Standard fanfic disclaimer avering that all characters,
situations, places and events with even a vague resemblance to
the work of Rumiko Takahashi, Fujishima Kosuke's and whoever did
Koko wa Greenwood probably was borrowed in the first place.
Apologies to all. Rights are to whoever owns them. Don't bother
to sue, though. I'm broke.
This is something a little different from the other crossovers
you've no doubt seen. I've tried to catch the spirit of both worlds
without making it too much like one or the other. Despite the names
shared by these characters with their originals, the characters may
not necessarily act the way their namesakes would. Keep it in mind.
I've tried to make it a bit more mature, but still keeping a bit of
absurdity to keep things interesting. Feel free to comment and to
criticize, but anything mindlessly unhelpful will is likely to be
erased immediately anyway, so why bother?
I hearby present, for the reader's perusal:
Sore wa Nibunoichi Megami-sama.
(That's 1/2 My Goddess.)
A Ranma 1/2 - Oh! My Goddess semi-crossover fanfic by Scriviner
PART I: Of Things Free and Unwished For
Just a short distance away from the campus of the Nerima
Institute of Technology was the Greenwood Dorm and Dojo. It was a
generally quiet little place in a generally quiet little
neighborhood. Most of the time.
The thing is, you see, the Greenwood D & D was a men's dorm.
Not only that... it was also a Martial Arts Varsity priority
dorm, where most of the school's best fighters ended up. As a
result, a lot of the students who lived here were healthy
strapping men of action, little given to introspection. In simple
terms this meant lots of big, strong martial artists with short
tempers and a knack for causing plenty of property damage.
Greenwood was well loved by the local building contractors for
their contributions to the local economy and much hated by
insurance companies for the constant damage the place kept
sustaining. This was probably the only dormitory in town which
had a policy covering incidental obscure weaponry damage
(including the infamous bandanna, umbrella, broom and toilet-
training potty subclauses), Chi strikes, and incidental furniture
damage by hurling. As things stood now, it looked like their
rates were going to go up once more. They were at it again.
Three of the dorm's residents were running down the main
hall to the dojo. To put things more precisely, two of the men
were chasing a third. That was Ranma Saotome.
Ranma was already breathing hard as his two dorm mates
chased him. He was a handsome young man in his early twenties
dressed in a red Chinese shirt and some comfortable pants. His
hair, which was pulled back into a short braid, bounced back and
forth as he ducked and dodged the various bandannas, knives,
yoyos and furniture that were being lobbed in his direction.
Aside from his two pursuers Ranma had an unusual problem.
Women. They loved him. They really, really loved him. He had his
own fan club and everything.
It wasn't as if he did anything to encourage them. If
anything, he actively tried to discourage them. It didn't work of
course.They still popped up in the hallways and in his classes,
giving him gifts, love letters, inviting him to dinner, dropped
by the dorm on the flimsiest of excuses. Another man might have
settled back and just enjoyed it, Mikado Sanzenin of the combat
skating team came to mind, but Ranma vehemently disliked it.
He didn't dislike the girls personally or the food (his
father had raised him to never turn down anything free) but all
of the attention tended to be distracting during training. Also,
all of the jealous boyfriends, irate brothers, and angry fathers
could get on a man's nerves. His dorm mates didn't like it all
that much either. They claimed that their own training was
starting to suffer because of all of Saotome's fans. Actually,
they were mostly just jealous.
They finally managed to corner him in the dojo.
"Nowhere to run, Saotome. Give up now and we might go easy
on you," said one of the men.
"Maybe..." said the other ominously cracking his knuckles.
"No way, man!" said Ranma defiantly.
The man he addressed was an impressively muscled, heavy set
man dressed in a brown shirt with torn sleeves and an old pair of
beige jeans. He had a tiger striped bandana to hold back his
shock of black hair. His face was currently twisted into a scowl.
This was Ryoga Hibiki. He was not happy. He was rarely happy
these days. As far as he was concerned, there was one constant
source of his aggravation and he was shouting at it, "Ranma! I
told you already! It's your turn to stay and watch the dorm!"
The other man, taller than Ryoga and with a far more
slender build nodded in agreement. He was wearing a long white
overcoat and a pair of ridiculously thick glasses. He was good
looking in an oddly predatory manner and had long black hair
which fell straight to the small of his back. His arms were
folded across his chest as he sent a look of amused contempt
towards Ranma. This was Mousse.
He noted in calm tones, "Hibiki is right, Saotome. you've
been going out every night with your women for the past three
weeks, leaving us with the duty of watching over the dorm. You
are the only one who has not completed dorm sitting duty in over
a month..." he continued even as he took a moment to clean his
glasses on the cuff of his sleeve, "... it is only fitting that
this entire week be yours, eh?" As he slipped his glasses back
on, Mousse realized with some small measure of embarrassment that
he was now talking to the punching bag. The other two tactfully
avoided any comment.
"Aw, c'mon you guys! They aren't MY women and it's not like
I ask them out, or anything..." began Ranma, "They're the ones
chasing me--"
"That makes it worse!" Ryoga interrupted, "They waltz in
here and drag you out to the movies or dinner even in the middle
of training sessions, it's getting embarrassing, Ranma! All those
girls chasing you..." Ryoga's hands had already balled into
fists.
"Even when you're supposed to be guarding the dojo, you
manage to sneak a girl or two in by the time we get back. it just
isn't done..." Mousse added disapprovingly.
"I don't sneak them in, they sneak in on their own..." Ranma
replied, "You guys are just jealous," he added under his breath.
"What was that, Saotome?" asked Mousse in low and dangerous
tones.
Ryoga took it a little more personally, roaring, "That does
it, Saotome! I've had enough of you, you arrogant little--"
Ryoga leapt into the air sending a flurry of bandannas
ripping straight at Ranma's head. Ranma managed to jump to one
side in order to avoid the bandannas leaving them to embed into
the Dojo's floor. Mousse, with exquisite timing stepped back and
released a storm of chains, ropes and various other less
identifiable things from the sleeves of his overcoat. Ranma, who
had left himself open while avoiding the bandannas was soon
wrapped tight in steel and string. He fell to the ground
struggling to break free of his bonds.
Ryoga landed with a little smile on his lips, "Now, Ranma...
we're sure you'll be staying your shift."
"I'll get you guys for this!!"
"No doubt you'll try, Saotome. We'll be back in a few hours.
Make sure to take any messages and to clean up while we're gone,"
said Mousse, turning his back on Ranma and walking purposefully
towards the door. He was smiling as he flipped his glasses up
onto his head.
"Hey, at least let me out of these chains first you guys!!"
Ryoga walked with Mousse towards the dojo's door and cracked
his knuckles, "You can get out of those on your own, Ranma. Oh
yeah..." Ryoga said turning to look at Ranma again, a broad smile
on his face, "Mousse and I already talked to the dorm manager...
If anybody catches another of your girls in here, you are going
to get kicked out of this dorm. No more violations will be
tolerated."
"But I don't help them sneak in, you stupid jerks!"
"That's what you say," replied Mousse cynically then added
in an amused tone, "Try not to scratch the floor too much
squirming around, Saotome."
Ryoga and Mousse laughed as they walked out of the dojo,
interrupted only briefly by Mousse running face first into the
wall next to the door.
"Dumb jerks..." muttered Ranma to himself as he started
snapping the chains one after another. Half an hour later, only
his ankles were still bound when the phone in the common room
suddenly rang.
"Oh great," Ranma muttered to himself as he half bounced,
half stumbled out of the dojo, "I wonder who that is?"
"Hello?" Ranma asked into the phone's receiver.
"Hello, sir, " said a soft woman's voice on the other end of
the line, "This is the Goddess Relief Office, we will be sending
our representative there shortly. Please stand by..."
"Hey, who is this--" Ranma managed to blurt, before
realizing that he was talking to the dial tone.
Ranma frowned at the phone. He was used to strange women
calling him and leaving odd messages, but this was a new one. He
shrugged it off as just another girl trying to get his attention.
He'd had enough of that. He stretched a little and decided to
take a little soak to relax himself.
As he walked to the bath Ranma was actually glad the Ryoga
and Mousse had saddled him with dorm sitting duty. With Shinosuke
and Konatsu at work and Tarou and Gosunkugi studying at the
library, Ranma had the dorm all to himself. Provided none of his
would be self-appointed girlfriends showed up, he thought that he
would finally have a nice relaxing evening. A little peace and
quiet was precisely what he needed just now. Too bad he wasn't
going to get any.
Ranma was sitting up in the hot bath with his eyes closed,
gently dozing. "Blessed silence at last," murmured Ranma just as
a sudden burst of light illuminated the bathroom.
Ranma's eyes flew open to see a widening black circle on the
surface of the water. Light seemed to be pouring out from the
circle and energy crackled at its edges as it grew. Ranma blinked
his eyes, trying to get used to the light when he got the vague
impression of a form rising from the circle. Suddenly the light
was gone and there she was.
Long seconds passed as she stood over Ranma with her feet on
the opposite sides of the tub, looking rather shocked at his
state of dress (or undress). She was in a white outfit, trimmed
in red which looked vaguely like a short dress, with matching
boots, gloves and jacket. Strapped to her back was a large, oddly
mechanical looking hammer also in red and white. Her long black
hair was drawn into a long ponytail, that reached to just behind
her knees. Ranma had just enough time to notice that despite her
surprised expression she was also rather cute...
Before Ranma got a chance for a closer look, she'd whipped
the hammer off her back and brought it up over her head with both
hands, in an attack position. She screamed, "You pervert!!" as
she brought the hammer down on Ranma's head.
Ranma's reflexes barely saved him as he ducked under the
water and surfaced behind her. Her hammer crashed into the water,
missing him by inches and slammed into the tub's floor, cracking
it. Half of the water in the tub was sent splashing out onto the
bathroom floor.
"Hey stop that you idiot!" shouted Ranma at the girl.
Realizing that this pervert was now behind her, the girl
tore the mallet loose from the floor, whirled around swinging the
mallet in a wide flat arc. Dripping wet and rather naked, Ranma
jumped onto the hammer, and vaulting from it, launched himself
across the room towards the towel rack. Ranma's unexpected weight
on the hammer made the girl lose her grip. Undeterred, the girl
jumped at Ranma from her position on the side of the tub, ready
to pound him to oblivion, with or without her hammer.
Ranma managed to grab one of the towels off the rack as the
girl closed in. Ranma tried to simultaneously dodge the girl, tie
the towel around his waist and run for the bathroom door. He
would have made it too, if only the floor hadn't been so wet.
With a cry of "Who's an idiot, you pervert?!" the girl
rushed Ranma.
He managed to neatly sidestep her blow as he tucked in a
corner of the towel. He took another step toward the door as the
girl suddenly changed tactics and whirled around to drive an
elbow into his gut. Ranma slipped suddenly on the wet floor and
attacked the girl's elbow with his nose. Hard. Her blow sent him
flying into the opposite wall. He stuck to the wall for a few
seconds before sliding off and leaving a shallow Ranma shaped
impression in the shattered tiles of the wall.
"What's going onnnnn..?" Ranma managed to say before
slipping into unconsciousness.
The girl seemed to calm down as she realized that the
pervert was now out cold.
"Serves him right," she muttered. She took a good look at
him, now sprawled on the floor, and a look of confusion passed
across her eyes suddenly followed by horror. She murmured aloud,
suddenly appalled, "Oh no... was that the client?"
Meanwhile, one floor up and a few doors down the hall from
the bathroom, was Hikaru Gosunkugi's room. It vaguely resembled a
cross between NASA mission control and an occult antique shop.
While it wasn't unheard of for some of Gosunkugi's stuff to glow,
that was usually because he'd used luminescent paint on it to
make it look spookier. One of Gosunkugi's numerous pieces of
camera equipment suddenly began to glow. That wasn't normal.
The diffuse light coalesced slowly and began to gather
itself about the camera's lens. The light collapsed on itself
creating a tiny pinpoint of light on the lens through which a
beautiful redheaded young woman suddenly, impossibly stepped
through. She looked around her in confusion and called out,
"Hello? Anybody home?"
Ranma was in his room as he woke up slowly. He'd just had an
awful nightmare where he was being chased by this mad woman with
a mallet. It took a moment for him to realize that he was still
dressed only in a towel and that he was not alone.
The girl from his dream was sitting next to him on the bed,
the immense hammer now strapped to her back once more. She smiled
tentatively at him. Up close he could see that she had some sort
of odd triangular markings on her forehead and at the corners of
her eyes and she wasn't much younger than he was.
Ranma winced as he felt his nose, "You're not going to hit
me again, are you?"
"I'm really sorry about that, Mr. Saotome... this is my
first job in the field and I was a little nervous."
"How do you know my name?"
"We're supposed to know all about our clients, Mr. Saotome."
Clients? thought Ranma to himself.
"Clients of the Goddess Relief Office," she said answering
his unspoken thought.
Ranma sat up, "What are you talking about? Was that you on
the phone a while ago?" he asked, remembering the strange phone
call.
The girl looked as though she were about to answer when
something else occurred to him, "How the heck did you get into
the bathroom? What were you doing in there?" then added to
himself quietly, "No, wait... I know what she was doing in there,
she were trying to smash me to a pulp..."
"For which I'm really sorry Mr. Saotome," she said answering
his unspoken thought, "Let me introduce myself first, I am Akane,
Goddess of Conflicts 1st class, 2nd category, limited license..."
she said with a bow.
"A goddess..." said Ranma skeptically, "Yeah. Right. Pull
the other one."
"... and I am here to give you one wish. Nearly any wish you
could want," Akane continued brightly.
"Very original..." said Ranma looking annoyed, "You're the
most creative girl who's tried to sneak in here so far."
"I beg your pardon?" asked Akane, confused.
The redhead was having a little trouble finding her client.
