I received this fanfic uuencoded so I thought everyone would like a copy
of it uudecoded... here it is :)
This is a new rewrite from my Peter's Journey. I fumed at
Pat Conley for writing Misadventures of the Foreign Exchange
Student. I hate that Pat Lee character. No offense to Pat if he
is reading this. I first, I thought The Crys Saga wasn't that
bad, so I decided to read some more of this authors-in their-
own- fanfics
type of adventures. So I picked up Misadventures and read it; I
hate Misadventures,
the characters in fact. The story was good, but I hate those two
flawless, know-it-all characters (Beth, and Pat Lee). So, I
thought, "Oh I can make someone more perfect, powerful, and
omniscient." So here it is. You can say it's a parody of Crys
Saga and Misadventures, or you can think if this as one of "those
type" fanfics; I don't care. It's going to have this extremely powerful, knowitall cahracter, bad writing, commercial breaks, and other cliches. I want you to read this and think,
"Man this guy is too dang perfect!! I hate him!"Read it and
enjoy.
Ranma and other related characters- 1995 Rumiko
Takashi/Shougkukan Inc./Kitty/Fuji TV
Dragonball Z and other related characters- 1995 Akira
Toriyama/Shueisha Inc./Bird Studios.
El Hazard the Magnificent World - Hiroki Hayashi/1995
Peter Con -1995 Jang Choe/Bile Studios all rights deserved
other characters - their respective creators
---- Begin Peter's Journey----
[Peter Con and his two friends are driving in a car, heading
toward their school. It is late at night.]
Peter: Man, I said I don't want to go!
Friend #1: Hey, you have no social life!! you study too much, now
lets go see the ruins that we found.
Friend #2: That ruins will be named after me.
Friend #1: Uhh!! you crazy! It will be named after me!
Friend #2: Oh my goodness, I found it first.
Friend #1: Shut up!
Peter: (Sighs) you guys, this sucks, Who wants to see some stupid
ruins?
Friend #1: Here we are, now lets go in and see if it has any
treasures.
[They go in but sees someone else in there.]
Peter: Who are you??
Jinnai: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Jinnai Katsuhiko, the
student body president of Shininime High school, and I came here
to claim this ruins as mine.
Peter: Isn't that the school in El Hazard?
Friend #1: Man, you watch too much of those animes!!
Peter: (Angry) Punk! you watch them too!!
Friend #2: You guys are all sorry, I have a life, I don't watch
them at all.
Friend #1: Shut up! all you watch is that Ultimate Fighting IV
and stuff.
Peter: (Ignoring his "friends,") How in the world did you get
here Jinnai?
Jinnai: (Scratches head) Ya know, I have no idea. One minute I'm
in some weird world leading some bugrums and I'm here the next,
and I...
[All of a sudden, a bright light shines and everybody is
frozen. Except of course Peter.]
Peter: Huhn? everybody is fro.. (Thinking) This is so much like
El Hazard,
now some girl is gonna come out somewhere in this ruins and take
me somewhere.
(As Peter predicted, a girl does come out.)
Weird Girl*: Oh Peter... I have finally... found you.
(collapses on Peter) (* I don't know the name of this girl that
came out and took Makoto Mizuhara.... Do you?)
Peter: (Calm) Who are you? (of course he knows who she is, but
he still acts surprised by the similarity between this and his
3rd favorite anime.)
Weird girl: Oh I must use the rest.. of my strength to take you
to El Hazard..... but I don't know... if I have enough power.
Peter: Why must I go to El Hazard?
Weird girl: Because Makoto is in.... danger and you are.... the
only one to save him.... now I must send you now..
Peter: Whatever.
[A huge beam of light crashes down on Peter's city and
engulfs it. Peter is flying through the Universe and lands
suddenly.]
Peter: (Wakes up) Ohhh, where am... (looks at his hands, then
his whole body) AHHHHHHH! I'm two dimensional!!!.... Am.. am.. I
in El Hazard? No, doesn't look like it, looks like... Japan...
I seen it a lot of times but where?
[All of a sudden a foot crashes on Peters face and five
seconds later another foot, but smaller.]
Akane: Ranma!!! you jerk!! (turns around) oh no! I hit someone
again.
Peter: (With a foot mark on his face but not affected by the
kick) Did I just hear Ranma?
Akane: (looks down toward Peter who is laying on the ground) I'm
sorry, I didn't see you there, I'm a big klutz.
Ranma chan: You said it.
Akane: Stupid!! (Hits Ranma with her magic mallet that comes out
of nowhere, and Ranma flies off in that weird body position. You
know, he has his arms over his head with two finger sticking out
and his legs are bowed.)
Peter: That's okay Akane, um... that happens alot in your
stories.
Akane: HUH!? How did you know my name?
Peter: I just do, okay!?
Akane: Are you a stalker or something?
Peter: No, I'm not. Who'd wanna stalk you? Macho Chick.
Akane: What did you say? Macho chick?! (Takes out Mallet.)
Peter: (Bored) Oh... no, (yawn)
[Akane hits Peter on top of the head with her mallet, but
Peter just stands there like nothing happened. The mallet,
however, shatters in pieces.]
Peter: You always hit strangers, Akane Tendo?
Akane: No... Except that you're the only one that called me
"macho chick."
Peter: Ranma has.
Akane: Are you a god or something?
Peter: (Getting pissed, raises eyebrow) What?!!!! Don't you
ever say that blasphemous thing again!!! (Calms down) Then
again, now that I think about it, without us you won't survive.
Akane: Huh?
Peter: See, you need us three dimensional people to buy your
stories. If we don't, you won't be successful and fade away into
obscurity. But if you guys are successful, you will spin off
into
TV series, maybe a Movie, OAV's, terrible video
games, and heck a bunch of fanboys will even write stories about
you. you will also be remembered also, or until the next good
Manga comes out.
Akane: What?
Peter: Be quiet. The opening theme is about to come on, along
with the title.
Akane: (Clue less) What theme???!!
Opening theme: "Everything You Know is Wrong" by "Weird Al"
Yankovic
BILE STUDIOS PRESENTS:
PETER'S JOURNEY!!!!!!!
BY JANG CHOE
Peter: There, that's better. I'm sorry Akane, I'm from this
other world where everything is three dimensional, and where I'm
not so cocky and powerful.
Akane: But this world is three dimensional.
Peter: Nope, it's just the clever artists that used good color
schemes to give you guys the depth.
Akane: Oh I see. (Humoring him) So we're just drawings huh?
Peter: No need to humor me, cuz it is true.
[Ranma-chan runs toward them.]
RanmaC: (Angry) What'd ya do that for?!
Peter: My my, the one half is back.
RanmaC: What?!
Peter: You are half boy and half girl. Actually, when you get
doused with cold water, you turn into a red haired girl. To turn
into a boy, you have to have hot water. This is a curse you got
while training in Jusenkyo. You fell into the Nyanniichuian and
therefore, you have that curse. (Yawn)
RanmaC: Who is this weirdo Akane?
Akane: I don't know... he just knows everything.
RanmaC: Oh yea? What about in the combat areas? Do you know
how to fight?!!
Peter: Yeah, of course. Only the best Martial artist in this
universe that's it. Not that I want to brag or anything, it's
the facts.
RanmaC: What?!
Peter: you guys better hurry or you'll be late for school.
Again.
Akane: (Suddenly remembers) Oh yeah!!
RanmaC: Okay fine, I'll test your skills later but first to
school.
[Akane and RanmaC quickly heads towards Furikan High. They
might actually get there in time but to there misfortune, they
meet Tatewaki Kuno as always.]
Kuno: (Hands outstretched) Come, Pig-tailed girl jump in to my
arms.
RanmaC: Oh yea?! Jump...
[All of a sudden, before Ranma could finish his sentence, a
hand is stuck in front of Ranma.]
RanmaC: Whaa? Who? YOU!! What do you want?
Peter: I can take care of this cur. Go to class.
RanmaC: Ha... I've been beating him up since.. (thinks) Wait,
maybe I should let him fight him. That way I'll know how good he
is. Like all the other weirdos that came here... Crys, Pat..
(Out loud) Okay then, take care of him for me.
Peter: You just want to see my fighting skills Ranma. That's
why you're letting my take that fool on. Otherwise, you would
of ignored me and pounded Kuno. Also, he's right on time. The
first person we authors always fight is Kuno.
Kuno: What?! How darest thou call the great Tatewaki Kuno, Blue
Thunder of Furikan High, a cur?!
Peter: I called you a fool also.
Kuno: Begone! I need to be with my pig-tailed goddess. And ho!
