smiles) Is that what you call it? I'd never have thought I'd see you
two together like that... I guess Ranma's form *does* make a
difference...
Akane: (glares) What are you saying?!
Ukyou: (innocently) Nothing at all...
Akane: It's not nothing! Why don't you say what you mean?!
Ukyou: (shrugs) Okay... (winks at Ranma) I will. You're not good enough to
be Ran-chan's wife. You can't cook, you can't sew and you can't SWIM!
Akane: SO?! What's your point?!
Ukyou: (really getting into it) So you should give up being Ranma's iinazuke!
Akane: No way! I'll show you! I will learn to swim!
Ukyou: Really? Then will you race me at the school championship?
Akane: I'll see you in the girls final!
Ukyou: (smiles) I'll look forward to it.
[Ukyou walks away looking rather pleased with herself.]
Akane: (turns to Ranma) Ranma. You have GOT to teach me to swim to beat Ukyou.
Ranma: Er..well...
Akane: Please, Ranma!
Ranma: Yeah, yeah, okay...
[Ranma and Akane go on cing for a while. Soon however it gets dark and
they go home. As they walk, they discuss the bet.]
Akane: Do you think I'll be able to beat Ukyou?
Ranma-onna: Maybe... Ucchan is a pretty fast swimmer. You probably shouldn't
have made that bet...
Akane: I couldn't let her insult me!
Ranma-onna: I guess so. Still... It'll take a lot just to reach the final.
Akane: I know. Say... Which section are you going in?
Ranma-onna: What do you mean?
Akane: Are you going in the boys or girls section?
Ranma-onna: What do I look like to you?!
[Akane looks up and down Ranma's female body.]
Akane: Offhand... I'd say you look like you're going to be wearing a two
piece...
Ranma-onna: WHAT?! I'm a gu- (looks down) Ur... Yeah...
Akane: See what I mean?
Ranma-onna: (grudgingly) Yeah... Still, I could beat those guys even as a
girl.
[The next several days pass without major interruption as Ranma trains Akane to
swim. With several days to go before the event, Akane is able to dog paddle a
little.]
Ranma: (scratches his head) Not what I had in mind... Still... It's better
than nothing...
[Akane paddles over to side of the pool.]
Akane: I think I'm getting the hang of this.
Ranma: You do?
Akane: (nods) Yes.
[Suddenly Kunou leaps out of the water. He is wearing his samurai robe and a
scuba mask.]
Kunou: Behold! My beautiful water nymph! Tendou Akane! The waters of love
shall wash over us!
Akane: Wha- Kiyaaaa! HENTAI!
[Akane turns and speeds across the pool doing an impressive freestyle.]
Ranma: (crouching on Kunou's head) What do you know? She can swim after all.
Kunou: What are you doing?
Ranma: Dampening your spirits.
[Ranma leaps off Kunou's head, sending him under. Ranma somersaults over the
pool to where Akane is leaning against the side, gasping.]
Ranma: You okay?
Akane: Yes. He just surprised me.
Ranma: You know... You swam pretty well just then...
Akane: I did, too... I wonder how...
Ranma: Dunno. Were you scared?
Akane: No. More like angry.
Ranma: Okay. Then think about being angry again.
Akane: But... How?
Ranma: (shrugs) Just think of something... How about Kunou-sempai?
Akane: Grrr... Kunou no baka.
Ranma: Go!
[Akane speeds off across the pool, but runs out of steam about halfway across.
Ranma puts his head in his hands for a moment and then jumps in. As she pulls
her out of the water, the female Ranma gives Akane despairing look.]
Ranma-onna: What happened?
Akane: I couldn't stay angry for no reason and I lost it half way across.
Ranma-onna: I see...
Akane: What can we do?
Ranma-onna: (smiles) That's easy... Kawaiikune! Irokeegane!
Akane: Grrr! RANMA NO BAKA!
[Akane punches Ranma high into the air and then sets off across the pool. By
the time she returns, Ranma is lying unconscious on the ground next to the
water. Akane gets out and dries herself, then goes and changes. When she
returns, Ranma is still out cold. She grabs her coach's collar and drags her
away. Akane walks into the Tendou-ke a little later with the still comatose
Ranma in tow.]
Nabiki: What happened to him?
Akane: He was just coaching me.
Kasumi: He must really be putting a lot of effort into it...
Akane: (looks almost affectionately down at Ranma) Yes... I guess he is...