She was quite certain that he would be in the building at least,
but so far she had not had much luck. She'd found a couple of
risque magazines, a cell phone, an unopened can of soda and a
walkman... but nothing much client-wise.
She was a little short, but not that it really mattered,
since she was floating a couple of inches off the ground anyway.
She was very attractive possessing a certain delicate feminine
charm. Her shock of long red hair was in a braid which reached to
her waist. Her clothes consisted of a multilayered ensemble of
white and purple which seemed to shift as she walked. Her blue
eyes betrayed confusion as she peeked into each of the rooms in
turn. So far, still nothing. No matter... she'd find this Saotome
person eventually, she thought to herself as she passed through
the door of another locked room.
"Original," continued Ranma, "I mean most of the girls who
come here just drop off candy or food or special free pizza
deliveries, or something."
"What are you talking about?" she said her brow furrowing as
she seemed to understand something, "You think I'm here because I
like you!?!" she started to laugh.
It was now Ranma's turn to be confused. "What's so funny?"
"Its just that I've never seen such a large ego on a mortal
before..!" she replied before breaking into fresh gusts of
laughter.
"Large ego?!" Ranma replied, incensed, "What would you know,
you uncute girl!"
Akane, suddenly frowned at him in mid laugh, "What did you
call me?!"
"Uncute!" Ranma replied without thinking, as was his wont.
"I thought so..." she said as she pulled a smaller mallet
from somewhere inside her jacket and walloped Ranma to the floor.
"Now..." she said taking a moment to put away the smaller
hammer, "Who were you calling uncute, Mr. Saotome?" said Akane to
Ranma who had been knocked to the floor.
Ranma put a hand to his head as he got back on the bed. His
ears were still ringing from that unexpected blow. She wasn't
acting like one of the girls who normally had a crush on him, he
thought to himself. Usually those girls did their violence to
each other, not to him... it was usually the angry boyfriends he
had to worry about...
"Precisely, Mr. Saotome." said Akane smugly. "I don't have a
crush on you," she seemed to find something immensely amusing
about the concept.
"Wait a minute. I just realized something... you've been
answering my questions--"
"... before you say them. For the duration of our
interview, I am allowed to read your thoughts in order to better
anticipate your every need."
"You're reading my mind?" he asked.
"Not entirely... just your surface thoughts." she smiled.
"Okay so what am I thinking now?" Ranma asked, trying
desperately to keep thoughts of how cute she looked out of his
head... which had precisely the opposite effect.
Akane blushed a little, and smiled, "Er... thanks. I'm
flattered."
Ranma's eyes bugged out a little. "So... um... You're sure
you're not... er... You mean you're not another of my... erhm..."
asked Ranma, now rather embarrassed.
Akane sobered enough to supply the word, "...groupies? No,
not at all," she smiled at him again. Ranma couldn't help but
smile back. She was just so cute. "I told you, Mr. Saotome, I'm
here to give you your wish."
"Could you just call me Ranma, please... Akane, right?"
"Okay."
"So let me get this straight... a wish?"
"Mmm-hm. One wish." Akane said holding up one finger.
"So what can I wish for? Can I wish to have the world
destroyed?"
"Actually, you could, but we don't like to do business with
that kind of client. That's why there's a strict screening
process."
"So why me?"
Akane just shrugged. "You fit the criterion."
Ranma felt oddly flattered by that, "So I could ask for
anything, short of world destruction?"
"Pretty much."
"Hmm... I have to think about this..." he muttered quietly
to himself, "World domination..? Nah... richest man in the
world..? Nah... world's best martial artist..? nah..."
Ranma's head suddenly snapped up as he realized something.
"What time is it?"
"Nearly ten thirty," Akane replied, mentally checking the
time, "Why?"
"You've got to get out of here!" said Ranma, panic rising in
his voice, "My dorm mates are arriving soon, if they catch
another girl in here because of me, I'm going to get kicked out
of here!"
"Well then you'd better make your wish fast, then..."
"I'm too worried to make a wish! I could wish for the wrong
thing and totally ruin my life forever! I don't need this
aggravation!"
"Well... what if we leave for a while, so they don't catch
me here?"
"I can't leave, I have to stay here until they come home,"
Ranma said, every so often cocking his ears to check for the
approach of Ryoga and Mousse, "Argh... Please... don't bother
with the wish, just get out of here? I have enough problems, I'd
rather not worry about you and a wish too..."
"You're turning down your wish?" Akane asked, shocked. "You
can't do that! No one's done that in centuries!" she was also
beginning to feel a rising tide of panic and depression, "It's me
isn't it? Just because this is my first assignment you're picking
on me..." tears were beginning to leak out of the corners of her
eyes.
"Argh..! That's not what I said! It's just that you have to
leave now, otherwise I'll be in really deep trouble... but its
not your fault... but I'd rather not worry you... Do you
understand?" he said, now concerned with both himself and her
and the possibility of imminent arrivals.
Akane stood up and turned towards the door, "Fine... I'll
just go back up to heaven... a failure..." she wiped her tears on
the back of her hand.
She was already out the door and storming to the bathroom,
down the hall before Ranma was able to catch up with her.
A few doors down and around the corner, the redhead was
getting bored looking for her client. She was taking a break. She
was stretched out on Ryoga's bed, reading one of his magazines,
drinking the soda she'd found all the while listening to music on
the old Walkman. She was a little annoyed at the Walkman too.
There was something wrong with the volume control, because the
sound kept getting suddenly loud, then quiet, then loud. It was
starting to get on her nerves.
Despite the Walkman, however, she was certain that she'd
heard a noise... maybe that would be Saotome. With a resigned
sigh, she got off the bed and drifted out into the corridor, not
bothering to remove the head phones. That right there was a big
mistake.
"Look, Akane..." he said, tentatively putting a hand on her
shoulder, "It's not you... girls have been after me and bothering
me for most of my life. You're one of the few women I've actually
been able to have a decent conversation with, even though we just
met today... and you don't necessarily count as a woman because
you're a goddess... and... er... um..."
Akane looked up at him, somewhat confused by his babbling.
She could feel concern coming from him which made her smile a
little, "Okay. I think."
"That's better. Its just that I don't want either of us to
get in trouble... do you have to grant a wish?"
"Well... not really, wishes have been refused before without
penalty. It's just a little embarrassing for me to come back
without having granted it. Do you really want me to go?"
"Well, I enjoyed your company... um... and I don't want you
to go as such... it's just... I don't really want the problems,
you understand..?"
Akane's eyes were dry now, "All right, I understand. I
suppose," she favored him with a small smile, "I guess I'm not
surprised the Yggradsil system picked you to receive a wish."
"Well, if it's any consolation... if I had to spend all my
time with a girl anyway, I wish I could be with a girl like
you."
The redhead turned the corner, and there he was! Her client!
He was talking to some other girl... probably a girlfriend or
something, she thought. He was cutie, mused the redhead... With
some fumbling she tried to adjusted the volume on the Walkman.
She barely managed to catch him saying the words "...I wish
I could be... a girl like you..."
A look of shock crossed her face as she heard this. The
marking on her forehead suddenly flared with brilliant light as
she rose into the air.
Akane was taken by surprise by Ranma's statement... but
there it was a clearly stated. The marking on her forehead
suddenly flared with a brilliant light as she rose off the
ground.
Ranma staggered back as Akane was enveloped suddenly in a
glowing column of white light which reached through the ceiling
and into the heavens. Behind him another eruption of light
occurred and as he turned to look, he saw a beautiful redhead
similarly cocooned in light.
Within moments the effect had subsided, allowing both women
float gently back to the ground. With a single quavering voice
the two women said, "Your wish is granted."
There was a brief moment of silence before the two women
noticed each other and everybody started talking at the same
time.
"Ranko!?" roared Akane at the redhead.
"Akane?!" said the redhead, just as surprised.
"Will somebody tell me what's going on?" said Ranma to both.
"What are you doing here?"
"Me?! What are you doing here?"
"It was my turn on the duty roster, you idiot!" Ranko said
floating in Akane's direction.
"Your turn was last week! He's my client!"
"It was for today! I already granted him his wish!"
"My wish? What wish?" asked Ranma, now utterly confused.
"YOU?! I granted his wish you incompetent red headed excuse
for a goddess!"
"Incompetent am I!?," Ranko said in a dangerous, silken
voice as she drew back slightly. A glowing sphere was beginning
to form between her hands.
"That's right... Here, let me show you how incompetent..."
replied Akane pulling her hammer out of its holster. She gave the
head a slight quarter twist and it began to hum in an ominous
tone.
"Nobody's going to do anything to anyone until I get an
explanation!!" shouted Ranma at the top of his lungs.
Ranko and Akane stopped in mid-threaten to look at him.
"Alright. Much better. Now..." he said turning to Akane,
"Who's she?"
The glowing sphere Ranko was holding had disappeared and
Akane had put away her weapon as well. Both women crossed their
arms at the same time.
"That's Ranko," replied Akane in a sullen tone.
"Ranko, Goddess of Affection, first class, second category,
limited. I'm her cousin," replied Ranko, in a tone which
indicated she wasn't particularly happy about the state of
affairs either.
"Fine. Much better. Now what are you doing here Ranko?"
asked Ranma, trying hard not to sound as if he were talking to
children.
"It was my turn for the field assignment according to the
duty roster, but hammer girl over here," Ranko said nodding to
Akane, "Must have misread the chart."
"And I keep telling you that it's my turn today!" Akane
retorted sharply, getting ready to pull out the maligned mallet.
"I don't care..." Ranma replied, now gritting his teeth, he
was starting to get a migraine. "Now... what was that about a
wish?"
"The Head Office granted your wish," said both women at the
same time. They glared at each other.
"We can't have both granted him a wish, he's only authorized
one!" said Ranko.
"Wait... What wish?" asked Ranma, still rather lost in this
conversation, "I don't remember making a wish--"
"Yes you did," Ranko interrupted, "It was rather surprising
I'll give you that much. Nobody's asked for that in at least a
couple of decades..."
Akane thought for a moment then said, "We'd better check
with the Head Office and clear this up," she turned to Ranma,
"Can we use your phone?"
"Sure... just clear this up fast. The guys are probably on
their way back by now," Ranma sighed, "This way," he said leading
them down the hall.
"Okay," Akane replied smiling at Ranma, "I'm pretty sure
this will all turn out to be the henna haired harridan's
fault..." she added, jerking a thumb at Ranko.
"Who are you calling a harridan, amateur?" said Ranko,
incensed.
"Amateur am I?" returned Akane through gritted teeth.
"Cousins," muttered Ranma, to himself, "Of course they're
cousins... some things must run in the family, I guess."
"What was that, Saotome?" Ranko suddenly asked Ranma in
silky voice.
"Erhm... nothing..." Ranma replied lamely.
Akane picked the phone up, frowning all the while and
punched the buttons in an incredibly complex sequence.
"Hello, yes," Akane said into the receiver, "This is Akane,
Sir... There seems to be some sort of mix up here, Sir... Both
contracts are approved..? Is he getting his wish twice then..?
What do you mean she sent up a different wish..? Different
contracts..? You mean Ranko's staying here too..?"
"I'm WHAT?!?!" screamed Ranko, livid.
"She's what?!" Ranma roared simultaneously.
Akane continued to talk, "Yes, Sir, Ranko's still here. I'll
put her on," she handed the phone to the redhead, "Here... He
wants to talk to you."
Ranko grabbed the receiver, "What do you mean I'm staying?!
I sent up the wish he wanted..! There has to be some sort of
mistake..! What do you mean I made the mistake..!? He's a
what..?!" she added in low tones, "Oh boy... But if it was an
invalid wish anyway why are we still enforcing the contract? What
do you mean you don't know?! Er... sorry, Sir... Yes, Sir... Yes,
Sir... Good bye, Sir. ARGH!!!" Ranko slammed the phone back onto
its cradle.
"Well?" asked Ranma expectantly.
"Well... apparently you are receiving two wishes..." replied
Ranko, nervously.
"What wish are you talking about, I haven't even wished for
anything. I was just about to send Akane off without giving me
the wish..."
"Well..." said Akane fighting off a blush, "You sort of
wished you could spend the rest of your time with a girl like
me..."
"I... I... what?" sudden realization dawning on his face,
"Oh..."
"...and now we have an unbreakable contract which says I
will be your companion... for the rest of your life."
Ranma looked as though he were ready to faint, "Okay... I
think I can deal with that... what's this about another wish?"
"Er..." Ranko replied with obvious reluctance, "I sort of
heard you saying that you... er wished you could be... er...
agrlykmi."
"What was that? Slow down, Ranko, I didn't hear you. Wished
I could be what?"
"Er... a girl like me."
"THAT'S THE OTHER WISH!!!?!?!?" roared Ranma.
"It's not my fault!" Ranko shot back.
In a fit of rage Ranma rushed forward and grabbed Ranko by
her arms, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WANTED TO BE A GIRL?!?!?"
What rather surprised him was the fact that his voice came
out a few octaves higher. He also noticed rather belatedly that
he was now the same height as Ranko. Also... his balance felt
distinctly... odd. Eyes glazed in shock and not daring to look
down, Ranma's hands moved to touch his chest. Rounded. Rather
well rounded. Very distinctly female...
Ranko produced a small hand mirror from somewhere and showed
it to Ranma. He looked at it uncomprehendingly. The reflection
looking back at him wasn't the rugged good looks and dark hair
he'd become accustomed too. Rather it was Ranko's delicate
features and red, red hair... He was now a she. This was waaaay
too much. Ranma gave a full throated scream of horror before
fainting dead away.
As he slumped to the floor, Akane turned a wry glance
towards Ranko, "You could've handled that better you know."
"Oh shut up and wake him up. I still have to explain how it
works."
Akane merely sighed. She knelt down next to Ranma, who now
looked exactly like Ranko except for the shorter braid and the
lack of facial markings, and gently slapped her face. "Wake up."