Akane Tendo also! Oh the gods have blesses me truly. For two
fairest of the fair standing in front of me.
Peter: Hey Kuno, you won't have the pig tailed girl nor Akane
when I'm around. You won't get near them!!
Kuno: You dare come between me and my true loves!? Ready be
thee now for I shall attack thee!
Peter: Attack, strike, do whatever. You can't hurt me. (Blows
on finger nails and polishes them on his shirt)
Kuno: You have spoken too much. Prepare thee for my bokken
strikes! Tembatsuuuuuuuuuu... dadadadadadadadadadadadadadada.
[Peter just stands there moving ever so slightly to barely
dodge Kuno's feeble attacks.]
Kuno: (Stops) Hmm? So you are a quite formidable challenge. I
shall have to use my Thundering bokken strike!! (Raises bokken in
the air and all of a sudden thundering is heard) HAaaaaa!!!!!!!!
DADADADADADADA!!!
Peter: (Moving very minimally) Yawn, looks like the same old
pathetic attack. (Points his left pinky at Kuno) Kumahame ha.
[A huge ki blast comes out of Peter's pinky and blows Kuno
and the whole school away.]
Ranma: (Gaping) How.. did.. you manage to throw that tremendous
ki blast?
Peter: I just do it. And that was my weakest attack.
RanmaC: What? You lie!!
[Peter walks towards the unconscious Kuno and looks at him.]
Peter: (Shaking head) Pathetic.
Akane: Is... he okay?
Peter: Of course, I don't kill unless it is extremely necessary.
I control my blast to barely miss him. I just wanted to surprise
that fool. I did a good job freaking him out, no?
(Peter means that the blast still went towards Kuno, but the
blast separated at the last moment. So it was like there was a
hole the size of Kuno in the core of the blast.)
Akane: What about our school?
Peter: No worry. (waves hands in the air, and all the rubble
builds itself to Furiken high.)
Akane: ?!
RanmaC: Huh? Is this some sort of nightmare?
Peter: Well, since I'm here, I'll go to this school. Oh, I'm
staying with you guys okay? Don't worry I'll pay for the stupid
board and lodging. Say.... 70,000 yen a month?
Nabiki: Deal!!
Peter: Well, nice of you to come out of nowhere Nabiki. What do
you guys say? I'll even crash on the living room sofa.
RanmaC: Uhhh, what's your name again?
Peter: Again? I never told you my name in the first place.
It's Peter Con
Akane: Hey, that's a gaijin name, but you don't look foreign.
Peter: Does it matter?
Akane: Uhhh..
Peter: Say "no."
Akane: No.
Peter: Good.
Peter: Well, lets go to school. Wait, anybody have a mirror?
Nabiki: Here. But it'll cost ya.
Peter: Here. (Hands over the money) I never did see what I
looked like animated. Hmmmmm, I look like Megane from Urusei
Yatsura. Except I have much shorter hair, but I can always fix
that. (Turns his face into Trunks,
Terry Bogard, Kim Kaphan, Keiichi Morisato, Ranma Saotome, ect.)
Ranma: Okay, you can stop now. (Peter turns his face back into
Megane's, err. his.)
Peter: Oh Nabiki, check the money before you take it. I gave
you
monopoly money.
Nabiki: (Looks at the wad of yen he gave and sure enough, it
is.) What?!! I swore you gave me...
Peter: Fake money.
[All of a sudden, Hinako Ninomiya comes out of the school.]
Hinako: You!! Megane look a like! You must be a delinquent!!
You destroyed the School!
Peter: I fixed it back up.
Hinako: Don't argue with your elder!! Happo 5 yen Shatsu!!
[She sucks Peter's energy and grows to her true form.]
Peter: Ha ha. I didn't even feel a thing. I have enough energy
in me to blow away this solar system. Anyway, I want to enroll
in this school. Who do I go see? That Kuno principal?
Hinako: Yea.. Wait!! You still have to be taught a lesson!!
Peter: Here, have a blow pop.
Hinako: (Turning little again.) Yeahhhh candy!!
Peter: Teachers are so easy to please...
[Peter goes inside the High School and registers. After
that, he joins Nabiki in her Physics class. The students here
look bored, uninterested, and some of them are even falling
asleep. Except of course, Peter.]
Teacher: (Thinking) Those worthless, stupid punks. Look at
them, they don't know what the hell I'm saying. Aggg, I give up.
Maybe I should transfer to Tomobiki High and teach there.
(Talking Okay, who can do this problem on the board? (Points at
the Physics problem on the chalk board.) Anyone? Okay, then
I'll pick somebody.... Nabiki! You do it.
Nabiki: (Quickly puts away her money that she got from Kuno. At
least she made some money here.) Oh, I'm not sure on how to do
it.
Teacher: Doesn't matter, I just want to see you get embarrassed.
Nabiki: Er um... that new kid wants to do it.
Peter: No, I don't.
Teacher: I don't care who does it.... both of you come up here
and do it then.
Nabiki: (Whispering to the teacher) Look teacher, I know what
you think about us. I even have you talking about us in the
teacher's lounge, taped. Now, if you don't want 20 angry
teenagers at your throat, I suggest you make me skip out on
this...
Teacher: Nabiki sit down. Peter, you do it.
Nabiki: (Thinking and grinning) This is for that fake money you
gave me.
Peter: (Looks at the problem) Jeez, mechanics. I remember this
in my real world. I liked it, but I never learned anything.
Okay, A child of mass m sits in a swing of negligible mass
suspended by a rope of length l. Assume that the dimensions of
the child are negligible compared with l. The child's father
pulls the child back until the rope makes an angle of one radian
with the vertical. (Deep breath) then pushes with a force F= mg
along the arc of the circle, releasing at the verticle... okay,
a, how high will the swing go?
b, how long did the father push (starts putting some stuff on
the board, all of a sudden, Nabiki raises her hand.)
Teacher: Yes Nabiki, what is it?
Nabiki: I don't get what he's writing. Can you tell him to
explain it for us? (grins)
Teacher: Go ahead. (Thinks) That fool, not even I know how to
do that problem. That stupid ass will make a fool of himself.
Peter: Okay, The father here does work in pushing the swing
right? The work done increase the total energy of the swing and
child as the swing moves from its initial position, X.= radian, x
is the angle. Anyway, the swing moves from its initial position
x. to the vertical position where the father stops pushing.
From
that point on, total energy of the swing and child remains
constant. Right Nabiki?
Nabiki: Yeaa..
Peter: Goood. Work done by the father is found from (starts
writing. Oh, you need to read this is ASCII text if you want to
see the actually equations)
/ /
W = | F * dr = | F dr cos X
| |
/ /
Where r is the distance along the path.
so, lX.
/
W = | mg cos (0 degrees) dr = mglX.
|
/
a) we use conservation of energy to find how high the swing
goes. Just let the potential of the swing and child be O at the
vertical position where the father lets go.
and
(PE at X.) + W = PE at X = Etotal = constant (3)
mg (l - l cos X.) + mglX. = mg (l- l cos X)
so now we transpose the equation, substitute, fill in the
variables, and solve for part a.
mgl (1 -cos X. + X.) = mgl (1 - cos X)
1 - 0.54 + 1 = 1- cos X
cos X = 0.46
X = 63 degrees above the horizon.
and now for part b, Bla Bla bla
and the answer for part b is 2.09 * the square root of (l/g)
Nabiki: Ummmmm, thanks Peter. (looks disappointed)
Peter: (smiling) How's that for a stupid ass teach?
Teacher: HUH? oh, that's good.
[Everybody suddenly are amazed at Peter's explanation. They
actually woke up and started to pay attention.]
Student 1: Wow, for a Gaijin, you're pretty smart!
Peter: Shaddup
Student 2: You don't look Gaijin though, you even speak perfect
Japanese.
Peter: Of course I speak perfect Japanese!! I'm actually a
Choosenjin
Student 1: Ahhh, but why you have a American name?
Peter: I became a citizen of the US and changed my first name.
Con is a rare Kankoku no surname.
Student 2: Ohhh.
Peter: (To Nabiki) Oh Nabiki, don't try to embarrass me again.
It will never work. Even your blackmailing schemes won't work
either okay? Don't worry, I won't get revenge, I don't waste my
time planning revenge for some low life like you.
Nabiki: Low life?
Peter: Yeah, why don't you make your father work anyway? Why do
you always have to manipulate people to get money?
Nabiki:....
Peter: Don't answer, I already know the answer to it. But do
you?
Nabiki: Look, I don't know who you are, but you better get out
of my life!
Peter: You can get a job secretly, since it is illegal for
minors to work in Japan. Like... Ayukuwa from Kimagure Orange
Road.