[The next morning Ranma and Akane arrive at school to find Ukyou waiting.
Kunou-sempai is unconscious on the ground and there is a large dent in Ukyou's
spatula.]
Ranma: What happened to him?
Ukyou: He was getting all upset so I calmed him down.
Ranma: Oh. Figures.
Akane: (suspicious) What are you doing here?
Ukyou: (smarmily) I was just wondering how you were going... Have you managed
to make it across the pool yet?
Akane: Why you... Yes! I have. And I'll beat you easy!
Ukyou: (mock hurt) I'm so scared... (coldly) I'll be ready.
[At this moment Shampoo drops out of the sky and lands on Ranma.]
Shampoo: Nihao!
Akane: Shampoo?
Ukyou: Oh, great...
Ranma: ...
Akane: Get off him!
[Akane grabs Ranma and pull him to his feet. He appears to be out cold.]
Shampoo: I here to see Ranma.
Akane: (suspicious) WHY?!
Shampoo: I going in swim contest. Shampoo much faster than slow Ukyou and
inept Akane.
Akane: Inept?! I am not inept!
Ukyou: Well...
Akane: Hey! She called you slow!
Ukyou: (shrugs) We'll see who's faster in the water... (grins) And who
Ran-chan likes better in a swimsuit...
Akane: What? Grr... That's what it always comes down to with you two,
isn't it?!
Shampoo: Akane no bother entering. You built too much like brick. Sink like
one, too.
Akane: SHUT UP! I don't have to take this!
Ukyou: Still... She has a point...
Akane: Grrr! NO! I will swim! I will win! I'll show you all!
Shampoo: Fu! There no way Akane beat Shampoo!
[Akane turns on her heel and storms off to class, dragging Ranma. Ukyou and
Shampoo stare at her receding form.]
Shampoo: What her problem?
Ukyou: (shrugs) I don't know... No figure?
Shampoo: (nods) You right... (smiles evilly) I see you later.
Ukyou: Yep. Me and Ran-chan.
Shampoo: What?
Ukyou: (smiles) I guess you didn't hear... Ran-chan is going in BOTH
categories. You'll have to race him too. (pause) You think you can
beat him?
Shampoo: Fu! Ukyou lying! Ranma no go in girls race. Ranma is man!
Ukyou: Not in the water...
[Ukyou gives Shampoo a dirty look and walks off to class. That afternoon,
Ranma and Akane train again at the pool. This time Akane is powered by her
anger at Shampoo and Ukyou.]
Akane: Ooh! I'll beat them! They can't say that about me! No figure! I am not
a brick! Am I?! (angry)
Ranma: Huh? Why ask me? Who am I to argue?
Akane: Shut up, Ranma.
Ranma: You're doing pretty well. Stay that mad and you might have a chance...
Akane: You think so?
Ranma: (smiles) Not against me of course...
Akane: Oh... really?
Ranma: You don't really think a girl can beat me, do you?
Akane: I haven't seen you do any training!
Ranma: I don't need to train for something as easy as this...
Akane: Well, then... You can help me out if you're so tough.
[Akane hold up her hand, which Ranma grabs. Akane then puts her foot on the
side of the pool and heaves, hurling Ranma over her head.]
Ranma: No! Hey! Wait! What're you-
[He is cut off as he hits the water and becomes a she. The female Ranma
splutters to the surface and glares at Akane.]
Ranma-onna: Fuu... Gee..Thanks, Akane... Just what I needed.
Akane: (smiles) Just showing that you don't own the water.
Ranma-onna: Yeah... Great...
[Ranma and Akane climb out of the water and walk home. On the way, a still
dripping Ranma turns to Akane.]
Ranma-onna: I hope you win tomorrow.
Akane: So you keep your hair?
Ranma-onna: (shrugs) Partly. But I'd like everyone to see how good a swimmer
my iinazuke is.
Akane: (stunned) Really?
Ranma-onna: (nods) Sure.
Akane: Thank you, Ranma. You've been really kind to me these last few days...
It's been fun...
Ranma-onna: ...
Akane: I guess it shows we can get along.
Ranma-onna: As long as we're trying to stiff Kunou-kouchou.
Akane: (laughs) It'll be funny to see Kunou-sempai's reaction to you tomorrow.
Ranma-onna: (looks nervous) Yeah... He's gonna be all over me... Say... Can I
borrow one of your swimsuits? One with a largish chest... Most of
yours don't fit quite right...