Ranma came to his senses after a few more slaps. "Ow. Stop
that..." he said before realizing that his voice was now back to
normal, "Hey, I'm not a woman, it was all just a bad dream..." he
said happily, before noticing his current situation. He was still
on the floor, but Akane was now cradling his head somewhat. All
in all not a bad position to be in if you're a man.
Long seconds passed while the two tried to sort out who
ought to move first all the while Ranko stood to one side with a
disgusted look on her face. "Will you two love birds stop that?
Just help him get up--"
The door of the common room suddenly burst open revealing
Ryoga and Mousse, followed by Gosunkugi and the rest of the dorm
residents.
"I knew it! I knew you couldn't resist the temptation,
Ranma!" said Ryoga pointing an accusing finger at him.
"You were warned, Saotome," said Mousse, "Your punishment
will be most severe."
Gosunkugi didn't even bother making accusations. He simply
pulled out a 35mm camera and started taking photos.
"Wait! It's not what it looks like really! I can explain!"
"Oh, really? Very well, then Saotome... I am curious as to
how you intend to explain fact one," Mousse said holding up one
finger, "Two women in the common room, after you'd been
specifically instructed not to let them in anymore. Then there is
fact two, " he continued, holding up a second finger.
"The fact that you are on the floor of the common room
wearing nothing but a towel, in the presence of the two
aforementioned women," Ranma made a small strangled sound as he
realized that he was indeed still wearing only his towel. Mousse
held up a third finger, "And fact three..."
"The fact that you are currently being held by one of these
aforementioned women," Ranma and Akane both blushed as they
realized their positions. Both scrambled to stand up. Mousse held
up a fourth finger in triumph.
"And finally, fact four... we heard a scream of feminine
anguish as we entered the dorm, no doubt you forcing yourself on
the other lovely lady..." Ranko favored Mousse with a smile which
caused his glasses to fog up, "Explain away that, Saotome. I dare
you."
"Er... If you put it that way. This looks really bad doesn't
it?" asked Ranma.
Most of the other dorm residents nodded their heads
vigorously in agreement, that yes, indeed it looked really bad.
"I don't suppose we could overlook this..?"
"Enough talk, Ranma! Now take your punishment like a man!
Expulsion from Greenwood!! Grab him!"
Within a matter of minutes, Ranma, Akane and Ranko were
grabbed, man- (or woman-) handled and thrown out onto the street
along with a small packed bag of Ranma's belongings.
Ryoga slammed shut the door with the final words, "We'll
send you the rest of your stuff once you give us your new
address!"
Ranma, still in the towel. Looked around him in dismay.
"Why is this happening to me?!" he asked the heavens.
"Bad karma?" offered Ranko with a grin.
"Let me in you jerks!!" cried Ranma, as he pounded on the
door.
A small crowd of people had already gathered to watch the
spectacle. Murmurs of "Isn't that Ranma?", "A towel?", "What a
pervert!", "Nice tush though..." were already making their way
around.
"I'm really sorry about this Ranma," said Akane, hesitantly,
"Um... maybe you should... er... put something on first before
you catch cold..."
"What are you talking abou--?" asked Ranma as he glanced
down, then around.
He gave a small strangled sound (sort of like an Aghk! only
with more feeling) and ducked behind one of the trash cans.
"Hey!" he railed at the crowd, "Haven't you people got
anything better to do?!"
As the people began to disperse, some shaking their heads at
the state of the youth today and some with an occasional sidelong
glance, even one person who took a snapshot, Ranma asked Akane,
"Uh... could you hand me some clothes from that bag?"
"Here..." offered Akane, doing her best not to look.
"Thanks," he said as he changed into his clothes, doing his
best to keep the trash can between him and the two girls.
Ranko leaned to one side to get a better view of him as he
put his pants on and muttered, "Hey, that lady was right, he does
have a nice tush..."
"Ranko, stop that!" said Akane, acutely embarrassed for
Ranma.
"Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely
interrupted," Ranko said as Ranma finished getting dressed,
"Basically... Ranma will turn into a girl if he comes too close
to me."
"What?!" said the other two simultaneously.
"Here, watch." She moved close to Ranma, nearly touching him
and suddenly, without even a puff of smoke or a three minute long
transformation sequence, Ranma had turned into a nearly exact
twin of Ranko. Their only major difference was in the length of
hair and the face marks. Ranma's clothes were now looser in some
ways, but considerably tighter in others...
"Argh!!" said the now female Ranma, "Turn me back! Turn me
back!"
"That's the other thing... you change back only when Akane
touches you," Ranko said, now stepping back.
"When I what!?" asked Akane
"You've got to touch him."
Akane stood next to Ranma and touched the tip of her finger
to his shoulder. Just as quickly as he'd been turned into a
woman, he was a man again.
"See?" said Ranko, "Simple."
"Who's idea was this?" said Ranma, examining himself, more
or less trying to make certain that all of his... ahem... parts
were where they were supposed to be.
"I don't know. That's what was on the contract... or so
Kami-sama said."
"Kami-sama?" asked Ranma.
"Yeah. On the phone, remember?"
"You're kidding, right?"
Both girls shook their heads.
"That was hi-- I mean, that was Him?"
Both girls nodded.
"Geez... I don't think you can get a higher authority than
that, I guess," then Ranma brightened perceivably, "Well, that's
simple then. If you just stay away from me, I don't have to worry
about turning into a woman!"
"It's not quite that easy, Ranma," said Akane, "Neither of
us can leave your presence for more than a day..."
"Oh great..." said Ranma, hanging his head, "No place to
live and stuck with two goddesses, one of whom will give me an
instant sex change if I stand to close to her."
Ranko looked faintly bored and Akane was still rather
embarrassed by it all.
"Let me get this straight... you've got some sort of
contract with me, right? Making sure that my wishes stay
fulfilled?"
Akane nodded.
"But one of the wishes was faulty right? Couldn't I just
have that one annulled or something?"
"Well, you see Ranma, it's not that easy. Something happened
when the Ygradsil System processed your request. My contract with
you is inexorably linked to Ranko's contract with you--"
"What she means, Saotome," interrupted Ranko, "Is that if
you want to get rid of me, you have to get rid of her too..."
Ranma had to think about that.
"So, how do I do that?"
"You have to break the contract... I'm not sure who did the
wording, but I was told you have to break her heat to break that
contract. That or if she wants to leave you and you let her."
Ranko had a sour face on. She was the goddess of affection. She
knew perfectly well that this idiot human and her tomboy cousin
were going to follow the dictates of their hearts. Damn.
Ranma gave a huge sigh. "Come on then you two. If I can't
get rid of either of you, I've at least got to see about finding
us a place to live," he picked up the bag and jerked his thumb
down the road "My van's parked around the corner..."
The two goddesses shrugged and turned to follow him.
As the three made their way down the curb, Ranma muttered to
himself, "What else could go wrong..?"
Overhead, storm clouds rumbled ominously as though in
answer.
PART II - Of New Loves and Old Friends
Ranma was in a lousy mood and the weather was mirroring his
sentiments. It was raining hard out there. He had been using the
phone at Ucchan's for the better part of an hour now. It was a
large, upscale, but old fashioned okonomiyaki restaurant. The
food was good and reasonably priced, but eating here always
reminded him of an old friend of his from high school for some
reason, so he rarely went here. They were here because it was the
only place still open in the vicinity.It's at times like this
when you find out who your real friends are, he thought to
himself. It was already past midnight and he still didn't have a
place to stay.
None of his friends had any room for him and two women.
Mostly it would be either just for him (from his female
acquaintances) or for the women (the offers coming from his male
friends) but not all three of them.
The continuous dull patter of rain on the restaurant's roof
was starting to lull Ranma to sleep. He was exhausted and
homeless. This was a truly lousy way to end a day... He glanced
at his two companions to make sure they were doing okay.
Ranko was sitting contentedly at one booth nursing a hot
chocolate whose contents had already taken time to congeal at the
bottom of the mug. Akane on the other hand looked as miserable as
he felt, sipping her tea. He wished that he could be with her for
the rest of time... or so she'd said. That in and of itself
wasn't that bad. Ranma found that he rather liked her... even if
they'd only met a few hours ago and she had a tendency to get
very violent. But what did you expect from the goddess of
Conflicts? Unfortunately, Ranko and a weird proximity triggered
sex change curse had somehow gotten into the deal as well.
He cradled the receiver and took out his phone card. He
walked back to their booth, where he sat down next to Akane, as
far as possible from Ranko and said, "That's it... nothing."
Ranko shrugged and took another drink out of her almost
treacle like chocolate.
"So what do we do now?" asked Akane. She hated to admit it,
but she was getting scared. She had never had to deal with
anything like this before. She felt way out of her league. Her
duties used to include only weather patterns and competition for
food by wild animals... She wasn't used to dealing with people on
a one on one basis. The lousy weather was actually her fault. She
tended to echo her sentiments to the sky... and right now she
felt like crying.
"Don't worry. Something will turn up eventually," said Ranko
airily, "This is just a temporary aberration."
Ranma's hand slammed down on the table, "Ranko, what are you
talking about? I don't have a place to live thanks to you and you
call it a `temporary aberration'!?"
"It's not a problem. If something threatens to invalidate
the contract, that is, something threatens to separate either of
us from you, the `Ultimate Force' will come into play and help
facilitate things and prevent contract breach. You'll see... "
Ranko said with a shrug of her smooth shoulders.
"What are you babbling about?!" asked Ranma.
Akane threw a frown in Ranko's direction, "What she means is
that there is a force which seeks to make sure that all contracts
with our office are enforced. She probably thinks that since not
having a home will make us want to leave you... the Ultimate
Force will come into play and grant us a place to live..." she
snapped her fingers, "Just like that."
"Bingo, hammer girl. You hit the nail right on the head...
so to speak."
"Quit calling me hammer girl, you imbecile!"
"Will the both of you calm down?!" hissed Ranma at the two,
"We already got kicked out of the Nekohanten by the old ghoul
because you two started fighting."
"Ahhh... what do you know, anyway?" said Ranko with a
dismissive gesture.
Akane smirked, "Ranko... remember the specs for the Ultimate
Force?"
"Sure I do... I've been serving the Goddess Relief Office
longer than you have, you know."
"Do you remember what the response time is supposed to be?"
"Yeah..." Ranko suddenly stopped herself as she seemed to
realize something. Her face took on a look of acute
embarrassment.
"It's five minutes, give or take two minutes, right?" Akane
asked nastily.
"Er... yeah."
"Ranma's been looking for a place for us for a good hour
now, wouldn't you say?"
"Uh-huh..." continued Ranko, not liking where the
conversation was headed.
"Doesn't that tell you something?"
"Like I said... temporary aberration... some sort of system
error..." Ranko replied vaguely.
Akane stood up, "A temporary aberration would have been
spotted an hour ago! Something is definitely wrong with our
contracts if they're not getting enforced!"
"Akane, calm down. Please," shushed Ranma, pulling Akane
back down into her seat, "If I understand you correctly...
your... er... `office' should have helped us find a place to stay
by now?"
Akane and Ranko glared at each other but eventually both
nodded.
"So something has got to be wrong if we haven't found a
place yet? Or does it just mean that Akane won't necessarily
leave me if I don't find us someplace to live?"
The two goddesses exchanged looks of surprise... that was a
distinct possibility too.
"Hmm... does this mean the Ultimate Force will also try to
keep me from... er... breaking your heart? That would lead to
contract breach... right?"
Akane blushed slightly, "Um..."
"You could try to cheat on her, Saotome," said Ranko, "Don't
bother. I've seen people run smack dab against the Ultimate
Force. It's not a pretty sight."
Ranma gave Ranko a bewildered look. He sighed and thought to
himself, "Why did I have to be saddled with her? Why?"
He eventually said, "In any case, it looks like we'll be
sleeping in the van... at least for tonight."
"The van?!!?" roared Ranko, drawing herself to her full
height, "That piece of garbage?! I refuse to bruise my lovely
young body scrunched up in that awful little heap!"
"Ranko! Shut up! We don't have much of a choice, now do we?
I don't like the idea much either, but Ranma has no more money
and I don't want to sleep in some alley or on a park bench!"
replied Akane, also standing up.
Ranma made shushing gestures, but both goddesses ignored
him.
"Excuse me," said a voice approaching their table.
Ranma buried his face in his hands and muttered to himself,
"I don't need this aggravation..."
"What?!" asked the goddesses in unison, turning towards the
source of the voice.
The voice had come from the tall handsome brunette with long
hair tied back into a neat ponytail. The person had just removed
an apron with the characters for "UCCHAN'S" written on it. Under
the apron, was a shirt with a buttondown collar and blue jeans.
"I couldn't help but overhearing..."
"They could hear them all the way to China..." muttered
Ranma darkly. Akane pulled out her hammer and walloped him on the
head without looking.
"I'm closing up in a few minutes... If you folks really
don't have a place to stay... well, there's an extra room in the
back that has a couple of old futons. There should be enough room
for three people. If you want, I can let you stay for the night."
"Thank you, kind sir," said Ranko fluttering her lashes at
the manager, "Could you do us the honor of telling us your name?"
The manager blushed and looked flustered, but eventually
managed to say, "Ukyou Kuonji. You can call me Ukyou. I own this
place, I could use some people to work here, too if you're
interested. We might be able to work out a deal for you guys to
live on the premises... "
Akane got a relieved look in her eye, and murmured softly,
"I guess, the Ultimate Force is working, after all..."
Ranma jumped up and bowed low, "Thanks, Ukyou, we really
appreciate it."
"Sure, no problem. I just couldn't let you people go
homeless. It isn't safe for the ladies out there, even with you
to protect them..." Ukyou said looking intently at Ranma, "You
look familiar... you are?"