Nabiki: Nabiki Tendo never will work for money!!!
Teacher: Nabiki!!! You better be quiet. Go stand on the hall.
[Soon, the school is over. Peter just about teaches every
class he's in, making friends everywhere. Ranma, Nabiki, and
Akane walk together toward the Tendo Dojo.]
Nabiki: Hurry up guys.
Akane: Hey, aren't we suppose to get Peter to follow?
Nabiki: Who cares? I hate that guy. Let's go.
Ranma: Okay okay, but what about that 70,000 yen he was about to
pay?
Nabiki: Doesn't matter, lets go before he finds us.
Akane: (Thinking) Nabiki not wanting money? Peter must have
done something terrible to Nabiki.
Peter: (watches the trio run to the Tendo dojo.) Heh. Jeeze,
I'm hungry. Maybe I should follow them and have Kasumi fix me
something... nah. I'll go to Nekohanten and visit Mousse. I
have a present for him. (Goes toward Nekohanten) Oh, and a word
from our sponsor. We have to have commercial breaks here you
know? The Crys Saga did.
*Commercial Break*
Announcer: Now McDonalds have a new burger out. For that grown
up taste: The Arch Deluxe. It's basically the Whopper with fake
meat and a different type of bread. Now you can take your child
to McDonalds no matter how old he/she is.
Jingle: Have you had your break today?
*End Commercial Break*
Shampoo: Nihao!! Welcome to Nekohanten!
Peter: (Speaks in perfect Mandarin) <Hello, Ms. Puu>
Shampoo: <Ah, so you know Mandarin? That's a good thing. I was
beginning to wonder when I'll be able to talk in my own language
again.>
Peter: <I know. Your grandmother doesn't let you talk in
Chinese because she wants you to know Japanese.>
Shampoo: <What? How did you know that?>
Peter: <I just know. I also know about Mu Xuu and Ko Long.>
Shampoo: (Smiling) <Okay, Mr. Know- it- all. Do you know my
secret Amazon dialect?>
Peter: (Speaks in perfect Amazonian) <<Of course>>
Shampoo: (Extremely surprised) <<Wha!? No man should ever know
the sacred Amazonian dialect!>>
Peter: (Goes back to Mandarin) <Yea, anyway, I would like some
of your great Ramen.>
Shampoo: (Still unsure) <<Sure.>>
Peter: <I want to talk with Mu Xuu Also,>
Shampoo: <Why do you want to talk to that weakling?>
Peter: <I just need to tell him something.>
Shampoo: <Do you know him or something?>
Peter: <Yea, hurry up with the ramen, I'm starved. And bring
Mousse over here.>
Shampoo: <Humph, I hate it when people order me around.> (Goes
into the kitchen and kicks Mousse out toward Peter.)
Mousse: Shampoo, why'd you do that for?
Peter: <Hello, Mu>
Mousse: Eh? Who are you and what do you want?
Peter: (Back to Japanese) I have a present for you.
Mousse: (Straightening up) You.. you do?
Peter: Yup, but you have to earn it. I'm going to test your
patience. If I see that your patience is good enough, I'll give
you the present.
Mousse: Oh, okay. What do I have to do?
Peter: Just sit there and don't move or say anything till I
finish eating my ramen.
Mousse: Okay... (Thinks) Why am I doing this? What is this guy
planning to do to me? I better get ready in case he tried to do
something.
[In five minutes, Shampoo comes in with the ramen. Mousse
hears her and screams, "I love you Shampoo!!" and runs toward
her. But Mousse passes shampoo and crashes into a statue. Peter
shakes his head.]
Peter: Hey Mousse, I told you to not to speak nor move.
Shampoo: What going on?
Mousse: (Dazed) Oh yea...
Peter: That's okay, I knew you couldn't hold it. I'll give you
another chance. (Starts eating the ramen.) MMMMMMM.
[After 30 minutes, Peter finally finishes the Ramen, grabs
Mousse, and drags him to the back room of Nekohanten.]
Peter: Well, you actually did what I said. However, since you
did shout when Shampoo came in, I'll only have to give you part
of the present. (Grabs Mousse's head)
Mousse: Hey!! What the heck do you think you're doing?
[A strange light grows around Mousse's head. And suddenly,
Mousse's glasses breaks apart.]
Mousse: (Blinks and rubs eyes.) Hey, I can see!
Peter: Well, not totally. I only gave you part of the present
remember? You have 20/80 vision now. Not your 20/1500 vision
you had earlier. So you still need to wear glasses, here.
(Gives him a pair of glasses.)
Mousse: Thanks, but why are you doing this for me?
Peter: Just say I'm a special friend. Oh, I have another
present for you. But you'll have to till tomorrow. I'm here to
build your patience Mousse. Just like the other people in this
place.
Mousse: Okay, what do I have to do?
Peter: Just wait till tomorrow, that's it.
Mousse: Fine.
Peter: Well, see ya next week.
[Peter pays for the ramen, and heads for the Tendo dojo.]
Nabiki: Let's see. (starts to count the money she has. She
seemed to have gotten over that school incident that day. All of
a sudden a knock is heard.) Huh? (Puts the money away.) who is
it?
Kasumi: It's me Kasumi.
Nabiki: Oh, come in.
Kasumi: Hello, Nabiki. Do you feel better.
Nabiki: Yea, just mad at this guy. I mean, he made a complete
fool out of me. Nobody ever did that to me.
Kasumi: Well, maybe the shock of it made you angry then right?
Nabiki: Yeah.
Kasumi: Well Nabiki, being embarrassed is a common thing faced
by everybody. You have rarely been humiliated before, that's why
it seems like it was a big deal to you. It's like a rich person
suddenly losing all of his money. That person was never out of
money. The poor person, who faces this everyday, takes it
lightly. But the rich person will take it as the end of the
world. So don't take it too hard Nabiki. It's a common thing to
most of us.
Nabiki: Well, I guess your right.
Kasumi: (Smiling) Oh, a new guest came; he says he's staying for
a while.
Nabiki: What? did you let him in?
[All of a sudden, Kasumi morphs into Peter.]
Nabiki: (In complete shock) AHHHHHH!!! What are you doing in
here?!!
Peter: Well, I knew that you wouldn't let me in so I had to do
something. Oh, Akane and Ranma let me in. Your father agreed,
along with Genma. So, unfortunately for you, I'm staying.
Nabiki: If you don't get out of here, I'm going to scream!!
Peter: (Totally unconcerned) And? This is not like you Nabiki,
that lesson in humility must of been something to you. Well, get
use to it. Cuz I'm going to teach you the truth about life.
Life's not about money and power you know.
Nabiki: (Extremely pissed) Just... get.. out.
Peter: Okay, okay. (Leaves.)
[Peter goes down stairs and walks toward Kasumi, who is
ironing]
Kasumi: (Cheerful and humming) Hmmm hmm hmm ^_^
Peter: (Goes behind her and gives her a Swedish backrub) Hello,
Kasumi.
Kasumi: (A little surprised) Oh, hello... um
Peter: (Stops the massage) Peter, Peter Con. Anyway, you're
always busy. Why don't you rest this evening and let me handle
the cooking?
Kasumi: Oh, but you're our guest, I couldn't let..
Peter: Oh, I'm not going to cook, Akane is.
[All of a sudden, most of the Tendo and Saotome clan
appears]
Genma: YOU'LL What!!?
Ranma: Uh, I thought you knew everything. Don't you know about
Akane's cooking? It'll kill anything!!
Akane: Ranma!!!!
Peter: I know, but I do know something else. Come on Akane,
I'm going to teach you how to cook.
Ranma: Hey hey, no matter how good you are. Nothing can cure
Akane's curse.
Peter: It has been cured before, Ranma. And I'm going to make
it a permanent thing. Lets go Akane, to the kitchen.
Akane: Okay.
[They go to the kitchen and Peter immediately opens the sink
cabinets and does something.]
Akane: (Putting on the apron.) What are you doing?
Peter: Hmmm hmmm hmmm, hmmm hmmm hmmm. (Messes with the pipes)
Done! Akane, you'll make the soup and steam the rice, I'll make
the other stuff.
Akane: Okay..... but what type of soup?
Peter: Use your imagination.
[They start to cook. Akane blows up the stove, but Peter
just ignores that. She then tries the microwave by putting the
metal pot in the microwave. It blows up. Peter ignores the
flying debris.]
Peter: (cooking the meat.) Akane,
Akane: (Burnt, bleeding, panting, and black) Yeah?
Peter: You never put metals in microwaves. Continue with your
cooking.
