At 08:46 AM 7/9/96 -0400, you wrote:

Boy, when you get a 450k fanfic in your mailbox, the last
thing you expect is a pastiche/rewrite of The Kidnapping.
I was...surprised.  Anyway:

Well, what can I say.  I was really, really bored when I started working on
TPATL (that was about a year and a half ago, now that I think about it...)  ^_^

Excellent.  The plot is fleshed out enough to make you care
more about the characters, Oyuki's addition gives some needed
depth, and Benten's rape is cut.  Great!

I completely despised the rape scene.  I felt that Benten deserved much
better than that, although her fan-worship base might lynch me when they see
that I'm about to place her in a threesome relationship with Lum and Ataru
<debating making it permanent, too  ^_^  >.

I prefer Oyuki over all of the other females (even Lum), so adding her to
the story was a foregone conclusion.  And, I consider myself to be just
about as luckless with women as Megane, so I wound up casting myself in the
story in his place (lucky bastard...  ^_^;; )  The passion and sentiment
they convey between each other are taken right out of my own life (to a
degree) and the very few women who shared it with me.  Thus I was hoping
that their pairings would come across as being fairly realistic.

Besides, I think that the addition of Oyuki to the story made it much
better, altogether...

A coupla things:

1) There's very little dialogue.  Between the sex descriptions, 
and the look at the character's thoughts, there's only about 
a couple of pages.  I don't know if this is a style thing, but
it did seem awful quiet.

Again, basing it on my own experiences, and I never talked all that much
whenever I... nevermind... *^_^*   Plus, I didn't want the whole story to
come across as a porn script, with a lot of lewd phrases being bandied about
by well-hung men and women wearing spiked heels as they get it on.

2) The sex scenes were very well done, and pretty damn erotic.

I agree with the erotic part.  In fact, I had a hard time writing some of
those scenes.  I'd get wrapped up in the passion of the scene, and wind up
not typing down everything as I saw it.  So that should say why some of the
scenes and descriptions appear disjointed and gapped.

Some of them could stand to be edited, as they do go on.  When
one pairing goes on for more than 10 pages, it's time to cut.

Well, they don't look that long in Word for Windows NT.  ^_^;;;  I try to
convey an almost frame-by-frame view of the scenes.  I thought it helped add
to the eroticism of the sex-scenes, but then again I have been called down
before because of my wordiness.

3) The future.  I presume Oyuki passed out from the heat.  That
would be interesting to deal with (How to keep it hot in the
cold).

Hadn't considered that.  An interesting option, having Megane sink the
temperature of the cockpit to uncomfortable levels so that she doesn't
overheat.  Unfortunately it wouldn't jive with the earlier scenes in
Megane's bedroom when they made love near the heat vents, and in his hot shower.

My take on it was more that Oyuki-chan had cum so many times that her body
called a time-out to rejuvinate itself.  

Looking forward to how the people on Earth react to 
Ataru and Lum's devotion to each other.

I'm debating having the Royal Yacht bring the Widow in while Ataru, Lum, and
Benten are going at it in the cabin.  <heh heh heh>  Imagine the look on the
King's face...  But I do have a nasty surprise or two for the end of the
story for the readers...

Cool beans, overall.  Now I know where all the lemon that was
just below the surface of Careful Destiny ended up.

Yes, 'tis true.  Whenever the urge hit to write a Ranma/Ranko lemon (and the
urge hit often), I'd channel that hentai energy into this story.  To tell
the truth, however, I'm thinking of writing a lemon side-story called
"Careless Destiny."  ^_^  What'cha think?

BTW, I usually reply to C&C to the list.  Let me know if this is a problem,
and I'll do private replies from that point on.



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Later,                        |  Oh GOD!  He has a web address!!! 0_0
Todd Hill                     |  ** http://www.newberry.edu/sstalker **
Newberry College Computer Lab | Author: UY - The Prince and the Lecher
Newberry, South Carolina      |         Ranma 1/2 - Careful Destiny
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