"Ranma--"
"Ranko Tendo," she interrupted, bowing low enough to show
Ukyou a good deal of cleavage.
"Akane Tendo."
Ukyou's eyebrow raised a little, "Related?"
"Cousins," replied the two at the same time. They glared at
each other again.
"Well, just let me close up, then I'll show you the room."
"Sure. Thanks again," said Ranma, smiling, "If you need
anything... anything at all... I don't have much, but I'll be
glad to give it if you ask. We owe you for this."
"Well, you could start by helping me clean up, afterwards
though..." Ukyou smiled cattily at Ranma, "I'm sure I'll think of
something..."
The manager entered a broom closet and pulled out some
brooms and mops. Ukyou was feeling rather oddly impulsive by
practically inviting these people to live at Ucchan's without
even finding out who they were... but there was something about
that Ranma fellow which looked oddly familiar to Ukyou...
Ranma for some reason felt distinctly... worried.
Akane smiled at the exchange wordlessly. For no discernible
reason to her, she suddenly felt an odd surge of jealousy. She
shook her head to clear it. Surely she couldn't be feeling
jealous over the way this guy was staring at Ranma, could she?
Ranko, while only a few years older than Akane, was decades
ahead as far as sophistication was concerned. She understood the
look Ukyou was giving Ranma immediately, but didn't feel
concerned at all. After all, this poor sap was going to have to
go up against the Ultimate Force to get anywhere with Ranma. That
wasn't bloody likely. She smiled to herself... it would be
interesting to watch though.
The clean up took less than half an hour and Ukyou led them
to the store room, helping them to lay out the futons.
"Well, I'll be turning in now," said Ukyou with a smile, "I
live on the second floor. If you need anything, just knock on the
door at the top of the stairs. If anyone wants to take a bath in
the morning, its the door on the landing. There are spare towels
in there, too."
"Thanks, Darling," said Ranko, cheerfully blowing another
kiss at Ukyou.
The manager took a last nervous glance at Ranko and bowed
out. After Ukyou had left, Akane shot Ranko a look of disgust and
said, "Honestly Ranko, you're a shameless flirt!"
"Hey, it was the least I could do... considering that he's
helping us out."
"But did you have to bend over like that every time he came
close?"
"I like to think of it as a partial repayment. Besides... I
don't think I'm the one he's interested in..." Ranko let her
statement hang.
"What do you mean?" Ranma asked smoothing down his futon.
"Weelllll... it's just that our benefactor was shooting some
rather sultry looks someone else's way..."
"Who?" asked Ranma not entirely in step with matters
innuendo wise, "He was looking at Akane?"
Akane blushed red, "No he wasn't..!" she had obviously
picked up faster than Ranma did. "...er... he was... um..."
"Jeez, you're dense, Saotome," muttered Ranko as she took
off her outer coat.
"Oh yeah, one other thing, " she added, tagging Ranma on the
shoulder, "Just to make sure you don't try anything funny while
Akane and I are sleeping."
Ranma looked down at herself and tried not to scream again.
This entire turning into a woman thing was definitely going to
take some getting used to.
"What do you mean `try anything funny'?!" asked Ranma, now
with a girl's voice.
"Funny as in lecherous or weird not funny ha ha, if you must
have me define it," Ranko replied with a smirk. She settled into
her futon and was snoring away within a matter of seconds.
"I am really starting to see why you don't like her much,
Akane," Ranma said.
"Oh, this is nothing... she was a lot worse when we were
kids."
Ranma merely nodded agreeably and said, "This is definitely
going to take some getting used too," she said, looking herself
over.
Akane took a look at Ranko and asked shyly, "Would you like
me to change you back?"
"Um... you don't have to," Ranma glanced at Ranko, with a
nervous smile, "Actually I think she might have a point..."
Akane blushed deeply and her expression had turned into one
of rage as she pulled out her hammer, "You wouldn't, dare!"
Ranma held out her hands defensively, "No! Of course not! I
was just kidding, okay?! It was a joke!"
"Oh..." said Akane, lowering the hammer. For some reason she
felt oddly disappointed. She hefted her weapon again, "Well, why
not? I'm not cute enough for you, is that it?! Is that it?!!"
"Argh..! Put that thing down, Akane, I didn't say that
either! You are... er... That is..." Akane lowered it again and
Ranma breathed a sigh of relief, "What I mean is... er... we just
met today. Besides, we're sharing the room with your cousin...
and... uh..."
Akane got a hold of herself slowly and managed to say after
a few moment's thought, "Its okay, Ranma, I'm kidding too," she
said unconvincingly, "But seriously, I mean it's no problem if
you're a guy with us," she paused and looked him straight in the
eye, "I trust you."
Ranma smiled at that, "That's nice to know, Akane..." he
coughed nervously and shot a glance at the other goddess, "If
you're sure its no problem..."
"Not at all, come over here," she said beckoning to Ranma
over Ranko's sleeping form.
Akane could have just tagged Ranma on the shoulder as Ranko
had done, but instead she impulsively placed her hand on Ranma's
cheek and watched the transformation. One moment, she was taller
than Ranma, the next he was towering over her. She let her hand
rest on his cheek for a while longer.
The two stood in silence for long seconds. Akane noticed to
her surprise that Ranma's face began to get warmer and a little
red for some reason. Ranma put his hand over hers and eventually
said with some embarrassment "I think you can put your hand down,
Akane-chan... We'd better turn in," he added hurriedly.
"Er... sorry, I didn't realize. Sorry," replied Akane also
burning red with embarrassment. She certainly didn't miss the
fact that he had called her Akane-chan either.
So without any further word, Ranma and Akane lay down to
sleep. Akane was still trying to get used to how things were in
the human realm, but was certain that she was doing a good job of
adapting. She still had a lot to think about... especially about
Ranma.
Ranma was certain that he would have trouble sleeping
tonight, despite his exhaustion. Not only was there his now
rather mutable sexuality to consider and his current homeless
situation, but there was Akane as well... he was a man of his
word, he wouldn't try anything... but he certainly couldn't stop
himself from thinking about it.
Both were so busy covering up their embarrassment and
pretending to sleep that neither of them noticed that Ranko's
snores had stopped. A small frown was already forming on Ranko's
features... "So, that's how it is," she thought to herself
sleepily, mulling over the two's conversation, "I didn't realize
my tomboy cousin had a romantic bone in her body... Not good. If
she keeps this up, he'll never want to break her contract...
Akane and I'll be stuck down here forever..."
"No way. Not if I can help it" she muttered aloud before
drifting back to sleep.
Akane got up fairly early the next morning. She was rather
surprised to find the still snoozing Ranma, his face under a
pillow, was now back to being a female... Ranko had disappeared
as well, but Akane was sure she could hear someone singing.
Badly. Her curiosity piqued by this and certain that whatever had
happened it was all Ranko's fault, Akane stormed off to find
her. Akane moved up the stairs, to where the singing was louder.
She eventually realized that Ranko had taken Ukyou's offer of a
bath. The door to the changing room was unlocked and she marched
through the divider without breaking stride.
"Alright, what were you trying to do last night?!" she
roared.
Sitting in the tub, Ranma looked at Akane with shock. Akane
was also no doubt shocked. Ranma quickly ducked under the water
to cover himself and replied, edging towards the far end of the
bath, "I didn't do anything!! I kept as far away from both of you
as possible!"
Akane, realizing what an error she had made quickly averted
her gaze and covered her eyes, "Oh God, I'm sorry Ranma, I
thought that was you still sleeping down there!"
"What are you talking about!?"
Ranko suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke behind Akane and
said, leering openly at Ranma, "Yeah, right Akane... you were
just looking for an excuse to burst in on Ranma naked..."
"But I thought that was him, downstairs..!" Akane angrily
replied turning on Ranko. She stared as she realized what had
caused her mistake. Ranko's hair was now as short as Ranma's.
Ranko noticed her staring and gave her head a quick shake,
causing the rest of her braid to unfold from wherever she'd
hidden it. She smiled at Akane. "What a pair you two are! An
exhibitionist and a voyeur!" she shouted as she dashed out the
door, "Enjoy the show, Akane!"
With a puff of smoke Ranko had transformed into a six inch
version of herself, with different body proportions and a much
larger head. She looked a lot like a superdeformed doll version
of herself. She slid down the banister and was already looking
for a good hiding place.
"Sorry, about that, Ranma..." said Akane meekly as she
stepped out and closed the door. Outside she roared at the top of
her voice, "Ranko!! Get back here!!!" In the distance, thunder
rolled, echoing her sentiments.
In the tub Ranma buried his face in his hands and muttered
to himself, "What did I do to deserve this?"
Upstairs, what with all the noise, Ukyou was starting to
wonder if it was really a good idea to have invited those people
to stay the night. They seemed like nice enough people at the
time. And that Ranma reminded Ukyou of an old friend back in high
school. "So handsome..." the manager sighed and opened the
apartment's front door. Akane was on the lower landing, obviously
searching for something.
"Tendo-san, Good morning. Did you sleep well?"
Noticing Ukyou at the top of the stairs, "Oh... er... Good
morning. Yes, Kuonji-san, thank you."
Ukyou looked at her and saw how tense and alert she was,
"Akane? Is something wrong?"
Akane still looked distracted, as though she'd just heard a
sound but now wasn't sure. "Um... No... nothing at all.
"Is anyone in the bath, then?" asked Ukyou.
Akane's head suddenly snapped to base of the stairs where a
small doll appeared to be hiding. Ukyou gave the doll a perplexed
glance as it winked back at the manager.
"Ranko..." Akane growled, totally focused on her prey and
ignoring all distractions, "Excuse me a minute, Ukyou..." she
said as she bounded down the stairs after the now retreating
doll, her hammer up and ready.
Ukyou was utterly confused now. With a shrug, Ukyou
proceeded to the bath... little realizing that Akane had not even
heard the question.
The manager knocked on the bath door and said, "It's Ukyou,
mind if I join you?"
Inside, Ranma said, "Sure come on in... I'm nearly done
anyway."
Ukyou entered the bath's changing room and stripped down,
taking extra care while removing the chest bindings. "It did seem
odd though," Ukyou noted, "Ranko's voice seemed a lot deeper than
it did last night..." she shrugged it off and slid open the
divider.
Ranma stood up and was about to step out of the tub when the
divider opened again... and time stopped. Standing just outside
was a tall, attractive woman with handsome features. She had a
smile, a small towel over one shoulder and that was about all she
was wearing. She was one up on Saotome though... his towel was
across the room. It took a few moments for the shock to wear off,
but when it did...
"Who are you?!"
"You're not Ranko!!"
Both screamed simultaneously. Ranma ducked back into the
water for the sake of modesty and the girl did her best to cover
herself with the little towel. It wasn't doing a particularly
good job... Ranma was getting dangerously clear views of what the
girl was trying to hide. She didn't like that...
Ranko and Akane heard the shouting and quickly rushed up to
investigate.
"Ranma! What's wrong?" said Akane, concerned as she hurried
into the bathroom.
The little doll Ranko bounced in a few moments later and
transformed into her normal form in another puff of smoke, "Now
what?" she asked, annoyed. Their expressions suddenly changed as
they got a better look at the situation. Ranko's expression
turned to amusement and Akane's had turned into one of shock.
Ranma was out cold in the tub, face down with a stream of
bubbles coming from his mouth. The girl had a towel rack in one
hand which she had obviously torn off from one of the walls and
was using her other hand to hold up her towel.
The girl turned her back to Saotome and said furiously to
Akane, pointing at her with the towel rack, "I thought you said
Ranko was in here!"
"When did I do that? Who are you?" asked Akane.
"I'm Ukyou!"
"But Ukyou's a guy!" Akane replied.
"No I'm not!"
"Ranko! What did you do to Ukyou?!" said Akane turning on
her cousin, now certain Ranko had done something horrible, after
all... wasn't it her fault that Ranma turned into a girl?
"What do you mean what did I do?" asked Ranko, genuinely
hurt.
Ranma made a series of choking noises and finally managed to
revive enough to lift his head out of the water, "What did you
do that for?" he asked groggily, trying to look around. His eyes
finally focused on something nearby...
Akane noticed Ranma's head finally coming up, but he still
looked a bit dazed. His head swiveled around until finally his
eyes seemed to lock, almost by accident on Ukyou...
Ukyou heard Ranma revive and realized belatedly that her
little towel was only large enough to cover her front. And Ranma
was behind her.
Several things happened simultaneously. Ranma realized what
precisely he was looking at and quickly averted his gaze. Akane,
realizing what Ranma was looking at, brought out her hammer.
Ukyou realizing that her bottom did feel a little drafty, dropped
her weapon, covered herself with her hand and quickly spun
around. Ranko started giggling.
"Ranma, you pervert!!" said Akane bringing her hammer up to
punish him.
"I didn't see anything!! I didn't see anything!! Honest!"
Ranma pleaded as he was hammered into the wall beside the tub.
His eyes firmly shut the whole time just in case he saw something
he wasn't supposed to.
"Stop that!!" said Ukyou, no one was precisely certain if
she meant the hammering or Ranma's staring, not even her.
Ranma found himself embedded in the tiles again and managed
to croak out, "What have I done to deserve this?" before passing
out.
"I can't believe I trusted him, the creep," Akane muttered
to herself.
Ranko leaned against the frame of the door, "But, Akane...
this was all your fault. You told Ukyou that I was in the bath
when you knew that it was Ranma in there all along..."
Ukyou turned on Akane in a fury once more, "You mean you
were helping this lecher!?"
"No I am not helping him and no I didn't tell Ukyou that
Ranko was in the bathroom!"
"Yes you did," Ranko continued, "You were still trying to
hammer me on the stairs and he..." she said pointing at the girl,
who frowned, "Er... she was trying to talk to you. You weren't
paying attention."
"Are we sure that's Ukyou?" asked Akane.