Akane: Well, thanks for telling me earlier. (She's pissed) Why
am I curse in the kitchen!!!!!!???????
Peter: Just calm down and start cooking. (Fixes the stove.)
Now, this is a gas stove. If it was a electric stove, you'll be
electrocuted by now. anyway, after the flame lights on the gas
stove, you turn off the lighter, understand Akane?
Akane: Oh okay. I wasn't allowed in here anyway. Nobody ever
taught me anything about cooking.
Peter: ,,, (Stir fries the vegetables)
[After a few hours, they bring the food out to the dinner
table. The family looks disgusted at the normal looking food.]
Peter: Akane did the soup and rice, I did the rest.
[Everybody lets out a sigh.]
Ranma: Well, I'll know not to eat the soup.
Akane: RANMA!!!?? I worked hard making this!! and all
blalblablaba
Nabiki: Wait, he cooked also? I'm not touching anything here
than.
Peter: Hey, just try her soup dang it!!
Soun: Do we have to?
Peter: (gets up and his eyes go read and electric sparks
surrounds him.) (thundering,) YES!!!
[Everybody, including Nabiki, takes their spoons and take a
sip of Akane's green, bluish colored soup.]
Akane: Ulp
Peter: (Grins.)
Ranma: (Shocked) This.. this... (Funky colored background behind
him.)
Soun: ...Is Normal!!!!!
Nabiki: (The most shocked of all) No, but actually good.
Soun: Oh thank you Peter, (Crying and goes on his knees) You're
our savior, you "sob" cured Akane of her "sob" curse.
Akane: Do you guys mean it? Is it really good? (Tastes her
soup.) Wow, it is!
Kasumi: (Smiling) Congratulations, Akane.
Ranma: Now, only if you cure her tomboyness, her uncuteness, and
Akane: (Punches Ranma through the wall) Idiot!
Genma: So, how did you managed this?
Peter: I just let the water from Ryugenzawa indefinitely flow
through here. I modified it a little so you guys won't live
forever or grow into big giants.
Ranma: Oh yea, Ryugenzawa. I wonder how Shinnouske is doing?
Akane: Shinnouske...
Soun: Now Ranma, since your bride to be can cook now, why don't
you marry her right now?
Ranma: What???!!! No way
Genma: Come on boy, she's perfect now.
Ranma & Akane: Don't you guys ever give up!?
Ranma: Why should I marry that uncute, macho chick?
Akane: Why should I have to marry that perverted, egotisctal
jerk?
[They continue fighting, and nobody notices Peter going to
the living room]
Peter: Well, I solved one problem. (waves hand in the air. All
of a sudden a laptop comes out of nowhere.)
(typing) Well, my first day at the Ranma 1/2 world. It's pretty
fun here considering that I was accidentally dumped here. I
think I'm going to stay here a little longer to fix some more
problems. Then I'll use my powers to go to El Hazard. Well, I
don't even need to type this but I have to for some reason.
Well, see ya. (waves hand and the laptop goes away.)
*commercial break*
Bill Gates: Hello, I'm the CEO of Microsoft. And in a few days,
you'll get to experience the power of Microsoft again.
Introducing Windows 96 NT. It is totally incompatible with the
other Windows, have a bunch of bugs, and it is a total Macintosh
rip off; but you still need to waste $85 dollars upgrade even
though your Windows 95 still works fine. Why? Because we're now
making the software companies make their software Windows 96 NT
compatible only. That's right, for only $85 dollars, you'll get
another useless upgrade.
*end commercial break*
cue Basket Case by Greenday.
Peter: (Stretches) My, what a nice sleep on the futon in the
living room. (Goes to the bathroom and knocks on the door.) Hey
Ranma, hurry up and get out!!
Ranma: Hold on. (Gets out) It's all yours.
Peter: Thanks, (brushes teeth ect ect.)
Kasumi: Everyone! Breakfast!!
RanmaC: Coming!
PandaG: (Sign) Me too!
Peter: So Ranma, do you and your father always fall in the pond
every morning?
RanmaC: Uhhh now that you mention it, yeah. But it was that
clutz's fault!!!
PandaG: (Sign) What are you talking about?!
RanmaC: Shut up!! (Punches the panda away.)
Peter: You know Ranma, when was the last time that pond was
cleaned? You never know what type of bacteria might flow in
there.
RamaC: Thanks
Peter: You're welcome. (Eats)
Akane: (Sees Nabiki standing on the dining room entrance)
Nabiki, why aren't you joining us?
Nabiki: I won't eat with him!! (points furiously at Peter)
Peter: Okay, (munch) Well, see you at school then.
(disappears)
Kasumi: Oh my, he's gone.
Akane: Now will you join us Nabiki?
Nabiki: Oh okay. Pass the miso soup Kasumi...
Furiken High
------------
Gosunkugi: If I wait here, I might see Akane walk in through the
gate.
Peter: Well, well, voodoo man.
Gosunkugi: AHhhh!! Who are you?????
Peter: Peter Con.
Gosunkugi: Oh yea, I heard of you.... I.. I'm standing here to
watch Akane come in.
Peter: Well, have fun. (Leaves)
School bulley: Hey wimp!
Gosunkugi: Oh no.
Sc bulley: Why don't you give me your money?
Gosunkugi: I... I don't have any money.
Sc bulley: You lie!! Hand them over you stupid geek!!
Gosunkugi: Oh.. Okay. (takes out a doll, a nail, and a hammer:)
Yaaaaaaa!! (Hammers the nail through the doll and the punk's
body.)
Sc bulley: (Bleeding) AhhhhhhHHHH!!! You little...
Gosunkugi: Ahhhhh! (cringes in fear as he accidentally drives
the nail in deeper.)
Sc Punk: Okay Okay you win. I won't bother you again.. Jeeze
(limps away.)
Gos: Heh, I... I did it. I actually defended myself yeaaahhhh!!
(Because of his celebrating, he misses Akane coming in.)
Peter: (Taking the nail out of his body.) Hey, Akane!!
Akane: Yea?
Peter: Where's Ranma?
Akane: Oh, he saw a cat and that fool tried to run away but ran
into a moving truck. Ranma's at Dr. Tofu's clinic.
Peter: Thanks. (Disappears)
Dr. Tofu's clinic.
------------------
Tofu: Now, running into moving trucks is not a good idea Ranma.
(applies his pressure points.)
Ranma: (Twitching) A.. cat.. a c.. c.. cat!
Peter: (Walks in) What's up doc?
Tofu: Huh? Have we met?
Peter: Oh, I brought a visitor for you.
Tofu: I'm busy right now with a patient and..
Kasumi: Hello, Dr. Tofu.
Tofu: Eggg. (Glasses steam up and twists Ranma's neck 360
degrees)
Ranma: Caa. Cats... OOOOOWWWW! Doc, what the heck are you
doing!!!? (Sees Kasumi) CRAAP! Peter, get me out of here!!
Peter: Sorry Ranma. I may be powerful, but even I would stay
away from Tofu. (Walks out of the clinic.)
[Peter can hear the cracking, breaking, screams, and agony
from Ranma and his bones. After a few hours, the screaming
stops.]
Tofu: (Coming out of the clinic) Well, Kasumi a date then?
Kasumi: (Smiling as always) Of course.
Ranma: (Crawling out. Looks very bad.) What did you think
you're doing Peter?!
Peter: I solved Tofu's shyness around Kasumi. You just have to
let him be with her long enough to make him comfortable. Don't
worry, I'll heal you. Hold on, (Disappears)
Dragon Ball Z Universe
----------------------
Peter: (Appearing) Yo, Gohan!
Gohan: Hmmmm? Who are you?
Peter: Hey, I need some senzu seeds.
Gohan: (confused and trying to figure out who he is.) Senzu
seeds, why?
[All of a sudden Piccolo comes in and he's very surprised]
Piccolo: (Surprised) Huh?!!!
Gohan: What's wrong Piccolo san?
Piccolo: I... I never felt this much power before!! Not even on
Buu, not even on your father when he turned Super Saiyan 3!!!
Peter: Hiya Pic. I need some senzu seeds.
Gohan: How do we know that you're not a bad guy?
Peter: Well, just fuse together and beat me up. Hurry, I need
it for my friend.
Gohan: Should I Piccolo san?
Piccolo: (Nods head)
Gohan: Oh okay. (gives him the bag of Senzu seeds)
Peter: Thank you, Gohan, thanks Piccolo. See ya. (Disappears)
Ranma 1/2 world
---------------
Peter: (Appears and gives the senzu to Ranma) Here, swallow
this.
Ranma: What is it?