Akane: Ranma no baka.
[There is the sound of a blunt instrument hitting a solid object, then Akane
drops the lead pipe and walks off, dragging the now unconscious Ranma.]
[The next morning the school pool arena rapidly fills with students jockeying
for a good seat in the stands. Ranma and Akane arrive late and Ranma is forced
to "procure" some seats for them. Several students walk off a moment later,
looking rather disgruntled and bruised.]
Akane: There's no need for that, Ranma. You could have asked!
Ranma-onna: This is easier...and more fun.
[Akane and the female Ranma sit down in the front row to await the opening
event. As luck, or misfortune, would have it, Kunou-sempai stumbles on them.]
Kunou: Oh! Tendou Akane... Osage no onna... Both of you together... In such
lovely outfits no less! You are truly goddesses in lycra! (tries to
hug them)
Ranma-onna: (baps him) And you are truly sick.
Akane: (elbows him) Get off, sempai.
Kunou: But, of course! I must go and find that cowardly cur, Saotome Ranma.
No doubt he is lurking under some rock. He fears my speed in the water
and hides from my challenge!
Ranma-onna: Hey! I am not afraid of you! I'll take you on anytime!
Kunou: Oh? really? I shall enjoy this. Very well... I shall see you in the
boy's final...in Saotome's place.
[Kunou walks off wearing a self satisfied expression.]
Ranma-onna: I'm gonna kill him. Kill him, dead.
Akane: Oh, take no notice... He's a pervert, anyway...
[As they day wears on, many races take place. Soon there are only a few people
left for the final rounds. Kunou-kouchou announces the final races.]
Kunou-k: AND now! The FINAL of the girls SECTION! Go to the START blocks!
[Akane, Ranma, and Ukyou go to the starting blocks and are joined by Shampoo
after a moment.]
Judge: (to Shampoo) Hey! You can't race now! You didn't qualify!
Shampoo: Shampoo no want qualify. Shampoo want race! I qualify with this!
(waves a bonbori for effect)
Judge: Fair enough...
Ranma: Shampoo? What are you doing here?
Shampoo: I win race. I show Ranma I am best wife!
Ranma: Oh, brother...
Shampoo: What you talking? Ranma no have brother!
[Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Shampoo stand on the blocks with two other girls,
who look rather nervous at competing with the heavyweights.]
Akane: (looks angrily out of the page) WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HEAVYWEIGHT?!
Plunger: Sorry, sorry! Now, where was I?
Ranma-onna: We were about to race.
Plunger: (nodnods) Thanks.
[The starter raises her gun. Funnily enough, it is Hinako-sensei.]
Hinako: Ready? Set. GO!
[The gun fires and they are off. Akane glares at Shampoo and Ukyou as she
hits the water. The water around her sizzles as she charges up the lane.]
Akane: (thought) I'll show them all who can't swim!
Ukyou: Ran-chan said to keep with her...
[As Ukyou cruises alongside Akane, Ranma is having other problems with Shampoo,
who turned into a cat on contact with the water. She clings onto Ranma,
causing her to splash madly in no particular direction. Meanwhile, the crowd
goes wild as the race of the mega-babes is on.]
Ranma: WAAAAAAAAA!
Shampoo-neko: Niyaa?
[Akane pounds up the pool in a rage, leaving a cloud of steam behind her.
Before she knows quite where she is, she touches the end wall.]
Akane: (thought) I... I won...
[Ukyou reaches the end a moment later.]
Ukyou: Well done, Akane-chan. You won.
Akane: Huh? Why are you being so nice?
Ukyou: Ran-chan told me to get you mad to motivate you.
Akane: Oh... Thanks, Ukyou... Hey... Where's Ranma?
Ukyou: (looks down the pool, frowns) Looks like he's playing with Shampoo.
Akane: Fu! That figures!
[A minute later, Ranma manages to divest himself of Shampoo and come in a
dismal last. Kunou-kouchou leans over the side as Ranma stews in the water.]
Kunou-k: WELL! IT seems you DID teach the HAMMER girl to swim! PITY you lost!
NOW I can SHAVE your head! HAHAHA!
Kunou: Akuma Kouchou! I will never allow you to shave my osage no onna's
pigtail off!
Kunou-k: BUT-
Kunou: Never! I will not allow it! (raises bokuto)
Kunou-k: AND now! The BOYS final!