"I'm going to get dressed and we are all going to have a
long discussion about this downstairs," Ukyou said in a voice
that would brook no argument, "Somebody put some clothes on Ranma
and drag him down, too... I want to talk to him."
Ranko's face had a crooked grin as she looked down on
Ranma's unconscious form, "You know, Saotome... you've sure got
some way with women."
"`Saotome?'" said Ukyou, as she buttoned her top, "Why did
you just call him Saotome?"
Ranko frowned, "It's his name. Ranma Saotome."
"Saotome? I thought he said his name was Ranma Tendo?"
"Why would he be named Tendo?"
"I thought you said you were his cousins?" said Ukyou.
Akane offered, "Ranko and I are cousins. Ranma's just a...
er..."
"Her boyfriend." Ranko said in her silky voice.
"He is not!" said Akane, with surprising vehemence.
"Oh, yeah..." said Ranko, sounding thoughtful, "He said he
wanted to spend the rest of his life with you... It wasn't what
he said precisely, but that's what he meant. You two are probably
more like fiances than boyfriend-girlfriend," she added, smiling.
"That's not it either! He wanted--" Akane tried to answer,
desperately embarrassed.
"He wanted you, hammer girl." said Ranko with finality,
jabbing a finger in Akane's direction.
Akane wanted to shove her hammer down Ranko's throat, but at
the same time she rather liked the thought of Ranma wanting
her... somehow. Blushing red, she walloped Ranko into the floor,
"Just shut up, Ranko! You're stuck to him too!"
As Ranko picked herself up Ukyou, who had been gazing
intently at Ranma, asked again, "You two are sure his name's
Ranma Saotome?"
"Yes... why do you ask?"
She brought her face on level with Ranma's, "Well... I think
he's my best friend from high school."
"He's your what?!" asked the two goddesses in conjunction.
Ranma, who had finally recovered enough to open his eyes
found himself face to face with Ukyou. He blinked a couple of
times, desperately trying to get his brain restarted, until he
finally recognized who the girl was and said, "Is that you,
Ucchan?" Amazing what two blows to the head can do.
Ukyou was startled but recovered quickly enough to hug him
and say, "It is you Ran-chan! I'm so happy! It's been so long!
Stay as long as you like!" said Ukyou, who was feeling like a
giddy teenager all over again, "Your friends can stay too if they
want! It's so good to see you!!"
"Wait, slow down," said Ranma still half dazed, "It's great
to see you too, Ucchan, but why were you dressed like a man
though? You sure had us fooled..."
Ukyou's smile faltered for the briefest of instants before
it was back, "I don't really like to talk about it, Ran-chan.
Let's go downstairs... we have a lot of catching up to do!"
"Sure. Sure. We can talk there..." Ranma was still a bit
confused and not entirely certain why it was so drafty...
Ranko gave a small self contented smile as she watched Ukyou
give Ranma another very enthusiastic hug... made all the worse by
the fact that Ranma was only wearing a towel that had been draped
on him and the fact that Akane was watching. If this didn't make
her want to break the contract, she didn't know what would.
"What is going on here?" Akane asked manhandling Ranma away
from Ukyou.
"Can I at least get dressed first?" asked Ranma realizing
that he only had a thin linen towel to protect his modesty with.
Ukyou and Akane hastily backed out to let him get dressed, while
Ranko left last, taking her time and ogling him.
Ranko had plans for Saotome... Oh yes. Plans indeed.
PART III: Of Devoted Worshipers and Unexpected Jealousies
It was the end of the semestral break. Now that the repairs
to the school buildings were complete (some of which were
severely damaged when the Chemistry Lab had blown up under
mysterious circumstances one evening) classes would resume this
Monday. Ranma was not particularly looking forward to going back
to the academic grind, but he didn't have much of a choice. If he
wanted to keep his athletic scholarship, he had to keep his
grades above a certain level as well. On the upshot, at least he
would be getting out of Ucchan's, even if only during the day.
Since he, Akane and Ranko had moved in, the place had become
a madhouse. Akane shared Ukyou's guest room with Ranko while
Ranma had gotten the back room of the restaurant. They helped out
around Ucchan's whenever necessary and Ukyou's business had
actually improved because of the handsome new waiter (Ranma) and
cute new waitresses (Akane and Ranko).
Add to that Ranko picking on Akane, Akane's tendency to
violently retaliate with her hammer, Ukyou and Akane getting
mildly jealous over what each thought the other had (this was
especially bad for Akane who was known to cause thunderstorms
when in an particularly foul mood), Ranko slinking around the
restaurant, flirting with anything that moves, and every so often
transforming Ranma, plus everyone occasionally walking in on
Ranma in the bath and him getting beaten up for it... it all came
down to a rather complicated domestic situation. And they'd only
been staying there for less than three weeks.
Ranma hadn't given up on finding a place just for him and
the goddesses. Despite Ukyou's good cheer and protestations to
the contrary, Ranma could see that her patience with the other
two was starting to wear thin. Ranma didn't want to impose on her
too much, after all, they used to be the very best of friends.
She was still pretty much the same girl he'd been friends
with back in Furinkan High School, in their home town.
Unfortunately, they'd lost touch with one another after they went
to college. The last he'd heard Ukyou was going to marry her
boyfriend, some guy she'd met in Tokyo. She didn't want to talk
about it and Ranma certainly wasn't about to pry.
Ranma stepped out of the tub and shook out of his reverie
just in time to hear someone trying to open the door. For some
strange reason, the locks on the doors of the bath tended to
unlock by themselves whenever Ranma inside. He called out,
"Nearly done! Please, wait outside!"
"Oh. Sorry, Ranma!" called back a voice which he recognized
as Akane's. Ranma had learned to be more alert since he'd started
living with the goddesses. Every day was a new opportunity for
training.
Ranma stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and saw
Akane sitting on the landing. He called, "Hi, Akane. Your turn."
She stood up, smiling, "Thank you, Ranma. Do you have
classes today?"
Ranma nodded, "Only until one. Then I'll be out looking for
another apartment. You can come along if you like..."
From upstairs, Ukyou stepped out of her apartment and walked
to the bath. "Ran-chan, how many times do I have to tell you
that you're always welcome to stay for as long as you like! That
goes for your girlfriend as well," Ukyou said smiling at Akane.
Akane blushed mildly at that. She was starting to get used
to being called that... but somehow it still didn't quite feel
right when Ukyou said it for some reason.
Ranma neither confirmed nor denied their status, but he did
put a discreet hand on her shoulder as he said, "But not for her
cousin, huh?"
"I heard that, Saotome!!" came a sleepy voice from the
apartment, "You'll pay!"
Ukyou noted the gesture with amusement. Ranma always stayed
close to Akane when it seemed likely that Ranko would get mad at
him for some reason. But besides that, Ranma tended to be close
to Akane whenever possible. Every so often he would put a hand on
her shoulder or brush against her. To Ukyou's knowledge, Ranma
never was the clingy kind, nor did he have the tendency to openly
display affection, but when he was with Akane Ukyou noticed, with
just a little jealousy... he rarely let go.
Akane knew why. She threw Ranma a sour look of amusement.
He was mostly worried that Ranko would try to turn him into a
woman again. Akane knew that Ranma would occasionally fall into
depressions just thinking about what would happen if Ranko
transformed him and Akane disappeared. He would never become a
man again... Aside from that, it was tough enough being
transformed into another gender by a woman's touch, but trying to
keep it secret from someone who used to be your best friend who
was living in the same house at the same time...
"Whatever," said Ranma with a shrug, "I'm going apartment
hunting anyway, Ucchan. I don't want to impose on you so much."
"That's my Ran-chan alright," Ukyou said with a smile. Akane
felt a stab of jealousy. Ukyou's pet name for Ranma was an
indication of the history they'd shared. Something, Akane didn't
have...
Ukyou noticed Akane starting to space out and asked, "Akane,
mind if I join you?"
Akane was jolted out of her musings but nodded, "Sure."
Ranma said, "Okay, I'll just clean up down stairs... I've
got to get out of here by nine or I'll never get to class in
time."
After Ukyou had entered Akane turned to Ranma and said,
"Ranma... would you let me come with you?"
"Hmm..?" said Ranma as he turned to Akane, "Why?"
"I don't know... I just want to see what you actually do in
school... Besides, the last time I left Ucchan's was days ago."
"Well... I don't see why not. You aren't working a shift
today, anyway, right?"
"No, she's not!" called out Ukyou from the bath.
"Okay, then. I'll wait for you," he said smiling.
"And no peeking, Ranma!" Akane added from behind the door.
It was a joke. In the short time that she'd known him, she'd
learned quite a bit about him. Ranma was actually quite shy
around women except around those he was comfortable with or with
women who so infuriated him that he didn't think clearly anymore.
Ukyou was the former, Ranko was the latter, and Akane could slip
into either category depending on her temper at the time.
Akane stripped down and entered the bath with Ukyou. They
weren't quite close, but they were already on their way to
becoming good friends. The fact that Ranma liked the other was
already a good indicator in the other one's eyes.
They had small talk as they bathed, about how the business
was doing, what the weather was like and whether or not Akane
could borrow some of Ukyou's old clothes for the day...
"He really likes you." said Ukyou suddenly.
"Huh? Um... what do you mean?" asked Akane feigning
ignorance.
"C'mon... neither of you say much about it, but I can see
it. He always wants to be near you... he always apologizes after
he's rude to you (he doesn't even do that to me)... he hides like
crazy when his fans come calling... He's trying his best to keep
you happy."
Akane furrowed as she considered Ranma's actions. She didn't
like admitting her thoughts out loud. She worried if that was
really why he stayed with her, "No, he just has to keep me happy
because of Ranko."
"Ranko? Why?" asked Ukyou, "What does she have to do with
anything?"
"You see, Ranma needs me to--" she stopped herself suddenly
as she realized that Ranma had sworn her to secrecy regarding his
transformations, "Er... ah, that is..."
"Now that you mentioned it... You guys never did tell me why
Ranko was with you. Ranko told me that you and Ran-chan had run
off together because he couldn't live without you, but that
doesn't explain her and--"
"That's a lie!" Akane interrupted suddenly, "Um... I mean,
let's just say I had my Father's blessing... but Ranko was part
of the deal..."
"Complicated situation, huh?"
"You don't know the half of it, Ukyou."
Ukyou smiled, "Regardless... I know you're good for my Ran-
chan. Take good care of him Akane," Ukyou added hugging her.
"Thanks," said Akane, genuinely touched.
"What a lovely scene. I think I may weep openly," said Ranko
with overblown drama, from the door. Complete with dabbing at the
corners of her eyes with a hanky, she continued, "Is there
something Ranma should know Akane? Maybe, Ukyou is more masculine
than she cares to admit..."
Akane shot her a dangerous look, "What are you doing here,
harridan?"
"I wanted a bath too, tomboy."
"So take a bath already! I was just leaving!" without
another word, Akane grabbed her clothes and towel and stormed off
to change.
As Ranko slipped into the water, Ukyou who had watched the
exchange, asked, "Why are you so mean to her?"
Ranko frowned at Ukyou and answered sharply, "It's her fault
I'm stuck here. Her and Saotome's. And if she weren't too busy
making googly eyes at him, we'd probably have left already."
"All three of you?" Ukyou said, with a touch of sorrow.
"No. Just me and her..."
Ukyou felt an spark of hope... Akane might still leave
Ranma. She quickly squelched that thought, though. But she was
still curious.
"What precisely do you have to do?"
Ranko felt Ukyou's emotions as well, she was after all the
goddess of affection, but she'd never been paying attention to
Ukyou before. The cross dresser of all people. Ukyou was in love
with Ranma... It was a desperate kind of love people on the
rebound usually display. But powerful... She was too in love with
him to try anything, though, because he already looked happy with
Akane... Ranko's mouth quirked. She could certainly fix that...
"Nothing important," said Ranko dismissively, "By the way,
where is Akane going in such a hurry?"
Ranma's van had certainly seen better days. It was old, but
reliable. It took about an half an hour to get to the campus,
because of the traffic, but they made it with time to spare.
Which was good. Because a large crowd of women was waiting for
the van at the parking lot.
"Okay, Akane. Here we are," said Ranma as he opened his
door. Akane got out ahead of him and noticed the crowd
approaching. Loud babbling erupted from the throng as soon as
they saw Akane.
"Is it usually so crowded?" she asked, worried.
"No..." said Ranma cautiously. He stayed in the van and
peered out cautiously. He recognized some of the faces in the
crowd. It was his fan club. He should have expected this.
Akane walked over to his side of the
"Oh boy," he said as he surveyed the mob which was rapidly
closing in. They did not look happy at all. "They're all out
there."
Akane walked over to Ranma's side and looked at him through
the vehicle's doorway, "Well? What do we do about them?"
"We can try to make a break for it I guess--" he said
dubiously.
"Hey, Saotome!" came a voice from dashboard. Ranma and Akane
looked down and saw mini-Ranko balancing on his steering wheel,
"Ever wondered what it would be like to go to school as a girl?"
"Wha--" Ranma blurted out, as Ranko jumped from the steering
wheel and onto his head. She promptly disappeared again in a puff
of smoke. Ranma realized belatedly that Ranko had gotten him
again.
"Aw jeez! Why did she have to do that now!?" Ranma said,
surveying her body.
"Nobody's close enough to see you yet, here," Akane said
offering her hand.
"Thanks," Ranma said, taking her hand as he exited the van.
He was back to normal before anyone else could notice. There was
a collective gasp as the mob saw Ranma exiting his van, being
helped out by some girl.
The horde rushed in immediately, preventing escape. A
confused babble of sounds assaulted the two as everyone tried to
ask questions simultaneously.
Snatches of coherent words could be heard though, "Ranma-
sama, say it isn't so!", "Is it true?", "You can't do this to me,
Ranma, I've been saving myself for you!", "Ranma! Why her?!"