Peter: Just swallow it dang it.
Ranma: (Swallows it and his eyes bulge up) What... What
power!!! I can feel my body actually healing!
Peter: Now Ranma, this is called a senzu seed. It has amazing
healing powers. Make sure you don't show this to anyone,
especially Nabiki. She'd probably want to sell it. Use it only
in an emergency. Got it? (Hands the bag over)
Ranma: Yeah,
Peter: Come on, we're late for school. (Grabs Ranma and
disappears)
Furiken High
------------
Ranma: (Reappears with Peter) Brrggahhh, I feel sick. I
think, I'll take one of those seeds.
Peter: No, only in a emergency I said!! If you can't handle the
responsibility, then give it back.
Ranma: Okay, okay. By the way, how can you handle your
transportation? It's like ripping the molecules apart.4@
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Peter: It basically is. Actually, you get separated into
individual electrons, quarks, and leptons. Then you travel
faster than the speed of light by the electromagnetic force that
is around the universe. And that is possible by the formula...
Ranma: Okay, okay...
[Peter goes into his class. Everybody is looking at him for
being late.]
Teacher: You're late Mr. Con.
Peter: Oh yea? (Puts his hands together and the clocks starts
to go backwards.) There, I'm not late.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Peter: I said, Nabiki is late. (Points at the door, the
bell rings, and three seconds later, Nabiki walks in.)
Teacher: So you are Nabiki, go stand in the halls. (Gives her
two buckets.)
Nabiki: Wha... What?? (Thinking) I swore I was in the class...
It must be that Peter's fault. I'm going to get him somehow.
[The school day seems to go normal. Kuno foolishly
challenges Peter again, but he thoroughly beats Kuno by just
looking at him. After school, Peter lets Ranma and the Tendos
go on while he visits Nekohanten.]
Shampoo: Nihao!! Welcome to Nekohanten!
Peter: (In Amazonian) <<Yo, it's me.>>
Shampoo: Oh it you again. What you want?
Peter: <<Where is Mousse?>>
Shampoo: In that back room. You better be careful, if great
Grandmother hears you talk in sacred dialect, you good as dead.
Peter: Why don't you kill me yourself?
Shampoo: Because you great tipper.
Peter: Thanks (Goes in the back room. Peter sees Mousse
scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush, and he is cursing
Cologne.) Hey, Mousse.
Mousse: (Looks up) Oh, hey.
Peter: Here's your present, I'll get Shampoo to love you.
Mousse: You will!!! (Happy)
Peter: Yup, but you must stay in here no matter what you hear
okay? If you don't, Shampoo will hate you forever. You
understand? You can't even peek outside, ignore anything you
hear, okay?
Mousse: Okay, but what are you going to do?
Peter: Don't ask questions either, just stay put and wait a few
minutes. Continue scrubbing the floor or something.
Mousse: Okay...
[Peter walks out of the back room and morphs himself into
Mousse.]
Mousse(Peter): Shampoo, I love you!!
Shampoo: Ug Mousse, go finish your scrubbing or I hurt you!!
MousseP: I want your love Shampoo, so I'm going to challenge
you.
Shampoo: Okay, I busy now, I better make this quick.
MousseP: (Thinking) I better lower my strength level
considerably, or I might kill her. (Speaking) Get ready
Shampoo!!
[Shampoo takes out her bon bori and charges at Mousse. She
thought this will end it all, but she is surprised when MousseP
jumps out of the way. She turns and tries to kick MousseP in the
stomach, but MousseP blocks the kick and sweeps her. Shampoo gets
up angrily and does a flying sidekick toward MousseP. MousseP
grabs her leg and crashes her through the wall. Then he grabs
her arms and puts them in a Gracie Ju Jutsu arm lock (TM).]
MousseP: You give up Shampoo?
Shampoo: AHHHH, (In Pain) No.....
MousseP: No? (Puts more pressure)
Shampoo: Okay okay, you win.
[Everybody in the restaurant claps for the show.]
Shampoo: Mousse... I never knew you so strong.
MousseP: Now will you marry me?
Shampoo: What about Ranma?
Ranma: Shampoo, what's wrong?
MousseP: Nothing, I just beat her.
Ranma: What? You can't do that to my fiancee!! Shampoo, I want
you to choose between us!
MousseP: How about we fight for it Ranma? That winner can get
Shampoo.
Ranma: You're on! I beat you before, and I can do it again.
[MousseP beats up Ranma]
Shampoo: Mousse, you beat Ranma. You true one for me!! (Goes
and hugs MousseP, and the crows goes "awwww")
MousseP: Shampoo, let me throw this garbage away. (Points at
Ranma)
Shampoo: What ever you say future husband.
[MousseP goes into the back room, changes back into Peter
and Ranma he was carrying merges with Peter. (Yes, he can be at
two places at once.)]
Mousse: Hey, what was happening in there? I heard screaming,
fighting, clapping, and awwing.
Peter: Nothing to worry about. You just beat Shampoo and she's
going to marry you.
Mousse: She is!!!?? (Jumping around and really excited) Can I
go in there now?
Peter: Yup.
Mousse: (Goes out of the back room) Shampoo!!
Peter: Heh heh... huh!!??? (Senses something) What the heck?
(teleports back to the Tendo dojo.)
Peter: Hey, turn the TV on!!
Ranma: why?
Peter: Just do it!
Ranma: Okay, (turns it on.)
[All of a sudden, this green monster appears on the screen.]
Ranma: Who is he?! Hey guys come here and look at this! (The
Tendo and Saotome family goes in and looks at the TV.)
Soun: Is this a movie?
GreenMonsteronTV: Hello, world. I am Cell, and I'm going to
kill all of ya. Bye. (blows up the TV station, and the TV
screen shows "due to technical difficulties, please stand by...)
Kasumi: Oh my.
Peter: Drat, he probably came here with me when I went to get
the senzu seed. Well, since it is my fault, I'll go take care of
this.
[We all see Cell punching down buildings and such and
enjoying it.]
Peter: Hey Cell!! (Throws a huge blast toward Cell)
Cell: AGRRRAHHH!! (he is vaporized from chest down.)
(regrows back.) Heh, so it is you. I was wondering who that
powerful ki belonged to.
Peter: Yup, anyway, I thought Gohan blew you up.
Cell: Well, he did. Except one of my single brain cell
remained. I couldn't regenerate myself because I was too weak.
But I have witnessed my things in my life as a brain cell. The
super saiya 3 transformation, the fusion between the Saiyans,
Buu, death of everybody in the world, destruction of earth, birth
of Ubuu, training with the Jett sword, and so on. I soon
absorbed all that knowledge into my brain cell. If I was to be
reborn again, I would be stronger than my former Perfect self
because I have witnessed two near death experiences and all these
events. But a catalyst was missing for me to regenerate. I
wanted to come back and get my revenge, but I couldn't. Until
you came. I sensed your immense power, so I latched on to you.
The mass teleportation somehow was the missing formula to
regeneration. It took my a few hours to regenerate, but it is
worth it. I am more powerful than before!! More than you!!!
HAHAHAH!! NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!
Peter: (Smiling) I knew something was on me, but it was so
insignificant, I ignored it. Oh, you are not stronger than me.
You think you are, but my powers are ten times greater than the
ki you are feeling right now. And that's not even my "Super
Saiya" state.
Cell: !!! What! You lie!! (Flies in the air) I'll blow this
world along with you!! KA...
Peter: ...
Cell: ME....
Peter: (Yawn)
Cell: HA.. ME..
Peter: Look, I'm not getting any younger!
Cell: HAAAAAA!!!!!! (A blast size of the earth goes towards
Peter. But just before the powerful blast touches Peter, Peter
blows on the blast and sends it back towards Cell.)
Cell: (Engulfed by his own blast) AHHGHSHHGDSHHAHHGHHGH!!!!
(The finger of cell drops to the ground. All of a sudden, Cell
regenerated back, looking pissed.) Grrr.
Peter: Okay, enough playing around. I'm going to finish you
off. (Gets ready for a mega ki blast until he senses Ranma,
Akane, and Ukyou.) What are they doing here?
Ranma: I'm Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything goes
Martial arts!! Prepare to die monster!!!
Cell: Who are those trash?
Ranma: Akane, Ucchan!! What are you doing here?!!
Akane: I came to help you know.
Ranma: No, you'll just get in the way!!
Ukyou: Yeah, let me and Ran-chan handle this.
Akane: Ranma!!! (Takes out a hammer) I'm a martial artist too
you know!!!
Ranma: With that temper? You're more like a Tasmanian Devil.
