Subject: Re: [C&C] BGZ 9
From: Bert Van Vliet
Date: 7/8/1996, 10:00 AM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

Greetings! ^_^

I have to say that reading this was pretty exhausting.

Hey, trust me, *writing* this thing was pretty exhausting!  ^_^

Skyknight's adventures were pretty dark, although that's been the trend,
huh?.  
Well, I'd decided on this long before the current 'dark fic' trend.  BGC
itself doesn't present the most cheerful of atmospheres if you consider how
often GENOM mucks with things and gets away with it, at least officially.

I'm not going to make line by line specific C&C -- somehow, I think that doing
that would really spam the list, and might take me longer than a day. :)

For something that took me six months to write?  I can well imagine.  ^_^

Well, the major reason I wasn't going to comment real specifically is
because (a) I'm forgetful and (b) I'm lazy.  :)

Welcome to the club! ^_^

However, I thought of a few things I noticed:

1.  In this story, I noticed that Bert tends to use colors to describe
people (hair and eye color), and hardsuits.  This is probably a warning of
"this stands out -- perhaps it shouldn't, but it just might be me". 

Well, one of the reasons I use that is something I read or picked up
somewhere long ago...use as many different adjectives to describe
someone/thing as you can.  Giving their name a workout instead of using
different adjectives has much the same effect.  However, you're also not the
first person to mention this (right Jeanne? ;)  ) so I'll see what I can do
in #10 to tone it down a bit.

2.  The thing that interested me the most were the scenes with Leon
puzzling his way through the mysterious boyfriend.  I'm very interested in
seeing this part continue.

Well, it will indeed be continuing.  Stay tuned! ;)

==========================================
Bert Van Vliet   SkyKnght@sentex.net
[http://www.jurai.net/~skyknght/index.html]
[Alias SkyKnight: Knight-in-Shining Armour, Punster at large, Die-Hard
Bubblegum Crisis Fan, and writer of Really Long Fanfics!]
"I have a very firm grip on reality....I can reach out and strangle it
anytime I want to!"    ^_^