Akane growled low in the back of her throat. This was too
much. She'd had enough. From the cloudless sky, a thunderclap
roared through the parking lot, its sound blasting the crowd of
women to silence.
"That's enough!" said Akane, "One at a time!"
One of the girls, a redhead with a waist length pigtail,
pressed closer immediately and said, "We heard from Ryoga-sempai
and Mousse-sempai that you got kicked out of the dorm because he
was caught sneaking women in there."
Ranma had somehow managed to get behind Akane and seemed to
be using her as a shield, "I didn't sneak them in!" he said.
"It's true then! There were women there?" asked the same
girl.
"I didn't say that!!" said Ranma desperately.
"We also heard that you were living with three beautiful
women now!" said a girl with long straight blue hair.
"Where'd you hear that?" asked Ranma, who had been more or
less hiding from everyone since he was kicked out. Nobody knew
where he was staying.
"A redhead woman..." shyly replied a brunette wearing
glasses and a green dress. The other women quickly nodded in
agreement.
Akane muttered under her breath, "Ranko."
"Yes, that was her name, I think." interjected a woman with
long ginger hair tied into a ponytail, that reached the back of
her knees, "The same girl told me that you told this other girl
you wanted her to stay with you for the rest of your life!" There
were more nods and murmurs of agreement.
Akane's reserves of patience, not too long to begin with had
given out, "What business is it of yours anyway!?"
The crowd broke into general babbling again as various cries
to the effect of "Is it her?", "Is she the one your heart has
chosen?", "Why not me?!" and various permutations thereof were
echoed.
Ranma was still in shock. His fans never used to be this
aggressive or self-assertive.
Another thunderclap blasted them back to silence. Akane was
really angry now. She took Ranma by the arm and said, "I'm only
saying this once! I am Akane Tendo and Ranma is my..." she
hesitated, but anger overruled any embarrassment, "Boyfriend!
Anybody who has a problem with that, deals with me!"
She put her other hand to her hammer, which she still wore
all the time, as though just asking for an excuse to use it. A
few of the women stepped back. A number of them shrugged. They'd
been claiming that Ranma was their boyfriend for months now, so
who was this newcomer?
"Why not let Ranma answer us, then?" asked a reasonable
sounding woman in a black dress.
All eyes turned to Ranma. Not just the mob, but quite a
number of people who were merely passing by. He was suddenly the
center of attention. "Um..." he began.
"Well?" asked Akane glaring at him. She'd put her pride on
the line here. If he backed down, she intended to wallop him six
feet into the concrete.
"She's... uh... not exactly... that is to say..."
"She isn't your girlfriend?" asked everyone simultaneously.
Akane's face flushed red with rage and embarrassment. Her
grip tightened on her hammer. That stupid idiot..!
"... I think... um... fiance might actually be more
accurate," finished Ranma quickly, now also blushing.
Everyone was shocked into silence. The quiet was eventually
broken by a few broken sobs as most of the women drifted off.
Most crying, a rare few, their faces bitter. Ranma and Akane
watched them leave and heaved a sigh of relief. Only the woman in
the black dress took the news impassively. She had a faint smile
on her face as idly played with a single black rose.
"What?" asked Akane, not ready to put down her hammer.
"I just wanted to congratulate the lucky woman who managed
to land the infamous Ranma Saotome." said the girl in the black
dress, pleasantly, "Akane Tendo, wasn't it?"
"Yes." Akane said bowing slightly.
"Pleased to meet you, I am Kodachi Kuno. Sometimes called
the Black Rose," she turned to Ranma, "I'm going to miss the
antics of those women trying to attract your attention, Ranma. It
was..." she paused slightly, "Quite amusing. I hope you two have
a lovely life together," she gave Ranma a quick peck on the cheek
before anyone could react, "Good bye."
She slipped away before either could say another word.
"Who was that?" asked Akane, confused by Kodachi's speech.
"She's the Captain of the Female Division Combat Athletics
Team," said Ranma nervously, "She's usually rather volatile...
I've never seen her that calm before," Ranma shivered
involuntarily at the memory.
Akane turned to Ranma and asked tentatively, "Did you really
mean that? I mean about us being engaged? Was that a proposal?"
Ranma, still a bit of a nervous wreck, "NO!" then in a
calmer voice, "No. Of course not. I had to tell them something to
make them go away. Just telling them you were my girlfriend
wouldn't have been enough."
"Hmph," said Akane, hurt, "Oh. Well, in that case I'm glad I
was of some help then," her words were laced with sarcasm.
"Akane, I didn't mean that like it sounded..."
"What do you think it sounded like, huh?"
"Like I didn't like you... because its... um... not true.
You know. Sort of... like... um... it's a still too early..."
Akane's expression softened a little. He was so cute when
she had him flustered. She gave him a little tap on the back of
the head with her hammer.
"Come on, you pervert... you're going to be late for class,"
she said with a smile.
He smiled back as they went into the building.
From inside the van, mini-Ranko watched them. Maybe they
thought they'd gotten away, she mused, not a chance of that. The
Black Rose woman had quite a bit of useful jealousy in her
heart...
As Ranma walked the hallway with Akane, a few more people
and some friends came up to him asking for confirmation of the
rumors. Mostly he just nodded and smiled and introduced them to
Akane. Some reactions were a little different though. The school
lecher clung to Ranma desperately and begged him to say that it
wasn't so, that his idol hadn't fallen, and so forth. Every so
often he made an attempt to fondle Akane, which earned him quite
a few bumps and no satisfaction at all. It took a while, but
Ranma and Akane eventually managed to get rid of him when his
green haired girlfriend flew by and dragged him off, delivering
electric shocks to him every few steps.
"Darling, you're making a spectacle of yourself again!" she
told him as she pulled the battered lecher along the corridors.
His yelps of pain fading in the distance.
"There sure are a large number of weirdoes in this school."
"That's the funny part, Akane. I don't remember them acting
so... extreme before the sem break."
"Are you saying? That it's my fault?"
"Well... not necessarily yours, Akane-chan."
"Yes," she conceded, "If that incident back in the parking
lot is any indication at all, Ranko is really looking to stir up
some trouble. We'd better be alert."
"Nihao, Saotome-sempai," called out a voice behind them with
a bad Chinese accent. Ranma and Akane turned to see a timid young
girl in a conservative dress. She wore glasses and her purple
hair was done up in a severe braid. She said in a sympathetic
voice, "Shampoo heard news from Mousse-sempai. So sorry you kick
out of dorm."
"It's okay, Shampoo. I'm doing alright. This is Akane, by
the way. Akane, this is Shampoo she's an exchange student from
China."
The girls exchanged bows. Shampoo peered at Akane for a few
moments then said excitedly, "Oh! Shampoo, remember now! You the
one they talking about in parking lot. They talk about mark on
face and big hammer! Ranma fiance! Yes? Yes?" she punctuated her
sentence with nods.
Akane smiled at her enthusiasm and nodded too. Ranma looked
around rather embarrassed as people who hadn't heard about it
picked up the rumor and spread it along.
"Shampoo have to go now, Sempai, Akane. Shampoo have to meet
Mousse-sempai. He tutoring Shampoo to speak language betterer!"
she seemed to get particularly giggly and excited at the thought.
She happily waved goodbye as she dashed off.
"Lively, isn't she?"
"You could say that," Ranma conceded with amusement.
"Why is she named after a hair care product?" asked Akane.
"Well, it's customary in their village or something. I don't
think it means the same thing in Chinese. Mousse is from the same
village. Joketsu-something or the other..."
As the pair neared the door to the class room, they were met
by a man in an elegantly tailored three piece suit wearing
glasses. He had a shock of short curled black hair and was
wearing a pair of expensive horn rimmed glasses. He approached
them and said, "Truly, it is said that even the most wretched of
dogs has his day, Saotome."
Ranma pulled a sour face as he saw who it was, "Hey, Kuno."
"Is this then the fair lady who has ventured to transform
the lecherous Ranma Saotome, into a model of virtue?" Kuno
continued, facing Akane, "You make a noble sacrifice for the
members of the fairer sex, dear lady. For it will be through your
efforts do you rid them of their unhealthy fascination with him."
Akane's face betrayed confusion as Kuno proceeded with his
speech, lambasting Ranma and proclaiming Akane's virtue and
nobility and that she should have courage and perseverance for
the arduous task of keeping Ranma in line.
"Kuno, I've got a class to get to. Is there a point to
this?" Ranma interrupted, unable to stand any more.
"Verily, Saotome, you are the most ill-mannered of curs. You
wish my purpose then for stopping you in these halls, I shall
give it to you. I merely wished for a chance to meet the saint
who has managed to capture the most notorious playboy in Nerima
and to congratulate you both."
"Um... Thank you," said Akane not sure what else to say.
Ranma smiled as well. Kuno could be an overblown jerk most
of time and he was another of Ranma's major rivals in the Combat
Athletics department, but he had a decent streak underneath,
"Thanks, Kuno."
"I shall be on my way, then. Fare thee well," he said with a
curt nod as he strode away.
"Who was that?" asked Akane as they entered the class room.
"Tatewaki Kuno, Kodachi's brother. We generally don't like
each other much. Mostly because I'm a better fighter than he is
and a lot of the time, he ends up trying to ask out women who are
after me. He probably figures now that I have you, they'll give
up on me and go after him..."
"Which is what had better happen," said Akane severely.
Ranma merely gave her a look of mild surprise, "Seemed like a
nice enough person," she added.
"Yeah, you have to admit he is," conceded Ranma, "At times.
A bit arrogant though."
They sat down near the front. In short order the teacher, a
burly man in his forties, arrived and immediately noticed Akane,
"Excuse me, miss. Are you in this class?"
"She's auditing it, Onsen-sensei," responded Ranma quickly.
"I asked her, not you, Saotome." said the teacher gruffly,
"If you're not registered for this class, please step out. No sit
ins."
"Oh great," muttered Ranma to himself.
"Now, please," said the teacher impatiently.
"Um... I'll go wait in the van then. I don't want to cause
any more trouble for you."
"No, I have a better idea. The cafeteria's just down the
hall and around the corner. Why don't you get something to eat,
you skipped breakfast again... I'll catch up with you in about an
hour or two, okay?"
"Saotome. Miss. We don't have all day."
"Sorry, sensei," Ranma replied, then turned to Akane and
said, "Be careful and try not to attract too much attention,"
As Akane walked out of the classroom she gave Ranma a last
backwards glance and a smile. Ranma smiled back and waved her
out. This of course sparked an entirely new set of rumors and
stories spreading as the teacher began the lesson. Unnoticed by
everyone, Ranko, in her superdeformed mode trailed after Akane.
Akane found the cafeteria with no problems. She had a little
pocket money, mostly tips from Ucchan's, which she used to get
herself some food. She was so upset with Ranko this morning that
she had entirely forgotten to eat. She chose a table in the
corner and tried to make herself as inconspicuous as possible.
Little chance of that. The story about her and Ranma was already
so widespread that practically everyone knew her by the
description. Not that she could hide her facial markings, nor was
a five foot long mallet all that easy to hide either.
Without her realizing it, several dozen men had already
moved into the closest tables and had begun to subtly look her
over. They liked what they saw. In fact, they loved what they
saw. In a matter of minutes, practically every man who had seen
her (and a few women as well) were firmly in love with the
goddess of conflicts, Akane Tendo. Most were almost ready to work
up the courage to ask her out, but for the fear that they would
get their heads kicked in if Saotome found out. Underneath a
table, mini-Ranko congratulated herself on a spell well cast.
Within half an hour of Akane seating herself there, four
long standing relationships had broken up, one proposal for
marriage was shelved, a dozen men got slapped for letting their
attention wander, and at least one man was electrocuted by his
girlfriend.
Ryoga, who'd been up until now peacefully devouring his
lunch, finally looked in Akane's direction. He knew she looked
familiar from somewhere... Then he remembered the night they
kicked Saotome out. He nodded idly to himself, that yes it was
her... when Ranko's power hit him as well...
Now there's something that has to be understood about Ryoga.
He didn't see the world the same way other people did. Since his
fiance left him a few years ago, his perceptions were constantly
filtered through lenses of depression, anger or love sickness. It
was part of the reason why he kept getting lost. He was so gloomy
or seething that he would consistently misunderstand the simplest
directions people gave to him, suddenly change directions because
of a scene he was replaying in his head, ignore road signs and
the most obvious landmarks. Something about Ranko's spell had
affected Ryoga... The tugging at his heart strings by the spell
urged him up. Sped him forward. He walked like a man in a daze.
He was heading towards love... that was all he knew.
Ryoga walked directly towards Akane's table. He made a
straight line, every so often, kicking a table out of the way or
absently picking up students and tossing them over his shoulder.
His eyes focused firmly forward. Ranko could see Ryoga
approaching Akane with a glazed adoring expression on his face
and chuckled to herself, "This is so perfect...".
Ryoga proceeded towards Akane's table. As he reached the
opposite side of the table, Akane looked up and noticed him
approaching. She recognized him immediately as one of Ranma's
friends. She was about to say something in greeting when Ryoga
suddenly made a ninety degree turn and stomped off... He went
through the door, tearing it from its hinges and disappeared from
sight.
Mini-Ranko, Akane, and just about everyone else wondered
what that was all about. Akane didn't have much time to mull over
it as she saw a small group of women approaching her. "They look
familiar for some reason..." mused Akane, "They were members of
that mob!" Akane put one hand to her hammer just in case...
Ranma walked into the cafeteria and noted idly that someone
had torn the doors from their hinges again. Probably Ryoga losing
his temper again, he mused. The men who had taken positions
around Akane's table quietly but quickly drifted away, before
Ranma had a chance to notice them. He found Akane chatting
animatedly, thick as thieves, with some girls who he knew to be
from his fan club. He approached cautiously.