Ukyou: Oh just forget about her Ranma honey, come on lets defeat
this monster!
Cell: Oh get a life. (Throws three small blasts at the trio,
each one hitting the mark, killing all three of them.)
Peter: Oh dear, well, die Cell! (Gets the ki blast ready when
Ryouga, Shampoo, and Mousse comes out of nowhere.) Crap crap
crap!!!!!
Ryouga: Okay, you monster!! Get ready to... (sees Akane dead)
Nooooo!!!! (Pissed) You... will.. pay... for... that!!
Ultimate Shi Shi Hokodan!!!!!!!! (A pillar of blast comes
straight down Ryouga, knocking everybody away, except Cell and
Peter.)
Cell: Not bad blast, for a human. (Kills Ryouga)
Mousse: (Running back and throws a bunch or weapons from his
sleeve. They all have no effect.) What?!! (Gets killed by
Cell.)
Shampoo: Future husband!!! You die monster. (jump kicks Cell.
Cell, of course, doesn't feel it. So he just kills her.)
Peter: Okay, here we go.. CHOU..... (Before he says his special
move, Hinako, Kuno, Kodachi, and Kirin comes.) Oh, forget it,
I'm going to wait till Cell kills all of the Ranma cast.
Hinako: Happo Hula Hoop Shatsu!! (Takes a hula Hoop and sucks
Cell's powers. However, Cell doesn't feel it.) Happo Hula Hoop
attack return!! (She throws a ki blast which has no effect on
Cell.)
Cell: Pathetic bitch. (Kills her)
Kuno: How dare you kill an instructor!!! (swings bokken at
Cell, but Cell kills him anyway.)
Kodachi: Brother dear, no! (Throws pins and stuff, but Cell
again kills her.)
Kirin: No need to worry, since Kirin has come. Yuck so ki kiki
kyo!! (Barrages of chopsticks fly towards Cell. Cell ignores
the attack and kills Kirin)
Peter: Are you done yet?
Cell: They are like gnats you know?
[All of a sudden, more people from the Ranma cast comes.
Akari with her pig, Prince Toma, Taro, Herb, Shinnouske, Casino
King, Picolett Chardin, Tsubasa, Gosunkugi, Natsume and Kurumi,
Rin rin, Ran Ran, Mariko, The Golden Pair, and Sasuke all come at
the same time.]
Shinnouske: Why am I here again? Aggggrrahhhhh!! (killed)
Akari: Get that monster!! Ahhhhhh (Killed)
Pig: Oink!!!! (killed)
Prince Toma: My, so many girls... agggg (Killed)
Casino King: How about we gamble for... ahhhH! (Killed)
Picolett: Bonjour, now before I eat..... AHHHHH (ditto)
Gosunkugi: If I beat that school bulley, I can beat you!! Don't
hurt me! (killed)
Azusa: Ohhh, monster is soooo cute. Come here, Donavan!!
(Killed, thank goodness)
Mariko: Give me a M, an A a R an I a K an O. MAAARRiko!!!
AHHHHHH (Killed)
Sasuke: You will pay for killing master Kuno and mistres
Kodachiiiiiii.... (Killed)
Natsume and Kurumi: Anything-Goes martial arts final attack!!
(Ditto)
[Okay, Taro, Herb, Mikado, Tsubasa, and the rest are all
killed. Then Happosai, the Dojo Destroyer, Cologne, and Soun
comes.]
Happosai: This is for our students!!
Cologne: This is for my granddaughter!!!
Soun: (Looks at the bodies and falls to his knees) Ni ni sora
sora. (Cries)
[The Dojo Destroyer comes and tries to attack Cell, but he
fails, of course, and is killed. Cologne and Happosai do some
weird attack but that fails and gets killed.]
Peter: Okay, that's all of the characters who can fight now.
(Teleports in front of Cell and kicks him upwards)
Cell: Ekkk, (Flying towards the sky, can't stop because Peter's
force on his kick is stronger that Cell's "air" breaks.)
Peter: CHOU KUMA KAME KUPO HAME HA!!!!!!!! (A huge blast flies
towards Cell and vaporizes Cell.) Once more!!! To permanently
kill you!! CHOU FINAL MAKENKOSAPO FLASH!!!! (A Hugh drilling
blast flies towards the already vaporized Cell and completely
eliminates him. Then Peter flies towards where Cell WAS.)
Hmmmm,
I don't sense anything from him. That means he's totally gone.
Phew, now to heal these guys. (goes towards Ranma and heals
him.)
[AUTHOR'S COMMENTS::
Oh, I'm here to remind you that this is a parody. If
you actually gotten this far, you probably forgot that this was
suppose to be a parody of the Crys Saga and the Misadventures of
the Foreign Exchange Student. So don't flame me on how strong
and powerful this Peter is. I purposely made him like that.
Just
remind yourself, this is only a parody, this is only a parody...
Now back to your regularly scheduled program.]
Ranma: Uhhhh, what happened?
Peter: You just died.
Ranma: What? (Gets up) AHHHH!!!! Everybody is dead!!
Peter: Really? Hey, go get those senzu seeds I gave you.
Ranma: It's in my pocket, here.
[Peter grabs the bag of seed and gives the bag back.]
Peter: I modified the seed to revive the dead, just stuff one
seed down everybody's throat and it will bring them back to life.
Ranma: Really?
Peter: Now get going, I'm going to fix up the buildings.
[A few hours later, Ranma revives most of the characters.
Peter, however, is done.]
Ranma: Phew, that was a lot of work. Now for Akane.. (Digs
around in the bag.) Huh??!! Hey Peter, we ran out.
Peter: Ran out of what?
Ranma: These seeds.
Peter: Oh, well too bad for the dead people. I am not going
back to the Dragon Ball Z world. I might bring back Buu or
someone worse.
Ranma: Yeah, but Akane is dead!
Peter: Uh huh. Yup, she's dead. And what do you want me to do
about it eh?
Ranma: Can't you bring her back!
Peter: Hey, you had plenty of chance to bring her back yourself.
If you care so much about her, why didn't you feed the seeds to
her first??
Ranma: Hey!!! Hey!! You are cruel. You're just going to let
her rot here?
Peter: People die every day Ranma, I'm sorry. I'm not going to
compensate any of your mistakes. Why'd ya have to revive
Happosai anyway?
Tatewaki: Oh precious Akane!! Silent as a feather and no life
stirs amongst her. You!! You have killed Akane Tendo, my true
love!!
Peter: Look Kuno, you just died, and you want to fight me again?
Tatewaki: You are the cur that hath killed my beloved Akane!!!!
Prepare to die!!
Ranma: You... heartless punk.. Peter!!! Bring Akane back!!!
Peter: Oh, so you two will fight against me? When it was
Ranma's responsibility? Did I not give you the seeds to bring
her
back alive!
Ranma: (Raging mad) You never told me there was a limited supply
of these!!!!
Peter: They were in a freaking bag for crying out loud. You
think that will make it unlimited!!? And did I every said that
the seeds were unlimited?
Soun: (With that big head and scary face) YOU!! BRING BACK MY
DAUGHTER ALIVE!!!!!
Peter: My my, three people are against me, and it's not even my
fault.
Ranma: Katshu Tenshin Amaguri-ken!!!
Peter: (Kicks Ranma away before Ranma could start the amaguriken
technique.)
Okay, fine. If you want to bring Akane back, you have to take
her body, and put it on her bed. Then tell the corps how you
really feel.
Tatewaki: Oh Akane!! I will accompany thee to they bed chamber!
Ranma: (Punches Kuno into orbit and picks up Akane.) Come on,
lets go. (Glares at Peter.)
Ryouga: (Behind a telephone pole, listing to the whole thing)
Oh Akane, without you, I have no longer the will to live. I must
leave now. Akane, (Looks up) I know you're up there, you
probably know I'm P-chan, and you probably know how you feel
about me now. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry on how Ranma treated you...
I'm sorry.. that I let you die! (a tear comes downs from his
eyes.) If I had of protected you Akane... no matter, I will
avenge your death Akane, I will train and kill Peter.. for you!
(Wonders away.)
Peter: (Looking at Ryouga leaving) I'm sorry, Ryouga. I'll help
you.. somehow. But it's Ranma and Akane's turn now.
Tendo Dojo
----------
Ranma: (Putting down Akane on her bed.) You know, I always
thought of you as a tomboy. Heh, I.. I said you were uncute and
such. But I don't... know.. if... I meant that. Oh jeeze, I'm
not good at this!! I don't even know if Peter telling the truth.
How is talking to a dead corps going to bring back them alive?