Kunou: Ah, my race. And... Since the spineless Saotome Ranma has failed to
appear, (to Ranma) yours as well, my love.
Ranma: Stuff it.
Kunou: Do not be angry. It is the nature of cowards like Saotome to run and
hide when challenged by a true man!
Ranma: That's it! You're finished!
Kunou: Not yet... But after the race, we can discuss it...
Ranma: NO WAY! We fight now!
Kunou: Very well... If you so desire...
[Ranma glares hatefully at Kunou and draws her Chi, her aura burning around
her.]
Ranma: MOUKO TAKABISHA!
[The blast radiates out from Ranma, sending boiling water everywhere.]
Akane: Aaa!
Ukyou: Ouch.
Kunou: What?
Kunou-k: Huh?!
[When the steam clears, the male Ranma stands facing Kunou in the now empty
pool. He is wearing what looks almost like a set of bike shorts or Speedo
swimmers. It bears the pattern of Akane's former swimsuit.]
Ranma: Get down here, Kunou! I'm sick of you calling me a coward!
Kunou: (jumps into pool) So. The sorcerer returns. What have you done with my
osage no onna?!
Ranma: Sent her where she'll be safe from you!
Kunou: Hah! I shall free her!
[Kunou slashes at Ranma with his bokuto. Ranma jumps, rebounds off the wall
and kicks Kunou in the face. Ranma then runs around Kunou, punches him in the
ribs, rebounds off the wall and knees him in the side.]
Kunou: Ugh...
Ranma: Now, who's the coward?
Kunou: Grrr... Die, Saotome!
[Kunou hefts his bokuto overhead and rushes at Ranma. Ranma sidesteps and
slams Kunou's face into the side of the pool. He collapses unconscious.]
Ranma: Looks like you went over the deep end, Kunou...
[Suddenly Kunou-kouchou leaps into the pool.]
Kunou-k: Saotome Ranma! I have your MARIBOUZU right HERE!
Ranma: Wha? Akane won the race. That was the agreement!
Kunou-k: NO! ONE swimmer did NOT finish the RACE!
Ranma: What are you talking about?!
Akane: Er... Shampoo never finished... You threw her away...remember?
Ranma: Oh, yeah...
Akane: But, I won anyway! It doesn't matter where Shampoo is!
Kunou-k: YES! All swimmers MUST finish!
Ranma: Enough! This is ridiculous...
Kunou-k: Your pigtail is MINE!
[Ranma faces Kunou-kouchou across the pool. Light glints off the principal's
barikan as he glares at Ranma. Ranma, in turn, scowls at Kunou-kouchou,
waiting. Suddenly Kunou-kouchou rushes forwards, his barikan extended.]
Kunou-k: Hahahahahahahaha!
[Ranma draws his hands back slowly as lightening begins to gather around
them. The energy rushes into his palms as he thrusts his hands forwards.]
Ranma: MOUKO TAKABISHAAAAAAA!
[Ranma unleashes a massive blast of Chi. It's surges through the air and slams
into Kunou-kouchou with explosive force. He is hurled back against the pool
wall and knocked unconscious. As he falls, his barikan drop from his hand and
skitter across the ground, to stop at Ranma's feet.]
Ranma: Fu! That's it...
==============================================================================
Akane Takes to the Water - Epilogue -
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
[Ranma and Akane are walking home from school. Akane is back in her uniform
and Ranma is still in what is left of Akane's swim suit.]
Akane: Er... Ranma...
Ranma: Yeah?
Akane: Ukyou told me about what you did.
Ranma: What did I do?
Akane: Got her to rile me up to win.
Ranma: Er... Umm... Yeah... I guess it worked...
Akane: Yes. I'm glad. Even if you were just saving your hair.
Ranma: Akane... I... I did it for you... I wanted you to win...
Akane: (smiles) Thank you, Ranma. Say... You look kind of funny like that.
(laughs)
Ranma: Haha. (looks down) Yeah... Er... Sorry about that... I didn't mean
to wreck it...
Akane: It's okay... I won. You've still got your pigtail... I think a
swimsuit is a small price to pay.
Ranma: I guess so.
Akane: Do you think Kunou-sempai and Kunou-kouchou will leave us alone, now?
[Ranma shrugs and takes Akane's hand.]
Ranma: (thoughtful) I don't know... Let's see what tomorrow brings...
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- Fin -
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