They all noticed him more or less simultaneously. Except for
one, who still had her nose in a book. Akane smiled up at him as
the other girls simultaneously said, "Hi, Ranma."
The girls all looked Ranma over with eager looks on their
faces. One of the girls asked Akane, "Really? In the bathroom?"
Akane smirked then nodded. The girls all blushed and there
was even more awe in their faces than they normal as they looked
at Ranma.
"We'd better get going, Akane, we've got classes." said the
girl with the book who stood up, quickly. The other girls also
quickly made their excuses and left before Ranma had a chance to
say anything.
"Bye, guys," said Akane waving.
Ranma sat opposite Akane and asked, smiling, "You seem to be
getting along with... er... the groupies."
Akane nodded, "They're really very nice once you get to know
them. They seemed a lot more reasonable just now, actually."
Ranma nodded, then said suddenly, "So, what were you guys
talking about?"
"Nothing much. Girl stuff. You wouldn't understand," Akane
said mysteriously.
"Hah. If Ranko were here, that wouldn't be a problem now
would it?"
"Maybe not. Why do you ask though?"
"Well... I was having a sneezing fit back in class..."
"You thought we were talking about you? Please, how self
centered can you get!" Akane did her best to cover up her blush.
What was even more embarrassing was the fact that they had been
talking about him.
"I didn't say that, I was just asking, politely, okay?!"
replied Ranma sharply.
"No it is not okay! Keep your nose out of my business!!"
"Fine then! Be that way! I don't know why I bother with you
anyway!" he said standing up.
"Fine!!" Akane said as she walloped him into the floor. She
realized belatedly that people were staring. The rumor mills
cranked up again this time regarding the `one day fiance'.
"Ow... what did you do that for?" groaned Ranma as he stood
up, slowly.
Akane just looked at the ground, looking remorseful.
"Akane, what's wrong... I'm sorry I blew up..."
Akane looked into his eyes and said, "I'm sorry too. I lost
my temper. Actually we were talking about you... I was just
embarrassed..."
"Aw, come on Akane, you don't have to be embarrassed about
that sort of thing with me..."
Akane merely smiled at him, "If your classes are over, we
may as well get going, then..."
"Sure thing," Ranma smiled back, as they started walking,
"By the way... what did they say about me?"
"That's for me to know, Ranma..." Akane added wickedly,
"Besides I told them a few things they didn't know about you..."
"Like what?" asked Ranma worried.
"Like where your birthmark is..."
"You didn't! Which one..?"
"All of them..."
Their voices faded out of the cafeteria as they stepped into
the hall. In the hours to come, more stories and theories
regarding the two were passed around, and a few of the students
decided to organize amongst themselves an Akane Tendo Fan Club...
Mini-Ranko had been listening to the entire exchange from
her perch on a chair's backrest. The groupies spoke at length of
Ranma's looks, his honor, his kindness, his cute tush...
She had to admit... Ranma wasn't all that bad looking or
that bad a person if she took the time to think about it. But one
way or another, she was going to get back home. She considered
talking to him about it, but quickly discarded that. Nice guy or
not, she knew he wouldn't let go of Akane that easily...
Ranko's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a small,
sugary sweet voice saying "Oh! How cute! Martinique! Martinique!"
The five inch tall Ranko suddenly felt herself grabbed and hugged
almost to asphyxiation by Azusa Shiratori. Azusa was actually in
her early twenties, but her mental and physical development had
been arrested somewhere around the age of twelve. This left her
with an inclination towards being disgustingly cute and an
overwhelming urge to grab anything she considered cute which came
within grasping range, take it home and give it a cute French
name, not necessarily in that order. Added to all of the extra
affection Ranko had been pumping into the cafeteria, this
resulted in a seriously and uniquely unstable personality.
"OH, Martinique!" said the girl, cuddling Ranko's doll-like
form. The superdeformed Ranko, now being called Martinique, was
hugged to unconsciousness and carried off by Azusa who hummed
cute little song under her breath as she skipped to her next
class. Before she lost consciousness, Ranko noted to herself that
she might have overdone the affection spell just a little...
Kodachi watched Akane and Ranma leave with a cold gleam in
her eye. So the little lovers weren't getting along so well...
That little tramp. She knew perfectly well, what Akane was up
to... Even now she could see it in the eyes of the men all around
her... they didn't want the Black Rose anymore they wanted
that... that... that hammer wielding hussy! The red headed woman
had said so... The Black Rose was the queen of NIT and no
newcomer was going to take that away from her...
Kodachi would make Akane Tendo pay. Pay most dearly...
Unable to stop the mirth which bubbled up from the depths of her
soul, she let loose with a chillingly maniacal laugh as she
strode out of the cafeteria, oblivious to the stares which
followed her. She had so much to plan...
Ranko finally managed to get away from Azusa. It took her an
hour and it required her to hide in a comfort room, but she'd
finally managed to get away. She was worn out from all of her
power use, but she knew it was well worth it. She transformed
herself back to her normal form and leaned against the white
tiled wall for a while. She was just about to leave when the door
opened and Tatewaki Kuno entered. It took a moment for Ranko to
figure out that she had been hiding in the men's room...
PART IV: Of Warm Hearts and Cold Shoulders.
"So, Ranchan, any luck?" asked Ukyou as Ranma and Akane
entered Ucchan's. It was eight in the evening and the dinner
crowd was already starting to thin out.
"Nope. Still nothing." muttered Ranma as he and Akane put on
their aprons, "everybody either wants too much or they rooms're
too small for one person, much less three..."
Ukyou smiled faintly, "Oh, well..."
When they finally had a quiet moment, an hour later, the
three settled down behind the counter.
"Where's Ranko?" asked Akane. She needed to have a long talk
with her cousin... communication done by way of hammer...
Ukyou frowned, "Wasn't she with you? She called and told me
something about not being able to make her shift. Something about
meeting a guy," she shrugged, "I don't pretend to understand
Ranko, Akane."
"Me neither," replied Akane, as she stood up to clean up one
of tables.
A ragged voice from the door suddenly asked, "Where am I?"
Standing in the open doorway was the bedraggled form of
Ryoga. He'd been walking since early afternoon and the last place
he clearly remembered had a lot of snow and penguins... but he
knew he was supposed to find... glove? dove? Something when he
got there...
"Ranma, isn't that your friend from school?" asked Akane.
"Hey, Ryoga... what are you doing here?" asked Ranma before
he realized that Ryoga didn't have any idea either.
A look of astonishment crept over Ukyou's features, "R-r-r-
Ryoga..?"
"Who? Wha--?" Ryoga looked up and saw Ukyou's face. He had a
blank expression on his face as no recognition dawned. Then he
looked at Ranma and asked, "Ranma, what are you doing here?"
"I work here you idiot! You got lost again, huh?"
"Who says I get lost--?" said Ryoga.
Ukyou suddenly pulled out a gigantic spatula from the broom
closet and rushed towards Ryoga, with murder in her eyes.
Ryoga managed to get out of the way as Ranma caught the
spatula on the down swing and embedded it into the floor.
"Ucchan, what are you doing?!" asked Ranma.
"I'm going to kill that jackass!!" she said shooting Ryoga a
venomous look.
"Excuse me, do we know each other?" asked Ryoga bewildered.
Ukyou let go of the spatula's handle and grabbed Ryoga by
the shirt front, screaming sarcastically, "Do we know each
other?! DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER!?!"
"I asked you first," said Ryoga peevishly.
"We were engaged for two years before you left me at the
altar, you jackass!!" said Ukyou enraged.
A look of shock passed over Ryoga's eyes as he said, "Ukyou?
But you're not Ukyou--"
"You bet your ass, I'm Ukyou, sugar..." she said ripping
open the top few buttons of her shirt, "Now you're going to pay!"
she said as she tore the spatula free from the floor.
"Ukyou! It is you! I've been looking for you for years!"
Ryoga said suddenly hugging her and crushing her to him. As Ryoga
sobbed into Ukyou's shoulder, you could almost hear her ribs
cracking under the strain. Unable to breathe, Ukyou released her
hold on the giant spatula out of surprise which Ranma promptly
kicked a discreet distance away.
"Excuse me, er... Ryoga, right?" said Akane.
Ryoga looked up from Ukyou's shoulder and said in a puzzled
tone, "Yes?"
"Maybe you should let go of Ukyou now. I don't think she can
breathe..." continued Akane.
"Huh?" asked Ryoga, now looking at Ukyou and surprised to
find that his beloved's face was a ghastly bluish purple color.
He quickly let go saying "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" as Ukyou fell to
the ground, struggling for air.
"Are you alright?" Ryoga asked Ukyou.
The color had finally come beck into her face, "No thanks to
you, you jackass..."
Ukyou's cut herself off in mid sentence as she and Ryoga
stared at each other. Ukyou's gaze was full of anger and outrage
and pain. Ryoga had a worshipful look on his face. Almost as if
he'd been in darkness all his life and had finally found the
light. They continues staring at each other for several minutes
and the painful silence dragged on.
"Ranma," whispered Akane, "Do you know what's going on?"
"I have no idea," he whispered back, "Although I didn't
realize that these two even knew each other, much less were
fiances..."
"Maybe we should give them some privacy..."
"Heck, no! I want to see how this turns out..."
The silence continued. Ranma and Akane eventually picked the
two up off the floor and seated them at a booth, to keep them out
of the way of the customers. The entire time, they continued
staring at each other. Eventually, the customers had eaten their
fill and left, Ranma was in the process of putting away the money
in the cash register, and Akane was washing the dirty dishes in
the back, when Ryoga finally said hesitantly, "So this is where
you are--"
"Yes," Ukyou snapped coldly.
"I tried to find you after the wedding--"
"I didn't want to be found," she replied. You could have
frozen ice cubes with that voice, "Especially not by you."
Ryoga finally noticed Ranma who was making himself as
inconspicuous as possible behind the counter. He had already
finished with the cash register and was trying hard not to make
it look like he was eavesdropping.
Ryoga suddenly said, "Ranma, do you mind? This is a private
conversation--"
"No, Ranchan. Stay," interrupted Ukyou, "I've got nothing to
discuss with this jackass that can't be said in front of my best
friend."
Ryoga's eyes suddenly lit up with anger, "What did you call
Ranma?!"
"Ranchan," said Ukyou coolly, "You remember... my best
friend from high school. I'm pretty sure I mentioned him once or
twice. How do you know him?"
"You mentioned him practically every other day," Ryoga
snarled, "You mean to tell me that your 'Darling Ranchan' was
Ranma all along?!" Ryoga turned to Ranma, "We lived under the
same roof for two years and you never mentioned this once?!!?"
"Hey!" said Ranma stepping back. He'd fought with Ryoga
before and he knew he was better, but Ryoga had the edge when it
came to strength and endurance, "You never said anything about
Ukyou! All you ever did was mope about how your fiance left you!
You mean you were Ryochan?"
"What a coincidence, Ryoga," she said his name with the same
inflections one would use for referring to a maggot, "You used to
live with Ranma... now he's living with me," she said with a
cruel smile.
Ryoga's head swiveled back and forth between the two. Ukyou
was coolly unreadable and Ranma had a look of panic on his face.
You could almost see steam rising from Ryoga's head as he rushed
Ranma, screaming, "You already have a fiance, but you're living
with my Ukyou! I will not have it Saotome! Prepare to die!!"
Ryoga crashed through the counter and nearly smashed into
Ranma. Ranma easily stepped to one side and delivered a strike to
the back of Ryoga's neck which should by rights have dropped him.
All it did was make Ryoga angrier as he began to take wild swings
at Ranma, which Ranma easily blocked or avoided.
"Ryoga! Calm down man, it's not what you think!" said Ranma
desperately. He knew full well that when Ryoga was this steamed,
he was virtually unstoppable... short of ramming him into a steel
wall and even that wasn't guaranteed to work.
Akane stepped out of the kitchen area to see Ranma and Ryoga
tearing up the counter and some of the tables. Ukyou was sitting
in one corner looking as though she were just about ready to
break down. Akane was the Goddess of Conflicts, and she could
feel a massive conflict of emotions within Ukyou...
"What is going on out here?!" she said. Unfortunately, she
picked the wrong time to say it. Ranma was momentarily distracted
allowing Ryoga to get his hands on Ranma's neck and pick him up
like a rag doll.
"Gotcha! Now you will pay Saotome!" Ryoga's voice was
already bordering on the irrational, "For ruining my life and for
stealing my Ukyou!!"
Akane didn't even hear him ranting, she saw her Ranma being
attacked and she acted immediately. Pulling out her mallet, she
swung back and hammered him across the back, sending both him and
Ranma flying towards the open front door. Unfortunately, Ranko
was just on her way in, humming a happy tune.
Ranma and Ryoga slammed into Ranko. Ryoga lost his grip on
Ranma at roughly the same moment that Ranma made contact with
Ranko, resulting in his transformation. All three were not hurt
beyond simple bruises, but Ryoga was a little stunned by the
hammer blow. He shook his head to clear it, looking around
desperately for Ranma, who had disappeared. "The little coward's
run off again," he snarled as he stood up.
At his feet, a pair of attractive redheads, twins no doubt
he thought, cowered, "Where'd he go?!" he snarled at the one with
the shorter braid. She raised a trembling hand and pointed down
the street.
With a nod, Ryoga took off heading in the opposite
direction. The two redheads blinked in confusion, as he
disappeared in the distance.
"What's going on?" asked Ranko, trying to disentangle
herself from Ranma.
"Do you really think I know?" said Ranma, irritated. She
surveyed herself and muttered, "I never thought this
transformation thing could come in handy."
Akane stepped out of the door and saw them on the ground,
trying to pick themselves up, but still locked in what appeared
to be some sort of a hug. She made a small snarling noise at the
back of her throat which was echoed by distant thunder.