(looks down at Akane's face.) Jeeze Akane, you never heard me
say this but... (Turns to leave.)(Goes towards the door, but
Ranma stops; he looks back and reconsiders.) Okay, I'm going to
try this. I don't know where Peter is, but he better be telling
the truth about this. I feel pretty stupid talking to a dead
person here, but this is my fault. Peter is right, if I cared
enough of you, you would have been alive. You're the one who
should have been given the seed first. I was not thinking, maybe
I... (sigh) You know, you're cute when you smile... I mean that
really.... AHHAHAHHHAHAHAH I'll just say it! I love you
Akane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Akane: (Opens eyes) Ohh, What... did... you... say Ranma?
Ranma (Freaked out)(Thinking) Holy cow, it worked. I said..
umm... uhhh...
Akane: You said you loved me.
Ranma: No I didn't!!!
Akane: I heard you!!! That's the only thing I heard before I..
woke up...
Ranma: Why would I say that to a t.om..boy like.. you. (Looks
into her eyes.) Okay, okay.. I need to talk to Peter. (Runs
outside)
Akane: Ranma...
Ranma: Dad! Mr Tendo, Nabiki, Kasumi, did you see Peter
anywhere?
Soun: Please Ranma, I'm still broke after Akane's death.
Ranma: Your daughter is alive! I need to talk to Peter!!
Soun, Kasumi, Nabiki, Genma: She is!? (They all go upstairs)
Peter: Hello, you wanted to talk to me?
Ranma: Yea... I'm... I'm sorry okay? And thank you.
Peter: For what?
Ranma: For making me into a true man. If it weren't for you.. I
wouldn't have said that to Akane.
Peter: True... And I did have an extra sezu seed. I just wanted
you to feel your true feelings. Now, you're probably closer to
Akane than before.
Ranma: Why would I want to be close to that macho... heh heh.
Peter: Mmm.
Peter's Voice Over: Well, the day continues to go normal as
the other "normal" days. Akane and Ranma still argue that Ranma
did say that he loves her. Ranma denies it, but inside, Akane
and Ranma know that they are closer to each other.
Peter: (With his magic laptop) I'm still unsure why I'm writing
this. Anyway, In two days I was here, I solved four problems.
Well, I wouldn't say problems really, but they are in this world.
Tofu's shyness around Kasumi, Shampoo now loves Mousse, Gosunkugi
has more confidence in himself, and Ranma and Akane now know how
they really feel about each other. Of course, I could be wrong.
Oh well, tomorrow, I'm going to resolve my relationship with
Nabiki. Perhaps she will respect what I'm doing for her. I'll
do something about Kasumi too. But after that, I must leave. I
must go to my original calling, to El Hazard.
Cue "Since You've Been Gone" by "Weird Al" Yankovich
Peter: (Gets up) (Yawn) Time for school. I love school, I am so
respected there. HAHAHAHHA. I can get used to this overpowered
of mine. Hee hee. Nothing can stop me.
[After a surprisingly calm breakfast, the foursome starts to
head for school.]
Peter: (Thinking) Nabiki, today, you will learn to respect
people.
[The school day seems to go normal, Nabiki is a little
calmer around Peter for what he did with Ranma and Akane. But
she still kicked herself for not making some money on that Cell/
Peter fight.]
Teacher: Ok, why don't Monopolies charge the highest price at
the lowest possible output?
Peter: They want to get the long term total profit not short
term unit profit.
Teacher: Good! You're much better than Nabiki, which I'm
surprised.
Nabiki: (Thinking) Maybe I'm not so grateful for that punk to
bring Ranma and Akane together.
Teacher: Okay, what are negative and positive externalites?
Umm.. Nabiki.
Nabiki: (Startled) Huh?
Teacher: Well? What's the answer, Nabiki?
Nabiki: (Thinking) That Peter made a fool of me again!!
(Speaking) I.. I don't know.
Teacher: (Surprised) You don't know? But you always know the
answer to an economics question. Okay, then answer this
question.
Name some characteristics of perfect competition.
Nabiki: (Thinking) Oh that's easy. Its.. its... Damn, why
can't I think of it? Is Peter doing something?
Peter: Yes I am. Oh, may I answer this Sensei?
Teacher: Yes you may.
Peter: No barriers of entry, large number of firms, homogeneous
outputs, firms are price takers, horizontal marginal revenue
curve, and each firms have knowledge of the other firms's market
price and output.
Teacher: Good.
[After school, Nabiki comes out looking tortured. Of
course, she was, mentally by Peter.]
Nabiki: (Extremely pissed) That's it, I'm going to tell Peter
what kind of a jerk he is.
Peter: Hey Nabiki, you have something you want to tell me?
Nabiki: (Surprised) Huh? Yeah!! Why are you making my life
miserable??!!!
Peter: Hey, what comes around goes around. You make people
miserable too.
Nabiki: (The blow knocks her out) Well... I don't do it
continuously.
Peter: Nabiki, you've terrorized, blackmailed, and humiliated
people as long as I saw you. Now, how does it feel when it is
your turn to be those? Ah ha! that's right. Now you know how
your victims feel. See, I'm going to make you miserable till you
change your ways. Of course, that's not going to happen right
away, but it's going to happen. Your manipulation of people has
to end. If you want to manipulate people, take aikido or
something.
Nabiki: ... You're Satan, aren't you?
Peter: Ummm, yeah. Hey Nabiki, I'm going to take you somewhere.
Nabiki: Wha!? I'm not going anywhere with you!
Peter: Don't worry, it's not hell or anything. Just kidding,
you'll love it. Come on. (Grabs her hand and disappears.)
Nabiki: (Appearing) Ow ow ow, what a headache. Where are we?
Peter: Nerima.
[Sure it is, it has the same buildings but they are
slightly, different.]
Peter: Come on.
Nabiki: (Reluctantly but obeying.) .. Okay.
[They come to the Tendo- dojo.]
Nabiki: What the heck? This is our house.
Peter: Gee, your observant. Let's go inside.
Nabiki: Something's not right here.
Peter: Hello!! Anybody home?!
Mrs. Tendo: Yes? who is it?
Nabiki: Mom?
Peter: Hello, Mrs. Tendo. I like you to meet Nabik... I mean
Nadoka ummm Takeda. Yeah, Nadoka Takeda. (introduces Nabiki)
She's assistant Kindergarten teacher for your daughters.
Mrs. Tendo: Really?
Peter: Yes, she would like an interview with you and your
daughter if you don't mind.
Tendo: Oh, go right ahead.
Soun: Who is it?
Tendo: Oh, our daughter's kindergarten teacher.
Soun: Oh.
Nabiki: Hel... hello (Gives Peter that why'd you drag me here
look.)
Tendo: My you're young for a kindergarten teacher. Nabiki,
Akane, come here your teacher is here.
Peter: We said assistant teacher. She sent her because she is
so busy. I'm her driver.
Nabiki: How's it.. going Akane, Na.. Nabiki. (Smiles
nervously.)
Little Nabiki: Who's that? She looks rich. Do you have any
money I can have?
Nabiki: (Thinking) Wait a minute... I remember this scene. It
was eleven years ago, but I can't remember the whole thing on
what it was about. Maybe because I was too young back then.
Tendo: Now Nabiki, I told you money is dirty. You shouldn't
ask your teachers for money.
Nabiki: That's okay Mo.. Mrs. Tendo. I just came to say what
lovely daughters you have. Especially Nabiki.
Tendo: Well, I do love them. I don't know what will happen them
if I suddenly disappeared. I pray every day to hope that my
children will be always good and be safe.
Nabiki: That's very kind of you.
Tendo: Oh, I try to teach them to respect people and to love
others. I know they are young but when's the best day to teach
them?
Nabiki: (Sad) True...
Tendo: I hope they don't cause you any trouble at the school.
Nabiki: Oh, they are just lovely. They don't cause any
troubles.
Tendo: Well, Kasumi, I don't know if you had her, was always
trying to be a perfect lady. She even came in the kitchen last
night to help me cook.
Nabiki: Really?
Tendo: And Akane, always getting into fights with boys. She is
such a tomboy.
Little-Nab: Mom, can we go now?
Tendo: Yes, you may. I'm sorry, and Nabiki... well, she seems
to be the bright one. She seems to love money though. I don't
know where she got the idea of money being good. At least she
doesn't start blackmailing people, I'll be happy on how Nabiki
is.
Nabiki: Thank you... Mrs. Tendo. I'll be leaving now.
Tendo: Nabiki, your teacher is leaving! Come and bow!
[Little Nabiki comes and bows at Big Nabiki. She then asks
her mom if she gets anything for that. Mrs. Tendo disciplines
her child for saying that and little Nabiki apologies.]