Ranko noticed her and said suddenly in a coy voice, "Oh,
Ranma! We mustn't! What if Akane were to catch us?! Besides we're
both women!"
"What are you babbling about!?" said Ranma, who had finally
managed to get her arms free. She noticed a shadow falling on her
created by the light of Ucchan's doorway... she looked up into
the seething face of Akane.
Akane picked up the two and easily separated them, "Ranma, I
can appreciate that you had to get away from Ryoga... but at
least have the decency not to look like you're enjoying
yourself..."
Ranko glomped onto Ranma, transforming him again, "Ah, but
my darling cousin, if he so desperately want me why should you
stop him? You can't really blame him.. er... her... Akane, it's
your own fault, you know..." she said airily. Ranko snuggled up
to the now female Ranma some more and said, "Stop being so shy,
Darling..."
Ranma gently tried to pushed her away and said, "Will you
stop that!?!"
Akane picked Ranko up by the collar and tossed her over her
shoulder, "What's going on Ranma!? Why was Ryoga trying to kill
you?!"
"Stop trying to maul my beautiful body you violent
maniac..." said Ranko as she slowly picked herself up.
"Why does everyone keep asking me?" asked Ranma, "I'm the
innocent bystander here..." she leaned himself against the wall
next to the door and rubbed at her injuries. Those were going to
be sore in the morning.
Ukyou stepped out of the restaurant herself. Akane, thinking
fast reached out and tagged Ranma on the chest, turning him back
into his male form.
"So where did Ryoga go?" she asked in a brittle voice.
"Gone... he wandered off." replied Ranma.
Ranko took one good look at Ukyou's emotional state and was
surprised by what she found... she hid a smirk from the others
and simply declared, "Well, I'm exhausted. I'm going back up to
the room to sleep," as she walked into the restaurant, she said,
"By the way, Ranma, Tatewaki sends his regards..."
Ranma frowned, "How did she know Kuno?" he asked himself,
but at the moment it was less important than Ukyou's problem...
"Ucchan, do you want to talk about it?" he asked Ukyou.
"We're your friends Ukyou. Please let us help," Akane
pleaded.
"I'm not sure you can," Ukyou said with a small sad smile,
"Maybe it's already to late."
"It's never too late," said Akane with a certain sense of
authority, "Nothing is ever totally irrevocable..."
Ukyou sighed and shook her head sadly, as she gestured them
into the restaurant. Ranma and Akane looked at each other,
shrugged and followed. They went through the motions of closing
up the restaurant before Ukyou finally sat the two of them down
at one booth and talked...
"Ranma, do you remember my last letter to you?" Ukyou began.
"Yeah. I still have it around here somewhere..." he said
starting to root through the various junk there.
"No, don't bother. Do you remember what I said there?"
"Yeah. That you were getting married to this guy you met and
that you two were really happy. I called you on the day of the
wedding but your roommates told me you'd moved out already. They
never told me why," Ranma's brow furrowed in thought, "Your
fiance was Ryoga?"
Ukyou nodded. "We were supposed to get married on
Valentine's Day, I had the wedding hall and the reception and
everything was ready."
"What happened?" asked Ranma.
"Then he disappears. I waited at the wedding hall for six
days for him. He never showed up... I was so humiliated! My
entire family was there... all my friends..." Ukyou's voice was
laced with bitterness and tears were forming at the corners of
her eyes.
"That's so sad," said Akane laying a hand on Ukyou's
shoulder.
Ukyou smiled faintly in Akane's direction then asked, "This
part was always one of the hardest to tell Akane... Could you
please get me some water?"
Akane nodded and headed towards the kitchen.
"Since that day, I've tried to forget that I was a woman,"
Ukyou continued now addressing only Ranma, "I started dressing
like a man, acting like one... I didn't want to take the chance
of having my heart broken again. I left Tokyo, moved out here
where nobody knew me... then I just sort of reestablished myself
as Ukyou Kuonji, a practical person who doesn't care about love
or sentiment... At least until a few weeks ago."
"Why? What happened then?" Ranma asked.
Ukyou blushed and gave a shy smile. For the first time since
she realized who Ranma really was, she looked very feminine...
"You came back, Ranchan. My best friend in the world came back."
"Here's your water Ukyou," said Akane, suddenly stepping out
of the kitchen.
Ranma had a look of confused shock and Ukyou was blushing
red. Akane looked at the two, as she sat and asked in a puzzled
tone, "Is something wrong?"
"Nooo... nothing's wrong at all..." said Ranma incoherently.
"Anyway," said Ukyou without missing a beat, blushing
furiously, "I was probably just wishing... it would probably
never have worked out. Being already engaged to someone else..."
"Yeah... I guess..." said Ranma, suspiciously, "I never
realized, though..." he managed to stop himself in time when he
noticed that Akane was here.
"Um... are you talking about Ryoga?" asked Akane, unclear.
"No," said Ukyou clearly, "Ryoga was someone I never
expected to see again. I never want to see him again," she folded
her arms and her mouth became a thin hard line.
"Ucchan..." Ranma said, "Maybe if you talked to him
first... Get his side. He's not that bad a guy--"
"There can be no forgiveness. If he shows up around here
I'll put him in the hospital," she said, cracking her knuckles.
Akane said, "I agree with Ranma, Ukyou. I saw the way he
looked at you. He's still in love with you..."
"Hmph," Ukyou sniffed, "Maybe he just realized how much he's
lost..."
"You know that might be it..." said Ranma slowly.
"What do you mean?" asked Ukyou.
"Maybe Ryoga got lost on the way to the wedding hall."
Ukyou frowned, "The hotel we were staying in was right next
to the wedding hall, how can you get lost on his way there?"
Ranma smirked, "This is Ryoga we're talking about. He get's
lost going across the street. It takes him to hours to find the
bathroom in a one bedroom apartment. The man has the world's most
pathetic sense of direction."
"He wasn't like that when I knew him... Nobody's sense of
direction could be that bad..." said Ukyou dubiously.
"His is. Trust me. You can ask anybody at the University.
How else do you explain the fact that this place is only a few
blocks from where he lives, but he's never been here before? We
didn't used to let him leave the dorm alone because it usually
took him weeks to get back.
"No matter. I don't care what happens to that jackass
anymore as long as he doesn't show up here," she said bitterly as
she stood up, "I'm going to bed now, guys. Just turn out the
lights when you turn in, Okay?"
"Sure thing, Ukyou," said Ranma.
Ranma and Akane watched as Ukyou climbed up the stairs to
her apartment. Ranma was a little confused by what Ukyou had
said... He'd always considered Ukyou a friend, but never did he
think that she felt that way about him. And Ryoga, while a rival,
was also a friend of his... There was only one thing that could
be done.
Akane noticed Ranma's look of distraction and said, "You
want to help them don't you?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"A little. So, what do you think we should do?"
"I don't know yet... maybe if we got Ryoga's side we might
have something more to work with..."
"Say no more..." she said brightly as she dragged Ranma out
of his seat, "Follow me, we can still catch up to him."
"Where are we going?" asked Ranma.
"The bathroom."
"What? How's that going to find Ryoga?"
"I need water to move through, silly..."
"Oh, yeah... you mentioned that."
She nodded as they entered the bath. Akane filled a bucket
of water and set it down in front of them.
"Do I have to hold my breath?" Ranma asked looking
incredulously at the bucket.
"No, just hold onto me..." she said putting her arm around
Ranma's waist.
"Er... like this?" he said putting a tentative hand to hold
her shoulder.
Akane frowned at him, "Hold on tighter, Ranma if you don't
want to get stranded in between."
"I'm holding already, I'm holding..."
"Erhk! Not that tight, you idiot!" she squeaked as Ranma
released his grip, "That's better. Here we go!"
Akane jumped into the bucket, pulling Ranma in after her.
Ranma didn't even have time to register what he saw during the
journey. One moment, he was in Ukyou's bathroom, the next he was
standing waist deep in a public bath. The women's section.
Most of the women currently had their backs to Ranma which
was a good thing. Considering how vigorously they defended their
own virtue against peeping toms. Case in point. Ryoga Hibiki.
Ryoga, when his rage had finally run out, had fallen into
the black pits of depression. He had wandered into the baths by
accident. In his state of mind, he'd failed to notice precisely
where he was and was only snapped out of it finally by finding
himself in the center of screaming circle of women who were
pitching wooden buckets, plastic chairs, and anything else which
came in handy with uncanny accuracy. Ryoga had managed to avert
his eyes quickly enough to avoid a nosebleed, but with his eyes
closed, he couldn't find his way out either. Some of those bucket
strikes were starting to hurt too...
Screams of "Pervert!" "Pig!" Get out of here!" were already
echoing through the baths. So Akane's sudden shout of "Stop
looking you, pervert!" at Ranma when she realized where they were
was hardly noticed.
Ranma on the other hand didn't bother to avert his gaze. He
quickly dashed past the women and grabbed Ryoga by the collar,
hauling him out of there as quickly as he could. Of course this
resulted in a fresh series of screams and thrown items.
Shouts to the effect of, "Another one!", "Get him!",
"They're probably in cahoots!", "Isn't that Ranma?"
Ranma sprinted out at full speed. In the back of his mind he
mused that his reputation was probably ruined... Somebody was
going to pay for this. Following close on his heels, Akane
finally managed to catch up with him.
"Why didn't you tell me we were going to end up in a women's
bath, you idiot?!" asked Ranma.
"How was I supposed to know your idiot friend would wander
into one!?" she retorted angrily.
"Is it safe to look now?" Ryoga asked worriedly as he was
dragged along.
"Shut up!" Ranma and Akane said simultaneously.
As they finally ran out of the baths, they turned the corner
and entered an alley. They finally stopped, breathing hard.
"I think we lost them..." said Ranma.
"Where are we?" asked Akane.
"It looked like the bath near the women's dorm..." muttered
Ranma.
Akane frowned, "How would you know what the women's bath
looks like?"
"Er... I mean the outside, Akane."
Akane merely glared at him.
"Is it safe to look now?" repeated Ryoga in the same tone of
voice, his eyes firmly screwed shut.
Ranma sighed, "Yeah, its safe, you idiot."
Ryoga frowned at the voice before he opened his eyes.
When he saw Ranma he immediately went into a wild lunge at
him, "I'm going to kill you Saotome!"
Ranma quickly borrowed Akane's mallet and easily hammered
him into the ground.
"I just saved your bacon in there, Ryoga! Doesn't that count
for something?"
"Do you think pulling me out of a women's bath can take away
all of the pain you've caused me?" Ryoga asked angrily as he
picked himself up.
"What are you babbling about?" asked Akane, grabbing her
hammer back from Ranma.
"You must have been laughing the whole time, Ranma," he said
bitterly, "Ukyou always talked about her Ranchan... her best
friend... she was always comparing the two of us, you know... She
always said Ranchan was her best friend, but she made you sound
more like an old boyfriend..."
"I didn't know, Ryoga. I only found out about this now. We
were just friends..." complained Ranma, "And if its any
consolation, when she did write to me, she'd keep going on and on
about her Ryochan--"
"Enough talk Ranma it won't save you--" he paused as the
words finally reached his brain, "You mean she used to call me
Ryochan in her letters?"
"Who else could she be talking about? She mentioned fangs,
bandannas, hideously strong... how many guys answer to that
description?" Ranma shrugged.
Ryoga's face darkened again, "That still doesn't change the
fact that you're living with her... she said so, Ukyou doesn't
lie..."
"We're living with her..." said Akane suddenly.
Ryoga looked at the two of them, "Huh?"
"Ranma is living with her, but so am I and so is Ranko,"
Akane continued.
"After you kicked me out of the dorm, I didn't have anywhere
to stay... it was just coincidence that I ended up with there,
and she offered us a place to stay for the night," Ranma thought
about it, "That was about three weeks ago..."
"You mean... you two aren't living together living
together... you're just staying under the same roof?" said Ryoga
in a puzzled tone.
"Precisely," answered Akane, "You've got nothing to be
jealous about there."
"But, she's really mad at you, you know..."
Ryoga suddenly slumped to the ground, "I know, I know... I'm
not even sure I can make her listen to me... I can explain
everything..."
Akane smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm
sure you could Ryoga-kun... but we've got to find a way to make
her listen. We'll help you if we can..."
Ryoga couldn't help but smile back at her, "Really? Thank
you. Thank you very much..." he got back to his feet.
"So what really did happen?" asked Ranma.
"Let's talk about it on the way to the dorm..." he said
starting off in a random direction. Ranma blinked as he steered
Ryoga in the proper direction and gestured to Akane to follow.
"Basically," Ryoga said as they walked, Ranma and Akane on
either side of him to keep him on the right track, "We were going
to be married. Her family liked me and said it was a good match.
Her dad even promised to give me the family's restaurant as a
dowry... The night before the wedding, we had an argument... I
don't even remember what it was about... Anyway, I went on a walk
that night, wondering about my marriage, about how things would
change... you know, trying to sort things out in my head... the
next thing I know its 2 A.M. in the morning and I'm in Kansas."
Ranma and Akane shared incredulous looks.
Ryoga shook his head at the memory, "It took me two weeks to
get back... by then Ukyou had disappeared. No one would tell me
where she went and her family wouldn't even talk to me
anymore..." he continued sadly, "I haven't been able to find my
way around properly since. I ended up going here to continue my
education again. That's what happened."
They continued on in silence as Ryoga's two companions
mulled over his story. "Well, that's what I told her... but she
didn't buy it," said Ranma finally.
"Do you really think you can help me?" asked Ryoga
desperately.
"We can help you," said Akane with conviction, "Count on
it."
to be continued...
Part IV is not finished yet! Ranma and Akane with a cunning scheme...
and you've yet to meet Shampoo or the Tendo sisters properly...
Thank you for actually managing to reach this far... we now return
you to your regularly scheduled messages...