Peter: Lets go, Nabiki. For the first time, I was wrong.
Nabiki: (Crying and putting her head down.) No, I.. (sob) was
wrong. (Laughs a little) Heh, nobody ever made me cry before
after my mother died. You're the first, I always held everything
inside me. Trying to be strong...
Peter: All of your sisters did the same thing. Kasumi now tries
to shield away all negative things. Akane just wants everything
to go perfect, if it doesn't she goes crazy. You, I was wrong
about. I thought you weren't like this when you were a child.
But you were greedy, selfish, and self centered from the day you
were born. I was hoping by showing you your younger self, that
you'll change.
Nabiki: (Tears still coming out) No, no, no. I'm sorry about
all the things I did to you... er all the things I tried to do to
you. You let me meet my mother.. and that meant a lot to me. I
took my mother's death the hardest of my sisters I think.. and
Peter: (Giving her a handkerchief) Nope, you didn't take it the
hardest. You just all took it in a different way. You decided
that since your mother is gone, you have to hold on to the things
second most valuable to you: money. And you wanted to get it
anyway possible. That it, I see now.
Nabiki: (Surprised on how he's right) Yeah, that is true.
Peter: Lets go back now.
Nabiki: Okay.
[They disappear and arrive at the present at the Tendo
dojo.]
Kasumi: Oh! Welcome back, someone is here to see you, Peter.
Peter: What?! Who can that be?
Jasmine Kim: Hello, Peter.
Peter: Who are you??!! (Thinks for a moment) (Thinking) Uh
oh.. is this who I think it is? I knew I should of left before
she showed up! (Speaking) Well, what is my relation to you...
ummm Miss..
Jasmine: Jasmine, Jasmine Kim. And I just know you.
Peter: I know who you are, you're my nemesis my foil.
Akane: What are you talking about Peter?
Peter: In the two Otaku Fanfics I read so far, there has always
been a foil to the main characters. Beth Lee in Misadventures,
and Satomi in the Crys Saga. They are usually female and tend to
expose the weakness of the main character.
Akane: What the heck are you saying??
Peter: But... you don't exist!! (Pointing at Jasmine)
Jasmine: I'm here aren't I?
Peter: Yes, but you're not real. And I'll tell you why tomorrow
when I leave.
All: When you leave?!
Peter: Yes, my time has come. I have solved many of your
problems excluding the curses. And I have also beat up a couple
of you guys also. Mission is accomplished for this Otaku in
fanfic.
Nabiki: No, you can't leave yet!!
Peter: Too bad. With the appearance of her, (Points at Jas) it
means it's time for me to go. And I still say you're not real,
Jasmine Kim!
[The day functions as normal except with Jasmine foiling
most of Peter's plans. Peter, however, does not care about this,
but he feels he has one more duty to preform.]
Peter: Kasumi,
Kasumi: Yes?
Peter: I want to ask you something.
Kasumi: What is it?
Peter: Why do you prefer older men?
Kasumi: Well, they are more mature.
Peter: So, all men younger than you are, are immature.
Kasumi: Well, girls do mature faster than boys.
Peter: So, if you're say 55. And a guy who is 54 wants to ask
you out. Will you not accept because he is younger than you are?
And boy, 55 that's the core of immaturity.
Kasumi: Silly, of course I will not accept. I'll be married to
a wonderful husband at that time.
Peter: (Smiles) You're good Kasumi. I don't know how you
shield away any single negative quark that comes your way.
Kasumi: Practice makes perfect.
Peter: So, how did your date go with Tofu?
Kasumi: It was nice. Except it seemed not to work out. I mean,
he's not funny as he was in the past.
Peter: You mean when he put your book on his head and said it
was a hat?
Kasumi: Yes, oh can you take the casserole out of the oven for
me?
Peter: Sure, (Takes it out) Why isn't Akane cooking?
Kasumi: Oh, she needs to take a break.
Peter: She hasn't cooked since I tapped into the Ryugenzawa
water. Are you afraid that she might take your place as the cook
and maybe the whole motherly duties?
Kasumi: No, she's way too young for that; besides I don't want
Akane to get hurt. She's not very careful in the kitchen.
Peter: I told you, you're good Kasumi.
Kasumi: Thank you.
Peter: I'll probably back Kasumi. Older than you, and I'll take
you out and discuss this further.
Kasumi: I'll be waiting. (Smiles)
Peter: Heh heh.
Soun: (Meeting Peter on the way out.) Peter, you can't leave,
you made this house alot calmer since you came here.
Peter: No, I must go. Sorry Mr. Tendo.
Soun: No, you can't (Sobs.) I Never seen Akane and Ranma so
close and Nabiki is actually nice and helping!
Peter: So? I'll leave still you can't stop me.
Soun: NO!! I'll do anything... you can have even one of my
daughters.
Jasmine: Well, I thought you belonged to me Peter:
Peter: Hush, you don't exist remember?
Peter: Mr. Tendo, no! I'm sorry. You can keep her if you
want.
Jasmine: If you go, I'll go.
Peter: Ha ha, very likely though. But you don't exist and I
know
that for a fact! So Mr. Tendo, here is your 70,000 thousand yen
and may your days be full of joys ect ect.
Soun: Fine, if you refuse a man begging on his knees.
[Peter types on the laptop and goes to sleep. Next morning,
he awakes and says good byes to everyone.]
Peter: Akane, Ranma good luck. Oh and tell Ryouga that to
forgive me.
Ranma: What? Why Ryouga?
Peter: You'll understand. Nabiki, take care.
Nabiki: Thanks for that visit to the past.
All: Huh?
Peter: Kasumi, I will be back.
Kasumi: I'll be waiting.
Peter: And Jasmine, you are not real. You know why?
Jasmine: Why?
Peter: I made myself perfect and invincible. There is no
weakness in me. I am the ultimate Otaku, Jas. And you appeared
because of that little mistake I made concerning Nabiki's
behavior due to lack of resources back home. So you are not my
foil, but somebody else.
Jas: You're absolutely right.
Peter: Well, see ya. I need to stop by at El Hazard to see why
I need to go there.
All: BYE, Peter.
Nabiki: Oh wait, what about out 70,000 yen?
Peter: Nabiki, I already gave that to your father. And I still
wouldn't give it to you even if you changed.
Nabiki: Heh, rats. (Whispering to Peter) Thanks for mother
again.
Peter: You're welcome. Good bye everybody! (Disappears with
Jasmine.)
Interdemsion
------------
Peter: Okay Mujaki, what do you want?
[All of a sudden, Jasmine turns into Mujaki.]
Mujaki: Ohhh, you figured it out eh? I'm very surprised at your
intellect.
Peter: Yeah, so this is a dream huh?
Mujaki: That's correct, it is all of Otaku's dream. To be able
to be with their favorite anime characters.
Peter: When will I wake up?
Mujaki: See, you can't wake up. The moment your friends and you
were driving around was the start of the dream. It is a good
dream I might add. I mean, what can you otakus want anyway? You
were extremely powerful, intelligent, solved everybody's
problems, and you could of gotten any females you wished! And
you want to wake up?
Peter: Well, I fixed too much problems. Now, the series will be
boring. Or maybe not. I liked it the way it was.
Mujaki: So you want me to change it back.
Peter: No, I'll do that. It will change back when I wake up
again right.
Mujaki: So you are smart. Oh but can you wake up?
Peter: That doesn't concern me right now, I'm off to El Hazard.
I want to have some fun too you know.
Mujaki: Okay, sure don't wait up for me.
[Peter then flied towards the gate to the wonderful world
of El Hazard.]
Fin.
Authors Comments:
I know I said this was suppose to be a parody of the Crys
Saga and Misadventures of the Foreign Exchange Student, but I
also added a few plot lines here too. Since it is a parody, I
tried to make it funny. Honestly, I did try to make it funny.
But when I read it over, the jokes were pretty lame. Sorry, if
you were looking for a crazy parody and a good laugh. I wanted
to make Peter so obnoxiously omniscient and powerful that you'll
start to hate him in three pages into the story. That's how I
felt about that Pat Lee character in Misadventures. Well, I
think I covered all the clichs from the two Otaku fanfics, the
voice overs, writing to record the daily events, bad writing, and
overall
exaggerated powerful otakus. Oh, I never read Undocumented
Features, and I'm not trying to do better than that fanfic for it
got very good reviews. Mujaki, if you don't know is... well,
watch Urusei Yatsura 2 Beautiful Dreamer. Well, I hope you like
this amusing fic,
and please send all C & C to piccolo@cyber.atlanta.com.